* soul - tangled *

the creep of longing felt so deeply in my bones

exhaling

clinging to you

releasing all scars

allowing beauty to swallow pain

right here, you’re so close

breathing in my heartbeat

wrapping your soul around me

going deeper

tangled

whispered touches kiss flesh

calm and fire collide

a balance of desire and serenity

engulfing flames as healing waters crash over again and again

in those secret hours,

between the sun and the moon

refuge is found

because of your existence,

do I know love

© ScriptedSilence. All rights reserved

* tattooed ache *

I feel your heart

inside my own

pulsing

consistently breathing me back

to life

peace fills me

as I melt into your calm

bare

naked, exposed

I am before you

my layers and skin unravel

in ribbons at your feet

unknown worlds cradled in hands

your song tattooed upon my soul

tasting tears, swallowing laughter

loving in ache

you,

you, my love

you are everything

© ScriptedSilence. All rights reserved

* falling *

your words

dance under my skin

like a prayer and a curse

parting holy waters and feeding fire

my addiction and my cure

the ache in bones

emerge

encased in safety

like a gentle collision

the careful surrounding parchment walls

fall,

disintegrating upon the forest floors

making beauty out of the shadows

the waking universe falls away

as we delve and fly deep into nothing and everything at once

brimming in destiny

love pulsing beyond our worlds

riding upon every unknown wave

finding adventure in uncertainties

only knowing

I would rather fall with you in the dark

than see the honey coated stars

with anyone else

© ScriptedSilence. All rights reserved

* wrapped *

I’m wrapped in your fiery ache

loving you in light and darkness,

as the sun loves the stars and crystal moon

enveloping whispers

between the shadows and the realm of the illuminating soul

sheathed flesh

revealed

quaking upon insatiable phantoms

howling with endless craving

pulsing through my chest

each throb vanquished

in plea of you

deep entangling deep

flowing serene waters

I’ll drink from your cup

and swallow the entire ocean

if I shall drown, let it be from the honey

which drips from your tongue

I will come up for breath in the taste

of your mouth

© ScriptedSilence. All rights reserved

* a poet *

loving a poet can bring forth

moments of ultimate euphoria,

as well as pain that you feel 

into the depths of your core

poet is the religion and the muse the deity 

for the muse,

you ache, you  please, you desire

while on bended knee

you break

passion consumes

thoughts overflow into words

beauty and pain are seen deeply through the 

mind’s eye,and even more potent

in the depths of the soul

when a poet loves,

every pulse of the heart will cascade

that love will be made immortal 

by the power of words

flesh touched by ink stained hands

making love by the song in which your love created

the melody of words imprinted upon the heart

the lyrics tattooed upon

every inch, every crevasse of the skin

your love becomes a poem

etched under the layers

the memory lingering

long after both hearts depart

your poem is forever aching

under that fine lining burning through

your veins

a poet has a restless heart

say nothing for hours

and never at complete peace

a continuous search within

never completely satisfied

words overflow onto paper

yet there is never a full understanding settled

the mind races, the heart aches

the soul longs

many emotions are never spoken

yet every truth of thought

flows with fluidity through the ink

loving a poet 

is to live constantly on the edge of darkness

but forever, in the light

of beauty

© ScriptedSilence.  All rights reserved

* music box *

notes floating

melodically

from a measureless distance

calling unto me

euphoric vibrations

trembling my core

soft hums echoing so distinctly

into my deepest chambers

somberly carrying a symphonic euphony

captivating the realms of my heart

the truth of my soul

drawn upon these chords

a resonance of angelic whispers

in which only I can hear

in which only I can feel

removing death, beckoning me to life

a luminous reflection

upon the slowly opening lid

beholding flawless beauty as

magnetic strings effortlessly entangle

such a harmonious sound

of ardent lullabies

fully embraced

within the sacred

music box

© ScriptedSilence.  All rights reserved

* cover *

in an instant you spread through me like wildfire

as my face lay restless upon your clavicle

a creep of longing tumbles across my neck and back

wrapping limbs

pulling in close

now tighter

heated skin from the pressure building

feral and teeming

a calm hurricane

a whispered voice nuzzling my ear

dancing through me,

spinning waltzes in my veins

breath suddenly feeling far too heavy to catch

you see me on purpose, through my skin

bare bones

you are the kind of love that soaks you

pulling you apart from the inside

crashing and ravaging

yet tender and soothing

fingers wrapped in tendrils of loose hair

I find refuge here, in your embrace

you are the light that breaks through

when you come out of the shadows

please, keep me covered

only with you

© ScriptedSilence.  All rights reserved

*Inhalation*

words find me in

the dark

reaching like a beacon of light

drawing me in

moth to a flame

pulled

I surrender to your warmth

deep inside

beneath my skin

the chemical of you flows

fiery droplets

licking lips

tasting contradictions

caressing intensity slowly

forehead to forehead

eyes flutter shut

electrifying bolts up the spine

knees buckle

pressing closer

needing closer

your oceans fill my lungs

© ScriptedSilence.  All rights reserved

thepersonalquotes:

Up.

Then down.

Then up.

Conclusion -

1. So mostly up.

Good night // thethinkinggirl ☄️

Silence won’t protect me,

but for it will probably save you;

For the time being

I am mum.

The truth about silence // thethinkinggirl

Look what we have become;

Screaming when hating,

Mumbling for when in love.

Paradox // thethinkinggirl

They say

there’s always light in the end of the tunnel-

and I am here to tell you its not.

There isn’t any light;

Cause you are.You become it.

Hopes,Happiness - don’t suddenly appear out of nowhere,

They live within you.

It will blind them for

when its time.

// thethinkinggirl

Alternator

And I ask myself, yet again,

that why, when my mind wanders

lost in the dark that dawns

with the dimming of the bedside lamp,

does it always seem to follow the paper trail

back to you?

Those scraps, scrawled so long ago, and erased,

then rewritten for the sake

of mere posterity;

shavings of pencil sharpenings and rubber

flank the winding road of heartbreak,

and heart mend,

only to find the damn thing ended up broken

again.

Like a faulty alternator, the movement of myself

through life cannot charge my heart, not on its own.

Electric paths along nerve endings long grown numb

with the overkill from the days when my heart

used to beat truly.

Until the pills became the building blocks;

the semblance of a sanity I’d hoped to forget

with love.

Until I talked myself mute about the topic;

the mountains of my tongue eroded smooth

by the rivers of my words, and your touch…

Now there are only murmurs.

The whispers of memories on the wind -

a hand that reaches for another to hold

and is met only by its opposite.

Sometimes my heart skips,

picks up the beats I missed from songs we used to sing

and tries to place them back into myself,

where they should fit -

where they used to fit - but don’t

anymore,

like a square trying to force itself round enough

to match a circle,

or the electricity trying to light the bulb

and finding no filament to latch onto,

or the pen trying to unwrite

what has already been written,

and taken to heart as the truth.

Muted.

I’ve wanted to

reply so many times

I feel fucking seasick,

a head full

of swirling,

dizzying water,

a murky brown

in my lungs

and stomach,

my legs

the swaying boat

I cant dock.

—

I am worried.

This time last year

I was finally

getting somewhere,

going outside mostly

sober, clear eyed,

pure.

—

Now all I know

are these four walls

and god dammit

it’s good

I built a roof.

—

My stomach turns.

I hold my fire.

Sometimes it’s better

to be a realist

than an optimist

but at this point

it’s even better

just to be.

If only.

Burying my face

in the sand or

your pillow

are equally

fucking

futile

when you consider

just how long

I’ve been at this.

—

Inhale, exhale-

it’s all the same

to me at this point.

—

I have never been good

at doing these things

alone. I just take

and take

and take until

everything is used up

and there’s no one left

to save me,

—

least of all, from

myself or from

the endless,

unglamorous

distant hell of

a future

that awaits

a girl like me.

SEARCHING FOR LOU

We met when I was just 14

He was running with Iggy and Ziggy

while I danced with Diane and Ed

with Randy and Keefe

Lou fucking Reed

the baddest badass that ever shoved itself

into a tight pair of leather jeans

We were in love

though he never spoke my name

We shared dirty needles and dirty poems

and a cynicism so deep

we couldn’t crawl out

as we held whatever ground we could claim

with fingernails digging in the mud

and bitten to the quick

He never knew me

but he effin knew me

you know what I mean?

Yeah, he was there

holding my hand

wiping my eyes

as we lost Teilhard and Barry

then Jim and Click

He sat on my shoulder

as Jordan left

then Greg and John

There are those who say

that Lou’s also gone now

but if that were true

then why is he always

right where I left him?

HIT ME AGAIN

Hit me

Again

Again

Don’t stop

Until I admit

That you love me too much

To ever hit me

That I must be…

…a terrible person

…a worthless piece of shit

…a total fucking asshole

To ever believe

For even so much as a second

That you could be

The type of person

Who would even think

Of hitting me

There must be something wrong

With me

That I could create

Such a terrible lie

So hit me

Till I know

What I’ve done

Wrong

Till I learn

The injustice I’ve committed

Against you

Who loves me

So much

Hit me

Again

Again

Hit me

HER VALLEY STORY

She had no more friends

who could wipe her brow

and wipe her ass

and chop the crystal meth for her

into tiny, little lines

She had no more friends

who could burn her bacon

and call her pretty

and carry her up and down

the stairs when her legs failed

This was her valley story

because her parents were the mountains

and she was sentenced to exile

in the prison of her body

She had no more friends

who could drive her to the market

and drive her out of her mind

and clean up the blood when she

smashed her face on the nightstand

She had no more friends

she could call “fucker”

and “asshole” and “stupid son of a bitch”

after they’d wiped her clean

when she’d soiled herself in the bathroom

This was her valley story

because she’d been a waterfall

but now she was stale, lonely droplets

disappearing in the unforgiving sun

This was her valley story

because she’s lost on the highway

traveling from peace of mind

to sad and pointless death

alone in a room

alone in a room

alone in a room

about six weeks

after the last of her lovers

had ceased

to give a damn

I’LL ONLY WRITE POEMS FOR YOU

When you and I come together

there is nothing that I want

Everything of value in this world

is held, with calm strength and power

in your deep soulful eyes

glinting, always, with mischief and desire

I could reside forever in your gaze

In my life I will peer

into many sets of eyes

to ferret out the unspoken truth there

This is my calling

I cannot deny

but I will only write poems for you

When you unfold yourself completely

like the solving of an unbearably lovely riddle

and present yourself naked to me

in all your glistening, glorious truth

I am silenced by awe

of all that you are

I know I’ve at last found a home

in your tight, tender care

and I’ll only write poems for you

There’s an electrical circuit connecting

when your delicate skin touches mine

and the perfume of your perspiration

encourages me, feverishly

to mounting, ecstatic sensations

that I barely knew I could feel

but that now seem, suddenly, indispensible

My body’s a temple

My body’s your temple

My body’s a poem to you

That was you

in my dreams

all my life

I see that so clearly now

Yes, I always knew it was you

I have seen you

I’ve known you

I’ve pulled you to me

my triumph, my pain

my longing, my lust

It’s all been a poem to you

I know not what this world will bring

There are mountains of joy and trial

still to come

It may pull us together

It may tear us apart

for a time

but you will always be there

occupying my soul

I’ll protect you

I’ll defend you

with every drop of my blood

till my last

dying

breath

I will always write poems for you

I will only write poems for you

MY TWO GREGS

Somewhere, lost

in the frozen fields of time

you are there

my two Gregs

gripping tightly

to your pint glasses of regret

at the Oktoberfest of our youth

Come to me, please

as the pretty, dirty boys you were

not as the walking suicides

you are now

my two Gregs

You were always my friends

almost my lovers

if we were to judge

by the secrets in our hearts

if not the language

of our bodies

I would have kissed you

my two Gregs

had I the opportunity

or the courage

You are lost to me

as in a fog

and I do not care to find you

for you are not

the wild boys you were

exploding with possibility

but seasick sailors

who could not ignore

the siren’s call

until you lay

shattered and forgotten

on the rocks

From my collection, “Five Words That Can Cripple a Man (Underground Voices, 2016)”

WE ARE CONNECTED

We are connected as the sunshine

Tears of recognition

streaming down our grateful faces

Do you see? Do you see?

Of course you see

You see everything

You see it all

Time is a snake consuming it’s own tail

and we are drunk on it’s venom

Your future is my past is our present

Do you see? Do you see?

Of course you see

We are entangled as the rain

Holding each other tight

at the point of climax

Do you feel? Do you feel?

Of course you feel

You feel the life

You feel the space

Space is an egg with no visible cracks

and we are trapped in it’s shell

Your body is my body is our body

Do you feel? Do you feel?

Of course you feel

We are co-mingled as the wind

Breathing in blissful union

to the rhythm of our secrets

Do you hear? Do you hear?

Of course you hear

You hear my voice

You hear my heart

Love is a circuit awaiting a spark

and all we need is the switch

Your breath is my life is our memory

Do you hear? Do you hear?

Of course you hear

We are a wildflower

opening

opening

Do you know? Do you know?

Of course you know

that we are

connected

NOTHING HAS CHANGED

Nothing has changed

for the birds

They still greet

the first rays of sun

with glee and surprise

singing an anchor

to weigh down the night

Nothing has changed

for the birds

Nothing has changed

for the cars

They still clog

the arteries

of the city

building a monument

to all our dashed dreams

Nothing has changed

for the cars

Nothing has changed

for they trees

They still guard

their mysteries

savagely and jealously

keeping quiet sentry

over our calamitous madness

Nothing has changed

for the trees

Nothing has changed

for the stars

They still shimmer

coruscating furiously

from light years away

even though their luster

died eons ago

Much like you

whose breath

once uttered my name

in anger

in violence

in love

and now labors slowly

gasping for air

until that breath

simply stops

Nothing has changed

Nothing has changed

yet

everything

everything

has changed

OUTGROWING MY MENTOR

I sat at your feet;

only metaphorically.

As I remember it,

I sat on the couch,

as you, with your strangely lilting voice,

held my hand and walked me through;

patiently; meticulously;

the pitiless steps of the reverent ritual.

You were so gentle

as you wrapped the sash around my bicep;

laughed at the expression on my face

pinched the crook of my arm

to bruise and raise a vein.

And as you slid the needle in and we watched the blood

cloud the water inside,

you apologized, profusely,

for the infinitesimal pinprick that precedes the rapture.

I swore to you,

in that ghastly and gorgeous moment,

this is how it would always be;

that you would be there, by my side, every time,

to guide me down the path of night.

but like the other oaths that passed between us,

this too, was a hopeful lie.

The day came, as it was

ever

destined to do,

that you were gone;

selling yourself

in the fashion required

for you to get by;

and the pull of oblivion

proved stronger, by far,

than either love or trust or art,

so I took the syringe and

taught myself

not to need

you anymore.

A LETTER TO MY FATHER AS HE PASSES, WEIGHTLESSLY, INTO THE VOID

You lay before me

yet you are gone

far

from my reach

And for that

I am bitter

There were recriminations

hanging heavily

on my tongue

You deserved

to hear them

and of them

I deserved

to be free

Yet, you slipped the chains

of the yesterday’s

with which

I would have bound you

Those days are mine

to shoulder now

Part of me wants

to make you pay

for the shape

you’d twisted me into

and part of me wants

to apologize

for the direction

of the bends

Instead, I lean close

right to your ear

to grant you the boon

of one final untruth

I tell you

not to worry

that you will

always be safe

always be safe

from your own

mistakes

From my first poetry collection, Junkies Die Alone (Thought Catalog Books, 2014)

There is no

mountain

It is an

illusion

It does not

exist

There are only

the steps

One after another

with no thought

of the peak

Inexorably

gaining ground

There is no

race

It is a

chimera

There is no reason

to run

There are only

the strides

Each thrust following

the last

without imagining

the tape

at the finish

There is no

book

The book is a

fiction

It is an

hallucination

There are only

the words

Just the steady progression

of lines

on blank paper

trailing off

into the darkness

There is no

mountain

I am not

climbing

I am

breathing

I am

being

I am

alive