Digital illustration of a Black mother breastfeeding an infant. She appears as a goddess, and is shirtless aside from a sheer cape with constellations. The text reads, ‘normalize public breastfeeding.’
I’ve worked outside the home, basically with a career, even while I considered myself a homemaker. A homemaker is all I’ve wanted to be since I was a very little girl. I can’t remember a time in my life I didn’t want to be a woman in her home. I did the career thing in my 20s. It wasn’t without its profit, but it took me close to 4 years after I came home to re-buy into homemaking, to understand it as a glorious work instead of feeling put upon. It took me that long to start viewing it as my vocation.
Never once in my ‘career’ did I feel the invisible connection with women of the past. Not once did I feel rooted. Not once did I–in a Christian way, not a pagan way–feel tied to my ancestors, to the earth, to myself. I always felt like I was pushing against my purpose, even if I couldn’t put it into words.
Now, when I cook, clean, do laundry, hug my husband, make our lunches, beautify my home, run errands, bake, laugh with my sisters, share coffee with my Mom, spoil my nieces and nephews, and enjoy my home I feel connected. Hundreds of women, back to the dawn of time, related and unrelated, have done this exact same work. Hundreds of women have passed down wisdom to me. Hundreds of women have kneaded bread, scrubbed clothes, pondered over dinner, sought to manage a budget, grown flowers, and raised up the next generation while honoring the last. Women after women have done this work. I feel like I’ve found my place, my sisterhood, my purpose. Not outside the home, but in it. Not in loudly demanding everyone’s attention, but in quiet mornings set straight and ready for the day, long lingering breakfasts, grilling in our backyard, our stories, our life. Not in focuing on me, but in focusing on him and us. It’s simple. It’s incredibly hard. It’s challenging. It’s calm. Look back, down the line of women, going back to the beginning, there do I see my mothers, my sisters, my kin. And here, in my home, is where I belong.
Great message! You’re right…that genetic and historic connection is gone in the workforce, severed and sterile. But it can be felt so, so strongly in caring or providing for family. This is a beautiful point.
I’ve wanted to be a homemaker for years and now that I’m here… I’m struggling. There’s a loneliness and adaption that I’m hoping to someday soon overcome. The month before my son was born when I was alone, barefoot and pregnant (literally), keeping my home running, I felt… great. Everyday I felt accomplished. More so than I ever did working. I was happy, my husband was happy, I was creating life. These past 6 weeks with my son earthside has been challenging. For me, my marriage, though mainly I think for my mental health and self-worth. I hope to get back to my hearts desire someday soon, and remember why I chose this life. The satisfaction I received from a day of keeping a well-maintained home full of love and joy. I’m trying my best to give myself grace. Everything takes its own time.
I never thought I’d be the kind of woman who would get emotional as their baby slowly grew… BUT HERE WE ARE. Realizing Emmett has outgrown his coming home from the hospital dino jams nearly broke me being a stay at home mom and raising this little squirt for the past 6 weeks has been the HARDEST thing I’ve ever done. Some days I don’t understand the “reward”… and then when I look at this nugget, happy & healthy, I understand. This love truly is unconditional
More times than not I find myself feeling like I am not good enough. When good things happen instead of enjoying the moment I wonder what is going to go wrong because it’s too good to be true. Because of my stress and anxiety I don’t fully enjoy any moment and I feel like I am just letting these special years of my life pass me by. I can’t be the only person to feel this way. I want to be a happy person, I want to not start worrying about what’s to come next month today. Anyone out there, if you feel this please share what works for you. I feel like I am drowning.
It sickens me to think that we live in a world where someone walked into a school with a loaded gun and killed 19 children and 2 teachers. I can’t even imagine the pain and sadness that community is going through. The is no longer a safe place for those kids. If kids have stuff going on at home, going to school used to be a safe place. Yesterday changed that. That shooter not only took the lives of those 21 people but also took the comfort of know your child is ok in school from the whole country. No parent should worry that when they kiss their kid that morning it might be the last time. When will this violence stop? People are living in fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of shopping at target and having your child be kidnapped, sending them to school and worrying about shootings. Not ok, do better America. Guns don’t kill people, people kill people. For the media to make all this about gun laws is not only disrespectful to the families who lost loved ones but also takes away what happened. Politicians have their own agenda and use terrible events of what happened to speak “their truth”. There’s 19 kids that won’t get to grow up, go to college, get married, start their own family. There’s 2 families of the teachers whose kids will have to grow up without a mother. Those are the victims in all of this. No one has stopped and asked why did this happen? It’s not the gun, it’s not the lack of mental health help that we have, it’s the shit show that we live in. People are going insane, no one is on the same page and instead of having a conversation and try to see it from a different view people blow up. Political views are ripping families apart. So please let’s take politics out of this. I know that I will be hugging my kids tighter going forward. I woke up this morning and thought of the poor parents waking up to a quiet house this morning because their child is no longer there. We all need to come together and do better.
At the end of each day ask your child what was their favorite part. Trust me the answers will not only shock you but will put your whole life in perspective. What seems irrelevant to us might be the most special thing for your child that day. We tend to run on autopilot between jobs, sports, homework, laundry, meals. Life is hectic, stressful and complicated which is why asking your child what was their favorite part of that day is so special. I ask my kids and you know what they usually say? Some of our usual answers are being outside, drawing a picture, making a paper airplane, watching wheel of fortune, cooking, soccer- all very simple answers. Again, it’s amazing to see how something as little as making a paper airplane was what they took away as the best memory of that day. Being a parents is one of the hardest jobs no one can train you for. There is no book, cheat sheet, no orientation although I wish there was. Everything you do affects them, every step you take they are watching you- especially when you are in the bathroom. Nothing like having your 5 year old daughter announce to the whole baseball field that her mom has a tattoo on the butt cheek (true story unfortunately). So please carve out 3 min out of your crazy day each day and simply ask “ what was your favorite part of today?” and prepare to be amazed. Always remember you are doing what you can, they are little once. You got this mama!
Last week I did what I should have done years ago and took my life back. I gave my toxic job of 6 years my 2 week notice. I have given it my all in the last 6 years, stayed late, came in early, worked weekends, worked off the clock, grew the company. All that did not matter in the end, I gave my 2 weeks and they couldn’t do the same. I was asked to leave before completing my 2 weeks. If I already didn’t have my mind made up this would have been a final nail in the coffin. I’m moving on to a better job with more money and better benefits but I still feel hurt by how it ended at a job that I gave my last 6 years to. I didn’t even get a thank you. I was tossed out like a piece of trash, you know why? Because I learned my value. I saw what I’ve done, I saw all the extra jobs that I took on with no extra pay. I saw people doing 1/10 of the work making double. The extra things I took on to be a “team player” became and expectation and part of my job. Other people used me as a resource to help them grow while I was stagnant. I’m one of those people that likes being challenged, I love figuring things out and working towards a goal. When I stopped learning, I felt stuck. A local competitor company reached out to me, saw my potential, listened to what I was looking for in my next role and invested in me. After many interviews with different companies this just felt right. It was like a breath of fresh air feeling appreciated and heard. I’m taking away many lessons from my job that I’m leaving. I learned that I do have tough skin after all. Working in the construction industry I’ve been told that you can’t be a “wall flower”. I was tough when I had to be and compassionate when someone needed it. The friendships I’ve made I’m taking with me. I learned that I need to be respected and appreciated sounds crazy that my recent role didn’t come with that. I learned that company culture outweighs just about anything and in order for any company to be successful and grow taking care of current employees is the only way to get there. The biggest lesson I’m walking away with is that I now know my value and I will never again sell myself short. Here’s to new beginnings! 4/8/22
Last night as I was trying to get my son to fall asleep I laid down with him and couldn’t help but stare at him while his eyes were closed. He looked so grown up and it brought me to tears. For not even being 8 years old he knows exactly who he is and he stays true to that. When he makes friends, he keeps them. He’s a good big brother to his little sister. He loves to read books and write. Math is his strongest subject and at the same time is a class clown. Earlier this year he had a project where he had to use one word to describe himself and he said “curious”. Valid word for Johnny, his mind is like a sponge. He loves sports and is a good athlete. He’s determined to be the best at pretty much everything and it shows. I hope that he knows just how much his dad and I love him and there is not a day that goes by that we are not proud of the young man that he’s becoming. Not too long ago he was laying on my chest being only a few hours old. Time really is a thief and it’s crazy to think that my 1st baby will be 8 in March. Everyday when I pick him up from school I ask the same 2 questions “what did you learn?” “ what was your favorite part of today?” he tells me what he learned, funny things that happened, what he ate for lunch. But what he doesn’t know, is that the moment that he tells me all that, is my favorite part of every day. Thank you for making me mama sweet boy. 1/14/22
