#vi the lovers
I have had to choose myself since the cleansing moon and it doesn’t feel right.
Getting opinions from others to move on.
Continue on my journey.
Walk away.
Distractions from the universe past have presented themselves.
Unsure on how to process, I can tell you I am guarded.
A warrior of my own heart now as she has been cracked.
My heart is not broken as the body is a miraculous thing, it can repair itself with time.
Yet again proving how important time is.
Will I need until your birthday to fully heal from this crack in my heart?
Is it ok to pursue anew?
Will you feel I devalued what the Moon offered me? Please never think that. I cherish every second I had with you.
I day dream about what the future could hold for a Goddess and her Emperor.
Do I kiss a new frog? My body just reacted.
You taught me how to listen to her when she speaks from the inside out. VIII Strength
You taught me that anything that is magical is worth waiting for. Patience. XVI The Tower
You taught me time will tell. XI Justice
You taught me that the MOON can be full again. XViII The MOON
You taught me to respect and honour myself. IX The Hermit
You taught me that magic of Love is possible. XVII The Star
I keep my promise of holding a space for you until your birthday.
I will continue to crawl down my healing path for I am just a toddler learning, absorbing and following your lead.
Every seconds equals a new card.
The count down has begun.
Every second is a new card.
The Tarot has 78 cards.
The combination will never be the same.
It will repeat itself, as history often does.
But I accept that I do not have control, nor do I wish to predict.
As that is mental.
And I have wasted enough time being mental.
Amen.
Missing you something fierce today.
Maybe it’s because I seek a distraction, maybe it’s my shadows messing with my emotions.
But it does not matter, you are missed.
Healing your own shit alone, sucks.
I know you were a beautiful distraction.
It doesn’t make missing you any easier.
Sadly I would take comfort in knowing you missed me. Us.
I know you won’t reach out.
Sadly I don’t think you accept that I won’t either. I stepped forward once, vulnerable on my knees begging for your forgiveness. And you forgave and it was stunning, warmed my heart.
But I made you feel. And you don’t like to feel. Your body rejects it. Your gallbladder tells me your truth. It’s your hard limit.
You never lied, you were always upfront about what your needs were/are.
How could I have known how magnificent we would be, I was shocked as well at how you brought me to life.
You awakened me. I awakened you.
I can’t bring myself to grieve you. My heart can’t take it. To feel the cold grip on my heart and it once again being ripped from my chest, is not something I can endure twice. At least not today.
I hope.
I pray.
I dream.
Maybe some day.
What would it feel like to let yourself feel me?
I promise I won’t ever intentionally hurt you.
I promised you until your birthday and I extended it 28 days. Trust that I am healing, but knowing you’re on the other side would be so encouraging.
But I know you won’t reach out, because feeling is your hard limit. And I make you feel.
I’ll be here until July 4, Independence Day. Poetic yes, not planned.
I miss you.
I think of you.
I need you.
I am still yours.
I am here. Waiting.
Until then.
And so it is written.
