so i’ll definitely get hate for this but why do none of you acknowledge that steve practically gaslighted and belittled tony since they first fucking met
this btw comes from someone who’s been gaslighted since i was child, believe me, this shit is really damaging. watching steve looking down on tony is honestly triggering to me when i think about it for too long.
steve hates tony for some goddamn reason in the first avengers, he acts entitled every fucking time tony speaks or breathes. “oooh you’re so egotistical, you think you’re so fucking good huh”, “god tony every time i think you’ll understand you just prove me wrong” like tony isn’t the one trying to talk to steve to reach a common ground
steve acts like tony is the arrogant guy here which ironically enough it’s the complete opposite. everyone in canon and fanon acts like tony is the unreasonable one like steve didn’t spit at the face of 100+ countries for not wanting more ppl to die by the avengers without any consequences. yes steve does belittle tony every time they share a scene, and we’re supposed to be on steve’s side all the time
steve is always right and tony is always wrong that’s what they want to convince you
Can I also point out that when Steve found the missiles in Avengers 1 he never tells Tony “yo, you were right for being suspicious, sorry for acting like a dick.”
Also in the same movie he criticized Tony for being part of the military industrial complex despite espousing a soldier’s ideology, saying nothing about Howard’s contribution, and completely ignoring Tony’s efforts to redirect his company toward sustainable energy instead.
so the last few days have been something >.< do ya’ll ever feel so fed up with friendships?? starting to feel like my colours y/n, smh.
I had three guys try to gaslight me because they’re in a bitch boy club where the three of them will treat everyone like shit and protect each other with their lives. mind you, I was best friends with 1/3. and now he’s the biggest dick and I am very t i r e d.
but someone be proud of me, I cussed off 2/3 of them yesterday when they tried to gaslight me :’)
Warnings: angst- just pure angst, heavy self blame and insecurity, toxic relationship traits, Issei isn’t a good boyfriend, mild gaslighting, breakdown.
A/N: Hello friends! Here is my SFW collab piece for this month! It’s based on the song of the same title by Olivia Munn, I highly recommend listening because it’s just a great song. Not beta read, this Captain goes down with her ship.
As always my content is 18+ only MINORS DO NOT INTERACT.
Cigarette inside your hand
Wish you would hold me like that
Breathe me in and pull me close
I can only wait so long
The crowded bar is almost overwhelmingly hot. The floor sticks to the soles of your boots, remnants of spilled beer. Sweat, smoke, and an obnoxious mix of perfumes fill the dense air, clinging to your lungs. Your nose scrunches as someone wanders past the tall table you’re standing around, knocking into you and sloshing beer from their cup down onto your leg. It shouldn’t be this surprising. Aoba Johsai reunions were always a disaster, yet you still attended each and every one.
It’s instinct the way your eyes scan the opposite side of the bar, lips turning up at the corners into a small smile as you watch your boyfriend of eight years, Matsukawa Issei, laughing with his old volleyball buddies. He’s sprawled out on the bench, taking up over half of it. His muscular arm is slung across the back, white button up rolled up to his elbows and revealing the dark swirling ink that covers his forearms. A cigarette rests in the hand that rests on the table, a habit he had picked up from his best friend Hanamaki during your final year of school. His hair is pushed back, the deep black locks even more disheveled than usual, a sign that he’s been sweeping his fingers through it.
A soft sigh escapes your painted lips, burying down the desire to cross the room and perch yourself on his lap, to claim him. A small shake of your head as you tear your eyes away from their table. You’re being too clingy, YN, Issei doesn’t like it when you’re clingy you remind yourself.
The arrival of more of your old friends is a happy distraction. They’re the reason you’re here after all. You have all the time in the world to spend curled up next to your boyfriend, nights out with your friends are less common now that you’re older. Most of them are married or engaged, a few even have kids of their own.
Part of you envies them, the way their lives keep pushing along while you feel as if you’re at standstill. You’ll marry Mattsun one day, you know you will, he’s just not ready yet. You just have to be patient, something he always reminds you that you aren’t very good at.
Do you think of me in your bedsheets
Do they feel the same without me
‘Cause the flame is out and now I choke
As the love we had it turns to smoke
“So where’s Matsukawa at YN? Working the late shift?” One of your friends voices the question you know they’ve all been avoiding. They know he’s here, it’s almost impossible to miss the raucous laughter from their table, the high pitched whines from Oikawa when they tease him. As if they knew they were being talked about the sound of their voices carries through the densely packed space. “Oh! He is here after all!” A frown forms on her bright red lips as she turns back to face you. “What are you doing over here? Go spend time with your man!”
It’s difficult to hide your grimace, your disappointment. “Nah, he’s having fun catching up with his friends,” you reply nonchalantly, trying to brush her curiosity off, but she doesn’t get the hint.
“Oh come on, we all know he and Makki see each other every day and Iwaizumi is here at least every weekend. And they’re your friends too YN! You should be catching up with them just as much as he is!”
Shaking your head, you force a smile. “If he wants me there, he’ll come get me.”
This is what you hate the most. The pity in her eyes as she finally fully looks at you. It must be easy to see how badly you want to be over there, how conflicted you feel about your boyfriend not wanting you there. If only you had a better poker face, a mask to hide behind to avoid that look in her eyes as she decides to change the subject. Nothing hurts worse than having people feel sorry for you.
The night is a whirlwind of reminiscent tales and new stories that have to be shared. It’s easy to get lost like this, to forget the envy as you allow yourself to live vicariously through them for just a moment.
You could tell them about the job offer you received. That’s group chat worthy. They’d all freak out, fawning over you with proud smiles on their faces. But you won’t. What’s the point in sharing the news when you already declined the offer? It was too far away. You couldn’t ask Issei to move to the other side of the country with you. He’s working too hard to build a life here and you respect that. His dreams are more important right now, yours can wait.
You push the thought aside, ignoring the pang of… whatever that just shot through your heart and focusing on their stories. Your mind moves from one imagined future to the next, filling your heart with a hopefulness you hadn’t known in months. One day you’ll have stories to tell of your own, happy news to share in your group chat, you know it. You just have to be patient.
That bubble of sanguine joy shatters into pieces at the end of the night. You turn from your friend group, eyes falling across the much emptier bar. Except much like the bar, the table where your boyfriend had sat with his friends is vacant, the tabletop wiped clean as if no one had even occupied the space. Your eyebrows scrunch in confusion as you dig your phone out, bringing the screen to life in search of a missed call or text.
Instagram notifications, emails, a text from your coworker about a project you’d been working on. There isn’t even a hint of Issei attempting to contact you, of him remembering that you’d come here together. A part of you hopes he’d just ridden back with Iwaizumi and the others, but as you step into the sparse parking lot, scanning for the familiar make of your car, that hope burns out.
With shaking fingers you order an Uber. Your mind shouldn’t instantly conjure excuses for him, you should be able to grab on to the anger you feel as you stand in the freezing cold, snow falling down around you, but you can’t. You justify his actions without a second glance. Because he loves you. He’d never leave you behind like this, he was probably just harassed into some late night shenanigans with the boys. He forgot to text you about it, that’s all.
God you sound so clingy. It’s not like he has to tell you where he’s going all the time. He deserves to have his own space, his own life outside of your relationship. Guilt drowns out any lingering fragments of your anger. You’re such an obnoxious girlfriend, always wanting to be touching him. Hovering around him whenever he’s nearby. You just need to chill out, take a deep breath and relax. He loves you, you know he does.
Is it true you love me yes or no
‘Cause back in June you told me so
And now I’m in your house alone
The embers burn my body slow
You hadn’t even registered that you’d given the driver Issei’s address until you pulled up outside of the familiar building. You’re torn between paying for the extra trip back to your own place or heading upstairs and waiting for him to come home. The impatience of the driver makes the decision for you, and you find yourself standing before his door moments later. Deep breaths, he’s your boyfriend of course he wants you here. Right?
As your hand wraps around the doorknob, you hear voices inside. You still, listening. Maybe someone had broken in. Oh god, what if someone is robbing his apartment? The familiar gruff drawl of Issei’s voice relaxes your tense shoulders, immediately easing your worries. He must have made it home before you could get here!
“Dude, did you text YN and tell her you left?” Makki’s voice rings loudly through the apartment. The con of their shared space is the thin walls. It has led to some rather awkward mornings. Awkward for you anyway, Makki never seems bothered by it.
“No. She’s a big girl, she can find a ride home.” Aww, it’s so nice to hear Issei vouching for how responsible you are. You’d hate it if he babied you after all.
“What are you doing Matsukawa?” This time it’s Iwaizumi who’s speaking. Oh, they all must be here. A nice little after party for the legendary Seijoh Four. Maybe you should call for another Uber and go home after all, better to not interrupt them.
Yet your feet don’t move. You don’t quite know why, but the exasperation in Iwaizumi’s voice has you rooted to the spot. You shouldn’t be eavesdropping on their conversation, it’s so rude, a real invasion of all of their privacy. So why won’t your feet move? And why is your heart beating so fast that it almost hurts?
“What?” You hear Issei respond dumbly, obviously not knowing what point his friend is trying to make.
“Come on dude, you’ve bailed on her for weeks now. Even tonight. You didn’t even glance her way once,” Makki replies.
He’s just been busy, you want to say. His friends don’t understand, but you do. They don’t know him like you do.
“When’s the last time you took her out on a date? Had more than just a late night quickie cause jerking off wasn’t cutting it? It’s pretty easy to see that this ship has sailed. Just cut the poor girl loose already, she deserves to be happy. ” Iwaizumi’s words cut through you like a serrated knife- slow and painful.
No. They’re wrong. You want to pull open the door, to convince his friends that things aren’t like that. Issei loves you, he’s always loved you. You’re the one, you’re his person. Sure, dates are rare and the sex is quick but he’s just been busy. He’s working toward a better life for both of you. Why can’t they see how hard he’s trying for you?
“Mattsun you can’t just reply with a shrug. Are you really just going to keep dragging YN-Chan along when you know that you don’t love her the way she loves you?”
Oikawa. What does he know? He lives halfway across the fucking world! He has no right to make a claim like that. He’s probably jealous, yeah that’s it- he can’t find what you and Issei have so he’s trying to stir shit up. They all are. Issei loves-
“What the fuck am I supposed to say? Sorry YN I don’t love you? Actually looking back I don’t think I ever loved you, you were just convenient? We all know I can’t handle this shit. I’ve tried. She’ll cry, I’ll feel bad and take it all back. It’s a never ending cycle that I’m just stuck in.”
You know that weightless, still, quiet that comes when you submerge your entire body beneath the surface of the pool? When the world just fades away and all that’s left is your own thoughts and the burning in your lungs as you hold your breath just to feel it longer? That’s your world right now.
Nothing registers. Not the voices carrying from the apartment. Not the way your purse drops, spilling across the carpet beneath your feet. Not the movement of your feet across the pavement. Not the wet tracks of tears pouring down your cheeks. Not the sting of the cold winter air.
The only thing you can comprehend is Issei’s words as they rattle around in your head. “You were just convenient.” Like nabbing a parking spot close to the store, or finding a really good restaurant right next to where you work. You’re convenient.
Do you think of me in these bedsheets
Do you hear me babe I’m screaming
‘Cause I thought I loved you now I know
That good love shouldn’t turn to smoke
The sky is dark. The occasional star somehow breaks through the thick layer of city hunk that lingers in the air over Sendai. It Isn’t as bad as Tokyo, you imagine, where the city lights would drown out the stars before the smog even has a chance to.
You picture Tokyo being louder too, constantly abuzz with some form of life. Not the quiet that covers Sendai after midnight. It would be harder to feel this lost in a city filled with so much life.
You aren’t sure how long you’ve been sitting on the park bench, but based on the hefty layer of snow covering your legs and hat it has to have been awhile. You can’t feel your nose, and your cheeks are stiff from crying. You flex your gloves fingers, trying to loosen the stiffness, a side effect of the cold setting in.
Your phone buzzes loudly in your pocket, a phone call. You should pull it out, see who is calling. But you don’t. You can’t. If you look at the screen and see his name, his picture, you’ll fall apart all over again. So you ignore it. Or at least you try to, but the incessant buzzing finally forces you to face this.
It isn’t his name, or his face. It’s Iwaizumi’s. It still hurts just as bad.
You ignore the call, switching to do not disturb to end them all together. You have several missed calls from Issei, from Makki, even a few from Oikawa.
Memories flood your vision. Moments where maybe you hadn’t done enough, hadn’t been enough. You should have done more. Tried harder to be what Issei needed, what he wanted.
You can still do it. You can do whatever it takes to be the girl he wants, to become someone he can love. To stop being just convenient and become something more. You can be better for him.
“She deserves to be happy.”
Iwaizumi’s words suddenly resonate through the tattered remnants of your mind. Happy. You are happy, aren’t you? With Issei? With the future you were building toward? Your future together?
It’s too overwhelming, the sudden realization that the answer is no. You aren’t happy. You are complacent. Too afraid to face the fact that you want more, that this life you’ve been building with him just isn’t enough for you anymore. Are you really willing to change yourself for a life of complacency?
Your fingers fly over the screen of your phone as you shove off of the bench, fighting back a shiver as your soaked backside meets the chill of the night air. You don’t let yourself hesitate. Even one second of doubt and it will be just like Issei said- a never ending cycle that you’re both just stuck in.
The line only rings twice before it’s picked up with a familiar, sleepy drawl. “YN, to what do I owe the pleasure of this late night call?”
“I apologize for waking you Osamu-san. I was wondering if the position you had offered me was still available?”
“Changing yer mind, huh? The position is yours if ya want it. It’s be a pleasure to work with ya.”
“I’ll take it. When can I start?”
Osamu laughs, the first sound to put a genuine smile on your face in- well you don’t quite remember the last time. “Yer certainly eager, aren’t ya. I’m in Tokyo at my shop there, so how ‘bout we meet at my shop in Osaka on Tuesday, ‘round 9 o’clock. That too soon for ya?”
“No, Osamu-San-“
“Just Osamu, YN, please.”
“Okay, Osamu. Tuesday works perfectly.”
“Alright. I’ll see ya then. Goodnight now YN.”
“Goodnight.”
I got two more days
Till I leave this place
You’ll stay the same
I got two more days
Leaving here I’ve gotta go
I’m leaving you I have to grow
The light from the apartment building is blinding in comparison to the dim bulbs along the path through the park. You barely can make out the hulking shadow that paces by your car, at least not until his weight crashes into your chest.
“Jesus Christ, YN. Where the fuck have you been? You’re soaked and freezing. Come on, let’s get you inside-“
“Issei.”
Whether it’s the fact that he finally looks at your face or the tone of your voice you aren’t sure. You watch as he swallows thickly. He knows. They all know, if Iwaizumi’s sudden ushering of the other two back inside is any clue. They know that you heard them. That you know the truth.
“I got a job offer for a position at a company in Osaka.”
Issei’s face contorts. He’s probably confused, wondering why you aren’t crying. Why you aren’t begging for him to take his words back, to not leave you, to tell you that he loves you. “Uh, that’s… nice?” He sounds so uncertain, like he’s walking a tightrope over a bed of open flames, afraid to fall and get burned.
“I’m going to take it.”
“You’re moving? To Osaka?”
You nod, turning your face up to meet his blank stare. Your words are filled with an unimaginable conviction. No lingering doubt about your decision, no insecurity about what you’re about to do. For the first time in a long time it feels like you’re taking a step forward, like your life is no longer at a standstill.
Cut for tw domestic abuse, tw domestic violence, tw gaslighting, tw johnny depp & amber heard trial, tw truly offensive length, tw gratuitous gif usage, not for reblog.
(Note: This is not tagged with either Johnny or Amber’s names bc I don’t want this post to show up in those tags, so I’m sorry if you have them blocked and this made it past your filters. You can block off-topic: johnny depp trial thoughts instead, to hide the post.
(Note: I started writing this last Wednesday, a couple of hours after the verdict, but it just … well. I don’t really know what happened here, I just had a lot of feelings, I guess. I don’t even want to post it anymore, tbh, bc it’s almost a week later and it’s probably nonsensical and who cares, really, I doubt anyone is going to read this anyway bc it’s like 10k words - but, well, I’m literally only posting it bc it’s written and wtf else am I going to do with it?)
Warning: this is really fucking long.
The verdict is in, with Johnny Depp having won his uphill legal battle. I believe he won all three counts, was awarded $10 million in damages (or maybe 8, I can’t remember now), and Amber was awarded $2 million in punitive damages. Case closed, literally. Justice for Johnny Depp achieved.
… But to me, it feels kind of hollow.
Don’t get me wrong - I am very happy with this result. I think this is vindication for Johnny and I hope he finds peace and healing as he moves forward with his life. It’s just that this trial has gotten so much bigger than all of that, and - in the last few days of closing and verdict watch, especially - I have been so disappointed in this world, in this culture. To be honest, after the travesty that has been the last several years, I didn’t think I could possibly beanymore cynical about our society or that I could besurprised anymore about … I don’t know, anything, really, but specifically how willfully ignorant a lot of people are. This past week has proven you can always be more cynical and more surprised.
So I can’t be happy or even satisfied with the verdict without also being cognizant of not only Amber Heard’s supporters crying foul but also the mainstream media framing this as alossfor women, for abuse survivors. And just being immensely - I don’t know, troubled, I guess? about it. And there are quite a few reasons why, but I just need to talk about the biggest ones. Right off the bat, it troubles me how gross it is that, despite having proven his case in a fair trial (and it was absolutely fair, anyone who doesn’t think so either didn’t watch it or didn’t understand it), the media would rather continue to peddle the narrative that Johnny is an abuser and that this is some huge step backwards for feminism than to actually admit that, hey, men can be victims too, and also women lie. Notallwomen; probably not even most women - but, some women. Having a vagina doesn’t preclude someone from being a lying liar who lies, and this cultural narrative of “believe all women” simply bc they are women is so fucking harmful and, yeah, gross.
(Please forgive my obnoxious faux-academic formatting of the remainder of this post, bc it just got too big for me to try to maintain a consistent point [I was confusing myself], so this was for my own sake but also hopefully easier readability.)
I. What This Really Says About #MeToo (And Why It’s Uncomfortable).
A lot of people are upset bc they feel (and the media is perpetuating the idea, but I’ll talk about that later) that this is a huge step backward for #MeToo. This is an example of women not being believed, and we’re supposed to believe allwomen. Now women will have a harder time being believed, men will feel vindicated in their misogyny, what’s wrong with this fucking world, etc. etc. And, I mean, the fact is that this argument isn’t wrong.Itisa blow to #MeToo. Women willhave a harder time being believed. Mendo feel vindicated in their misogyny.
But that’s not because of Johnny, it’s because of Amber. And that’s what people can’t seem to wrap their heads around.
Ia. #MeToo as a Movement.
#MeToo was an idea that became a movement that was founded on giving abuse survivors a voice. It was supposed to empower people to speak up and say, this happened to me too.That’s literally what it means. It was strength in numbers, several voices in unison, fighting back against a culture that blamed women for their own abuse (“Well, what were you wearing?” “Why didn’t you just leave him?” etc) and made it notoriously difficult for victims to get justice, especially for sexual abuse. Rapists are rarely convicted. Women are interrogated about their behavior, as if wearing a short skirt or drinking too much or even just walking home alone at night meant they deserved to have been raped or assaulted because “Well, what did you expect?” Women weren’t (aren’t) believed, and it needed to change. Needs to change; it’s a constant battle.
And I’m saying women, specifically, here bc it’s just a fact, statistically, that women are usually the victims and men are usually the perpetrators.
Ib. Mostly Women Victims = Only Women Victims [citation needed]
But, somewhere along the line, the point of the movement became muddled. “Stop blaming women for being abused; stop siding with abusers; start taking this seriously” became “believe women when they say they’re abused, no matter what,” and completely excluded men as victims from the conversation.
I’m not saying allwomen do this, obviously, but I am saying that there are a lot of women who define feminism not asequalitybut as superiority. They think in absolutes - statistically, men are more often perpetrators of abuse so therefore when there’s abuse, the man is always the abuser is their mindset. It comes from having such a deep resentment of the patriarchy and male privilege that it’s as if these women want to hold every individual man who exists personally responsible for the oppression of women.
(Note - I’m kind of uncomfortable painting this entire subset of women with the “terf/radfem” brush, bc I don’t believe most of them are, so I’m referring to them as UberFeminists, bc it’s my post and I do what I want.)
I don’t necessarily think that every woman who thinks this way is automatically a radfem/terf, but rather, I think that a lot of women have this anti-men mindset by default, even if they never follow it into actively-radfem ideology. They may not even realize they have this mindset - until something like this trial comes along and here they are, either siding with Amber or, if they accept she’s lying, are still quick to point out how Johnny is “just as bad” bc despite his being the victim, they still want to blame him forsomethingdue to his maleness. So they attack his addictions, or his foul language, or his age. (None of which are things to be proud of, but none of which make him an abuser, either.)
My point is, a movement like #MeToo, which is meant to be empowering, can very quickly become toxic when it attracts UberFeminists and they claim it for themselves and treat the movement like a safe space for only their voices. When men who are also victims try to speak up and say, me too, there’s this overwhelming response of no. Get the fuck out of our safe space. Let women have this. You’re not a victim like weare victims, we can’t overpower you. And even if you area victim, your maleness still gives you privilege. This movement is not for you. Society already gives you a voice, stop trying to speak over ours. It’s like the equivalent of building a clubhouse and slapping a big old NO BOYS ALLOWED sign over the doorway.
And that’s the heart of the issue, this is what leads us back to where we are now with Johnny and Amber. That NO BOYS ALLOWED sign was a self-inflicted blow to #MeToo; it changed the narrative from “believe survivors” to “believe women” and effectively contributed to the toxic masculinity in this society that says men aren’t “real men” if they show emotion, or don’t adhere to traditionally masculine gender roles. In addition to men can’t be emotional, men must be tough, men must be domineering, etc, denying male victims a voice adds men must own their privilege, regardless of their abuse; real men aren’t victims, even if she hits and slaps him, she’s not actually a threat, it’s not really abuse to the clusterfuck that is toxic masculinity.
“You didn’t get punched, you got hit … I did not fucking deck you, I was fucking hitting you. You’re fine. I did not hurt you … I’m not sitting here bitching about it. You’re a fucking baby” (Amber Heard).
Ic. #MeToo Made Its Own Bed Here.
Again, to clarify, I’m not trying to demean #MeToo, either as a concept or as a catalyst for change. I know many women support it without also supporting the toxic masculinity, and it has helped a lot of women with their trauma, even if it’s just made them feel less alone. But this is why I feel like people are uncomfortable with criticizing the movement - bc it feels like criticizing the people whom it has helped, and that’s not what I’m trying to do.
I think that the movement, however, disintegrated into something inherently harmful, and in doing so, began undermining its own credibility. UberFeminists adopting it and subsequently establishing a narrative of “believe all women, no questions asked” and excluding men from the movement set the stage for Amber - and for women abusers in general - to weaponize it and use it to accuse her ex-husband of abuse while never expecting to actually have to prove it. “I’m a woman, that’s my proof” has been the one consistent thread throughout all of her accusations for the last six or eight years. The public, at large, was asked to take her at her word that Johnny was an abuser and the public, so inundated with “believe all women” was like, *nods* seems legit. Johnny’s word meant absolutely nothing. Just like she knew it wouldn’t.
“Tell the world, Johnny, tell them, Johnny Depp — I, Johnny Depp, a man, I’m a victim too of domestic violence” and see how many people believe or side with you” (Amber Heard).
Well, he did tell the world, and he brought the receipts, and when Amber got on the stand and said, “I’m a woman, that’s my proof,” the court said, “Okay but what else have you got,” and Amber was like, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, and the court judged accordingly.* The result? #MeToo’s “believe all women” narrative collapsed, and the same type of people who fucked it up in the first place responded by blaming Johnnyfor its implosion. It’s not his fault he was abused, and it’s not his fault that what should have remained a movement giving allvictims a voice was co-opted by women who came along with their NO BOYS ALLOWED sign and drowned out the very voices - those of victims - they claimed to want to empower.
(*I am massively oversimplifying the trial so much here it’s not even funny.)
“It is imperative that people stop viewing this trial through the lens of the #MeToo movement and the supposed reversal of its progress. As Gaby Hinsliff says, “a justice system [is] founded on the principle of believing the evidence, even where that sometimes leads in uncomfortable directions … All women really ask of men – and, arguably, vice versa – is the chance to be heard without prejudice.” Heard was. The jury gave up six weeks of their lives to painstakingly go through the evidence in detail. It indicated that Heard was not telling the truth. This should not create a challenge for the #MeToo movement, if it cares about the truth, and not condoning the egregious defamation of an innocent person, who happens to be a man.” (Source.)
A sidenote that I agree with but am not going to go into (bc this is long enough already) was posted by this article:
“Never mind the fact that Heard has never presented compelling evidence to prove her claims, we’re supposed to accept her version of events by virtue of her genitalia … [#MeToo] has exposed something deeply troubling at the heart of our media and larger society – the infantilization of women. To assert that a woman is not capable of defamation, malice, or lying, is to ask us to deny the reality of human nature. It actually reeks of a deep lack of respect for women and all of the complexity they have to offer. Women are, as feminists rightly claim, capable of anything that a man can do. This encompasses, of course, the good and the bad. The notion that we must take a woman’s word before being presented with evidence has been one of the most detrimental effects on our society … Depp may have prevailed in his defamation suit, but how many other men have Amber Heards at home who attempt to ruin their lives based on hearsay and never get the opportunity to defend themselves?”
II.“But He Said There Wasn’t Any Letter. He Said I Was Going Out of My Mind.” - (Gaslight, 1944)
One of the most appalling things about this entire case, and probably one of the things I latched onto the most, was how much gaslighting there was, and how much gaslighting there continues to be, on so many levels. Since this post is mostly just about the public’s reaction to the verdict, I won’t get into how I feel about the gaslighting in the actual relationship, except to say that it was genuinely triggering to me to discover not only how often Johnny’s addiction struggles were used against him (for example, Amber claiming Johnny was drunk when he wasn’t, that he was abusive during “blackouts” and so he didn’t remember, things like that) but also just the blatant manipulation of so many events.
Mostly, I think listening to the audio recordings was really eye-opening. I’ll address this more later bc it’s not really something I talk about on here, but I have been in an abusive relationship and I have been gaslit, both in that relationship and in general, and I know what it feels like to be made to feel like you can’t trust your own perception of how things played out, or that the truth means nothing, and how going around in circles with someone who is gaslighting you can feel like - well, it genuinely doesmake you feel crazy. The audio recordings reminded me a lot of that.
IIa. “You Keep Using That Word. I Don’t Think It Means What You Think It Means.”
When Amber and Johnny’s divorce was finalized, Amber was awarded $7 million, which she immediately announced she would be donating to charity. After the divorce, she repeated this a lot - that she “wanted nothing,” that she had donated her entire divorce settlement to charity - half to the CHLA and half to the ACLU. However, during the trial, it came out that she never actuallydonated any of the money, she just said she did. So then she changed her story to say, well, I pledgedit, and I was going to honor that pledge, but then Johnny sued me.
Camille Vasquez established that the entire settlement had been paid to Amber a yearbefore the lawsuit was filed, and Amber had yet to donate any of it to the charities, so she had the money. And there’s this weird back-and-forth in which Amber sits there and insists that she has donated it, because she usespledgedanddonatedinterchangeably, and even after Camille says something like, Idon’t use them interchangeably; again, have you donated your divorce settlement to charity as of today? Amber just doesn’t back down from insisting that she donated the money bc, to her, saying she would do it is the same thing as actually doing it.
Camille’s reaction after asking, yet again, have you donatedthe money, and Amber answering, yet again, yes, I pledgedit:
^^ I normally wouldn’t make gifs of a regular person (which Camille is, despite her being in the spotlight right now), but her expression here - the pure exasperation - just couldn’t be captured in screengrabs and speaks to how frustrating it is to go around in circles with someone who not only won’t back down from a lie, but makes you feel like you’re the one who’s wrong.
To me, the “pledged vs. donated” thing says a lot. It’s an example, in real time, of how Amber continues to talk in circles and assert things that either are just not true, or are only true in the sense that she personally defines truth (but are not actually true). Even when confronted with evidence, she will not back down. It’s so telling to me that if this is what she acts like on the stand, under oath, then imagine (or don’t imagine, just listen to some of the audio recordings) how much she lies, bends the truth, or blatantly gaslights Johnny (and others around her/them).
And as I said earlier, according to people’s comments online, this is what made a lot of people start doubting her credibility. Bc she was so blatantly asserting her own version of the truth, and it made a lot of people be like, well, how much of what else she’s said is her version of the truth (if not outright lies)? What’s going on here?
Looking at it from this perspective, it makes sense that the most die-hard Amber supporters’ arguments hinge on misrepresenting the truth.
IIb. Something Something Last Two Braincells.
Earlier I mentioned the UberFeminists who have more or less taken possession of the #MeToo movement and made it a space that excludes men. Now these UberFeminists are the ones who are most ardently supporting Amber. From what I’m seeing, there are two groups of people supporting Amber:
Group A, said UberFeminists (along with actual radfems/terfs) who hate men so much that they’d rather align themselves with a narcissistic liar than admit a man can be a victim of domestic violence, and
Group B, people who aren’t so much invested in believing Amber as much as they are in notbelieving Johnny. They’re brushing the whole thing off with “Both of them are just as bad as each other” and not only do they openly admit they haven’t watched (and therefore don’t actually know anything about) the trial but also act like those of us who arewatching are the problem. “It’s none of our business,” “There are more important things going on,” “I’m not interested in watching two people fight over money they don’t need,” etc
Of course, there is
Group C,people who genuinelygive zero fucks, are not invested either way, or don’t even know this is a thing that’s going on, which, whatever, I’m certainly not saying anyone is obligated to care or show interest in anythingthey don’t want to. I have no reaction to the zero-fucks crowd, ie no emotion, ie it isn’t bothering me. (I kinda envy it, tbh.) My issue is with the first two groups (and by extension the mainstream media).
Anyway, so being a Johnny supporter arguing (either actively, or just by virtue of position) with Groups A and B feels a lot like gaslighting, too. Because Group A (and to a lesser extent, Group B) is full of people cherry-picking and twisting what’s been shown in court to create “alternative facts,” basically, so they can feel justified in supporting Amber. And when you argue, they say: you’re misinformed, lol where’d you hear that, TikTok? do your own research, etc. (And when you say, I watched the entire trial, here’s my evidence, here’s where xyz was proven a lie, etc, they’re like, lol well I didn’t waste my time watching this trial, go touch grass like - you literally cannot win. Which can alsomake you feel crazy - being told you’re misinformed, and then having your counterargument dismissed as they belittle you … for being informed.)
Either they twist the facts to support their preferred narrative bc they are stupid, or bc they genuinely hate men - it doesn’t really matter which one it is, the point is that this really gets under my skin bc I’ve hadenoughof the “alternate facts” brigade. It’s made me feel like I’m losing my mind for well over two years and it continues to make me feel like I’m losing my mind bc this isn’t a disagreement of opinion, it’s having an objective fact exist and I’m looking at it like, oh okay, so that’s a thing, and the other person is looking at it like, Ido not acknowledge this as a thing, sorry, nope.
Or, to put it more clearly, it’s like I and another person are looking at a big orange basketball and I’m saying, hmm, yeah, looks pretty orange to me, bounces, definitely a basketball, and the other person is like, are you stupid, clearly this is a watermelon, and it’s like - how do you even respond?Like, that’s exactly what it feels like to me.
So on the one hand, you have Those People, and then on the other hand, you’ve got the Group B “it’s none of our business” people. And I don’t think interactions with them feel quitelike gaslighting, but rather, they make one more cognizant of gaslighting happening? I don’t know if that makes sense, but the easiest way I can think of to elaborate is to address how the mainstream media - publications I have respected - is openly siding with Amber. Headlines about how the internet is “turning on” Amber Heard, how the only people siding with Johnny Depp are alt-right q-anoners (which, believe me, isnot a group I want to be associated with even a little), and how big a step backward this is for #MeToo. (Nevermind how damaging these headlines are to victims who are men - their voices don’t matter, obvs.)
That’s egrigious enough, but they support these statements by straight up saying that people on Johnny’s side need to stop getting their information from TikTok soundbytes and Youtube clips. The media is doing exactly what Group A is doing - supporting Amber bc she’s a woman and trying to discredit valid arguments against her by accusing the arguer of not knowing what they’re talking about.
One article writes, “in the face of an internet eager to pin everything on Heard, it’s important to remind ourselves of the facts — not the TikTok narratives.”
I just - this statement is literally not what’s happening. It is, in fact, projection.The portion of the internet who is “pinning everything” on Amber is the portion that watched the trial. Who saw the facts and evidence being presented, in real time, and came to their own conclusions. And the media’s response is basically, “no, you didn’t, but maybe you saw so many TikToks that you think you did. You should stop doing that and get informed of the facts. Read my article.”
I mean … that feels like textbook gaslighting to me. And Group A may be using these same gaslighting tactics as they dig deeper into Amber’s trench, but Group B is full of the people who fallfor this shit. Either they lackthe critical thinking skills to see through it, or they’re just too intellectually lazy to challenge it; they fall for the gaslighting because they are content with being told what to believe, bc the media’s narrative aligns with their own biases. And when you point out that hey, maybe it’s not as clear-cut as the media wants you to believe? they hit you back with, “it’s none of our business anyway.”
And it’s like, well, actually it is our business bc a) the legal system in the United States should be transparent and accessible to the public, and I don’t think “we shouldn’t be privy to what happens in the courts” is quite the flex you think it is, and b) the implications of this case have a far greater reach than just being Johnny and Amber’s personal business.
But no. Group B is latching onto the idea that Johnny’s supporters are the misinformed ones so that they can continue to stick their fingers in their ears like la la la, I support women, I will not intellectually confront the idea that men can be victims too, leave Britney Amber alone!
Which is a disappointing thing to watch, certainly, but probably the most disappointing part about it is how many left-aligned people seem to be in Group B, including my personal friends. People who a year ago were speaking out against, like, anti-vaxxers/anti-science dumbfucks are now thoroughly enmeshed in this anti-facts narrative pushed by the media.
So it just … not only does it make me question people I thought I knew really well - question their intellect, at the very least, but also question their deeply-rooted biases - but it also makes me question media that I previously, as I said, respected.
IIc. “They’re Really More Like Guidelines.” - the Mainstream Media re: the Rules of Ethical Journalism.
“Proving that corporate media is lazy and stupid … the Los Angeles Times … reported a Jason Momoa joke meme as real news. ‘At one point, actor Jason Momoa, star of ‘Aquaman,’ testified via live video in support [of] his co-star Heard,’ he wrote … the problem is that Momoa did not testify at the trial. Winton would have known this if he actually watched the proceeding … Instead, Winton got his news about the trial from TikTok and social media where this meme was making the rounds … Lawyers who attended the trial in the gallery to report on jury reactions … hardly ever saw any mainstream news media in the courtroom. Yet Big Media wanted to be the ones guiding the narrative of the trial.” (Source.)
(Note - when I first started writing this, the day of the verdict, most of this stuff was just beginning to come out. Since then, tons more media coverage has been and continues to be published, peddling this false narrative, and Amber’s own lawyer has gone around to multiple news shows to spew more misinformation about how unfair the trial was. Here’s a small sampling of this trash fire.)
What the #MeToo movement has become over the years set the stage for the media to openly support it by taking Amber at her word that she’s a survivor of abuse. By doing so, they have been complicit in perpetuating the “believe all women” narrative and portraying Amber as this brave survivor, at the expense of Johnny Depp’s reputation, career, and character (not to mention mental health). This trial was six weeks of evidence to the contrary, and millions of people watched it. And instead of owning their error, the media wants to double-down and call Johnny’s supporters misinformed, and turn this verdict into an attack on #MeToo. They’d rather stick to the (extremely harmful) narrative that men can’t be victims by calling this verdict an injustice for women.
This is them saving face instead of admitting that a) they might have fucked up and helped ruin a man’s life, or b) their journalism has been flawed this entire time, as none of them ever dug hard enough for the truth. They didn’t examine Amber’s “mountain of evidence” to find out if any of it held any weight. They hopped on the story without doing the homework. Now they don’t want to eat crow, so instead, they are trying to control the fallout, and when Johnny’s supporters disagree with it (hey, that’s not what happened and here’s the evidence), the media responds with, whatever, stop getting your information from TikTok you fucking misogynist. Projection at its finest.
One publication, I think maybe the NYT but I can’t remember off-hand, wrote an article about how trials shouldn’t be aired like this. I followed a twitter link and didn’t save it, so I have no idea how to find it again, but it stuck with me bc I think it was the first time I remember seeing (or paying attention to) evidence of this, like, smear campaign against the airing of the trial and the fact that people were watching it for themselves.
It definitely bothered me at the time, though. The tone was very much, like - hey, wait a second, you’re not supposed to be watching things like this, you’re supposed to believe what we tell you to believe bc we know better, we have the facts. You’re fucking up the script and it needs to stop.
And I thought
waitwhat.gif(Tumblr only allows 10 images per post; actual gif spared indignity of being part of this essay.)
- only to find that the “it’s none of our business” -ers were (are) eating it up. (Edit: I copy/pasted the wrong part of this post here, and now I don’t remember what my original point was with this, besides just generally being appalling. My bad.)
Anyway, after seeing that article, I started to pay attention to what the mainstream media was saying, and in the wake of the verdict, it’s just gotten even worse. Over and over - these are the facts. Stop getting your news from TikTok. Read a real news source. Believe Amber, the woman. Perpetuate the myth that men cannot be abuse victims. #MeToo. Even if Amber did some bad things, Johnny’s just as toxic. There’s no such thing as a perfect victim - stop vilifying Amber for not being perfect. Also Johnny is obviously a lying, toxic abuser bc he’s not perfect (he does drugs! He’s an addict/alcoholic with a foul mouth! He’s a(n older) man!). Round and round we go and it’s just fucking exhausting and frustrating.
(Note - Johnny is not even in the neighborhood of perfect, I’m not saying I think he’s some innocent angel in all of this, I’m just saying he’s human and very flawed but more importantly there’s a blatant double-standard here and in general re: “perfect victims” that needs to be acknowledged.)
And it’s not like the media gives a shit about #MeToo or victims of abuse. They’re not taking this stance here bc they genuinely feel like (or care that) Amber has been wronged. They’re taking this stance bc media needs consumers to stay afloat, and people aren’t going to consumetheir brand of shitty journalism (ie, pay money to be fed a version of a pre-determined narrative) if they can go directly to the source instead and come to their own conclusions. So they (the media) are doing everything they can to undermine the credibility of the source.
And like I said before - it’s a gross manipulation tactic, if not outright gaslighting, but I could be disgusted by it without feeling emotionally harmed by it until I realized that my friends were falling for it. Friends I’ve respected and commiserated with and just plain like, as people. Friends whose judgements I’ve always trusted, whose intellect felt on par with my own, whose beliefs aligned with mine (which, I am not saying everyone has to agree with me about everything ever in order to be my friend, but they do have to agree with me - and with decent human beings - when it comes to things like not being homophobic, racist, sexist [snort], etc).
But now these friends are suddenly looking at this basketball and saying, looks like a watermelon to me. And I’m like, but earlier we both looked at a tennis ball and agreed it was a tennis ball, and that the pomegranate was a pomegranate,I thought we were on the same page? and they reply, well, the pomegranate wasn’t a fucking wife-beater.
I may have lost my point somewhere, but basically, the media is contributing to the gaslighting that seemingly has permeated every layer of this case, from the actual relationship itself to how the public responds to the verdict. And with the media, it adds this weird layer, this feeling of being gaslit by proxy in addition to being gaslit by the anti-facters - and it’s an uncomfortable feeling, yknow, it’s hard to sit with the cognizance of this kind of manipulation and willful ignorance in the wake of what should be a victory - for equality, for male victims of abuse, for survivors. (It also feels like a blow in the wake of four years of Trump and his cult undermining and discrediting the media as they pranced down the yellow brick road to fascism, but I’m not even going to get started on that.)
And I’m just - could people just, like, stoplyingabout absolutely everything? Stop fucking lying. Stop misrepresenting shit. Stop trying to shove a gray world into your narrow-minded black-and-white box so you can feel more comfortable marinating in your own ignorant biases.
IId. The “Perfect Victim”
As I addressed that Johnny is not perfect, by any stretch of the imagination, I want to expand on that by referencing this study (which is a fascinating read) re: the credibility of victim testimony in this case, bc it explains - far better than I ever could - that Johnny’s foul language and drug/alcohol problems (which Amber’s defense and, by extension, her supporters - leaned on most heavily to paint the picture of him as a toxic abuser) do not inherently mean he is violent or abusive:
“Of approximately 70,000 text messages exchanged between Mr. Depp and numerous others during his marriage with Ms. Heard, the defendant selected one as evidence that Mr. Depp threatened her. In this message sent to a friend, Mr. Depp wrote, ”…“ Nonetheless, this message was never sent to Ms. Heard, nor was it meant to be seen by her. Apart from the testimony of Ms. Heard, there is no evidence that Mr. Depp had either seriously threatened or intended to commit serious violence againsther.”
*I omitted the text itself bc it’s gross and genuinely appalling to me, but you can easily find it in the study linked, or just online.
Furthermore,
“Although Mr. Depp’s drug and alcohol abuse is consistently documented and therefore this risk factor should be assessed as definitively present, it is noteworthy that beyond Ms. Heard’s allegations, there is no indication of Mr. Depp being confrontational, aggressive, or violent while intoxicated, with any of his previous partners or other persons, in other public or private settings, or during other times in his life. His substance abuse did not seem sufficient to impair his capacity for work, he has no drug-related criminal record, and he has no history of driving under the influence. Moreover, the couple regularly recorded conversations as part of their relationship therapy. Ms. Heard explained “ … they were also a tool to remind Johnny of what he would do when using drugs and alcohol because he would not remember or would deny what he did or said.” However, in the evidence provided, there is no recording that shows Mr. Depp intoxicated, nor committing abuse or exhibiting violent behavior that escalated while intoxicated. In this regard, I consider this risk factor ambiguous. Drug and alcohol abuse is confirmed, but it is totally unclear that it triggers violence in Mr. Depp’s case.”
Note the gaslighting, though - that Amber accuses Johnny of “not remembering” things he supposedly did bc he was “blacked out,” with no supporting evidence that that was ever the case. Makes you wonder, doesn’t it.
(Btw, this study was posted in 2021 - after the UK trial, but before this one, so these conclusions were reached when the public still largely believed Johnny was the abuser, which is maybe irrelevent but I think adds that extra little layer of credibility, in that the author of the study wasn’t being biased or influenced by any pro-Johnny press.)
III. Here’s the Real Tea, Sis; Or, Why I Care.
The media would have the public believe that the trial was unfair, that this is a huge setback for victims everywhere, that this is silencing countless voices and will prevent people from coming forward in the future.
As I said earlier, there’s truth in that, but it’s not bc of Johnny. But the media would also have the public believe that Johnny’s supporters are misogynists, or right-wingers, or just rabid Johnny Depp fangirls. And again, that’s not even remotely close to the truth.
Here’s where I’m coming from. I wasn’t even a Johnny Depp fan before this trial. (I’m not sure I’d even consider myself one now, tbh. Just a sympathizer.) I’m probably more of a Jack Sparrow fan than a Johnny fan, and I’m not even that big of a Jack Sparrow fan. I enjoyed a few of Johnny’s other movies and just generally viewed him as one of the better actors in Hollywood, but I don’t really consider that being a fan.I knew absolutely nothing about this case. I’d heard things here and there about Johnny vs. Amber over the years (I remember the finger incident being talked about a lot a couple of years ago, I think), I thought that we probably weren’t getting the whole story bc Johnny had never seemedlike an abuser, but maybe he was though, and I never thought about it more deeply than that.
What caught my attention: I was killing time at work, and I started watching some of the testimony of Dr. Dawn Hughes, one of Amber’s witnesses (specifically, the psychiatrist who diagnosed her with PTSD), and after watching her being cross-examined for several minutes, I remember thinking, what the fuck kind of psychiatrist is this? Not only were her diagnostic methods being called into question (she didn’t understand the assignment), but she was contradicting herself, making sweeping generalizations that rang false, and just generally coming off as not a credible witness.
“Dr Hughes spends over 20 minutes of direct examination testimony describing various forms of domestic violence. EVERY example she gives uses he/him as the source of abuse and she/her as the target of abuse. She also makes excuses for women who exhibit behaviors that could be called abusive. Her excuses expose a belief that if women yell at, hit, etc their male partner it’s because he’s mean to her. To extrapolate from Dr Hughes’ DV description below, if women are abusive it’s because a man made her do it, and if a man is abusive it’s because he’s bad.” (Source.)
(^^ The above source is a good, thorough breakdown of how Hughes was biased against Johnny bc she doesn’t believe women are ever perpetrators of violence without provocation, which - among other things - undermines her credibility as an “expert witness” for Amber.)
Anyway, this was about three weeks into the trial, and my interest was piqued, so I started watching more attentively. The more interestedI got, the more invested I got. I went back and watched as much as I could from those first three weeks, and then I listened to the audio recordings, and I read the witness statements and most of the testimony from the UK trial, and it all just culminated in this feeling of holy shit, this is fucked up on so many levels.
In other words, everything I know about this case, I have learned in the last 3-4 weeks - but, I learned it thoroughly. And I’m not unique - there are so many people, on Reddit, on Youtube, even on tumblr, who have said they got invested in pretty much the same way. They didn’t know much, if anything, about the case, they started watching bc it was on, and as the evidence kept stacking up against Amber, they got hooked. There were lawyers live-streaming eight hours a day, watching the trial and offering commentary. One lawyer, live-streaming daily, would have literally 125-150 thousand viewers on her stream, many of them chatting, interacting, asking questions.
There were lawyers sitting in the gallery, watching everything first-hand. Hours-long “recap” videos of people examining and talking about the evidence from that day’s court session. Among Johnny’s supporters, there is a metric fuckton of people (myself included) who have invested hours, days, the full six weeks into this trial, and it’s so fucking insulting to have that reduced to “stop getting your information from TikToks, you’re so misinformed.”
Also among Johnny’s supporters are tons and tons of abuse survivors. Survivors of domestic abuse, sexual abuse, gaslighting. Again, myself included.
It’s not really something I talk about on tumblr, bc I just don’t feel the need to and it was a long time ago (and also I have repressed a lot of it so I wouldn’t really even know how to talk about it if I wanted to, but I digress), but for context - I was in an abusive relationship for over two years. I was nineteen/twenty, and didn’t know anything about anything. The abuse was mostly emotional, occasionally physical (but not severely so). A ton of gaslighting. People around me telling me it “wasn’t that bad,” “everyone fights,” when I expressed wanting to leave the relationship. I remember feeling off-kilter all the time, knowing something was seriously fucked up but not truly recognizing the emotional abuse and gaslighting for what it was. So I assumed it was a meproblem, instead, that I was horrible in some way for being so miserable. Eventually I got out but even to this day, once in a blue moon, my mom will bring up that guy and mention it’s a shame it didn’t work out (like maybe she’ll find a picture or something that reminds her, it’s not as random as it sounds), and I’ll say something like, that relationship was toxic and abusive and I hope I never see him again in this life, and she’ll kind of shrug a little, like, well, if that’s how you see it I won’t argue with you. And, I mean, I don’t even know what to do with that, except to say that even to this day, even posting this right now, I feel like, maybe that is just how I see it, maybe it wasn’t abusive at all, maybe it was just a me problem. So.
But even outside of that relationship, I’ve been gaslit. I have had my kindness taken advantage of. I have had lies told about me. I have struggled with addiction and I have mental health issues. I know how it feels, and I have some idea of how Johnnyfeels, and how it all fucks a person up, and I considered that alongside the evidence and landed where I have.
Again, I’m not unique in this. This Reddit thread, for example, is full of people talking about their experiences and their backgrounds - liberals, women, poc, queer people, survivors,malesurvivors, etc. Theseare the people supporting Johnny. And I feel like brushing us off and undermining us and gaslighting us in order to side with Amber, solely because she’s a woman, does farmore damage to domestic violence awareness than Johnny’s win ever could.
And that’s … pretty much how I’m feeling. Happy for the verdict, but hollow as well. Disappointed and sad. Frustrated. Recognizing the victory but feeling like it’s already tarnished by the toxic people who want to take it away.
So, yeah.
Me @ me, posting this:
Some disclaimers:
This was written literally as just a vent - or, at least, it started out that way, but as I said at the top, I started this on the afternoon of the verdict and I’m finishing it almost an entire week later. What started as a vent became just a space for me to really work out, for my own mental clarity, why all of this bothers me so much and why it matters. I don’t expect anyone to be swayed in either direction by this; I don’t expect anyone will even read it, tbh, bc it’s just offensively long. I’m just explaining why this even exists. Basically, this shit is/was living rent-free in my head and it needs to be evicted.
This is all my opinion and my reaction; take it with a grain of salt. As mentioned, the formatting with headers, etc was just my way of keeping the post sensical for me, as I was writing it. I realize it’s probably obnoxious, so, sorry.
I didn’t provide links to Amber’s quotes taken from audio recordings bc they’re all over YouTube and I couldn’t find either transcripts or vids that were cut down to just the portion I was quoting.
Between the day I started this and the day I finished it, tumblr introduced its “turn off reblogs” feature, which is super convenient. I don’t want this reblogged bc a) I don’t think it’s particularly well-written, and b) I shared more personal details about myself that I didn’t really intend to, and I’d just rather not have any of this floating around in the tumblrsphere.
In honor of Women’s History Month, we’ve published an article highlighting the experience of women, women-aligned, and feminine-aligned ace people: https://taaap.org/2022/03/26/ace-women/
Thank you to all our contributors!
[ID: “I wish [allos] knew that just because women are asexual, it does not correlate to religion, purity culture, or what society has told us.” - Jasmine. “I’m white, which means that it’s easy for my asexuality to be read as “purity” that must be “protected,” a privilege that non-white ace women don’t have access to. In order to be a good ally to all in the ace community, I have to actively disrupt the way white supremacy has always wielded white women’s purity as a favorite weapon.“ - Brooke. "When I finally began to define myself as ace, I didn’t question or change my gender identity, but it did make me feel more comfortable about where I was.” - Jessie.
“Society often views feminine people as not being interested in sex as "the norm,” often leading people to believe that the label is just me trying to be a “special snowflake”. When really, that statement is both factually wrong and invalidating.“ - Kaye. "A recent viral tweet challenged Mexican women not to "hit the wall” at age 22, as if we have to stay consumable.“ - Tori R. "People often don’t take my asexuality seriously, because they think that the only reason I haven’t had sex is because of religious celibacy, while in fact, asexuality and not experiencing sexual attraction play a big, possibly even bigger, part in that.” - Passant. End ID.]
numbertwooflorien asked: Advice to rp as a emotional manipulative character?
Well okay! This post is how to RP an emotionally manipulative character, and in general a manipulative character. Useful for villains, and grimdark settings, it may include some crap people don’t want to think about. In detail. Major detail. So fair warning, I’m gonna get into psychological shit, and describe what amounts to abuse tactics with lots of explanation so if this isn’t your cup of tea, keep running. You might be able to use this as a way to spot toxic relationships as much as you can use it to play fictional ones, and I hope it helps people one way or another. But remember, keep it fucking fictional!
This is presented as a way to understand those mindsets as a writer, which is important, and not in any way shape or form something you should do in real life. I acknowledge if you wanna do shit like this you’ll find the details on how to be an asshole somewhere anyways though, so I’m not gonna let you ruin it for everyone who just needs some writing help to make their character’s manipulation/emotional crisis more realistic. Onto the cut.
Hi! So first off, fair warning. I may get a little testy, or sound like I’m talking about shit happening from a first-hand receiving view without meaning to. Spoiler: I am. I’ll try to couch this in writer-talk more, sorry if I sound salty, or slip and don’t notice.
So! You’re a writer. You’re writing a character who is designed to produce conflict, and emotions within the reader by emotionally manipulating others. First things first, look at yourself, and your character’s goals. You need to have relatively firm goals in mind when you’re figuring out what to do with a character’s motivations and personality.
What reaction do you want from the reader or your opposite in a roleplay? Do you want your partner/reader to feel sorry for them being caught up in their own web of lies, or do you want them to hate them and rebel against them? Do you want them to feel sickened, relate to the character, or feel pity for them? What goals does your character have in mind? Does it just feel good, or are they looking for attention? Do they feel the need to control things?
First let’s look at the motivations of the character. Usually the urge to manipulate others stems from some sort of issue in their past. This is gonna simplify things a lot, but that’s because we’re making shit up and not dealing with real people. Real people are hella complex, they have way more detail to their “backstory” because they’re real, complex, thinking individuals who may have issues we can’t even know because they’re repressed. This is a character, under our control. So we can define what happened to them, and how it effected them, to a minute degree.
Control is a big player in this ‘game’, needing control can push the character to do things they might not have otherwise. A loss of control in their childhood that significantly impacted them could cause this need/goal. Having someone take their favorite toy and destroy it in front of them? Yeah, I don’t know about you, but if someone did that, I wouldn’t fuckin’ want nobody to do anything I didn’t plan for ever again. The character might then start focusing on ways to stop that from happening.
They might just like the feel of control, rather than fear a lack of it. It feels good to see the puppets dance, so to speak, so when they force others to do as they command by playing their emotions it feels like victory. Victory is delicious, and most people whet that appetite on nice things like cooking a nice dinner, or drawing, or running in races. Characters who are emotionally manipulative instead get their kicks from hurting others in such a way that they get what they want, which may include just getting attention.
The basic issue here is, regardless of other issues for them, they make choices that hurt other people. Logically, they know what they are doing even if they block it out or try to ignore it. They may come up with a complex, distorted, long winded reason why they are in fact the victim, or that their behavior is somehow righteous. They are deliberately going out of their way to look for weaknesses in others, and exploit them for personal gain. This is just the sign of an asshole. Be aware you are playing or writing an asshole.
So, have their history in mind? Have you built up their reasoning for thinking that they are in the right at all times? Have you picked their goals or personality? If so, the next step is actual manipulation. Now we’re gonna jump right into how and why people react to things, and the logical fallacies that get preyed on by the less scrupulous.
We see it in advertising all the time. That commercial with the sad kennel puppies? The time your parent told you to eat your veggies because somewhere out there another kid is starving and would be so lucky? This is called Appeal to Emotion, and is in formal logic classes, considered a fallacy used in arguments to support your point despite it not having actual back-up. When you use these, you can appeal to fear, envy, hatred, pity, pride, and more. Coherent arguments of course can have an aspect of emotional connection, it’s what makes us passionate. The fallacy comes about when the emotions are the only argument. Since we’re affected by emotions, this fallacy works wonders… even if they’re dishonest and flawed.
So say, the other character went out for lunch. They didn’t invite your character. So, in order to get attention to make up for this, and control such behaviors, the manipulative asshole character would probably confront them about it. Depending on how deep they are with the other character, they’re be subtle. Pouting a little, and sighing. Maybe mentioning they’re hungry, and looking hurt when the other character mentions lunch. Sure, they could get their ass up and get food themselves, but that’s not the point. The point is, their victim did something, and they want them to feel bad about it.
Subtle is how they draw you in. There could be, if you squinted, some feelings hurt by not being asked to join in. Perhaps they want to hang out with you, or they miss you, or they’re just playing around and teasing that they’re sad. The part that makes it manipulative is when they draw out the sadness until you feel guilty, and then laugh it off and wave you away. Step one is done, now you think they’re joking, and still feel kind of bad. Hooks have been set.
So your character can start kicking it up a notch over time. Your character might do something else by themselves like a healthy normal adult, and that character will complain. “Why wasn’t I invited?” At first they’ll continue to play it as a joke, so the other character will do it repeatedly. This becomes multiple strikes they can complain about over time, because they never actually explained themselves as upset. Now the manipulator can get pissed at the victim character: you didn’t realize I was actually upset?! Wow, you don’t even care about me at all! I can’t believe you’re so unobservant. Do you just not remember?
Here kids, we get into gaslighting. Events are now happening in a parallel which is sorta similar, but not quite. Sure they were upset, but they played it off. Without communicating, they’ve worked themselves into a victim position. They are being ignored, unwanted, and apparently the character don’t even care about their feelings enough to read them properly when you two have a talk! This is a lie. They were hiding their emotions, they regularly downplayed it until they could use it against the other character, and going out to lunch or a movie alone is not an attack on them just by existing. In fact they’re suggesting joking petulance is now a “talk.”
Now that the victim character feels guilty and unsure of themselves, they do what a normal person would do to a real issue. They try to work it out, to figure out a way to make them feel better. They offer to take them with them. They invite them out, a few times, and try to make amends. Sure it feels a little weird, but they’re a friend. It’s easy to just do something nice! Heck, they might even accept, and the two characters might have a lovely time. This instills a ‘if you’re good, I’ll be good too’ mentality in the victim. There is now a set up where you get reinforced to follow what they want because it causes less problems.
These issues may pop up everywhere. A victim may be told they chew too loud, or they shouldn’t watch a TV show without the manipulator. Maybe they’ll be upset by the toilet seat, or some real things just to make sure it’s realistic. They’ll draw it out, be ‘uncomfortable’ explaining why this makes them upset. Everything is a hardship. The difference between real issues and manipulation here is somehow the only bad things are things the victim likes, or wants to keep safe or to themselves. Things they can take to make the victim less happy. To the manipulator it may look like they’re expressing how much they care by getting rid of their favorite or special things that they can get no where else. The manipulator also makes it hard on themselves to explain, despite things not being that bad, so that they can add another level on if the victim complains: now they’re a burden to them because of all their baggage. Even non-manipulators have hard to explain things, the manipulator however will do this whenever they’re rejected out of hand, very quickly because it produces results. Victims take the time to build up to explaining why something’s important because it’s really hard to do so, manipulators can jump in when convenient.
A kind normal person feels getting rid of someone because of baggage would be a terrible thing, after all they have baggage too! They have special things they like to have just so. The character continues to try and make things easier, because clearly even if the manipulator hasn’t had a particularly harder life, they have had it hit harder to make them so delicate. They deserve happiness, and to feel cared for. The gaslighting continues, the manipulative character begins to point out every time they make a mistake or forget something, and starts laughing about how forgetful the victim character is. They explain situations just a little south of how they actually happened, keying themselves as the victim. Any argument gets heated, but then suddenly they drop all heat and start ‘worrying’ about their own mental state. Maybe they’re wrong, and they’re so so sorry. But can you still not do that, if it ever comes up? This is a fake concession to lure you in by making this the easier path.
So slowly the victim character becomes used to these demands, even as they grow wider and wider in the net they cast. A manipulator needs their full attention, and to cockblock anyone raising doubts about the issues. So they start fights and burning bridges with the victim’s friends. They might even lie directly to them about being the real victim, far ahead of the actual victim noticing. Getting rid of all of their contacts makes it easier to manipulate them because then they can’t find an outside opinion. Only tainted, controlled ones. The hooks set in a little deeper.
So your victim is alone in the world, or only has a few friends. They begin questioning what is wrong with themselves, and struggle to become a better person. There’s honeymoon periods, there the abusive character is happy, and genuinely makes the victim feel good about themselves… until they get bored and need another mistake.
Now that they have you alone, so it’s easier to just get mad and ‘need to cool down’. So they abandon the victim character for long spaces of time. This forces them to question themselves, and try desperately to find solutions without any means to use them. This also makes them the bad guy if they try to communicate. Suddenly these brand new created boundaries are being broken. Ostracizing people causes genuine pain, which means that it’s easier to control them because pain is a great way to teach someone they’re “bad”.
From a victim’s perspective this is all normal and reasonable because it’s slowly gained in momentum over time. They feel good, sometimes, and it’s really good. They just keep making mistakes (spoiler: they don’t, the mistakes are manufactured.) and if they were “better” this wouldn’t be happening to them. They get into the headspace of needing to not only obey, but become a god damn psychic to understand what the manipulative character wants next.
How does this manipulative motherfucker keep things interesting if they’ve already broken someone to their whims though? By adding in things that are seemingly contradictory, but depend on ‘mood’. Mood whiplash is common in manipulators, and they will go from having a great day to having a terrible one based on ‘outside’ forces. The victim character cannot foresee these, nor stop them, so they might get to have a wonderful morning! And then some asshole says something rude, and the manipulator says they’re having a TERRIBLE day now, this triggered a headache, and they’re so miserable. The illnesses will always be invisible, it’s easier to get one at the drop of the hat that way even if it invalidates real versions of the illnesses. Watch for faked symptoms that magically disappear when they want to do something they like, like listen to loud pounding music in headphones during a “headache” while refusing treatment. The victim may try to help, but no. The manipulator now says the victim is making it worse by being clingy and needy. That, or they’re going to blow their cover.
So the victim learns to stay in their box unless the manipulator wants to take them out and play with them. They suppress their desires and personality because it’s the only way that makes sense and will keep the friendship going. After 6 months, we humans begin developing bonds based on attachment rather than love or lust. The main chemicals involved are oxytocin and vasopressin. Same shit you get after an orgasm, but it cements that you need someone, that your life would be emptier without them. For the characters: The manipulator is not worming their way into someone’s heart and making a hole. They are building additional stress, which leads to good feelings, which all bond together with the sticky sap of lies to CREATE a net around both characters. They’re like a caddisfly creating a burrow instead of finding one where they actually fit.
It’s easy to fall too deep into the spell of a long relationship, even if it’s just an acquaintanceship, or friendship. Dateship is even worse, because then you get to play on heartstrings and they’re obligated to fix them because they made a deal to work things out with you and stay in love as long as possible.
Over time the victim stops being useful. They’ve been turned into a pitiful wreck, who needs the manipulator to tell them what to do every step of the way. Either that, or they make friends and a spark of rebellion means they start fighting back. Keeping logs. Forcing them to sign things. Making sure fights are in view of other people. Once additional not-victims see things, it can be easier for the real victim to find solid footing. A manipulative fuckhead character does not like solid footing. They want to be relied on. Either way, they’ve expired in their usefulness. The manipulative character has to move on.
They can do so by latching onto one of the friends peeled away from the initial victim by seeding years ago that the victim is the bad guy, or from a current group member who has been explicitly warned not to mess with the victim, or even an entirely new group fashioned behind the scenes. Because the manipulator is free to lie, steal, cheat, and have full exciting lives while the victim has to play to their demands.
They can now bring forth a story, that the victim has been holding them back and hurting them for years. Every detail, every piece of their lives is now a way to hurt the victim one last time. The trick is, they have to make sure everyone new knows that the victim is a liar, is bad, is toxic and should be avoided.
This is something the victim will also want to say about the abuser… later. When they recognize everything they’ve done while they were tucked under the spell. They will question themselves, for very long periods of time, while the abuser/manipulator character will jump right on that shit. Spreading the lies early means no one will check on the victim character. They can be eliminated as the real liar if they strike first.
Clues that the manipulator character is really the asshole include: Being too quick on the draw while pointing out who is wrong. Victims need time to process and unravel, the manipulator knows the lies already. Prolonging it. Victims want to stop contact, to move on, to warn others but to avoid the situations that make them feel queasy and hurt. Manipulators will constantly check their profiles, leave messages years later to hurt the victim, and spread nasty stories long after the victim character has moved on. They will boil in the drama and prolong it… especially as baggage the next victim has to be careful of and work around of while they get drawn into the net.
So after that heart rending rendition of how manipulative characters work internally, how do they work for an author/player? Most of the time when an author wants to make a manipulative character it’s to damage the hero or give them something to grow beyond. Think Mother Gothell from Rapunzel. That shit was hella abusive and emotionally manipulative! Drawn on her for inspiration. Research this shit, and then apply it. Do you want to damage the other character for hurt/comfort stuff later? Do you use it as in-character fictional catharsis? It will matter how you word it.
So be aware of what you’re doing. Do not fall for the spell of just behaving like a manipulator in text and going ‘it’s okay it’s fictional’. It will take a real toll on the other player if you do not highlight what your manipulative character is doing. Be a talkative narrator. Explain what they’re doing, at least a little bit, or you can actually fuck up people.
For instance. Let’s go back to the sniffling about lunch.
Agatha was staring at her book with the distant gaze of someone preoccupied, sniffing a third time that hour. Lloyd had, in her opinion, abandoned her for far too long to have lunch. It was time to catch his attention. She pushed out her lower lip, willing herself to look a bit more upset. She gently touched her own stomach, “Boy,” she said wistfully, “I’m quite hungry…”
This is way better for the other player to understand that she’s playing at being sad, without destroying how realistic it looks to the other character. This lays down the obvious in narration, without completely outing her in play. The next is a bad version of this scene:
Agatha sniffled, eyes glazed. Her lip was extended in a pout and her body language writ large how miserable she was, “Boy, I’m quite hungry.” She sniffed, quietly to herself to avoid Lloyd hearing. It was self-pity, a deep loneliness that ruined her reading…
Good writing! Baaaad for intent. This makes her upset look genuine (which it isn’t) which may make it harder for the other player to respond. Watch how you word things. Explain them from an outsider perspective to give an inside view of how things are working. This makes the story move easier.
Plus, you don’t wanna be that prick who goes from IC to OOC without any real distinction between the two and starts a fight because it turns out an IC woe was an OOC one, and your partner responded “wrong”. That’s you being a jerk, so don’t do that. Make sure you have a clear view of what is in character and what is out of character. It’s important, to keep the scenes strong, and to keep from your partner feeling taken advantage of when it turns out to be some massive manipulation. They may actually fall for it if you ever fall into the habit of actually hiding your intent behind a thin smoke-screen of ‘but it’s IC’.
Double check with your partner often, check that they recognize what’s going on. This may be as easy as chuckling over a scene with them ooc ((Hah, isn’t Aggie being such a jerk? Lloyd would never do that to her! )) to actually sitting down and going ((Hey you okay? This is pretty intense, and she’s clearly got him wrapped around her little finger. I wanna make sure you’re okay and know I don’t believe what she’s saying. ))
Partners are the most important thing here. Readers, on the other hand, don’t have to have an active role. They’re being fed the entire story, so you can fuck with them all you want and it’ll just be a twist happening to someone else. You can play with words, hide your intent, and slowly reveal how twisted dear old Aggie is over time, instead of putting it out there each step of the way so your friend playing lloyd can catch onto which way to write the victim into. Readers are there to absorb and get amazed and shocked and feel relatable pain, loss, and sorrow. They can stop, and walk away if it’s too much. A partner playing another character feel obligation to stick around and see how things play out even if they’re hurt. They have more creativity and time put into the situation. Remember that while you’re playing, and remember they put themselves where the character is to see what comes next. Give them respect as human beings, and don’t fucking hurt them.
So yes, how do we use this in other situations though? A suave magical emperor and his subordinates? Same concepts really, you play on emotions. If the hero is trying to stop you as the villain, you put their family in danger. You make them question their choices, you hurt them. You make them out to be the villain and you a simple victim. You point out all the ways what they’ve done could make them look bad, or hurt others. You focus on trying to make them hate themselves, or feel like there’s another path.
You try to look like a friend, if they haven’t outed your character as a villain yet, and slowly bond with them. Point out that everyone around them is gross, that they should be avoided. Praise them for things you want to see, but make subtle indications other ideas are terrible. Complain about things that other people do, but that they do as well. That’s how you work around directly confronting them before they deeply trust you. Make their world view shift to favor your opinion.
The evil wizard telling you you’re under a curse that makes everything you do seem cruel to others, so you’re constantly second guessing yourself. Pointing out what you’re doing mirrors themselves. All logical fallacies pointing to emotion as reasoning, rather than anything else. It’s a focus on guilt, on making them want to change. You don’t force, you persuade, limit their choices, and break them. The less they’re willing to trust themselves and their friends, the easier they are to sway to evil. They may even start imitating you to get your love and attention. You can train someone to be cruel.
And that, my kiddies, is how you make a villain that people fucking hate. Because the hero seems lost, and they want to yell NO! Don’t listen to Mighty Thorgar The Cruel! He’s using you! Auuugh! The more you explain why they themselves have been stuck in this career choice the more likable they are, but if you go too far you may be travelling from ‘morally grey’ into Loki and Draco fan territory where their fave did nothing wrong it was all a product of how they were raised. You can do wrong things and then grow up and change. Infants scream and fake crying to make mommy do shit too, doesn’t mean most of them won’t grow out of it.
It’s how you write that will define how people perceive things. So double check your writing, always. Make sure it reads your goals, not just reads as well written. Check with your partners, scare your readers, and let your characters prey on people’s feelings. Can they hurt them? Go for it. Just do it safely and with a reasonable definition between IC and OOC. Don’t let it get out of control with another person, ever. It hurts. Good luck on your writing.
Oh, and because I know it’ll happen… I’m sorry if you were abused like this. I’m sorry if you feel targeted. This was written for writers only, and maybe spotting habits so you can get yourself out early. If you feel called out by this post or the behaviors in it, remember that I don’t know you. That if you are offended, I’m reflecting something you don’t like. So look at yourself, and consider if you want that part of you to exist. You can change if you truly want to and are willing to monitor yourself. Good luck, and this disclaimer is so you know I am not pointing fingers at you… unless you’re the asshole who did this to me so I mean, fuck that guy.
There are still some misconceptions about the exile arc that I often see thrown around, so here are a few corrections:
Ranboo, Dream, and Ghostbur weren’t the only ones that visited Tommy multiple times. Fundy also did. The big difference there is that his latest visit was completely discredited in Tommy’s eyes by Dream who insisted that he was there to visit Logstedshire and not really Tommy
I don’t know how this became a misconception, but no. Dream definitely openly stated that Tubbo had either abandoned or willingly destroyed his own compass more than once, and he was clearly stating that that’s what happened, Tommy never just jumped to conclusions. “I thought I saw the compass in a chest, like he threw it in a chest in the Community House, but I’m not- maybe it was a different compass, I’m not sure” (From Tommy Is Holding It Together in Exile with Dream), “I- uh I’m pretty sure that he burned it [the compass] or something… or he lost it, something like that” and “He burnt it? On purpose?” “I- I think so” (From Tommy Is Left ALONE at his Exile Party with Dream)
There are people who still think that exile was a consequence of Tommy burning down George’s house, and I wanna just point out that that gets thrown out of the window on the very first proper exile stream: “You’ve exiled me, you stupid manipulative green bastard!” “Yeah, I know! I know! And you know why I did that” “Yes? Yes?” “No, you know why” “Why?” “Because you don’t listen to me ever. You’re the only person who doesn’t ever listen to me“ (From Tommy Is Alone in Exile with Dream…) It was always about control and Dream isn’t even subtle about it
Tommy’s first lava scene is also from Tommy Is Alone in Exile with Dream…, and it is the first instance of him being openly suicidal in front of Dream, and the one where the iconic “It’s not your time to die yet Tommy” comes from, but not the only time it’s used, in fact, it’s used another time just two streams later in Tommy Is So Lonely in Exile with Dream“Health and safety is important Dream! *staring at lava* Is it though?” “Yes, yes it’s important Tommy. It’s not your time to die”
There were actually multiple instances of both Physical Abuse and Gaslighting. I don’t know why either of those are in contention, but here we go. An example of physical abuse can be found as early as the very first full exile stream, Tommy Is Alone in Exile with Dream…, where Dream hits Tommy with his axe after Tommy refused to drop his armor (threats of physical violence and death start even earlier). Meanwhile, the first example of gaslighting can already be found in the very stream of Tommy getting exiled, TommyInnit Is Exiled From The Dream SMP…, and it’s Dream trying to convince Tommy that his emotions aren’t the way he thinks they are “Oh… I hate you” “*laughs*Okay Tommy, you don’t hate me” “No, no I definitely do” “Noooo, you don’t hate me”
There are multiple examples of Tommy having visual hallucinations but none of him having auditory hallucinations. The two are actually entirely different things, so using his past experiences with visual hallucinations to claim that the recent chase scene (during which Tommy not only saw Dream, but also heard him, and physically perceived him) was one of his hallucinations is a big ass stretch and it genuinely makes no sense
We actually do have an answer on why Tommy would wake up drowning sometimes in exile, it’s not a mystery. Tommy Is Left ALONE at his Exile Party with Dream,as a matter of fact, ends with him dissociating, entering the water, and possibly fainting as it cuts to black when he’s out of air. We have more recent instances of Tommy exhibiting the same behavior of putting himself in serious physical danger while dissociating as well (like in the Custody Battle stream when he jumps off of a tower while being in a dissociative state). So the simple explanation for the drowning thing is that it’s a manifestation of his suicidal tendencies that shows up when he’s feeling particularly anxious and/or isolated
Also, yeah, exile was definitely a kidnapping. The exile conditions that Dream had agreed upon only consisted of Tommy not being allowed into L'Manburg. So Dream banishing him from anywhere that had been touched as well as confining him to a very restricted area is all an unlawful procedure. That’s straight-up kidnapping, there’s no way around it
These are all the ones I could think of off the top of my head, but I’ll add more if I can think of more misconceptions.
→kinesiology major!jung jaehyun x stem major!reader
genre:2000s chat room au, so much smut, suspense, drama, psychological thriller, established relationship, college au
synopsis:finally having met the stranger on your screen, things take a turn for better or for worse; friendship is on the line, intentions are questionable, and perceptions become skewed. with the flow of things due to his selfish tendencies, jaehyun’s naivety fails to show him the bigger picture.
tw:ADULTS ONLY, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT! oral (f+m receiving) , fingering, public sex, auralism, riding, face fucking, protected/unprotected sex, impact play, breath play, cream pie, cum play, dom/sub dynamic, toxic/mutual codependent relationship, mentions of stalking, possessiveness, obsession, gaslighting/manipulation, violence, drinking, mentions of recreational drugs (main characters don’t consume)
wc: 33.5k+ (don’t kill me, I promise it’s worth it…)
→kinesiology major!jung jaehyun x stem major!reader
genre: 2000s chat room au, so much smut, suspense, drama, psychological thriller, established relationship, college au
synopsis: finally having met the stranger on your screen, things take a turn for better or for worse; friendships is on the line, intentions are questionable, and perceptions become skewed. with the flow of things due to his selfish tendencies, jaehyun’s naivety fails to show him the bigger picture.
tw (for teaser): smut on full post, toxic/mutual codependent relationship, mentions of stalking, possessiveness, obsession, gaslighting/manipulation, violence, drinking
