I knew that something wasn’t right. I just felt it. The way Steve acted around me. It wasn’t the same anymore, he wasn’t the same around me anymore. I always thought we would be a great team, he was my soulmate, my best friend and my lover. And during the whole upside down thing and the demogorgons, I felt like our bond was stronger than before. We fought side by side and I never loved him more. I didn’t understand what was happening and I didn’t understand why he pushed me away after all of that. When we were around friends, when we were around Nancy and Jonathan he acted like nothing happened but when we were alone he acted different. Of course I asked him about it but he said everything was okay, then gave me a quick hug and left the room, leaving me alone with all the questions.
One day I found this little piece of paper in my locker. It was Steves handwriting and he asked me to meet him after the last period on the soccer field. I already had a bad feeling and my stomach started to feel bad. But I still had this little bit of hope, that maybe Jonathan had talked to him and now he wanted to explain everything and everything would be okay.
After the last period I said goodbye to Nancy, then went to the soccer field. I waited there for 10 minutes until Steve finally showed up. The moment I saw him my stomach flipped like the first time we kissed, like the first time I laid my eyes on him. I loved this boy with all my heart.
“Hey.”, I said. “Hey.”, he said but he didn’t even smile. “So what’s up?”, I asked, Steve barely looked me in the eyes. He shifted from one foot to the other and ran his hand through his hair but he didn’t say a word. As much as I loved this boy, I started to get angry. “Steve, please talk to me. What’s up with you lately? What do you want to talk with me about?” Finally he looked me in the eyes. “I’m sorry. I know I acted like an ass lately.”, he started. “But I just have to tell you this..” “What? Steve, what do you have to tell me?”, I asked, now more angry than before. “I can’t do this anymore. I mean.. us.” It was the last thing I expected so at first I didn’t even understand what he was talking about. “Us? You can’t do what anymore? This relationship? Steve what the fuck is wrong?”, I asked, now feeling tears welling up in my eyes. “What the fuck are you talking about?” Steve looked at me and it felt like my heart would break into thousand pieces. “I’m sorry. I just think this isn’t a good idea.” I shook my head. I couldn’t just accept him breaking up with me. “Steve, why? Do you even have a good reason for breaking up with me?”, I almost yelled. Steve turned away from me for a second. “You can’t even look at me?” Now I was really angry, but still, the tears were streaming down my face. “No I can’t.”, he said but finally turned back to me. “I can’t see you anymore, I can’t be near you, I just can’t be with you anymore.”, he said and I clearly saw tears in his eyes. “Why?”, I said now quietly. “It hurts. After all we’ve been through, everything that happened. You almost got killed by some shit monsters. I just can’t deal with all of this, I can’t live like nothing happened.” “So you rather break up with me?”, I said, still confused. Steve just nodded. “I think it’s the best for me to distract myself from you.”, he said, and this sentence finally broke my heart into pieces. “Like it’s my fault or what? Do you want to punish me for almost getting killed?”, I yelled, still in tears. Steve looked away. I saw that he had to fight against the tears. “Steve you can’t be serious.”, I cried, walking up to him. I tried to touch his cheeks, but he turned away. “Y/n, please.”, he almost begged. “Steve, I love you. You know that right? I know you love me. So please don’t do this okay? I know all of this is really hard, but this only makes it harder. I love you, I can’t lose you.” “You have to. Please don’t make this harder.”, he said. I couldn’t believe a word he was saying. “I can’t just let you go like this, and I can’t just stop loving you. I didn’t choose to depend on you, but Steve I do. And I can’t do all of this without you.”, I begged. But at this point I knew that Steve already made his decision. Incomprehensible for me. There was nothing I could do. It was pointless for me to say anything more and I didn’t. When Steve left the soccer field I couldn’t move. I was just standing there, watching the boy I loved more than anything walking away. I lost my soulmate, my one and only, my first love. I stood there for 5 minutes, tears were streaming down my face. Then everything suddenly started to feel real. Finally I was able to think and it hurt even more than before. I felt my knees touching the ground, then I just sat there, alone and still crying my heart out. I knew that I couldn’t do this without him, I loved him more than anything and it felt like someone just ripped my heart out. I didn’t know for how I was just sitting there, until I felt a hand touching my shoulder. When I turned around I saw Nancy looking at me. Somehow Nancy managed to get me to Jonathans car and they drove me home.
After that I wasn’t the same anymore. Something was just missing. It felt like someone just ripped my heart out and now there was nothing. Whenever I was at school I barely talked to anyone, except for Nancy and Jonathan, if necessarily. I didn’t see Steve, he indeed went to school, but I didn’t watch out for him. Whenever I walked the halls of Hawkins High School, my eyes faced the floor not looking up until I entered the classroom, and whenever he was in the same class as me, I kept my head down until the lesson was over. I didn’t wanted to see him, even though I missed him more than I ever missed anything. I still loved him, even though he broke me, and that was the worst thing about it. After a couple of weeks I finally woke up from my trance. I sat with Nancy at lunch, finally I was able to laugh again, I didn’t always faced the floor when I was walking the halls, I finally felt better. Once I crossed ways with Steve in the cafeteria, but I didn’t look at him. When I walked away I heard him say my name, but it would have been the least I would do. He’d pushed me away and now I was finally fine without him. I though. Inside, deep inside of my mind and my heart, I knew I just lied to myself and that I would be right back in his arms if he asked me to.
I heard what people said about Steve. He changed. He wasn’t the same anymore. He wasn’t that funny, loving guy he used to be. He now was the cliche of asshole every school has. The one he was before the upside down thing. He bullied, he got into fights and he drank a lot. That was probably his way to deal with the breakup because I still couldn’t believe that he didn’t had feeling for me anymore.
After almost one month and a half the day came when I finally talked to him again. Compulsory. It was a Friday night, usually I would go out with Nance, but I had a lot to study so I just stayed home. My parents were out of the city for the weekend, so I was all alone. I put some of my favorite music on and after studying I laid down on my bed, reading a book. After 10 minutes I heard the door bell. I sighed but decided to ignored it. Whoever it was, would come tomorrow if it was something important. Also my parents always told me to not answer the door this late. I tried to focus again on my book, but the ringing didn’t stop. I ran into the bathroom looking out of the window and saw Steves car parking outside. My heart dropped. Then I heard someone banging against the front door and I didn’t know what to do. “Fuck fuck fuck.”, I said to myself, then something inside of me decided to answer the door. When I laid my eyes on him, everything came back. All the feelings, all the memories I tried to hide away. But still, I knew that I loved him. “Steve..”, I said softly. Too softly. He didn’t look well. I knew he’d drank but still he looked me right in the eyes. “Y/n, we need to talk okay? Please?”, he mumbled. “Steve, why? Why did you come here?”, I said, not understanding why he showed up in front of my house, one month after he broke up with me. “I’m sorry. I came here to apologise.” “You’ve drunk. Did you drove?”, I asked looking at his car, relieved when I saw one of his friend in his car. “That doesn’t matter now. You’re all that matters Y/n.” That was too much. I wasn’t ready for that kind of conversation. I shook my head. “Steve no, you can’t do this right now. Please go okay?”, I said, trying to keep calm. “I can’t talk to you when you’re drunk. Especially not about our relationship. Remember you broke up with me. Please go now.” With that I tried to push him out of the door. He refused until he looked me in the face. “I still love you.”, he said, quietly, almost to himself. “Steve please.”, I said again, tear welling up in my eyes. And finally he left. I went back inside. That’s when the tears came falling down. It hurt.
Monday morning I saw him again. He was leaning against his car. He didn’t look away as soon as he saw me. My heart was racing and I knew everyone was staring at us when I walked over to him. Luckily in that moment the school bell ran and everyone went inside, except for me and Steve. “So?”, I asked him.
„I‘m sorry.“, he said, then looked away. I was angry. What was he thinking? That he could break up with me, leaving me alone, and then coming back with only a ‚I‘m sorry.‘ ? „Sorry for what Steve?“, I asked harshly, but the only thing I wanted to do in this moment was wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him. “I’m sorry for hurting you. I know I did. I saw you after I… I saw what I did to you.” I had to swallow hard. In my head I was going back to the weeks after he broke up with me, all the pain. I didn’t knew what to say, so I just looked at him. “I can’t live like this anymore. I miss you and I was so so stupid.”, Steve said, and I saw how desperate he was. He was still standing in front of his car but made one step in my direction. I held my breath. I wasn’t used to be this close with him anymore. His hand softly touched mine, and I closed my eyes. “I miss you too.”, I said, looking back into his eyes, my eyes were filled with tears. “You don’t know how much. But Steve you hurt me. After you broke- After you broke up with me I wasn’t the same. I didn’t know what to do without you. And now- now I’m finally moving on and I don’t know if I can just fall back into your arms, like nothing happened.”, I said, then I sighed. Steve nodded. “I know. But let me explain it okay? I- I just couldn’t deal with all of the stuff that happened, and I always had to though about you getting hurt or even killed and it just- it just made me crazy. I don’t know what I was thinking, but without you- that was even worse and I need you back.”, Steve said. My heart was still racing. All of his words overwhelmed me, but still I didn’t know what to do. He hurt me more than anyone ever before. “What can I do?”, he asked, now holding my whole hand in his. I shrug my shoulders and looked on the ground. I saw how Steve came closer and then I felt his finger under my chin. He lifted my chin up and forced me to look into his eyes. “I love you Y/n and I am so so sorry. I will do anything to fix this okay? Just give me another chance love.” I knew that it was everything I wanted. This was all I needed right now, hearing him saying that he loves me, that he wanted me back. And there I was falling right back in his arms, the boy I loved, the one that meant everything to me. I nodded, a little smile on my lips. “Okay.”, I said, then looking back up into his eyes. “Okay?”, Steve asked surprised. “Yes Steve, I love you and I miss you. And I can’t do it without you.”, I said, wrapping my arms around his neck. He smiled, and I’d never seen him smile like this. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”, Steve said, then finally he pressed his lips against mine. When his lips left mine he just looked me in the eyes and I wanted to stay in his arms forever. “Never do something like this again okay?”, I said seriously. Steve nodded and I saw true regret in his eyes. “Never.”, he said, then kissing me again.
I wrote this one a while ago, and I just wasn’t sure if I should post it or not. But I kinda like it, I’m also just obsessed with Birdys Deep End and wanted to write an imagine based on that song. Please let me know if you liked it or not xx
I will soon write all of the requests that I received, sorry for having to wait, but thaaanks for sending them in!
