#tinnitus
Tinnitus seriesbyAriee
Well,
About 3 weeks ago I had a really really bad ear infection, and still haven’t got the hearing I had back! What makes it harder is that the ear infection was in my good ear. I’ve got both hearing aids in but doesn’t make much of difference, other than helping with my balance.
I coped rather well, having to rely on my worst ear which has 95Db loss, but I am getting tired and fed up now. Really fed up!
Even more at work, and to be honest it is started to knock my confidence I have in myself as a worker. I feel like i’m a burden, and I’m not functioning to my best ability. Previously I could just about managed the phones but now I am not using phones which I feel hampers my work as I use phone a lot. I know that my colleagues are understanding, but I still cant help feeling inadequate. Every time the phone rings, it reminds me what I cant do. Hence the knock on the confidence.
I should focus on what my strengths are and what I can do instead…. but it is hard!
Recently my old thoughts have snuck back….. “If only I was hearing”
I am proud of my deafness and what I have achieved, but the old insecurities are sneaking in. I’m awareness this is a result of me being fed up!!! Cant wait to get the hearing I had previously come back.
Tinnitus doesn’t help either!!!!!
That was the year the cicadas started
in my skull. Their buzz-saw droning; the fraught
song of dust and summer, I’m told. Bleated
noise. It came with the pneumonia. I thought
it was part of the fever. If my ghost
shark can haunt me during delirium
why not raucous bugs in the innermost
depths of my ear? Soon my fever’s bedlam
faded but the sing-song did not. Even
now, love, as I write this, the din’s low groan
keeps me distraught. I wake with radio
static, thinking the dark bellowed. Listen.
Only I can hear it, that deep bass drone;
what hell’s divas call, “Basso profundo.”
][][
Notes:
In opera the lowest vocal range that a tenor can go is called basso profundo. Starting around a year ago I began developing tinnitus, a ringing in the ears like radio static that is often accompanied by hearing loss. In the last two months or so it has gone from a dull buzz that I could ignore to a much louder droning which wakes me up at night. I find the sort of disconnected musing I need, such as when I’m writing, harder now.
was trying to sleep but then my third eye snapped open involuntarily so I had to make this