Corona virus has been the topic of every conversation around the globe. The virus does not discriminate, it’s a world traveler, it’s a deadly weapon since it lingers with no symptoms. If anything, it should slow us down and look around at all the things that we take for granted daily. It should make us appreciate all the “family time” that we didn’t even know that we missed. It should have us turn off the TV and put down the phones and just BE. Be with the ones that matter most. This is the time to be inspired and maybe take a break from a job that you resent and have a re-charge or a re-set. It does not matter if you are white, black, Asian, Mexican, Italian, Russian- we are all people and we all want to live to see tomorrow. Please stay safe, please stay at home, hold and love one another because tomorrow is not promised.
Everyone keeps telling you how much you’ll love school. That is very true. Everyone keeps injecting you with mini boosts of confidence. But as I listen to each well-intentioned person try to drive out any fear, it’s occurred to me you might also need to hear this: It’s okay if you’re scared. Because here’s the honest truth- Mama is scared too. Of what, you’re wondering? I’m scared of being apart from us for 8 hours every day. I’m scared of you spending too many of those hours in a chair, and too few running wild and free. I’m scared of the new words you’ll hear, the new behaviors you’ll see. I’m scared of the boxes you might get put in, the labels you might be given, the pegs you’ll be expected to fit into. I’m scared you’ll change. I’m scared you’ll lose your innocence, your sweetness. I’m scared people will try to harden your edges, toughen you up. And I’m just going to say it: I’m scared to give up control. To lose any influence your dad and I might have had on you up to this point. My dear son, Mama is scared to let you go. Clearly fear is present in my heart, and it’s normal if it’s hanging out in yours too. But here’s the good news: Fear is not the only story. Right next to that clenched ball of panic in my gut is something far more powerful: Hope. Hope for the opportunities your school will give you, ones that our little family alone cannot. Hope for the wider diversity of kids you will get to meet—and befriend. Hope for the chances you’ll have to show kindness to those who need it most. Hope for the chances you’ll have to receive kindness in the moments you need it most. Hope for the new and exciting ways your brain will be challenged. Hope for the new and exciting ways your heart will be too. Right now we’re sitting in the blurry place. We can kind of see what lies ahead, but the path forward is still fuzzy. There is so much we don’t know about the coming weeks, months, and years. But there is one thing we do know, without a doubt: You are ready. You will have to do hard things—but you will quickly see that you CAN. No doubt some days you will come home beaming, so proud of what you did that day. Others you will come home crying and collapsed. Some days you will feel on top of the world. Others you will feel utterly drained and depleted. You are ready for all of it. We’ve raised you to be kind, creative and empathetic—but our intention was never for you to be all of those things in a bubble. It’s time for you to take your kindness, creativity and empathy into the bigger world. And yes, you will change. I know that. But deep down I’m happy about it. I don’t want you to remain the same—static and stuck. So as you head to kindergarten, my precious boy, I have to let you go…a little bit. But I’m also going to stay right here: walking beside you, crying with you, cheering for you. Loving you as fiercely as ever. Facing my fears so I can be here with you as you face yours. Yes, Mommy is scared. I’m scared to watch you jump because I know sometimes you’ll fall. But without the fall, you cannot rise. Without the jump, you cannot soar. It’s time to see just how high you can fly. Johnny boy- you were destined for greatness.
In spirit of Mother’s Day I thought I would share my experience of having a second baby. How could I possibly love another child as much as I already loved my son. I wasn’t sure that I had any room in my heart. What I didn’t know is that I didn’t have to make room, my heart stretched to have not just some but the exact amount of love for my daughter as I already did for my son. My son will always hold a special place in my heart since he’s the one that made me a mama but I even though my daughter is not even 2 yet I can’t remember life without her. She’s been the perfect addition to our family. I’m not perfect, I don’t have my shit together but when I look at my kids and see how much they love each other I know I did something right and I feel blessed. Happy Mother’s day to all the mamas! Also the picture below was taken the day after I had an emergency c section and I’m so bloated from fluids I don’t even look like myself, but hey that’s real life!
Recently I came across an instagram account of a mother who is going through the worst possible thing that could happen. She just lost her beautiful little girl. Being a mother myself and recently going through the pain of having sick child and feeling helpless her story hit home. My daughter has recovered from her surgery and I thank god everyday for my 2 healthy kids. I know I take a lot of things for granted and rarely stop, look around and appreciate what I do have. I complain about things that don’t matter and get upset about small things that mean nothing in the end. Seeing the pain that poor mother is going through makes me hold my babies longer and tighter. I don’t know what it’s like to lose a child and I hope I never do but watching her journey has opened my eyes to be more in the moment. Kids are only going to be little once and I need to be more involved. I use the fact that I am a working mom so much as an excuse to not build legos when I come home or play or board game. “I’m tired" "I’ve had a long day" are my responses when I get asked to play a game. This is the time that I need to cherish because before I know it they won’t want to play with mom. I am making a promise to myself to be more involved, to even when I’m tired from working all week or stressed out I’m going to put my kids first. I want them to grow up and know that they are the most special people in my life. To the mom who just lost her baby- I have no words, I am just so sorry.
I want to live in a world where I can go to the store and not worry that a string will be tied to my car door handle, where my kids can play outside until the sun goes down without a worry, where no kid is scared to go to school because of watching the recent news. I want to be proud of this country that we live in. I want there to be a leader in place that kids would want to be when they grow up and respect. I want everyone to respect the flag and honor the men and women that sacrificed their life for it. At the end of the day it does not matter if you voted democrat or republican you are American. Violence and hatred needs to stop, riots, Covid, Ukraine, school shootings haven’t we seen enough death? I was at dollar tree the other day and saw a group of soldiers in uniform, I thanked them for their service. My son was with me and asked me if I knew them. I said no, but they are the reason we can go and shop at a store and me thanking them is the least I could do. So let’s raise our kids to respect the military, people in uniform and most of all our flag.
It sickens me to think that we live in a world where someone walked into a school with a loaded gun and killed 19 children and 2 teachers. I can’t even imagine the pain and sadness that community is going through. The is no longer a safe place for those kids. If kids have stuff going on at home, going to school used to be a safe place. Yesterday changed that. That shooter not only took the lives of those 21 people but also took the comfort of know your child is ok in school from the whole country. No parent should worry that when they kiss their kid that morning it might be the last time. When will this violence stop? People are living in fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of shopping at target and having your child be kidnapped, sending them to school and worrying about shootings. Not ok, do better America. Guns don’t kill people, people kill people. For the media to make all this about gun laws is not only disrespectful to the families who lost loved ones but also takes away what happened. Politicians have their own agenda and use terrible events of what happened to speak “their truth”. There’s 19 kids that won’t get to grow up, go to college, get married, start their own family. There’s 2 families of the teachers whose kids will have to grow up without a mother. Those are the victims in all of this. No one has stopped and asked why did this happen? It’s not the gun, it’s not the lack of mental health help that we have, it’s the shit show that we live in. People are going insane, no one is on the same page and instead of having a conversation and try to see it from a different view people blow up. Political views are ripping families apart. So please let’s take politics out of this. I know that I will be hugging my kids tighter going forward. I woke up this morning and thought of the poor parents waking up to a quiet house this morning because their child is no longer there. We all need to come together and do better.
At the end of each day ask your child what was their favorite part. Trust me the answers will not only shock you but will put your whole life in perspective. What seems irrelevant to us might be the most special thing for your child that day. We tend to run on autopilot between jobs, sports, homework, laundry, meals. Life is hectic, stressful and complicated which is why asking your child what was their favorite part of that day is so special. I ask my kids and you know what they usually say? Some of our usual answers are being outside, drawing a picture, making a paper airplane, watching wheel of fortune, cooking, soccer- all very simple answers. Again, it’s amazing to see how something as little as making a paper airplane was what they took away as the best memory of that day. Being a parents is one of the hardest jobs no one can train you for. There is no book, cheat sheet, no orientation although I wish there was. Everything you do affects them, every step you take they are watching you- especially when you are in the bathroom. Nothing like having your 5 year old daughter announce to the whole baseball field that her mom has a tattoo on the butt cheek (true story unfortunately). So please carve out 3 min out of your crazy day each day and simply ask “ what was your favorite part of today?” and prepare to be amazed. Always remember you are doing what you can, they are little once. You got this mama!
In just 3 short days my son will be 8. I would be lying if I said the last 8 years didn’t fly by. He made me a mom 8 years ago and we made him a big brother 5 years ago. His sense of humor, intelligence and compassion will take him far in life. For only being 8 he truly knows who he is, meanwhile I’m 34 and still trying to figure life out. He teaches me patience every day. He thinks outside of the box and applies himself fully to anything he wants to do. His drive for wanting to be the best, number 1 at everything he does is something most adults can learn from. Named after his dad and he truly lives up to the name. They are the same person. I started dating my husband at 15 so I missed 15 years of his life before me, I get to see it now through our son. Johnny you are simply put AMAZING, we love you beyond measure and hope you have the best 8th birthday! We have always said you will accomplish great things and we are so proud of you! I have no doubt year 8 will be GREAT :) 3/7/22
I want to live in the world where I don’t have to explain to my kids what war is and why I have tears rolling down my face as I watch what is happening in Ukraine. People no longer talk about Covid, vaccines or masks it’s all about Putin and what he’s doing. I want to be able to watch the news and be inspired to be better, I want to be proud instead of being ashamed when I speak Russian to my parents in public. I want people of Ukraine to be free and I wish we could take back everything that happened this past week. I honestly don’t know when it will end or how far Putin will go, I’m not even sure that he knows. Will he stop invading Ukraine or if he takes control of it will he move on to other countries like Latvia which is where I am from? I worry about my kids growing up and seeing this, I pray for the families that lost loved ones and the ones that are currently fighting to protect their land. I hate feeling helpless. I also feel guilty that I am safe and I am surrounded by my family while others are being torn apart. My heart has been heavy and my mind is exhausted trying to make sense of this. I am terrified about what is next and the fact that I may never see my grandmother again that lives in Russia kills me. 3/2/22
Motherhood is hard. No one warns you about how challenging and stressful it is. No matter how organized you are or how well you plan, the laundry will never be caught up and there will be days that you just want to get in your car and drive off a cliff. When I get home from work, I always need a few minute to unwind and change into comfy clothes. Now imagine trying to do that and hearing “mama, when can I do that? When can I do this? Can you buy me that? What’s for dinner?”. All while someone is hugging your leg. Privacy going to the bathroom is nonexistent when you become a mom. Constant feeling of not being good enough, guilt of working too much, spending too much time on my phone are all things I battle with daily. Irritation of having to repeat myself 17 times about cleaning their room, putting on shoes, eating all their meals, brushing their teeth is another challenge. I’m sure it seems like I don’t like being a mother, sometimes that is true. I hate to admit that but I have to be honest, it’s hard. I love my kids more than anything but at times I feel like when I became a mom I lost myself. I lost my independence, ability to say yes when friends ask to go out, going out to dinner with my husband or simply watching a movie. On days when life gets to me and I lose my will to keep going I know I have to get out of bed and keep going. My babies are counting on me, they are my motivation to do better, to keep going to a job that I hate until I find something else. I want to be a good mom, I want them both to grow up and look back on their childhood and only have good memories. I want them to never question my love for them. I wish mental health was as easy to fix as a broken bone, put a cast on it. On the bad days when I let my anxiety win being a mom is 100 times harder. The amount of weight I have on my chest that there are times they don’t get the best version of me is hard to accept. The crazy part is that they accept me. To them I am mom. To them I am not the 34 year old that is still “trying” to buy a house, not a stressed out woman that hates her job, not the irritated individual, I am their mom. The one that comforts them before bed time, kisses all the boo boos, supports their dreams, saves all their artwork and cheers the loudest at all the games. They love me for the simple fact that I am their mom and that is enough, I am enough. 1/19/2022
Last night as I was trying to get my son to fall asleep I laid down with him and couldn’t help but stare at him while his eyes were closed. He looked so grown up and it brought me to tears. For not even being 8 years old he knows exactly who he is and he stays true to that. When he makes friends, he keeps them. He’s a good big brother to his little sister. He loves to read books and write. Math is his strongest subject and at the same time is a class clown. Earlier this year he had a project where he had to use one word to describe himself and he said “curious”. Valid word for Johnny, his mind is like a sponge. He loves sports and is a good athlete. He’s determined to be the best at pretty much everything and it shows. I hope that he knows just how much his dad and I love him and there is not a day that goes by that we are not proud of the young man that he’s becoming. Not too long ago he was laying on my chest being only a few hours old. Time really is a thief and it’s crazy to think that my 1st baby will be 8 in March. Everyday when I pick him up from school I ask the same 2 questions “what did you learn?” “ what was your favorite part of today?” he tells me what he learned, funny things that happened, what he ate for lunch. But what he doesn’t know, is that the moment that he tells me all that, is my favorite part of every day. Thank you for making me mama sweet boy. 1/14/22
What would you tell your younger self if you were able to go back in time and give advice knowing what you know now?
I would say focus more on education and go to school for something you are truly passionate about instead of drowning yourself in debt and not knowing. Credit score is as important as your reputation and I wish high schools would explain that more to kids instead of us solving math problems that we will never use in real life. Travel as much as you can, learning different cultures opens your mind to new possibilities. Follow not only your heart but also your gut. All the tears shed, breakups and drama with the high school boyfriend will be worth it because he ends up being your husband. He loves you even when you make it hard, he is hard on you but it’s only to make you better. He’s kind when you need him and knows exactly how to make you feel special. You have 2 kids, 2 amazing humans that you created with the love of your life. They challenge you everyday, make you tired but most of all fulfill your life in ways you didn’t know was possible. Your parents are going though a lot health wise, they are keeping their chins up and your relationship with your mother is still a work in progress. You raise your kids believing that they can do anything they set their mind to. You want them to have a better life than you. You work hard at being a good mother, everyday. You let yourself go in a lot of ways, gained weight the way you dress but you are working on that right now. You carry a lot of guilt that at the age of 34 you don’t own a home. You know it will happen but it’s always on your mind. You allow the negative thoughts to control your life but you are dealing with it. You need to take breaks for your wellbeing, 1 hour at the thrift shop or getting a coffee and reading a book. You are never alone but you feel alone and that gets tough. You have so much good in your life. Beautiful kids, a husband that loves you who is also great dad, you are starting your little business. You need to push the dark feelings away, you can’t let the demons win. You are stronger than you think, you are kind, you stand by what you believe in. You are compassionate and thoughtful. You take pride in your work and your creativity is endless. There’s so much good in your life, you are so incredibly lucky. Turns out people that say that life is short are 100% right. But what they don’t tell you is as the time passes you mostly only remember the good times and moments so focus on that. Be in the moment, enjoy it and most importantly smile.
Back to work after being off for 12 days and all I want to do is go back home and snuggle with my 4 year old daughter. I put away all the Christmas decorations in my office and it looks sad, I watered the plant that i inherited from my friend that got fired a few months back. Once I logged into my computer it felt like I never even had the time off. The 200 unanswered emails, the lack of drive and motivation this place gives me is still here. I promised myself that 2022 was going to be different so I will answer the rest of those emails, create some posts for work. Breakout my new planner for 2022 and start writing down my weekly goals and motivations. I’ll start small, like re-organizing my closet and donating or selling things I no longer wear. Can you keep a secret? My dream would be to live in an RV or a tiny house. I know it sounds crazy with 2 kids but especially now when the world seems like such a scary place it would be amazing to just go. Go to a place that kids can run around free with no masks, I can go to sleep with not worrying about bills or anxiety about my job a place where we can truly spend time as a family. I wish to be the person that stays out in the rain when it’s raining instead of looking for cover, i used to be that girl. Somehow I lost her along the way, I miss her. The free spirit, go with the flow attitude was replaced by lists, planning and stress. I will find her again, she’s still in me. I feel her when I laugh at something my kids did, she’s with me when randomly my husband says lets go for a walk or a drive. Crafting has really been working for me to bring her back. She’s the girl that used to take the pee smelling subway into Cambridge for a watercolor class. I don’t blame my kids or my husband that I lost her, life got in the way. Mental health did a number on me and I am now working on picking up the pieces. It’s something I struggle with everyday but I need to be whole for my family. I need to enjoy moments with them, even on days when it’s hard. Anyone that struggles with mental health will understand how it’s a constant battle that you have internally. Somedays are good, others set you back. Because I am a mom, on the bad days I can’t just take a break the little humans still need me. Truth be told to keep going I need them just as much.
Being off this week from work is making me wonder if I even want to go back. I wish that I worked because I wanted to not because I need to. It doesn’t help that lately I feel like my job has become a dead end and I have no room to grow. I report to the president, wish my paycheck reflected that. The positives about my work, I get to use my creativity for marketing purposes, it’s 5 min from home, my son’s school is basically across the street. I used to be excited to wake up and get dressed to go to work now I drag my feet, hair is always a mess my and I wear the same pants 3 times a week. I feel like I’ve hit the ceiling there and that’s the reason why I no longer feel motivated there. My work also goes unnoticed a lot. I have been there for over 5 years, that’s like 40 years at a normal job. The field that I work in is different to say the least- construction. The people I deal with on daily bases are construction workers with multiple personalities. I’m the 1st face they are when they apply, I’m the one that interviews them, makes the offer and then they all consider me their go to person for just about anything. My check is wrong, I put in vacation request, I have my supervisor, I want benefits, I failed the drug test, my license expired, I need an eye exam, I got hurt, my car broke down- they look at me as their solution for all their problems. It gets mentally exhausting. By the time I come home I do not want to talk to anyone. It’s only Wednesday today and I am dreading going back on Monday. So between now and Monday I have to hit the lottery, fingers crossed. 12/29/21
“I need feminism because… no one debates whether men can "have it all”“
No one debates whether men can have it all because it is overwhelmingly presumed that a man has one role in life and that is to spend the rest of his life working to the bone to support the family. What use is a man unless he goes to work? That is what our society teaches. Men don’t have it all because from the moment they are born they are reared to be put to work. Society views their worth on how much money they bring in at the end of the day. That’s it. Their suitability as a potential partner is heavily based on what job they have and how able they are to support a future family…
… And when it comes to family, more often than not, a man will give up his precious time, that could’ve otherwise been spent with his wife and children, to work long hours to provide an income. Meanwhile, the wife is on maternity leave, or staying home with the kids, or working flexible hours to suit daycare, or working full time with a nanny for the kids. There is so much support for women with children out there. It is socially acceptable for them to stay at home and rear the children since it is an age old stereotype, and our culture has shifted (for the better) to make it more acceptable and respectable for a woman to go back to work after having kids.
Men have been left out of this change in acceptability regarding family roles, yet they are still being blamed and accused of ‘having it all’ when the only option they really have is to get back to work? (Unless they want to face ridicule, of course). No, men don’t have it all because they are pressured into the only thing society thinks they are good for, earning money.
God, as a woman I cannot imagine the pressure they must grow up with and deal with. I mean, I face daily pressures set by expectations of how women should behave, or what women should do. But I don’t live under a rock, I know for a fact that men struggle with other issues that don’t affect me. Just because they don’t affect me, doesn’t mean they don’t exist, and I am not going to spend my life supporting a movement that is hell bent on removing any sort male support system because it believes women have it worse.
Feminist quotes like the ones above destroy what little credibility feminism has left. It shows just how one sided all their concerns are. They only ever think about how a particular issue affects women, but they could care less if that same issue affected men in an alternative way. Feminists caring about men? I don’t think so.
I made a decision to leave my day-job as market researcher for almost 7 years for many different reasons in mid 2015. Kids being one of those reasons but I never feel like I was forced to do that, especially by my kids. I think that was the perfect time for me to quit the job; perfect time for me to start my own business; perfect time to re-arrange my life and what I want to do with my time and how I prioritize it. So I don’t want people to think that I quit the day job because I prefer to be a Stay-at-Home Mom. No. I am a working mom. I am working, writing and making sales and pricing strategy for my home-decor brand on my computer, at home, while my kids are having snacks and watching TV. I always see myself a s a working mom who stays at home.
I’m a mother of two (you all must be aware since I’ve constantly blasted your facebook feed with photos of them – and for this, I give you my sincere apology) and I start to get tired hearing other people saying, “oh, so you’re a working mom. Don’t you feel guilty leaving your kids at home? Aren’t you afraid there will be time they won’t recognize their mother since you’re very busy working?” or this classic statement, “oh, so you’re JUST a stay-at-home mom? Interesting choice considering you graduated with good GPAs from reputable university…”
What make this even sadder is the fact that those questions sometimes addressed by one mom to another. I mean, really? Well guess what? All of us are full time mothers. Some of us are working, some of us are not. Some working moms are working for the money so they can feed the kids, put them to school, and keep them healthy. Are you really going to point a finger at them while they’re working their asses off to provide the family? Some others are working for their dream. But more importantly, to show their kids that you can be a mom AND a lawyer. Or banker. Or architect. Or anything you wanted to be. You really can. Are you really going to point a finger at them while they’re encouraging their kids to dream big?
And being a stay-at-home moms doesn’t mean they’re lame. How can they be lame if they can cook meal while answering the phone, cleaning the dishes and answering their kids’ constant questions? So what if their biggest dream is being a stay-at-home mom. Isn’t it a great dream, great ambition? Are you really going to point a finger at them, women who are basically chasing after their dreams? Even Oprah admitted that being a stay-at-home mom is one of the toughest jobs there is.
To all the mothers, can we please just stop this? Can we stop label the teams because there’s only one team: FULL-TIME MOMS? We feel each other. We didn’t expect most of this. We didn’t anticipate loving somebody so intensely, or loathing our post-baby body so much, or being so tired, or being the mom we’ve turned out to be.
To each of you who feel tired with the old “working mom vs stay at home mom” debate”:
You’re not a perfect mom. No matter how you try, no matter what you do. You will never be a perfect mom whether you’re a working mom or stay-at-home mom. And maybe that haunts you. Or maybe you’ve made peace with it. Or maybe it was never a problem to begin with. No matter how much you do, there is always more. No matter how little you do, when the day is over, your children are still loved. They still smile at you, believing you have magical powers to fix almost anything. No matter what happened at work, or at school, or in daycare, you have still done everything in your power to ensure that the next morning will dawn and your children will be as happy, healthy, and wise as could possibly be hoped.
You’re not a perfect mom. And that’s good. Because, really, neither is your child. And that means nobody can care for them the way you can, with the wealth of your understanding and your experience. Nobody knows what your kid’s singing, or what their jokes mean, or why they are crying, better than you do; regardless you’re a working mom or stay at home mom. And since no mother is perfect, chances are, you are caught in a two billion way tie for Best Mom in the World.
With that being said, I don’t think it’s relevant for us telling each other what to do (to work or not to work). We should pat each other’s shoulder and exchange some kudos instead. Cheers!
Disclaimer: this is the article I wrote on my facebook page one year ago. This morning, I still receive several notifications from certain someone who likes to compare, being bitter and just love to spread negativity towards another moms who don’t have the same principles as she has. So I guess this article is still relevant, that’s why I want to share with you guys, with a little update about my current situation. Go Moms!
Don’t be fooled by their relaxed, understated appearance. Late checkout is subject to their availability, so these hardworking moms spend a lot of time extending guests in Room 69.
Nowadays her hubby barely kisses her goodbye in the morning, never mind telling her how good she still looks after two kids. So the brief second I spend politely complimenting her, means she spends all day wickedly thinking about me…
She hates mornings. Lights on, kisses and hair stroking and she is still panned out. She might squint one eye half-open but actively refuses to wake fully. Mama is proud ✌️
