hello everyone im back(ish)!! things have been a bit chaotic but I have missed all the talent on here. also thankyou all so so much for 900!!! nearly fainted when I saw that ;) so have a little teaser of a one shot I got done x
…
“I was gonna phone dad in the break if you fancy-“
“No abso-fucking-lutely not. Have you not seen the messages about his laptop breaking? I’m not listening to him rant about that for hours and hours on end.”
“You make him sound unbearable!”
“Tom, your the eldest child. You should’ve learnt this by now.”
“He’s just passiona-“
“He loves a moan! Just for the love of god don’t tell him I’m here and do be prepared for me to say I told you so.” The younger brother gleamed as he opened the door to his brothers (and therefore his too) trailer.
Toms newest project had been filming in Atlanta on the big Sony sets for nearly 2 months, which meant they hadn’t seen the family in that long either. True to his word though, without fail, he would always find time to call home. Something which especially recently, had been the most necessary - to keep him sane. It hadn’t been the easiest, so Tom had fallen on his most reliable support much more often.
“When did you become a moody 16 year old again?” Tom muttered, flopping on the sofa as he watched Harry sit on the beanbag across from him. It was not a surprise Harry didn’t grace his shit comeback with a response, instead just sighing - already preoccupied on his phone.
Barely 30 seconds later and Tom had to admit to himself that his younger brother was, once again, right. Dom was droning on and on as if his laptop trouble was the only issue in the world and Tom had barely got a chance to say hello. Already tuned out, his attention was easily sidetracked from the conversation to Harry- who’s phone started ringing angrily.
He took notice of how Harry’s eyebrows furrowed looking at the caller ID, clearly this was much more interesting than whatever his dad was saying.
“Hello?… umm I don’t think so, cos of what happened… Anyas number? I do have it, I don’t know that she’ll-… is everything ok?”
Tom had gone from intruiged to downright worried. Chewing on his bottom lip he sat forward, glaring at Harry intensely to try and get the insider info.
He’d already pieced together it was something to do with Y/n. Anya is her best friend, her ride or die, the person who knew her inside out. And ‘what happened’ clearly referred to what had happened between Tom and Y/n. As in the end of Tom and Y/n.
And Harry seemed worried. Which meant Tom was ten times more worried. It was Y/n after all.
Things between the two hadn’t really stopped- that was Tom’s issue these past months. It’s all good and well saying it was the end, but you just can’t stop feelings like that. Not when you’re two years deep and helplessly in love like Tom was.
And Y/n was the same too.
The breakup wasn’t for lack of emotion or love for the other. It was for the long distance, for the public pressure, for all the external factors that seemed like the end of the world.
Both of them had learnt the hard way that maybe they weren’t. That maybe they’d made a mistake.
lemme know if you want to see the rest! will hopefully be at least a wee bit less angsty at the end ;)
this has been in my drafts for weeks and its just been annoying me so have it - not proofread so sorry if its illegible!
Tom Holland x reader
summary: the father of the brides wedding speech
warnings: light references to smut, alcohol, mentions of grief
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“Hello everyone, I’m very pleased you could all celebrate with us on such a magical day. We are of course here in honour of the union of two people, one of which being my gorgeous daughter. I feel as though I should skip the normal father-of-the-bride speech because most of you will already know how unbelievably amazed I am by Y/n everyday. So instead… I thought I’d talk you through the story of Tom becoming my son-in-law.”
The air in the room stilled, with a collective sense of foreboding about what your dad would go on to say. None more so than you and your new husband. Both of you squirmed in your seats and you took the opportunity to grab his hand under the table. The action was meant to reassure Tom- though really you had no assurance yourself.
“Now I am sure most of you here know just how much I have resented Tom through the four painful years he has spent worming his way into my family. And, as proven by the fact we are here today - you can see my efforts to push Y/n away from him have hopelessly and tragically failed. “
The whole room laughed- if a little nervously. Except your family, the people who knew your dad incredibly well… because you could see the little grin that kept attempting to takeover his whole face- having to be consciously withheld. He was having a bit of fun, just making sure it was super awkward for Tom too. You felt yourself relax back, which only made Toms apprehension even more entertaining.
“I have, at times, been told off by multiple people for being ‘too harsh’ on Tom here. So I am using this speech as my legal statement, sworn truth under oath…. so that you can all make your individual minds up as to whether I was just being ‘an uptight old fart’ like Y/n has described me on numerous occasions. Or… if my anger and disapproval have been justified. So sit back and enjoy the reasons why I hate the spiderboy.”
So with a new sense of dread and fear and complete and total isolation you uttered three single words before hysterically running away.
“Don’t follow me.”
Not now, not ever.
That had been three weeks ago.
And it still fucking hurt like hell.
It had ended up that Yamna had taken you back to hers, where you had stayed for a couple nights. During that couple of days, Tom had tried. He had tried to apologise, tried to explain, tried to fix things. But it just wasn’t that easy.
Whatever he said, it didn’t take back from the fact that he had in that moment meant it. So no amount of sorrys could ever take that back.
So with a new sense of dread and fear and complete and total isolation you uttered three single words before hysterically running away.
“Don’t follow me.”
Not now, not ever.
That had been three weeks ago.
And it still fucking hurt like hell.
It had ended up that Yamna had taken you back to hers, where you had stayed for a couple nights. During that couple of days, Tom had tried. He had tried to apologise, tried to explain, tried to fix things. But it just wasn’t that easy.
Whatever he said, it didn’t take back from the fact that he had in that moment meant it. So no amount of sorrys could ever take that back.
After everyone had realised just how serious their situation was, Tom had moved out of your shared flat - so you could at least be in the place you were comfortable. Afterall the nursery was built in your flat and clearly it was you doing all the baby stuff for the moment. Thankfully Yamna, having been cut loose so without job, offered to move in with you. Which was probably the only thing keeping you going.
Well, that and ben and jerrys ‘phish food’. Honestly the shop must think you’re running some sort of ice cream black market at the rate you’re getting through their tubs.
Everyone kept parroting that it wasn’t good for the baby. Too much ice cream . Too much heavy lifting. Too much stress.
And yes, it probably was. But that was out of your control . The stress and lack of man in the household meant you had to do the heavy lifting of shopping from the car up the stairs. Shopping meaning ice cream, which you only depended on so much because of the stress.
It was a vicious cycle of hell.
Even Yamna, the person you were relying on keeping you sane had started walking on eggshells. It was as though you were literally about to pop, she always had to have at least half an eye on you. You were even banned from locking the toilet door - just in case.
It felt like you were a captive animal, people kept coming to observe you, giving sad looks before gleeing the scene.
You hadn’t been sleeping well either. Of course, being 3 weeks of your due date didn’t help - but neither did the lack of Tom. In fact, for the first time since shit had hit the fan, you had actually been managing to get some decent sleep when Yamna knocked on your bedroom door, quietly calling your name.
“I’m asleep” Groaning, you pulled the covers further over your head, praying to god that she’d leave you alone. But of course that wasn’t happening, she just lightly chuckled before you felt the bed dip - she had perched on the edge… Toms side.
“You never normally sleep talk.”
“I’m never normally this sleep deprived.” She sighed, whilst you still stubbornly kept your eyes closed.
“I’m sorry I woke you…. but this is important.”
“What?” Almost grunting, you threw the covers down looking up at her in anticipation. That was another thing about pregnancy - you were always on high alert, always worried.
“Toms here.”
“Tell him to f off.” Quickly you stopped caring about what your bestmate had to say.
“He’s saying that he’s the little ones dad and that he deserves to be involved and…. and I think I might agree.”
“I deserve a boyfriend who stays loyal to me so clearly neither of us are getting what we want.” You weren’t angry at Yamna and snapping at her wasn’t the answer. And yet you still did it.
“Y/n….I love you and I am completely on your side. I just think that maybe, perhaps, you should at least manage to be civil before baby arrives. Otherwise… thats going to be a lot to deal with all at once.”
It was your turn to sigh, deep and heavy (or at least as deep as the baby let). Most infuriatingly she was right. The conversation had to happen at some point. With a baby there too it would only be even more traumatic.
“He’s here now?” It only dawned on you how broken you actually sounded when the words croaked out of you.
“Yeh hunny… I didn’t let him inside so he’s standing outside the door looking like a dickhead right now.” The image cheered you up a little, enough to sit up in bed and be wrapped in Yamna’s arms. Her actions said it all, she really only meant the best for you and knew how hard this would be. After a moment she leant back. “I almost considered calling the paps so they could get a picture and label him as a groveling dick.”
“You should of.” Of course you didn’t mean it, but the answer had you both laughing. It took a minute to calm down before she changed subject slightly.
“You want me to make myself scarce? I can hide in my room or go to the shops or-“
“Text the guy from the bar - you deserve a night off ‘babysitting Y/n’ duties.”
“I’m not babys-“
“Yes you are. Go out with him and have some fun, I’ll be fine.”
“You sure?”
“Yeh”
That was a bare face lie - but Yamna had been almost too good to you. She really really needed a break. Especially as the current plan was she’d be helping with the newborn too. Right now you wouldn’t have wished a baby on yourself - never mind your best mate.
“Okay, get ready then babe - but do it slowly, leave him waiting outside in the cold for as long as possible.”
“Obviously.” You laughed, hauling yourself out of bed, where she gave you one more encouraging hug before leaving.
After hearing Yamna leave, and brushing your hair and throwing on a new pair of trakkies and hoodie, you slowly walked towards the door. It felt as though impending doom were on the other side and every fibre of you wanted to scream and run the other way. But it just had to happen at some point. Why not now?
With a final sharp exhale, attempting to pull yourself together, you opened the door. Immediately your heart sank, seeing nothing. Had you really been that long? And even so, was a 10 minute wait enough for him to give up? You could already feel the hormonal pregnancy tears starting to spring, when a grunt drew your attention.
What you hadn’t considered was the fact Tom was ready to camp out, sitting on the floor beside your door. Springing to his feet, he seemed shocked you’d actually opened the door - makes two of you. When Yamna left she had told him you were coming, but seeing really is believing.
“Y/n! I-I… I wasn’t sure you were ever going to answer.”
“You and me both.” You replied dryly, still leaning on the door. “Do you er…. do you want to come in?” Again he seemed shocked, as though he wasn’t sure you meant it.
“Is that-that okay?” Shrugging you just nodded, stepping back so he could get in. He did pay half the mortgage afterall.
“You want a drink?” He quickly declined your offer, not vocally but instead rushing past you to the kitchen and turning the kettle on himself.
“Your the pregnant one. Go chill on the sofa, I’ll bring you a cuppa.”
And a bit taken a back by his forcefulness you followed instructions, from the sofa watching how effortlessly he danced round the kitchen. It wasn’t shocking, it was technically his kitchen too. But seeing him there felt so alien, almost transporting you back to much much simpler times. Seemed a lifetime ago.
After a couple of minutes, he rounded the sofa with a hot chocolate in one hand for you (because caffiene is bad for the baby) and a cup of Yorkshire tea in the other.
“So… how have you been?”
“Ate a lot of ben and jerrys” You answered without really answering, except he knew you all too well.
“That bad?” He sighed, scrubbing a hand over his brow “how about the baby?”
“I don’t tend to carry an ultrasound on me but she’s been keeping me up all night kicking - so normal I guess.”
“Thats good” He spoke before realising what he said. “Sorry no I um-I don’t mean it like that!” You all but laughed in the face of his flusteredness, only making the tips of his ears go pinker.
“I assume you had something to say and that you came here for a reason rather than just pity me?”
“I want to make things right Y/n - I-I mean your having my kid.”
“OUR kid”
“ Exactly! And-and I love you too and-“
“Bullshit” You may have murmured it under your breath but you had intended for him to hear.
“Oh come one Y/n, you know that!”
It was like the man was asking to be yelled at.
“Don’t sit there trying to patronise me! I THOUGHT i knew it but then I saw you all over another girl. So yes, I’m calling bullshit.”
“Ugh I… If your not going to even try to hear me out then…”
“Then what Tom? You gonna kick me out. I mean this is your flat after all! Maybe you’d like to dump the mother of your unborn child homeless on the street and forget about us - how’d that sound? I’m sure your fans would blindly applaud you.”
“Listen! Please would you just listen to me.” His voice was loud and tone harsh, making you flinch a little. Not because you were ever worried he’d hurt you - but how this wave of uncomfort shuddered through your body, baby even squirming in discontent. So focused on that you just nodded, shifting back into the sofa.
Tom had noticed your reaction and seeing you seemingly scared of him like that, well it broke his heart. Even more.
“Sorry I didn’t mean to shout, I just…. I really need to try and fix this.” He leaned closer, letting out a thankful breath when you just nodded, as if to say go on.
“I’ve really really missed you… these past couple of weeks I’ve never felt so gulity in my life. Not because of what I did! Well yeh that but-but more how much it hurt you and-“
“Fuck.”
You couldn’t help but let out that little curse of pain as a new wave of pain, which seemed to originate from your lower back, shuddered through you. Tom looked up from where his eyes had been nervously wringing his palms whilst he spoke. Rubbing a hand over your belly you shook your head and motioned for him to continue.
She was just kicking really really hard. Right?
“Uhm yeh so I just wanted to properly tell you everything that happened that night so at least we are on the same page? A-And I’m not going to try and use this an excuse but I had been drinking so-“
Seemingly baby disliked the end of that sentence too, causing another rippling wave to echo through your body, feeling as though a band was pressing tightly round your stomach. With another small curse it forced you to stand up, in the hope that’d ease her. Clearly she was as done with his shit as you were.
“Need a water.” You muttered, already waddling to the kitchen, where you heard Tom follow you immediately - like an inpatient dog.
“Y/n sit down I can-“
He was silenced by you freezing and grabbing his arm tightly - a physical contact he hadn’t been expecting from you.
“Tom… get your phone.” You spoke slowly, still not having dared to have moved an inch - fingers almost white from how tightly you were squeezing his forearm.
“Wha-are you-are you okay?”
“I think my waters just broke. Get the phone. Now.”
~~~ feedback is really appreciated + would love to know what u think as still in the process of writing so can be guided / helped by asks !!! ~~~
warnings: none I don’t think? tooth rotting fluff + bad writing
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These evenings would forever and ever be your favourite. The sky was almost an unbroken sea of vibrant blue, only interrrupted by the occasional cotton wool cloud - the sun wasn’t long from starting its descent below the horizon, but for now the light held.
Motorway driving had to be one of your favourite past times- no one else seemed to understand but for you, it was relaxing, a mind melter almost therapeutic. When ever life got a bit much, your answer was to hop in the car for a drive. It’s why times like this happen. Your boyfriend had been away for a painfully long time and he was coming home today.
Of course, for a star like Tom, the novelty of flying had long since worn off. It was almost part of his commute, the trip through security, in the air, then in a taxi back home. He never asked you to come pick him up, he didn’t want to put you out by driving for 3 hours, especially when the taxis were covered by his studio.
Except you chose to. Whenever he was landing at a time you werent otherwise busy, he’d find you on floor 7 of car park B - somewhere near the lifts so he diddnt have to lug his suitcases far.
idk if anyone is still here lol, but if u are here is the last part of 3 hearts. I found it super recently and thought for the sake of closure i’d post (whether or not it acc gives u that is another matter sorry lol)
i hope you are all well :)
summary: an argument between you and tom, except it takes him hurting someone else for you to loose it
Tom knew he fucked up. But unlike last time, at the airport, this felt so much worse. Last time, Y/n had just been angry; which obviously wasn’t nice, but wasn’t as sinister as this. When you had left in a sort of frenzy you looked.. well you looked broken. As soon as the door had slammed, in anger at himself, Tom had thrown his mug across the kitchen. Unsurprisingly it had smashed against the cupboard doors as well as splashing the remanent liquid across the kitchen. And then he was angry at himself, both for making a mess while acting like a tantruming child - as well as everything he’d done to you.
By the time he’d cleared up the mess - in what was quite a calming process- he realised the real pressing issue. It had him running out the front door, standing in the rain in the storm, looking across the road to where he had seen your car - what must’ve been hours ago. To his horror, his heart dropped. Your car was gone, so you had driven in the state you had left in.
That was really scary to Tom. Because he didn’t even know if you were safe, if you had made it home or if you were in some ditch somewhere. Jogging inside, he went straight to Harry’s room - asking him to drive over to yours. With a sigh, Harry hauled himself off his bed - able to tell from Tom’s face, and the raised voices he’d heard, that the conversation didn’t go great.
The whole way over, Tom was frantically scanning the roadsides, as if expecting to see your car upside down hidden in the bushes. Otherwise the jpurney was silent, Harry tried to ask what happened once and was told, in no uncertain terms, to fuck right off. It was impressive Tom hadn’t drawn blood, given the fact he was chewing on his bottom lip so hard. Before Harry had stopped the car, Tom was already reaching for the doorhandle but his brother stopped him.
“Tom look, her car.” Sure enough in the parking lot to your apartment building, there was your car - safetly pulled up. So, at least you were alive.
“I still need to-“
“You sure thats a good idea bro? If she left that upset then maybe-“
“Thanks for the lift.” Not giving Harry two seconds, Tom was already out the car, jogging toward the lobby. All his brother could do was sigh, feeling the need to text you, as a warning.
‘toms on his way up. im sorry x’
Even if Tom thought you were completely maniac when you left - he underestimated your sensibility. Of course you hadnt driven home - instead phoning your bestmate Y/bf/n. Like a night in shining armour, without asking any questions she’d ubered to Toms adress and then driven your car home with you.
Also being your best mate, she knew not to press. She knew you needed your space (ahem Tom take a hint) so although she was still in your flat - she left you to it in the bedroom.
So when Tom, almost panting, knocked down your door to nearly break the wood - it was Y/bf/n who answered it. Her hand immediately flying to Tom’s chest, pushing him out the doorway, as she also stepped out. That way she could give him a piece of her mind without you hearing it.
“You got some fucking nerve showin-“
“Is she okay?” He butted in, eyes frantically searching Y/bf/n’s.
“How do you think she fucking is?”
“I thought she’d have crashed.”
“I drove because you’re right she is in no fucking state.” He gulped at that, this distant hope of you not being as bad as he thought crushed. Y/bf/n’s glare didn’t help Tom compose himself at all.
“I er, Y/bf/n I don’t know what to do.” She just sighed, exasperated at this boys stupidity.
“Well what pissed her off?”
“I asked her why she doesn’t wont to move in with me.” Y/bf/n quirked her head to the side, eyebrows furrowed at that. Because she knew that Tom knew more about your childhood than she did. You trusted your bestmate implicity, yet it was a past you didnt like to think back to. She knew you’d told Tom everything, and when she found that out she also knew he was your person. Shame your person was so very ignorant.
“But you know?”
“I don’t know! I don’t know if its something to do with how messy I am, the way I sleep or-“
“For fuck sake Tom.” She didnt even exclaim, just pure exasperation coating her words. “Could you just - for a second- get your head out your own arse? It’s not about you.”
“But it’s about living with me?” Y/n pressed her thumb and index finger into her brows - actually wincing at Tom.
“It’s not about living with you… It’s living with anyone. It’s not having her safe space.”
“But it would be saf-“
Rolling her eyes, Y/bf/n just gave up, she couldn’t be bothered to deal with him. For some unknown reason you had put up with this actual clot head for three years, and she knew he was supposed to be next to you forever. So fuck it, she just gestured for him to enter the flat with a defeated nod.
Having had this curve ball thrown at him, Tom actually took measured and slow steps through your apartment. He knew the place like the back of his hand, having spent a fair amount of time here with you before. He remembered back 2 years ago, when he had helped you move in, after your first major release premiered. That first night, with nothing but a mattress on the floor - Tom had assumed you were planning to go back to his for the night. But no, instead you’’d got pizza delivered, and pulled out the essentials - a string of fairy lights and laptop for netflix.
You’d spent the night with him in the otherwise empty flat, lit by the warm glowing lights, watching netflix on the floor. It had been magical.
Tom just craved that experience again, but this time in your own shared place. Now though, he was racking his (small) brain to decipher Y/bf/n meaning. And he’d realised that maybe he really hadn’t been listening to you all along. So, almost hesitantly, Tom stopped at your door, steeling his nerve. And then, gingerly, he knocked softly - ear pressed against the door.
As expected, you ignored the sound on the door, figuring it Y/bf/n. That was until a voice echoed through the wood.
“Y/n, it’s- it’s me.” All the movement in your body, including the air in your lungs froze. He wasn’t supposed to be here. You had nowhere to run now. “I um…. I was worried. I shouldn’t of let you leave like that.”
Again you didn’t respond. Just clawing your knees tighter to your chest as you cowered in the centre of your bed, sat up agaisnt the pillows.
“I think I might’ve been ignoring you all this time. But I want to now… I’m ready to… I’m sorry I wasn’t before.” You heard a little thud, somehow knowing that was his forehead coming to rest on the otherside of the door. Silently, you used the cuff of the hoodie you were still wearing to wipe your face - hoping to remove the worst of your tears. Yes, your eyes were undoubtedly puffy and bloodshoot, but there was little that could be done about them.
“I’d love to say I figured it out for myself but I have to admit Y/f/n might’ve helped…. she called me an idiot about twenty times too - which is fair.” Wetly you chuckled the slightest bit at that, still looking toward the closed door expectantly. “I’ve been taking all of this personally… as an insult I guess. And-and I dont think… well I’ve come to realise I’m being really immature by having that outlook. I…. I just- please can I come in?”
It was infuriating because you were oh so mad at him. You were infuriated by everything and you were so incredibly hurt above all else.
And that was your conundrum. Throughout your relationship, whenever you felt this betrayed or upset or hopeless - you’d crawl into his arms. Except this time, he was the cause of all that pain. So as much as instincts made you want to fling the door open and bury your head in his chest, you fought it with every bit of strength you had.
“I can’t… I can’t see you right now.” Voice cracking, the illusion of authority you tried to convey simply was not there.
There was an uncomfortable moment of silence, before he replied in the most heart-shatteringly defeated tone.
“Okay just… just know I’m going to be right here waiting.” And you knew he would. Just from the way he sounded, it was as though the adrenaline was dissapating for exhaustion. You didn’t have the energy to fight, nor did Tom have the energy to beg. Until you both had recovered somewhat, you knew he would be waiting. So you called out an ‘ I know’ at the still shut door, before wiggling back down on the bed- more than ready to be numbed by sleep.
“And Y/n?…. I really really love you.”
Suffice to say you couldn’t bring yourself to respond to his broken tone. No, all it did was bring on a fresh stream of tears. You hated that you loved him so undeniably. And even, you hated the fact that he loved you so much. Because it only made arguing that much harder.
////////////
You woke up some hours later, having managed to cry yourself to sleep - which must be a new all time low. It was still dark, in fact it looked like the early hours of the morning. Your head was pounding, no doubt stress induced, and you pressed a fist to your eye socket in an attempt to alleviate the pressure. When that failed, you turned to dragging yourself out of bed - in search of a glass of water.
Something about the fight made it feel as though you were physically ill. To keep the shivers at bay, you added some old joggers of Toms to the outfit you already had on - the jumper harry had given you yesterday. It was a bit shameful, deriving comfort from your ex-boyfriends clothes but… it was what you needed.
Also was he your ex? Had you broken up? Were you on a break, in famous ross and rachel talk? It certainly didnt feel like you were ‘together’…. but the label was too much to think about this early in the morning.
With a sigh you trailed across your bedroom, opening the door you’d been talking to hours earlier. Darkness swamped the hallway, and you had to blink your eyes a couple times in order to see through the blackness.
You wouldn’t have noticed, with a bleary gaze and hazy eyes - if it weren’t for the noise on the floor just by the side of the doorway. Jumping in shock, you stared eyes widened at the floor.
“Oh sorry if I scared you I jus-“
“What the hell are you doing here?” Because why. Why was Tom still in your flat? Why was he sat with his back against the bedroom door staring blankly into the dark opposite?
“I um…” He almost chuckled to himself, making you quirk your eyebrows together. “I said I’d wait here till you’re ready.”
“But I-I didn’t think you meant literally…. what time is it anyway?” Everything about this was unbelievably bizarre. Still on the floor, Tom checked his watch and declared 3:45, before hopping to his feet.
Now by no means were you on your high horse of looking good - no mirror was neccessary to know you looked like shit. But he didn’t look so great either. His hair was greasy, probably from running his hands through it too much. His eyes were puffy with lack of sleep, with dark bags hanging below them. He looked exactly how you felt.
“If you want me to leave then-“ You cut him off, already starting to walk past him as your tried to get around the boys literal idocy.
“I’m going to get a glass of water.”
And like a lost little puppy, Tom just trailed behind you to the kitchen.
While you were thinking. Who the hell deciedes its a good idea to camp outside someone elses room? Afterall, it is quater to 4 in the morning. If you had been more with it and noticed the weird presence , you might’ve thought he were a robber and put your self defence classes into effect. He was, in short, insane.
In silence you grabbed a glass and filled it with water, before leaning on the island couter top - facing Tom.
“So you just got real comfy in the hallway or?”
“Well I was gonna go wait in my car or-or somewhere a bit less creepy but I wanted to make sure you were okay… and-and well I could hear you crying and I didn’t want to leave when that was happening so I was just gonna stay till you calmed down.”
“Mhmm?”
“But then I guess you fell asleep because - no offence or anything- but you were snoring a bit.”
“I had just cried myself to sleep.” He pouted at you admission and nodded slightly.
“Yeh no I… sorry but yeh i just found it quite reassuring hearing that you were peaceful and calm.”
“I was asleep.” Again, you deadpanned the response and again - Tom’s reaction was as though you had shot him or something.
“Sorry it was weird and if you want me to leave you alone i’ll just….”
Again you didn’t answer his question of whether or not you wanted him gone because …. well honestly you didn’t know. So instead, you wordlessly leaned off the counter and walked to the sofa - collapsing heavily on it. Expectedly then, Tom followed, standing like a lemon at the foot of the sofa - clearly unsure on what to do.
“You’re not gonna stop bugging me till we have this talk, so you may as well sit.” And he did, jerkily and hurriedly - so that it looked so very awkward indeed. It took a moment of staring him down expectantly before Tom launched into a little speech. After all, it still wasn’t you that needed to apologise.
“Look love your er… your hallway was the perfect place to think. Think about everything thats been going wrong with us and-and especially Y/b/f/n’s ‘encouraging’ words.” He said that last part sarcastically and you couldn’t help but snigger just a little. Because if you knew your bestfriend you knew she would’ve given Tom hell for hurting you. “ Look, the reason I’ve been so desperate to take us to the next step is because I’m insecure. Insecure that I should’ve ‘settled down’ by now according to my dad. And-and well I’ve always been worried with the press and the paps that if things got too difficult we’d have to split. So I thought I’d taken it at your pace enough and I just got pissy.”
That you had to agree with, he definitely had been acting like a 5 year old.
“I just always thought that you didn’t want to move in with me right? And looking back thats so incredibly fucking dim because you’d already told me why…. if I’m right that is. I know you told me about your mum leaving and then the situation with your dad… but I’d never realised how much it affected you now. I’ve always had such a supportive family so when you told me all that I was sympathetic but…. but I was also naive. If it still affects you then thats so normal and I should’ve noticed. So I’m so so sorry.”
In response, you released the big breath you hadn’t realised you were holding. It really sounded like some divine intervention had got involved and slapped sense into him. Refreshing would be an understatement.
Except was it enough?
“Thankyou… I um, I appreciate that but…. but my parents.” You chewed you lip trying to conjure up the way to say this. “I-I thought you knew about what happened affects me, cos it does- everyday.”
“I didn-“
“No please Tom… this is my turn.” Shutting down his attempt to butt in, you picked your nails nervously - not expecting to be this confrontational. “You are the only person I’ve told everything to… and and I thought you had got it you know? I thought you got me… thats why I’m finding this so hard you know?”
Tom sighed, shifting uncomfortably on the opposite side of the sofa. All he wanted to do was give you a hug and try and ease your pain - except when he was the cause of it, that wasn’t going to work.
“I honestly just don’t have an excuse - I just couldn’t even imagine…. and-and, well if i’m honest-“ He met your eyes, as if looking for consent - you nodded, even if a little scared of what he would say next. “ It was clear that you didn’t like to talk about it and so…well i never asked you more questions or at least, enough to understand properly right?”
“So it’s my fault?” You really weren’t trying to jump to any conclusions, except he was making it very difficult to sound not stupid.
“ No! Nono not at all… but I was tiptoeing around because I didn’t want to upset you, which i guess made me only more thick and oblivious than normal.” Lightly laughing at the end, Tom then leant forward even more. “But I’m not making excuses I’m just here to apologise a hundred times over. I love you so much and I want to give you all the time in the world.”
“Where do we go from here though?”
“We go…” He exhaled, shifting so his whole body was facing you, leaning forward and looking deeply in his eyes “…absolutely no where. We stay here or you here and me at mine. We watch all the series we’ve said we’ll get round to and never have. We order food every night unless you want to try that new recipe book you got. We eat ice cream and I beat you at chess. We do absolutely nothing and I do everything I can to try and help you forgive me.”
Who knows how long you sat there, immobile, locked in this fierce and intense eye contact with Tom as he waited - and silently pleaded for you to forgive him.
“I’m still pissed. You acted like a toddler instead of just talking to me and then you ignored my issues. I’m not gonna forgive you like that.” Nodding, Tom still looked slightly disappointed at your harshness, slightly leaning away.
“But I could really do with a hug right now. ”
When I say the sappy grin that grew on his face was possibly the purest thing ever, I do indeed mean it. You literally watched as he got his sparkle back, as his eyes lit up and his whole body grew a few inches from its slightly slouched position.
And then you held each other closer than ever before. Tom squeezing you tightly and pressing his face into your collarbone quite forcefully. And you… you did the same.
Like it or not, you were it for him and vice versa. Having taken years for you to have your first argument, it probably wasn’t surprising it were so intense.
Perhaps he wasn’t completely to blame too. Perhaps sometimes you have to realise he cant read your thoughts. Maybe sometimes you need to put in the effort to explain.
You had to forgive him, even if it would take longer to forget… you’d get there.
Because thats what this whole thing is, giving and taking and forcing each other to grow and better yourselves. Neither of you were perfect and nor would you ever be. But you’d get better for each other, with each other.
//
probably my last tom holland thing, hyperfixation has switched well and truly to f1 - if there are any of u that’s be interested I’ve still kept writing just switched my obsession lol. sending all my love, t <3
TITLE OF STORY: Thank You; 45 Minutes. CHAPTER NUMBER/ONE SHOT: One Shot AUTHOR:FlashofWildCreatures WHICH TOM/CHARACTER: Actor Tom GENRE: Romance, Erotica SUMMARY: There’s nothing quite so satisfying as tricking the Trickster himself. Female OC helps her husband, Tom Hiddleston, get into character before his legendary 2013 Comic Con surprise appearance as Loki. RATING:Explicit. AUTHORS NOTES: This was such fun to write. Enjoy! (P.S. “Niamh” is pronounced “nee-ev.”)
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Friday 19 July 2013 London
You’re sat at work when your phone buzzes in your desk drawer. It’s just after lunch on a Friday and you’re knackered, aching to go home and pass out on the couch in front of a movie with a book on your chest.
You check your phone; it’s a selfie of Jango Fett walking through the San Diego airport. It’s the weekend of the San Diego Comic Con, so no one bats an eye at the sight of a tall man wearing a Star Wars helmet on his way to baggage claim. If they only knew…
“Niamh, got those reports ready?” your boss chirps from over the cube wall. You slide your drawer closed.
“Almost.”
“Before 3, then?” she says.
“Will do.”
You try to hide a yawn as you turn back to your computer, with Jango still on your mind.
God, it’s been ages since he was able to walk through an airport with so little attention. Your chest twinges with envy. He’d asked if you wanted to come but you’d said no, shuddering at the idea of all those fans crowded into the convention center. For someone who lived in London, you weren’t a fan of hordes of people. And work had been intense, and your weekends had been busy for months–you needed a proper break, with or without Tom there.
But that photo… you knew he was grinning beneath the plastic helmet that he’d snagged at Escapade last week, after Kevin had called and pitched him the idea.
“I thought you were getting a Stormtrooper,” you’d said when he walked into the apartment that afternoon.
“They were all out,” he shrugged, setting it on the counter before walking to you. “This was the only one that fit.” You leaned your head back over the arm of the couch to meet his upside down kiss; his fingers brushed your arched neck as your lips met. After years together, his touch still made your pulse leap to meet it. London was in the middle of a heatwave, but your sudden temperature rise came from another kind of sun.
Another message from Tom comes through and you open your drawer to read it.
soulmate au: you and your soulmate have tattoos that represent the others interests that tingle when you two are close to one another
word count: 2,273
A/N this is honestly written for @parkerbpete, since she inspires me to write so much, like i love her work and ugh, she is my writing senpai. i love her and yea, hope you all like
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Ink stained across your arm forming an intricate sleeve, a tattoo filled with things your soulmate was interested in, that would fluctuate from time to time. You remember that before it was filled with electron diagrams, pi and other math symbols, chemical structural formulas, and things you couldn’t recognize, all coming together to form a science themed tattoo sleeve, but now all that changed. Some tattoos fading to make space for your soulmate’s newest interests, which mainly consisted of the newest superhero to join the scene, Spiderman. Spidey’s logo was now on your bicep, a small avenger’s logo on the base of your wrist, a crest that matched the iron man suit, and spider webs lacing the new tattoos with the old. But the one thing that never changed was the writing that surrounded your wrist that was written in their writing, “always be yourself”
You had the vague idea that your soulmate attended Middletown with you, since the only time the writing on your wrist seemed to tingle, was walking down the corridors of school. But you always thought against finding them, having the idea that they were better off without you. Plus after spending hours staring at your tattoos, you felt that you two would have nothing in common. You may have been smart enough to attend Middletown; however your interests were more inclined to herbs and plants, not science.
So you made the decision to not look for your soulmate, because if they didn’t bother looking for you, then it only proves they didn’t need you in their life. So you would just continue walking down the halls, knowing that someone at school could also feel the tingling sensation on their arm.
You were gathering your supplies to tend your rooftop garden before you headed to sleep, however the last thing that you expected was to see Spiderman on your rooftop. The red and blue hero was resting against the brink ledge, as he clutched his arm, seeing a few gashes on the suit.
“Spiderman are you ok?” setting down your supplies.
A groan escaped his lips, his body trying to become alert, but couldn’t with how tired he felt. He shook his head, “no, but I’ll be fine in a bit” trying to sound heroic but failing in the process.
You quickly went over to the small first aid kit, knowing that although it wasn’t built for serious injuries, there were still supplies for simple cuts and injuries from when you would nick yourself while tending your garden, “I seriously doubt that.”
As you approached Spiderman, small tingles ran up your arm, as the writing on your wrist started to feel warmer with each passing step. Your heart sped up knowing the reason why your arm was tingling, but right now his injuries mattered more than asking him if he was your soulmate. You gently set your supplies down, being mindful of where he was hurting and ignoring his intense gaze. Your hands were slightly trembling, anxious of being so close to him that you started to question if you could do this. You weren’t sure if you were nervous because you were near Spiderman or near your soulmate. Your licked your lips and emptying your thoughts, reaching out for his right arm, and the moment you touched it, you felt the warm spark run across your arm, confirming the small doubts in your mind, this really was your soulmate.
You didn’t do anything to call attention to it, and focused on the gashes on his suit, seeing the scarlet liquid staining not only the suit but the pale skin underneath. You reached for gauze and peroxide, “this may sting a bit,” the bottle still trembling in your hand, reminding yourself to keep calm.
You looked up at Spidey, wanting some sort of confirmation that he was ok with this. He nodded, and you started to pour the liquid over his wound. A hiss escaped his lips, as the water met the raw skin. You gently started to pat the area dry, making sure that the wound was clean before you moved on to the next. Your whole right arm never stopped sending the small sparks, that you wondered how he could keep his composure, when you were almost a nervous wreck. You looked up at him, meeting the visors that covered his eyes, but it didn’t lessen the speed of your heart or the warmth that was spreading across your face.
“That’s a nice sleeve,” his voice finally filling the silence that surrounded both of you.
“Thanks…it’s based on my soulmate,” your voice coming out as a whisper.
His gloved hand traced over the writing, before he started to travel up the rest of the sleeve, making your heart go into overdrive and your skin so sensitive to his touch, making you bite down on your lower lip, but you didn’t dare ask him to stop. “I know,” his voice no longer sounding hurt, “my arm is filled with flowers,” his hand now tracing over one spider webs.
You continued cleaning; doing everything you could to not be distracted by his touch, though that was easier said than done. You slightly leaned forward, “(Y/N),” you whispered, your fingers lingering on his skin, seeing ink that you assumed to be a flower petal. You tried desperately to distract yourself from the gentle touch he was giving.
“(Y/N),” the simple word, coming out almost as soft as flower petals that you weren’t ready for, “you feel it too right?” you nodded, exactly knowing what he was referring to. “Never thought I would meet my soulmate like this,” an empty laugh escaping his lips.
“I never thought my soulmate would be Spiderman,” you said in return, not noticing the way your hand instinctively sought out his, and not flinching away when he slowly interlaced his hand with yours.
His thumb rubbed circles around yours, feeling a slight tremble in his hand as well. A small smile formed on your lips, glad that you weren’t the only one that was nervous.
“I’m sorry for being your soulmate,” his voice losing his typical ‘hero’ tone, but in its place was a saddened beaten voice, instantly making your smile disappear.
“Hey,” your free hand reaching up to gently cup his cheek. Spidey leaned into your touch, making your heart melt more than it already was, “don’t count your flaws, everyone is deserving of a soulmate. Especially you, for all the trouble you go through to keep everyone safe,” squeezing his hand as you leaned in to him, wanting to do anything to help but not knowing where to start.
Spidey’s forehead pressed against yours. You were met with the white and black eye visors that you felt that if you stared hard enough, you could start to see something that resembled eyes hidden underneath. Everything seemed to blur around you, nothing else really mattered besides him right now, almost as if time stopped around you. You almost had to remind yourself to breathe, something about him hypnotizing you, to not pull away. You willingly let yourself get caught in his webs. Spidey leaned in, making you worry that he may be able to hear your how hard your heart was pounding in your chest.
“Thank you, I really couldn’t have asked for a kinder soulmate,” his hand still toying with yours.
Your face was aflame, and try as you might you couldn’t stop yourself from smiling, that they only thing you could do to hide your smile was to cover it with your hand. He started to stand, instantly sending you to your feet, remembering that you were actually hear to help his wounds. You aided him up, wanting to make sure that he was ok to even be walking.
“You’re going to be ok right?” just wanting some reassurance.
“Yea, I’ll be fine (Y/N),” still not used to hearing your name coming from him, “what’s your favorite flower?”, momentarily confusing you, not expecting such a random question. .
“Gardenia and peonies,” looking around as they were your most abundant flowers in your collection. You quickly went to pick a red peony; you reached for his hand and placed the small flower in his larger hand. Spidey looked down at the flower, holding it as if it was precious glass, not wanting any harm to come to the small flower.
“They’re beautiful,” he answered, stalling for one more second with you, but knew that he had already spent too much time here; last thing he wanted was for you to be in harm’s way because of him. He stood on the ledge, his eyes focused on you. He wanted to stay, finally meeting his soulmate, there were so many things that he wanted to say and ask but right now was not the moment, “peter,” he said knowing that the least he could do is give you his name, there were far too many peters that the odds of you finding out were slim.
“Hmm?”
“My name, its peter,” he repeated.
“Peter,” this time it was his turn to have his world shaken with a simple word, glad that he was wearing a mask to hide his goofy smile. You repeated it once more, tempting Peter to stay even more than he originally wanted to. “Take care of yourself ok peter,” a warm smile on your face that only made Peter further fall for you.
“I promise,” he answered, taking a quick jump off the balcony making his way over to you once more. He couldn’t help himself as he lifted the edge of his mask, letting you see the plump pink lips and strong jawline. You thought he was going to lift the mask higher but before you could even ask what he was doing, his lips landed on your forehead.
Your eyes were wide open, taking in his soft lips against your skin, the way his hands gently held your face in place. Your hands covered his, letting your eyes close, enjoying this feeling of being cherished. You smiled as you finally realized why finding your soulmate was a big deal, because in this short meeting, you could already feel something so special with Peter that you haven’t felt with other of your exes. He finally broke the kiss, your hands instantly clutching his, not wanting him to leave, wanting to be selfish and just stay a few moments longer.
Peter pulled his face away, looking down seeing your doe like eyes, and haze look in them, the way your lips looked so tempting to him, wanting to know if they would look just as beautiful after he has kissed you senseless. He wanted to stay but right now he could only burn the image of you to memory because after tonight he wasn’t sure when he would allow himself to be this close to you, despite every fiber in his being telling him that he belonged to you.
“I should go,” knowing that was the last thing that Peter wanted to do.
“I guess,” still not loosening the hold that you had on his hands, because that was the last thing you wanted too.
Peter couldn’t resist, as he pressed a kiss to your cheek, feeling the corner of his mouth brush against yours. You were officially caught in his webs, because that small taste left you tempting for more, but you weren’t sure when you would ever get to be like this with him. You finally let go of his hands, and he slowly started to lower the mask, your heart still pounding in your chest.
“I’m sorry if I can’t meet you in real life…I just want to,” not wanting to sound selfish for not meeting you in school.
“You just want to keep me safe,” knowing exactly where he was going with that.
“Yea,” he responded flatly.
“I understand, but did you know I was your soulmate before tonight?”
“Yea, I did. I was so ecstatic when I found out that the most beautiful girl in Middletown was also my soulmate,” failing to his small moment of happiness.
“I’m not beautiful,” trying to hide your smile.
“You are to me,” he whispered.
“Good night peter,” you whispered, not knowing how much more your heart could take.
“Night (Y/N). I promise to keep you safe as both Spidey and peter,” knowing that this was the most he could give you.
“Try to stay safe, for me,” making his heart ache, because he could feel the sincerity of your words.
He nodded, not trusting himself with words right now, as he finally jumped off your roof, hearing the tip of his webs as he acrobated into the sky. Your ran to the edge wanting to catch a last glimpse of your soulmate, seeing him further disappear into the night, as well as the sparking feeling in your arm start to fade. In those few moments, Peter had stolen a piece of your heart and left a part of his. You stared off in the direction that he left, only to be brought back to reality when something wet drop on your hand. You looked up, seeing not a single cloud in the sky, as another drop hit the back of your hand.
You brought your hand up, feeling the bittersweet tears, because you realized how true Peter’s words were, the best way to keep you safe, was for you two to never be together. He was your soulmate, one that you could never be with no matter how much you both wanted, it was his price of being a hero.
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A/N so yea still not sure if i should continue with this or not. like i could just leave it here. but it could easily make itself into a small mini series, but if it does, im afraid that i may not feel the motivaiton to finish it. so yea, please let me know what you think
I know I haven’t been updating a lot of series recently but I am trying to get round to everything. I hope you all will like this part of my Tom Holland series, feedback is always amazing.
Summary: Tom and (Y/n) are expecting their first child together and everyone is excited. But (Y/n) fears she won’t be a good mother when her own mum put her through Hell and back and the past won’t leave her alone.
Enjoy.
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“Thank you for bringing me.” A shy but sincere smile formed on (Y/n)’s lips and her head tipped to the side so she could look over at Paddy sitting next to her.
The cheesy smile on Paddy’s face was enough to make (Y/n) feel more relaxed around him and in the waiting room in general. She held nothing against any of Tom’s family, but a family was something (Y/n) never had. She didn’t know how to act around the boys because she didn’t have siblings, (Y/n) only felt comfortable around her grandparents and around Tom.
With everyone else she felt awkward and uncomfortable because she hadn’t learnt the social skills she needed to be around people and interact with them. Her mother had ruined her childhood, worsened her health and taken away her ability to be around others and form a trusting bond with people.
“You’re welcome, besides I’m excited to see my nephew.” Paddy shrugged his shoulders but the way he clasped his hands together and tapped his foot against the floor showed he was nervous and excited.
Tom was away until tomorrow on a small press tour and he had asked Paddy if he would mind taking (Y/n) to her scan appointment. It meant that (Y/n) didn’t have to get a taxi which she hated to do on her own for fear that something would happen to her. And it also meant she didn’t have to go on the crowded buses to get to the doctors.
When Tom was home he would take her anywhere she needed to go without any fuss or bother, he didn’t mind driving them about and when he was there with her to get a taxi (Y/n) felt calmer.
Driving was something (Y/n) always wanted to do, it was a means of escape. She could get away from awkward situations, she could take herself anywhere she needed or wanted to go by driving herself around. It was a sense of freedom and stopped her from feeling bad when relying on her family and few friends to take her places so she didn’t have to get the bus or a taxi. But it was something (Y/n) couldn’t do.
Due to her epilepsy, (Y/n) couldn’t even try and take driving lessons unless she could go six months without having a seizure. She had frequently come close to that target but never quite achieved it so driving was practically forbidden to her. It was just another thing that Holly had managed to steal away from her.
“What makes you so sure it’s going to be a boy?”
“I’ve just got a feeling, although mum’s praying it’s a girl, she always wanted a girl.”
It was no secret that Nicki was hoping she could have a granddaughter, she had four boys of her own and although she loved them all to the end of the Earth, she did have a yearning for a little girl to spoil. Whereas Paddy was just certain that he was going to have a nephew, it seemed to be the way things would work and he wanted another boy to teach and mess with and look after.
“(Y/n) (Y/l/n).”
(Y/n) looked down at her slightly expanding stomach in contemplation and nervousness as she and Paddy got up to follow the midwife. It almost didn’t feel real until (Y/n) noticed that her stomach was ever so slightly rounded now, giving just the hint of pregnancy to reassure (Y/n) that she wasn’t dreaming.
She wasn’t sure if she had a preference or a wish to have a boy or a girl as long as nothing went wrong and the past didn’t repeat itself. But there was worry in the back of (Y/n)’s mind because if she and Tom had a boy, there was the nagging thought that he might pass away just like her brother had done. But then if she had a girl, would (Y/n) be suceptible to the depression and psychosis that Holly had?
Would (Y/n) end up hurting her own boy or girl just like Holly had?
Any and every thought dwelled in her mind as she slowly laid on the cold leather chair.
(Y/n) wanted this, her heart yearned and screamed and drowned with the passion and need to have this baby. To have a family of her own that loved her unconditionally and that she could raise and grow without pain or torture. But she didn’t know if she was capable of doing everything that she wished to do.
If she was programmed the same way as Holly then she was doomed.
All the nagging and persisting thoughts suddenly quietened down when (Y/n)found herself looking at the monitor that revealed her growing baby. As she stared at the black and white screen, (Y/n) wondered how her mother could ever feel any horrible feelings towards an innocent new life.
(Y/n) didn’t have the connection yet that she desired to have with her baby but she certainly had no horrid feelings towards them either. She could feel herself growing more and more attached to the little life she was preserving which is more than could be said for Holly. And that thought alone was enough to make (Y/n) sure that she was going to be better at motherhood than Holly ever dreamed to be.
“That’s amazing.” Paddy whispered the words more to himself than to (Y/n) but when she heard his words she took hold of his hand.
A smile wormed its way onto Paddy’s lips when (Y/n) held his hand, he knew his future sister-in-law wasn’t one for affection or touch and that was fine with him. But to know she was getting comfortable around him and was becoming more of a sibling to him made his heart soar. He’d never had a sister before but all the boys had taken to (Y/n) the moment they met her, Paddy knew she was one of them.
All they wanted was to make her one of them, bring her into the family and love her as their family.
Paddy knew it wasn’t going to be easy when he saw how (Y/n) recoiled from them on the first meet. She wouldn’t let them hug or touch her, she hardly spoke to them and the way she seemed to fear their mother broke them all.
None of them knew what she had gone through to be so nervous about a loving family as theirs, but they were all going to try and help her.
“Right, well while the pictures are printing I just need to take a blood sample.”
“Oh, I can’t watch that, mum has to bring me for those, I tend to faint when I see the needle.” A light but nervous chuckle left Paddy’s lips and a shiver ran down his spine just at the thought.
Needles weren’t his strong point and he didn’t like seeing blood unless it was just a small scratch. It made his stomach churn and he had learned from a young age that if he needed his bloods taken then someone had to come with him and it was usually Nicki. He tended to faint almost every time, even if he wasn’t looking at the needle or the blood, the feeling made his head turn to mush and the next thing he was waking up with a splitting head wondering what was happening.
“(Y/n)?”
Paddy looked down at (Y/n) when he realised she hadn’t answered him but his eyes narrowed and he felt his stomach tensing as he looked at her.
There was a faraway look in her eyes that seemed to be shaking but as he looked closer, Paddy realised (Y/n)’s head was tilted to the right, also trembling like her eyes. Her left hand was bent back towards her wrist as far as it could possibly manage and her fingers on that hand were curled and twitching making Paddy’s own hand hurt just to watch.
“I- um, she-”
“It’s okay, she’s just having a myotonic seizure, it shouldn’t last too long.”
A comforting look passed over the midwife’s features before she pressed her fingers to (Y/n)’s neck, checking her pulse and making sure her airways were clear and open before she stepped back.
Neither of them could touch (Y/n) when she was like this other than to prevent her from falling from the chair or accidentally harming herself. The seizure just needed to play itself out, there wasn’t anything to give her that would immediately stop it.
Paddy hated looking at (Y/n) when she was like this, it felt like he was watching something intimate, witnessing something that should be kept private. The way her hand bent made him want to be sick because surely it had to hurt, despite her not doing it on purpose and her neck was going to hurt too. When her jaw started to grind Paddy felt like crying.
To him, it felt like hours had passed when it was only two minutes at the most before (Y/n)’s movements slowly started to stop and her eyes closed as she regained consciousness and control over herself.
“Alright hun, you’re back. Do you feel dizzy, nauseous?” The midwife shone a light over (Y/n)’s eyes to make sure they were constricting properly and that she was fully conscious before checking her pulse again.
“Uh, no I feel okay.”
(Y/n)’s stomach was slightly churning but she knew she wasn’t going to be sick, it felt like she had been up in the air and was now falling back to the ground with her stomach still high above her. The only seizure she’d had so far whilst being pregnant was a ten second one when she and Tom were out in the car. He noticed she stopped talking but when he pulled over she was talking again, suddenly realising she had seized and missed a few seconds.
Those ones were better, when they didn’t last long and (Y/n) didn’t feel any effects from them. But then again, this one hadn’t been as bad as some she used to have, it was very mild it was just irritating like road works slowing her day down.
“I want to go home.”
“That’s okay, we will schedule your bloods for another day.”
(Y/n) didn’t wait much longer before she got down from the chair, her palm rubbing her forehead as she headed out the room with Paddy. She didn’t want to wait to book another scan either, that could easily be done over the phone when she was home and felt safer and better.
“(Y/n)… your hand, it’s still bent.” There was no other way for Paddy to say it and he wasn’t trying to be rude but he could see her left hand was still bent back towards her wrist like it was glued in place.
“Oh, yeah it’s gone stiff. Sometimes takes a while to get it back under control, it’ll happen soon.”
Her right hand moved to gently caress her frozen hand, willing it to become unstuck and back to normal again- well, as normal as it could be considering her left hand was the one with nerve damage. It was normal to have her limbs frozen like this when they were affected by a seizure and it usually ended up being her wrists or hands. She knew it didn’t look right and she hated people noticing which was another reason she wanted to go back home now.
“Let’s get you home.”
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“Paddy mentioned he’d never seen you smile that much yesterday.”
Nicki looked over at (Y/n), a big yet warming smile on her lips that (Y/n) was slowly starting to like. She was never used to having a mother, especially not one who would give her such loving, caring and endearing looks but it was a nice kind of different that she was getting used to.
Whenever she saw Nicki it was like she was slowly merging into their family and she was gaining a motherly figure she had always wanted yet always despised since she never had one.
After the scan yesterday, (Y/n) had come back with Paddy to his parents home for a while, he didn’t want her to go home alone since she had the seizure and when Tom came back this morning, they came back to see his family. Paddy couldn’t help but mention to his mum that (Y/n) had been smiling and seemed like a more animated version of herself that was usually reserved for Tom’s eyes only.
It was amazing to see her being so happy about the baby when they all knew she was anxious to do her best. And to see her smiling and feeling more at ease around them all made everyone elaited.
“Yeah, I, I don’t know what I was expecting… my mum was overjoyed when she was pregnant the first time. Then when she was expecting me, I guess she thought I was a replacement, she wasn’t happy. If I feel excited, I don’t want to end up in her situation but if I don’t feel anything, I don’t want to feel no connection either.”
To (Y/n), there was no inbetween.
She wanted to be excited and prepared and loving towards her growing baby but that was how Holly had started out and then she lost her baby soon after. (Y/n) wouldn’t be able to live if she suddenly lost her baby for any reason. But if she tried to detach herself from the baby or if she didn’t feel anything, she might not get a bond with her baby and then she would be the version of her mother hating her child.
(Y/n) didn’t know which was worse.
“It’s… it’s difficult, but remember that this is your experience, not hers. I could never imagine losing a baby but I can understand feeling afraid something would go wrong a second time. But you aren’t going to lose the baby honey, and you already want this baby, that feeling won’t go away, I promise.”
Nicki didn’t know the situation, but from what she had gathered, she could see both sides.
She never could imagine the pain of losing a baby or a child at any age but she knew people who had. Having a child after losing one was either a good experience or a bad one. It was easy to see why Holly would be apprehensive towards a second baby and that caused her psychosis.
But her actions after her breakdown were all her own actions and (Y/n) wasn’t going to be like that.
“I do want the baby.” (Y/n) didn’t know why she was trying to convince Nicki, she had already said before that she knew (Y/n) was going to be a great mother and was forming a bond. But she still felt the need to make it heard that this was her choice and this is what she was aching for.
“I know honey.” Nicki rested her hand briefly on (Y/n)’s knee before she got up and headed out the room.
Slouching back against the sofa, (Y/n) tilted her chin down on her chest so she could look at her stomach. Her hands slowly ruffled under her shirt to feel her stomach, wishing she was further along so she could have the baby kicking and wriggling inside of her. Despite the pain in her wrist from how her hand was barely back to normal, (Y/n) started to rub circles over her stomach, wondering how it would feel when her stomach was a lot larger and she could feel the baby properly.
A flutter of adrenaline flickered to life in (Y/n)’s chest when she realised she was smiling to herself. She was feeling happy, content, sailing on clouds, this is what she wanted life to feel like. She wanted to feel like everything good was now coming into view, she wanted to enjoy feeling her baby grow and then have them in her arms and see Tom with their baby.
Shaking her head so she didn’t get too over-excited, (Y/n) pulled down her top again and slowly stood to her feet. She wanted to find Tom, she wanted to wrap her arms around him and hug him and kiss him and make him feel as elaited as she did.
“What are you all doing?” (Y/n)’s voice was quiet but the smile stayed present on her face as she folded her arms and stood in the doorway of the kitchen, watching the siblings curiously.
“Showing Harry how to make a cake.”
“Baby come try this, it’s better now I’ve fixed it.” Tom tilted his chin up to exert his pride and stature over his brothers who were all messing around at the counters beside him. He had a large plastic mixing bowl in his hand and a spoon which he had clearly taken a lick from to test the batter.
(Y/n) approached the boys with a small grin that got bigger when she saw the cheeky glint in Tom’s eyes that always meant a mix of fun and trouble. When she walked over to him he set the bowl down and traded it for the spoon so he could wind his other arm around (Y/n) and coil her into his side.
(Y/n)’s brow rose when she could feel Tom’s hand swiftly move down from her back down to caress her bum before he held the spoon out to her so she could try.
“It’s good.” Her tongue darted out to swipe the mix from her lips but her body jolted when she felt Tom’s lips moving to her neck and his teeth grazing against her skin. She shivered the moment he pulled away to look behind him at the twins who were arguing over their cake mix and subsequently getting all the ingredients everywhere. (Y/n) could see Paddy from the corner of her eye just as he grabbed a handful of flour and launched it at their heads.
“Oi!”
“You’re mum won’t like the mess you’re all making.” (Y/n) leaned away from a flour attack as the boys started to playfully argue and have a fight with the mixes that should go in the oven, not on the floor.
With a smile (Y/n) took the chance to try some more of the batter which either she or the baby had taken a liking to. It was easy to both watch yet block out the boys arguing in front of her, it was something she was getting used to since it was something she hadn’t witnessed during her own childhood.
“Mine’s better-”
“No it isn’t- stop throwing shit at me.”
All their voices seemed to blur together and they were in their argumentative element right until (Y/n) cried.
Tom’s head snapped to look behind him where he had left (Y/n) happily watching them just as Sam was raving and swinging the rolling pin up in the air like a sword he was going to attack them with. He could see the way (Y/n)’s eyes were blazed with fear like she was petrified of something- or even one of them! She didn’t seem to realise she had cried out but Tom didn’t have time to move to comfort her before she had collapsed.
(Y/n)’s head flopped forward when her eyes closed and her lungs tightened so she couldn’t breathe. Her body lost all composure and she folded down like a piece of paper, crashing to the floor in a heap.
“Baby!”
Tom skidded down on his knees in front of (Y/n), being quick to try and lift her frame carefully but quickly, not wanting her to lay crumpled like that in case she hurt herself. He managed to ease her top half so that she was laying on his knees, carding his fingers through her hair before his eyes scanned round his brothers.
“Mum!”
“What are you all doing, who’s screaming?” Nicki’s voice flooded the house before the boys saw her standing in the doorway of the kitchen, her eyes wide and mixed with anger and confusion. “What have you done to her?”
She didn’t say it rudely or like she was blaming any of her children for something bad but she knew something had happened by the look on their faces that showed they were scared and worried. There was something in their eyes that Nicki knew when something had happened, whether they had pushed one of their brothers off a swing or slammed a cupboard and broken something.
“She fainted-”
“You were swinging something, what were you messing with? Did you aim it at her?!” Tom’s voice shouted out at one of his younger brothers as his eyes seethed across at Sam. He didn’t see what he was doing but he knew he had been messing with something. Maybe (Y/n) got scared and thought he was going to hurt her with it or it triggered something because Tom knew her better than anyone and she wouldn’t get frightened and faint like that for no reason.
“I was… I was just waving the rolling pin, I swear I didn’t aim it at her I didn’t.” Sam shook his head almost as badly as the rest of his body was shaking.
“That’s enough! You lot get out the kitchen and disappear, you can clean this mess up later.”
All three boys made a quick exit, knowing better than to dare argue with their mother, especially at a time like this.
“Baby? Come on, you’re alright.” Tom whispered quietly as he craned his neck down to look at (Y/n), smoothing his thumb over her cheek to try and coax her to wake up as his other hand rubbed up and down her shoulder. He’d seen her suffer panic attacks, nightmares, seizures, even a broken bone at one point, but he’d never seen her faint or collapse until now.
A swell of relief surged through Tom when (Y/n)’s eyelids started to flutter and her shoulders slowly jutted. He continued to rub her cheek to arouse her and bring her back round but his heart shattered when he saw tears welling in her eyes the moment she seemed to come awake.
Silent cries seemed to leave her chapped lips but Tom felt like crying himself when he saw the look in her eyes when she noticed Nicki was kneeling beside them. It was as if someone had pointed a gun directly to her forehead and she was told she was going to die.
“Honey, it’s-”
(Y/n) screamed.
Her voice was hoarse and the sound was shrill and piercing but it cut right through Tom’s heart. He watched his lover’s eyes drown in terror and swell with pain before another cry escaped her lips. She didn’t have the energy or control to move herself away but she tried, her body jutted and writhed like a fish on land before her trembling hands covered her eyes and forehead.
When she could feel Nicki’s hand on her thigh another scream left her lips and her hands pressed down on her face until Tom was sure she was going to smother herself.
“Mum no don’t touch her! Her mum used to abuse her, your touch will scare her. I’ll take her upstairs.”
It physically pained Tom to say that to his mother because she was the sweetest, most understanding and gentle woman he ever knew and she was the best mother out there. But if she touched (Y/n) when she was in a state like this and leaned over her (Y/n)’s mind would revert back to memories she didn’t want. She wasn’t good with contact or talking with Nicki because she had been hurt and that was all she knew a mother to be.
There was a small look of pain and guilt in Nicki’s eyes before she nodded and backed away to give them some space.
“I’ve got you baby, it’s just me and you.”
Tom turned (Y/n) so her head was resting on his shoulder, her body curled up to his chest before he picked her up in his arms and got to his feet. He had done this countless times but each time (Y/n) always laughed yet worried he would drop her or she was too heavy. But this time she simply curled up closer to his chest, breathing in his scent and tucking her face into his neck while her hands almost ripped through his shirt.
Turning the corner, Tom swiftly carried (Y/n) up the stairs, not wanting any of his family to witness (Y/n) like this because it wasn’t fair on her. She hated people seeing her hurt or emotional and Tom was the only one she would allow to comfort her when she was like this.
He kicked the door to his old room shut behind them before he gently lowered (Y/n) down on the bed and climbed to sit beside her, once again enveloping his arms around her to keep her against his chest.
“Baby… it’s okay now-”
“I-I’m bleeding, it hurts… oow it hurts.” (Y/n) could hardly breathe from how badly she was crying.
When she moved her hands to cradle her temple, Tom gently pulled her hands away and held her wrists gently in his hands so she could see them.
“No you’re not hurt baby I promise, look, no blood.” Tom definitely knew now that she had had a flashback in the kitchen. Her mother must have done something horrible to her for her to faint in fear that it would happen again and for her to think she was back there with blood covering her. “Just breathe for me-”
“She hurt me.”
“Why, what did she do to you baby girl?”
Tom’s voice was soft and apprehensive because he didn’t know if she would actually tell him or not. Whenever he brought up her past and dared to ask what she went through all he got was snippits and little bits. He knew she couldn’t bring herself to tell him but he needed to know what she had gone through to truly understand and to make sure he could help her through the pregnancy and keep her and their baby safe.
“I- I don’t know what I did, I don’t know why she hurt me.”
“What did she do?”
“T-the rolling pin, oh God, it hurt so bad. I couldn’t see, there was so much blood… she nearly killed me.”
(Y/n)’s eyes were closed and her fingers were ever so gently touching her temple like it was still spilling blood all over the floor. She could feel the pain she felt when she was eight, she could feel how intensely her head had split like a coconut, the sound the wood made when it hit her skull. The noise it made when it crashed to the floor beside her.
Then everything mushed together, the ambulance journey, the doctors, the bright lights, then waking up from surgery.
It all hurt.
“She hit you, with a rolling pin?” With each word Tom’s voice rose until he was seething anger and rage was burning from his dark eyes.
Tom’s body turned stiff until (Y/n) shuffled into his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck until he cocooned her to his chest, his chin resting on top of her head. He slowly started to sway them side to side to stop (Y/n) from noticing how he was shaking from rage.
No one was ever going to scare or hurt (Y/n) like that again, Tom wouldn’t let anyone do that to her.
