#transguy

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Laying in bed sick.

I AM WEARING “ BOYS” CLOTHES FOR YGE FIRST TIME

IM FREAKING OUT

IM LITERALLY SO HAPPY OMG

Two things I wanted to share with you guys that happened to me this week. But before I start, I just wanted to remind all my trans followers out there: continue to battle male toxicity wherever you are, and also continue to educate cis people in a kind and loving way. It is on these two points I wanted to share my recent experiences with you.

First up, I have a cis, white, female coworker, who has been wonderfully supportive of me ever since I came out. This person immediately shared with me that she worked with a FTM at her past job, and she and him had gotten along well. She also was immediately on board with my name and pronouns and has helped me correct others when they slip up, even if I’m not around. She celebrates and gets excited with me as changes occur and she has cheered me up on bad days.

With that prefaced, she is still cis and therefore cannot ever understand everything there is about being trans. Which led to this conversation:

“Phillip was telling me he saw your license the other day and that in the picture you were wearing make up! You used to wear make up?” (My license is VERY old and has all my old info on it along with a five year old picture)

She sounded incredulous, as if she simply couldn’t believe it, or as if the idea was shocking. Keep in mind, she knew me before I began transitioning. I saw the confusion on her face and knew I had stumbled into a teaching moment. And so, I answered as best as I could.

“Of course I did,” I told her. “I was born in a girl’s body and was raised to believe I was a girl. And even though I never liked wearing it, I did it anyway, because that’s what society demands of girls.”

She looked at me in this way that let me see clarity come over her. And she nodded, understanding coming to her eyes as she thought about it. Truly thought about it. And seeing her think about how it might have been for me growing up in the wrong body, was really really satisfying. It went well and so I wanted to share.

And also remind everyone, that it would have been very easy for me to get upset or offended over such a comment. But I knew this person was supportive, and so I was able to simply explain in a kind manner instead of jumping down her throat. Be patient and kind with our cis supporters, even if sometimes they say, do, or ask something offensive or stupid.

The second thing that happened to me this week that I wanted to share has to do with male-toxicity. I haven’t shared too many things about it on tumblr, but I have been an avid combatant of it, even before I knew I was trans. To try and keep this short I’ll cut to the chase.

At work, (I work at an animal hospital) we were having a slow day. As such I was trying to find busy work to do. I saw the laundry was done. (We wash a lot of towels and blankets for the dogs to sleep on in kennel.) I went over and began folding them.

A minute or so later, the only other male coworker in my hospital in an otherwise all female environment, comes up to me. (He is also very supportive of me, like my other coworker I just told you about.) And he says loudly,

“What are you doing man?”

“Hiding from everyone,” I answered jokingly.

“You’re folding laundry? Don’t you know you can’t fold laundry anymore? You’re a man now! Man, I’m gunna have to get you a list of all the new rules! Get you up to date!”

I very much like this person. We get along well at work. I knew he wasn’t trying to be offensive, even if he verymuchwas. He also could have been joking. But whether he was serious or not didn’t matter to me. The fact that he said it at all meant I had to respond. And I’d been practicing exactly what I might say in a moment such as this, so I was prepared.

“Man, I don’t buy in to all that male toxicity crap,” I said as jovially as I could to make it clear I wasn’t upset, even if I was dismissing what he said. “I’m gunna do what I feel like doing. If I’m sad, I’m gunna cry. If I’m happy, I’m gunna laugh, and if I want to fold laundry, I’m gunna fold the laundry. Besides, my wife loves that I fold the laundry.”

It was one of my proudest moments. I looked to my coworker, and his face seemed to say that he didn’t have any idea how to respond. Probably because guys never seem to ever correct each other when it comes to such behavior. I tried to do it in a sort-of joking, nonchalant way, but all the same, he seemed lost. He made another jovial comment/joke and then walked away. I hope I hadn’t wounded his pride, but all the same, I’m glad I did it. And I hope he thought about what I said. Because male-toxicity hurts men just as much as it does women. And we need to break that shit down. 

Societal changes I’ve noticed since starting to transition. First and foremost, when my wife and I are out together, people talk to ME. They look at me first, they address me first, and sometimes, like when ordering food, people expect me to make decisions FOR my wife. It’s thrown us for quite a trip the first few times it happened. We had to come up with a plan on how to deal with it because it upset my wife so much. She felt like we were no longer being treated equally, whereas before (as ‘lesbians’) we were.

So now, after I say ‘hi’ and order my food, I will turn to my wife and say “what would you like honey?” or something of the like so that she can actually order her own food and you know…speak words!

Another thing I’ve noticed which is more positive. My laptop recently died and I’ve spent many days going from electronics store to store trying to find the right one. (still looking…) As you can imagine, I’ve run into ONLY men on the sales floor of these places. ALL of them were super friendly in a way I’ve never experienced before.

They talk to me excitingly about the laptops, and actually ask me what I’m looking for. They ask reasonable questions like what kind of hard drive I want, how much space I’m looking for, if screen size matters to me, etc. They give me high fives, joke around with me, and one guy even shoved me in the shoulder in a friendly fashion.

Previously when heading to male dominated places like mechanics shops or electronics stores, I was NEVER treated this way. No one EVER asked me these kinds of questions. They all seemed to assume that I wouldn’t know anything about cars or computers, simply because I was 'female.’ They certainly never joked around with me, and NEVER touched me in any way.

They used to be kind of cold and distant actually. And sometimes I even felt like they were frustrated I was there, like they didn’t want to deal with me. The change in experience was WILD. And I found I actually liked going to electronic shops so much, I kind of want to go again even though I don’t really need anything.