Uhtred: What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything? Uhtred: Like socks are Feetie Heaties. Finan: Forks are Stabbie Grabbies. Sihtric: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties. Osferth: Nightmares are Dreamie Screamies. Alfred, to a visiting king: Yes, these are my warriors.
Uhtred: Here you are Alfred, a nice hot cup of coffee. Alfred: It’s cold. Uhtred: A nice cup of coffee. Alfred: It’s horrible. Uhtred: A cup of coffee. Alfred: I’m not even sure this is coffee. Uhtred: A cup.
Uhtred: I’m using my veto. Alfred: Veto? You don’t get a veto. Uhtred: You veto my ideas all the time! Alfred: That’s because your ideas are the worst! Uhtred: Name one!
Uhtred: Hey Alfred, it’s really muggy outside today. Alfred: If I step outside and all the mugs are on the front lawn, I’m firing you. Uhtred: … [casually sips coffee from a bowl]
It was also the night that the skeletons came to life
Erik: I saw him rise from the grave and speak.
Uhtred: And what did this corpse say?
Aethelwold: The bones are the skeleton’s money In our world bones equal dollars That’s why they’re coming out tonight To get their bones from you
Uhtred:… Erik: …What he said concerns us both–
Aethelwold : The skeletons’ll pull your hair Up, but not out All they want is another chance at life They’ve never seen so much food as this Underground doesn’t have as much food as this
Hi my name is Uhtred son of Uhtred, I was originally named Osbert until my brother Uhtred died and Bebbanburg needed an heir (that’s how I got my name), then I was raised by Earl Ragnar the Fearless (AN: if u don’t know who he is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Young Ragnar but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a Saxon but I was raised by Danes so I dress and act like a Dane. I’m a warrior (in case you couldn’t tell) and I always carry my sword Serpent-Breath. I love shield walls and making the square. For example today I was defending Eoferwic against the Danes. I disobeyed Alfred’s orders and made the square with the Danes’ leader and won which made me really happy. A lot of Saxons stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. DESTINY IS ALL.
Uhtred: …Take one down, pass it around, two jugs of ale on the wall! Well, that’s all, I’m heading home now. Alfred: You made it all the way down to two and you’re quitting now?? Uhtred: Just drives you nuts, doesn’t it Alfred?
uhtred: hey alfred if you give me bebbanburg i’ll help you unite england alfred: sure but only if you help me first uhtred:fine
[season 2]
uhtred: alfred i did what you asked, give me bebbanburg alfred: no ask me later i’m doing kingly things uhtred: wow ok
((slavery happens))
uhtred: i’m back wanna talk about bebbanburg alfred:no uhtred: but you said- alfred: no uhtred: alfred i’m Tired can i have bebbanburg please alfred: you obviously haven’t worked hard enough for it, try again later uhtred: oh come on-
[season 3]
uhtred: alfred i have fought wars for you and your children and i have done everything you’ve asked of me what more do you want uhtred: you are DYING and i will NOT live the rest of my life a slave, i demand you give me bebbanburg alfred: ok fair enough, you can have bebbanburg. mad props to you. thanks for helping me out go talk to my son uhtred: really? aight neat
[season 4]
uhtred: hey can i have bebbanburg back now edward:no uhtred:wHAT edward: i make the rules now punk
