I’ve been up all night, now the question is what to do with this day.

Shocked!!

When people ask you questions that even they know the answer or when people ask a question that the answer is so obvious.

*NOTE - I AM NOT MOCKING THOSE PEOPLE WHO GENUINELY HAVE QUESTIONS BUT THIS PIECE IS FOR THOSE PEOPLE WHO KNEW EVERYTHING YET THEY CHOOSE TO ANNOY PEOPLE.

danielxrk​:

。˚∘ what now? ;

he tries to see himself in chungha’s position: tossed into a debut project shortly after signing, so little ability to spend time or energy on anything else, such little reward for it all. he pictures himself with few lines and few center points. how does he feel? daniel certainly wouldn’t feel ready. that would be enough for him to want to leave; he would fear this time, they would find him good enough. he would fear that he, unsure he even wanted to be an idol, might take a spot from someone dead set on it. he would likely pull out of the project and happily stay as a trainee, taking his time to learn, taking his time to see if his heart would really set itself on the path he started to venture down. 

“can you just pull out of the project? if you don’t feel ready?” she didn’t really say that much, but chungha hasn’t been in sphere for long at all. maybe that’s part of it?

he thinks of the lines next. how would he feel? where chungha and daniel differ is in confidence. chungha, as far as daniel is concerned, has always known what she deserved (daniel thinks it’s the world.) daniel, on the other hand, doesn’t think he deserves much. he knows he lacks in dancing, and in singing, and the only place he really has any strength is in instruments, so he wouldn’t mind. he would understand they needed to make the best performance, and that they couldn’t if he had time dancing in the front, or too many lines. still, he would probably feel useless. maybe it would make him want to leave too, knowing they didn’t need him, and that he was likely a burden to the group more than anything else. 

like this, he understands. it doesn’t mean he wants her to go. next, she says she won’t, and she can probably feel it when he lets out a long exhale of relief. he squeezes her a little tighter. “okay,” he acknowledges, still practically a sigh. he laughs at her next words, even if it’s a little heavy– would be a little wet if he was crying, though he doesn’t feel too far from it. he shakes his head. “i don’t think so,” he assures her. “it sounds hard. i wouldn’t be upset for the same reasons, i don’t think, but…i would still want to quit. but i’m glad you won’t. you’re welcome.”

he doesn’t think he deserves that much credit, but he’ll take it, and process it, and try to understand the fact that he means this much to chungha. it’s some much needed warmth in a week he has felt so cold; it’s a reminder that he still has someone here, close by, even at the times she feels a little too out of reach.

he feels the tightness in his chest with all of her reassurances, and part of him is so afraid. part of him is so afraid she’ll go back on that promise, but he chooses to trust her, as he usually does. he’ll put his heart on the line to believe her. “thank you,” and his voice his quiet. his vision blurs a little, tears coming to his eyes, but he holds his breath and wills them away. “sungwoon…” he breathes. what he says next seems relevant, even if he doesn’t want to make this about himself. “he’s enlisting this week. i’m glad i don’t have to say goodbye to someone else so soon.”

“you’d think i’d be ready by now though,” she says bitterly but it’s not directed at daniel or what he said. it’s just infuriating: how long this whole process takes. how long until she should officially throw in the towel? she’s 24 already. still not debuted. if nothing comes out of the heartz project for her should she just turn it in officially? she shakes her head. “i can’t pull out of the project. maybe this is the last chance for me.”

maybe it seems like she’s just putting herself in an unwinnable situation but that was where she was at. truly. if she tries, she’s fucked and if she doesn’t….well she’s fucked too. it’s part of the reason why she feels so trapped. an unwinnable situation but at least chungha wouldn’t run away from strife. she can’t do that. not again.

daniel truly seems eased by her promise to stay. honestly, chungha was too. she felt lighter already after sharing with him like this. what was the word her mother was using all the time? oh, that’s right: cathartic. this talk was cathartic. sometimes her mom was right. all she needed was to talk it out.

his change in demeanor catches her attention before he speaks again. it’s the way he had said the thank you that tripped chungha’s “sixth sense”. she turned, looking at him as he inhales then readies himself to say something. chungha doesn’t see the first tear until it begins to overflow. by then, daniel is finally speaking.

ah….the boy.

daniel had divulged this information quite some time ago to chungha. though it had surprised her at the time it makes a lot more sense now. she never told him – just took his admittance in stride like it was the most obvious thing in the world; but chungha had always pegged daniel as the type to have really intense friendships with his straight friends and possibly never realising his sexuality. and that was if he wasn’t straight. chungha mostly pegged him as a straight church boy in the beginning.

and here he was bringing surprises left and right.

“that sucks, doesn’t it?” she says sadly. she sweeps his hair off his forehead a bit. his boyfriend? boy toy? chungha didn’t want to press for clarification on what this would mean for daniel and his beau. though she’s sure an enlistment wasn’t anything to call it quits, right? the conscriptions for south korea were like two years, chungha thinks. or that’s what she could assume with the way kpop fans have countdowns and stuff. “but just know you can have one of those countdown counters like those weirdos on instagram who hype up their birthdays. but you can use it for sungwoon instead.”

she brings daniel closer, knowing he needs the comfort more than she. “having them be so unreachable sucks so fucking much. especially because i know for enlistment he’s not allowed his phone and stuff, right? you can still write him letters.” long distance really weighs down on people. the time in between conversations can feel impossibly long. “i will tell you something that i learned: no matter how much time passes in between the next time you’re able to have a moment to yourselves, it feels like nothing changed. it’ll be worth it in the end.”

I put everything I could into recovery and it didn’t work. Back to my normal (fucked up) self now. Where do I go from here?

What now?

No one look at me, Bad Buddy is over

I haven’t drawn her in a while. My art style has certainly changed but I still love her