#funny texts
This seems like a conversation I would have
“Do you want to see my pecker???”
*puckers my lips and pecks you on the corner of the mouth* my lips!!! hahaha.. jokes for days - Lame joke Dujour - eUë
Man was ruthless for no reason
When you invest everything in crypto
Your iPhone 5 arrived
History teachers describing 2020
I was born at a very young age
No fishing
When you can’t decide what to wear - Gag Bee
When you can’t decide what to wear
Stop calling me candy ass
When you put too much vodka in a drink
empty cups in my room looking at me when I bring another cup
when your crush says I love those boys who can cook
when your best friend makes plans with someone else
Behind the scene of Man vs Wild
1080p is perfect
You picked the wrong house
One time I tried complimenting a cute girl, and I was trying to tell her that she was really nice and sweet but I wanted to sound romantic so instead I blabbered out, confidently, “You are the kind of person who will not make it to judgement day.” And we never spoke again :)
Foolish children
I’m so fucking high right now, I really just went to make a PB&J sandwich and took a spoonful of peanut butter and slathered it all over my hand, and then said, “Which do you put first, the bowl or the milk?”
Forgive me Lord for I have taken the arms and legs off of my Barbie doll as a child and super glued them to the opposite sockets. I know the Bible doesn’t mention it but I just know that’s a sin.
Rating Comments on Wattpad books:
6/10 extra points for the emoji
7/10 honey that’s how wattpad works
8/10 we all love getting rescued by our favorite fictional character don’t we ( and yes this comes from a Harry Styles fanfiction)
100/10 i would already give it 10/10 points without context. Sentence this comment was under:
*Anything bad happens*
Me: “Alexa play ‘Sign of the Times’ by Harry Styles”
Ever since this Covid thing started my sex drive has skyrocketed. Fuck, Now it’s like every time I insert a tampon I moan a little.
Send help.
Огледала
Къщата голяма
В почти всяка стая с огледала
Сутрин ставаш
Оглеждаш се и оправяш
Всичко онова, което не е стандартно
Влизаш в следващата стая,
Обличаш се за работа
Оглеждаш се отново
- Как ми стоят?, започваш да се чудиш
Вече идва време за тръгване
Отиваш до вратата и пак се оглеждаш
И така продължава всеки следващ ден
Всяка седмица, месец, година…цял живот
Докато гледайки през чуждите очи и оглеждайки се в изкривени огледала
Изживяваш нечий чужд живот без да си огледал своя дори отдалеч.)
I don’t take hints. Throw a rock at me
Me neither, but don’t throw a rock at me. I’m fragile.
