“Call me if you’re free,” it was the seventh time your husband nagged at you that morning. He was holding your son in one hand and pulling your small-sized luggage in another hand.
He insisted.
You rolled your eyes at him and took your son. You were going out of the town for a couple of days and leaving him at home alone with his son.
It wasn’t like he never watched over the toddler but knowing him, you offered to hire a babysitter during days so that he can go to his workplace.
“It’s okay. I still have my paternity leave and it’s better to spare some money rather than paying just some people to take care of him,” he said that on the night you initiated.
You had to agree with him. Making money isn’t easy so it was decided that he will spend the days with the child.
You showered your son’s tiny face with smooches and it caused the older male to put on a sour mien. “I’m sure just a year ago your attention was all mine!”
You laughed unreservedly as he approached closer to you. He pulled your son and held him to his side, snaking his arm around your waist and kissed you on your lips.
He was getting greedy but he didn’t dare to indulge. After you two parted, he left a sweet kiss on your forehead.
“You never sleep on your own after we got married. I’m afraid you won’t be able to sleep tonight,”
You scoffed and poked him off. “Speak for yourself,” you grasped the luggage’s handle and waved at them. “Don’t be calling me at night with tears!”
“Same goes to you, ma’am,” he recalled everything he should remind you and lastly he shouted as you farther away. “Don’t go out alone at night. Make sure to call me if anything happens and remember to love me always! Love you, honey!”
You smiled upon hearing that.
“Your husband is so sweet, huh?” Your colleague said enviously.
You sheepishly turned your head against their inspection and replied “He’s just clingy,” with a blush on your cheeks.
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
If you like this story, you might as well check out the others here!
you’ve seen bodies hit the ground with your sword, the shattered fragments of empires that believed they were eternal, all brought to their end by the ‘army of the dead’. the nickname given by the survivors of the wars you had fought under the name of the king. A
you loved it. being the leader of the fifth battallion was a joy like no other. the soldiers under your command were no less than exemplary.
but there was one thing you hated with all your might.
lee chan. the commander of the first battalion. the one who abandoned you and left you for dead.
you had met chan back when you were drafted. he was living in the same tent alongside you and many others. you had trained with him, shared food with him, but when you were lying on the ground, bleeding out, he left.
he left you for dead.
some other soldier had managed to get you out and you swore if you ever found lee chan alive, you’d kill him yourself.
andoh, the anger you felt when you found out he became a commander too. you were seething in rage anytime you saw him in strategic meetings.
but this wasn’t the concern right now.
your soldiers had put faith in you but you had failed them,, once again, you found yourself staring at the face of death.
your battalion was assigned to ambush another army, but the latter had easily overpowered you. and here you were, lying on a hill of god knows where, losing blood by the second.
staring at the orange sky, would you have done this all over again? if it meant dying like this?
you heard footsteps and horse hooves, behind you. clutching your sword tighter, you whipped your head in the direction of the noise.
lee chan?? what was he doing here??
“oh–thank god, you’re alive!” he breaths a sigh of relief.
“what are you doing here?” you ask.
“we were told your battallion was attacked so we immediately made way here, to check for the survivors,” he explained, as he propped you up. “i’m here to take you back to the camp but I think I should take care of your wound first.”
“h–how many survived?” you manage to choke out, as you loosened your armor.
chan’s eyes don’t meet yours. “only five did and they’re all in a bad state.”
your heart plunged into the depths of despair. how could you have let your people down? the ones that put faith in you? what would you tell their families?
“let me die here,” you tell him.
“what?”
“let me die here,” you repeat. “i should be buried with them. I don’t have any reason to go back.”
chan looks at you in disbelief. “are you insane? i’m not going to let you die here!”
“that is not your decision to make,” you growl. “you left me to die once before, did you not?”
“i was just trying to help–”
“help?!” you repeat, on the verge of picking up your knife and beheading him. “you left me for dead!” you yell.
chan tries to come up with a retort, but much to his dismay, the words don’t come out.
you scoff. “you’re no commander but a man with a fragile ego who wanted all the glory for himself.”
a heavy silence befalls the two of you,, what else could chan tell you? you wouldn’t believe him anyway,, he starts bandaging up your wound,,
“but you didn’t die.” chan mutters.
“and what if I had–huh?” you bark. “then what? would you have buried me with your conscience?”
chan’s eyes don’t meet yours. “i’d have bury m’self in that grave with you.”
you scoff. “liar.”
chan frowns. “look I know what I did was wrong but I was actually going to come back for you,” he explains. “i would never leave you to die because–”
“because?”
“because i’m so desperately in love with you!” he confesses,, his chest heaving up and down,, his brown eyes looking into yours,, as you feel your cheeks heating up,, his jaw tightens as he looks way,,
but you find yourself acting on impulse,, pulling chan by the armour,, as your lips collide,, jolts of electricity shooting up your veins,, as the world melts behind the two of you, and you feel the wind being knocked out of your lungs,,
the two of you break the kiss,, gasping for air,, foreheads resting on each other’s,, cheeks dusted red,, maybe you didn’t hate him after all,,
Summary: After two years as Seventeen’s assistant manager, it’s time for you to move on. Parting, however, is difficult for you and Dino.
Words: 5.9k
Warnings: angst, slight crack, and then more angst… :C
Author’s note: I had planned to give this a fluffy ending but in the end poured too many of my real feelings about the K-pop industry in. All of my second-person protagonists are me, but perhaps this protag is especially me. I may try and write a happy-ending epilogue in the future!
*
On an early Saturday morning, you send the news that you’re leaving your position as Seventeen’s assistant manager to the group chat.
You:Hello everyone. I’ve made the decision to move on to the next step in my career. Today will be my last day with Seventeen. Thank you for the honour of being your assistant manager for these past two years.
It’s a day off for the members and you know they only got home at around 1 AM last night, so you’re surprised when you get a text only five minutes later.
Dino:Nuna, are you at the company right now?
You:Yes
You put your phone away and continue on your way to the staff room. The room is empty and quiet, save for humming computers and the sound of rain hitting the window.
Not two minutes later, though, the quiet is broken when the door bursts open with a bang. In charges Dino, slightly out of breath.
“Nuna!”
“Whoa! Oh, Chan-ah,” you greet him, bemused. “Why are you here so early?”
“I was already on my way here.” He tosses his bag down carelessly and hurries through the tables and computers toward you. “I saw your message — are you really leaving? You can’t, nuna.”
You have to smile a little at his firm tone. “I can’t?”
“You’re doing a really good job! All of our managers like you.” He skids to a stop in front of you, eyes wide. “They think you’re one of the best assistant managers we’ve ever had. And we’ve had a lot!”
“I know, Chan-ah,” you assure him. “Thank you for saying that. My decision isn’t about you guys at all, I promise.”
“Then why?” His eyes grow wider. “No way… nuna. Are you — are you getting married? Are you pregnant??”
“Pregnant?” You laugh. “Yah, is this the 1950s? Do I have to leave my job just because I’m pregnant?”
“No, but — are you?”
Still chuckling, you reach up to ruffle his hair. “What do you think?”
Dino removes your hand from his head and holds on. “Nuna, tell me.”
“No, Chan-ah, I’m not pregnant.” You look up at him curiously. “Why are you so anxious?”
“I’m… not anxious.” He pulls back, swallowing, and drops your hand. “I’m just surprised. I mean, this is really out of nowhere, you know?”
“I know, I’m sorry,” you acknowledge. “But this was a personal decision I had to make. I promise it’s not because of you, or anyone else at the company.”
Dino looks away, then back at you, a crease between his brows. “You couldn’t have told us sooner?”
The thread of hurt in his tone makes you reach out on instinct and clasp his shoulder. “I’m sorry, I really am. The managers said this would be easiest for everyone. You know what I mean, right? It’s easier to make a clean break of it.”
“… ‘s not easier.”
“What’s that?” You lean in.
“It’s not easier.” Dino lifts his head, and the abrupt eye contact almost feels physical.
You step back. “What?”
“You’re leaving tomorrow!” he bursts out. “After all this time together, you’re just walking out of our lives? How is that easier?”
“I know, but the managers said this would be the best for everyone —”
“They don’t understand! None of our other staff understand me like you do, nobody got along with me like you do. You’ve helped me so much, all this time — more than anybody else in my life.”
You open your mouth, then close it.
“If you leave, things really won’t be the same,” he finishes, more softly.
His stare is so intent that you have to look away before you find your words.
“Chan-ah.” You clear your throat. “Thank you for saying that. I’m glad I could support you and help you, as your assistant manager.”
Dino frowns. “You’re not just our assistant manager. You’re not just staff to me, nuna.”
Oh dear. “I amstaff, though. I was your assistant manager, that was my job.”
“I’m saying it’s not about the job! Our relationship isn’t about our roles,” he says with a huff.
“Itis,” you say, trying to strike a balance between kind and firm. “It is, because everything I did for you, I did as your assistant manager.”
He narrows his eyes. “So I’m the only one who felt it? It was just a one-sided relationship?”
You decide to just say it. He’s not going to let this go otherwise.
“Yes. It was a one-sided relationship, because it was supposed to be, Chan-ah.”
“What?” He draws back in affront. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“My job revolves around you,” you say gently. “We talk about you, all day, every single day. Your dancing, your singing, your worries, your concerns, your feelings. I know your hobbies, what you do on your off days, where your family lives… I know much, much more about you than you know about me.”
Dino blinks. He opens his mouth to reply. No words come out.
“And that’s okay,” you emphasize, “that’s how it’s supposed to be, because you’re an idol. That’s your identity. As staff, our job is to understand you and support you, and I’m glad I could do so successfully. But because of our roles, this relationship is, was and always will be one-sided.”
You pause, to see if he’ll interject. Instead he looks away, pressing his lips tight.
“We can’t say it’s not about the job,” you say, softer, “when your job is your life.”
He rocks his weight back on his heels, face still averted. His hands are clenched at his sides.
“Chan-ah?”
“…All right.” He looks up. “All right.”
He doesn’t exactly sound all right. You try to read his face, but he schools his expression with that incredible control of his, and you’re left staring at his blank poker face.
“All right,” Dino repeats one more time, quietly, then turns on his heel, picks up his bag and walks out.
Watching him go, it feels like he’s leaving you.
But you know that’s not true. You’re the one leaving.
*
“So did I hear right?” you ask Dino after a long day of filming at Mnet. “Seungkwan and Hoshi are your favourite hyeong?”
“Oh, you heard that?” He laughs, a cute giggle, and covers his mouth a little sheepishly.
“And here I thought Vernon was your favourite.”
“Don’t tell him.”
You smile. “You know Vernon’s not the type to mind.”
“That’s true.” He gives you a side-glance. “Who’s your favourite?”
“My favourite hyeong??”
“No, I mean, out of the members… who’s your favourite member?”
“Oh.” Your turn to laugh. “I’m not going to answer that.”
“Why not? I won’t tell the manager-hyeong.”
“Try asking them that question.”
He huffs. “I know they’re going to say they can’t pick, because they’re not supposed to show favouritism.”
“Are you saying I do show favouritism?”
“No! No, that’s not what I meant.”
“Then why would I answer?”
“Just between us,” he tries to coax. “C’mon, nuna.”
You turn to him. He mirrors you, leaning in, face alight with anticipation.
Rising on your tiptoes, you flick him on the forehead.
“Ow!” He raises a hand to his face, pouting.
“Let’s go, the others are waiting.” Grinning, you start walking again.
“So do you have a favourite or not? Nuna? Nuna!”
*
The other members say their farewells in the chat group; you walk out of the company building for the last time that Saturday.
On Sunday, you and your roommate of three years say goodbye to your miniscule Hongdae apartment and make the move north of the river. Moving is, as always, a tremendously hasslesome process. By the end of the day, you lay your exhausted body down on your mattress, surrounded by half-opened cardboard boxes, and pull out your phone.
Your eyes pop out of your head when you see Dino’s name on the screen.
Dino:Can we talk?
Yikes. Should you be communicating with him now that you’re no longer an employee? The non-disclosure agreement in your contract didn’t give specifics on this, but you’re not interested in running afoul of the company’s lawyers. Then again, the members can contact whoever they want; they have those privileges now.
In the end, you give a non-answer.
You:I’m sorry, I’m currently moving and things are a little busy.
Dino:Moving?
His one-word reply confuses you. Is he asking for clarification? Expecting more details? You don’t know, so you don’t send a reply.
A little cowardly, sure. But leaving your job as Seventeen’s assistant manager has used up enough of your courage.
*
You pick your way precariously through the crowded KBS waiting room, distributing lunch box sets among the members. It takes five minutes to reach Dino and Mingyu, who are squished between the far couch and the window, and hand them the last two boxes.
“Thank you, nuna.” Dino hands his phone to you in exchange for the food, and you glance at the screen.
“Oh, Duolingo again?” You squint at the Japanese characters. “Something about cats, right?”
“Nuna, you know Japanese?” Mingyu glances up at you.
“Nah, I just recognize some of the kanji,” you explain. “Speaking of, Chan-ah, I talked to the translations team and found someone with Japanese teaching experience. Do you want me to set up some private lessons after this comeback is over?”
“Really? Yeah, that sounds great,” Dino says enthusiastically. “Thank you.”
“Okay, will do.”
“Actually, there’s something else I wanted to ask, nuna.” Mingyu puts down his chopsticks. “Myeongho and I were thinking about doing lives in both Chinese and Korean, you know how some other groups do these days? But we need a live interpreter.”
“Didn’t you already ask Taehui-hyeong for help with that?” Dino says with a frown.
“Yeah, but you know how he is,” Mingyu replies, “he hasn’t gotten around to it yet. So I just wanted to ask you, nuna.”
Dino clicks his tongue. “You realize you’re just making more work for her like this, right?”
“Eh? No I’m not, nuna and hyeong can work together to find someone.”
“Yeah, but how much time is it going to take to find someone for this random request you thought up at 3 in the morning? She has other things to do.”
“It was 4 in the morning, for your information. And Taehui-hyeong thought it was a great idea.”
“Then just ask him and leave nuna out of this.”
“Yah, is nuna your personal manager? I can ask her for help, too.”
“Okay, ceasefire, please,” you interrupt. “Mingyu, less talking and more eating, the beauty shop folks are arriving any minute and you’re first up. I’ll check with Taehui about the interpreter.”
“Thanks!” Mingyu shoots you a grin and a smirk at Dino, who scowls back.
“Chan-ah, try and get some sleep after you finish eating, okay?” You hand back his phone. “Also, sorry, I broke your Duolingo streak.”
“Oh?” He takes the phone and checks the screen.
“I took a guess, but looks like ‘We broke up because my cat was too cute’ was wrong.”
He stares at the mistranslated sentence for a few more moments, then cracks a smile. “I think you need to take Japanese lessons with me, nuna.”
“I mean, there’s the ‘cat’ character and the ‘break up’ characters, right there. It was an educated guess.”
“And all the other hiragana in the middle?”
“Yeah, I just ignored those.”
“…That’s not how language works.”
“Good thing you’re the global idol, not me.”
*
On Monday, you get another text.
Dino:Nuna, do you have some time today?
You do, in fact, have some time; you have an entire week off before you start your new job. Does that mean you should be talking to Dino, though?
As you’re staring at his message, conflicted, a call comes through.
You startle and nearly drop your phone. Managing to catch it, you quickly swipe to pick up. “Hello?”
There’s a pause. Then: “Nuna, it’s me.”
“…Dino?”
“Yes, it’s Chan.”
“Ah. Hi.” You swallow.
“Um, I called because… I wanted to apologize about how our last conversation ended.”
“Oh. That’s okay. I know it came as a shock to you.”
“Yes. But I thought it over, and I wanted to talk to you some more. Do you have time to meet up today?”
“Errr, can you tell me now, over the phone?”
“If you’re not free during the day, I have time this evening,” he says quickly. “I can meet you wherever, nuna.”
“Can you…?” You’re doubtful. It’s not an easy thing for an idol to move around Seoul discreetly. And now that you’re not a staff member, you really have no reason to be seen in public with him.
“Yes. You said you moved, right? Just tell me where’s convenient for you, nuna, I’ll be there.”
“Dino, I think it’s better if we talk over the phone —”
“Please, I want to talk to you in person, nuna. Please.”
The urgency in his voice makes you waver. Slowly, you say, “The thing is, Dino, I don’t think we can meet anymore.”
A pause on the line.
“No way… nuna, don’t tell me — did you move abroad??”
“What???” How did he jump to that conclusion? “No. No, I moved across the river.”
“Across the river? Then why did you say we can’t meet? If you’re still in Seoul, I can definitely go meet you!”
“No, what I meant was — look, I’m not a member of your staff anymore, right? It’s not that easy for us to meet up.”
“I’m serious. Just give me an address and a time today and I promise I’ll be there.”
“Can you at least tell me what this is about?”
“I want to tell you in-person,” he repeats stubbornly.
“…Fine.” You let out a breath. “Before that, though, you need to tell the managers why you’re coming to see me, get their okay and make sure someone can drive you. Got it?”
Dino doesn’t answer right away.
“Or,” you say, “you can just tell me right now.”
“Fine. I’ll tell them,” he says, sounding reluctant. “Send me the place and time, okay?”
“All right.”
“I’ll see you soon, nuna.”
You end the call and immediately think, Where the hell can we meet?
It’s amazing how you spent so much time with the members and yet only travelled to a few fixed places together: the company, the dorms, the broadcasting stations, and other media companies. Now that you’ve left your position, there are no intersections where you and the Seventeen members can meet in public.
In the end, you send Dino a text with the only viable, private place you can think of: your apartment. Then you send a quick heads-up to your roommate.
You:Jeonghyeon-ah, sorry for the late notice, one of the members of Seventeen will be coming over at 5:30
Jeonghyeon:Coming over?? Why? You’re not in trouble, are you?
You:I don’t think so…? >_<I’m going to try and send him home by 6 if you want to avoid it
Jeonghyeon:Yeah I’ll take you up on that, thanks
You:Don’t work too hard!
You spend the rest of the day mindlessly unpacking while your thoughts whir around, trying to think of what Dino might have to tell you. By the time five rolls around, you’re sore but satisfied with your unpacking progress and feeling ready to hear Dino out.
Fifteen minutes later, you get a message.
Dino:I’m so sorry nuna, I can’t make it today. I wanted to let you know earlier but I didn’t have time
For a minute you just stare at your phone. For some reason, it feels like a letdown.
Pushing back your disappointment, you keep your reply short and sweet.
You:That’s okay.
You get an immediate read receipt, so you wait to see if he’ll respond.
He doesn’t.
After a minute of waiting, you shake your head and put away your phone. Whatever Dino wanted to talk about, it must not have been as urgent as he made it sound. Oh, well.
*
“Here, Seungkwan-ah.” You sit down in the driver’s seat of the car and reach back to hand Seungkwan his precious iced Americano.
“Thank you~” He leans forward, smushing Dino into Vernon, and accepts it gratefully.
“Use the straw, okay?” You start the car and peel out of the parking lot; you’re late for the trio’s radio schedule.
“Yeah, no costume changes today, hyeong,” Dino jabs.
“Uh, excuse me, I spilled onecoffee out of the fifty thousand drinks I’ve had in my life, one single time. Are you really going to keep bringing it up?”
“Fifty thousand drinks,” Vernon says in a musing tone. “If there are 365 days in a year…”
“Twenty-two times 365 is… 8,030. You’ve lived for 8,030 days, hyeong.” Dino holds up his phone, showing the calculator. “And 50,000 divided by 8,030 is… 6.2. Have you had 6.2 coffees every single day of your life?”
Seungkwan lets out a growl. “You know what I meant!”
You tune out their bickering and focus on getting through the Gangnam traffic as swiftly as safely possible. It’ll be a miracle if you’re not late, but hey, miracles do sometimes happen, right? Right?
After a few minutes, Seungkwan calls your name. “Hey, nuna?”
“Hm?”
“I think the barista left you their KakaoTalk ID.”
“Eh?” You put your foot down on the accelerator and manage to clear a yellow light safely. “What do you mean?”
“There’s a Kakao ID written here on the cup, plus a name.”
“Really?”
“Let me see that.” Dino grabs for the cup.
Vernon leans in as well. “‘Hajun’. I guess that’s his name.”
“Weird.” The next light you don’t make; you sit back and force yourself to relax your grip on the steering wheel.
“No, wait — what the hell? There’s a heart and a winky-face here too,” Dino says, tone rising in disbelief. “Yah, nuna, this guy’s trying to pick you up.”
“What?” You glance back with raised eyebrows.
He thrusts the cup out into your face. “Look! ‘Hajun’, heart, winky-face, Kakao ID. He was trying to pick you up!”
You turn back around in time for the green light. “Huh. Look him up on KakaoTalk for me.”
“Wait, what?” says Dino. “That’s a bad idea, you shouldn’t —”
“Found him,” Seungkwan announces. “Yi Hajun.”
“Yah, don’t!” Dino says loudly. “Why would you even bother, he’s obviously not a good person!”
“You didn’t even meet him,” says Vernon.
“Yeah, but what kind of weirdo goes around handing out his contact information on coffee cups?? Do you think nuna should meet that kind of person?”
“Relax, Chan-ah, I’m not going to marry the guy.” You turn onto the final street and glance at the clock. You just might make it.
“Yeah, well, he doesn’t look that good in bed, either!”
Seungkwan sighs. “I did not need that visual.”
WTF? You ignore Dino’s non-sequitur as you park the van and turn off the engine. “Okay, let’s go, we have two minutes to spare.”
Seungkwan and Vernon hop out, but Dino remains in the backseat. “Nuna, promise you won’t contact that guy.”
“Come on,” you urge, checking the clock again, “we’re going to be late.”
“Promise first!” He doesn’t budge.
“All right, I promise!” Why this is relevant to him, you’re not sure, but anything to get your idols to their schedules on time. “Now move, please.”
Finally Dino gets out of the van, and you lock up and jog in after them with an internal sigh of relief. What a job.
*
You finish unpacking everything by mid-Tuesday, and use the afternoon to scope out the local shops and do a much-needed grocery run to stock up your bare apartment. After dishing out a few hundred thousand won, you head back home laden with bags.
As you’re approaching your building, a familiar-looking vehicle catches your attention.
Your steps slow. The van’s parked on the opposite side of the street, and you keep a careful eye on it as you draw closer.
Just as you get close enough to read the license number, someone exits it.
“Nuna?”
You stagger to a halt. It really is him: Dino, dressed in all black, with a face mask pulled high and a ball cap pulled low, casually standing in the street in front of your apartment.
“Chan-ah, what —” Instinctively you glance around to see if anyone’s in the vicinity. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m here to talk to you.” He hurries toward you, hands reaching for your grocery bags. “Do you live here, nuna? Here, let me help.”
You side-step him and beeline for the van. “Who drove you? Taehui-yah, is that you?”
Taehui pokes his head out the driver’s seat window, wearing a sheepish smile. “Y/N-ah, hi.”
“Sorry about this, Hui-yah.” You shake your head in disbelief.
“No, it’s okay,” he replies, good-natured as always. “I wanted to come see your new neighbourhood anyway.”
“You told Taehui-hyeong you were moving but you didn’t tell me?” Dino butts in indignantly. “Really, nuna?”
You turn to him with a tsk. “Hurry up and say what you wanted to say before someone sees you.”
His eyes widen, and he glances around the street. “Right here? But… that’s kind of awkward.”
“Then let’s talk in the van.”
“Won’t your groceries go bad?”
Good point. “Fine. You guys can come up to my place.” You turn and head for your building.
“No, hyeong has to stay in the van,” Dino says quickly.
“Eh?” You turn back. “Why?”
“Because! That’s… that’s what we agreed.” He ushers you forward, away from the van and toward your building.
“Hui-yah, is this okay?” you call.
“Just get him back out here by five-thirty,” he calls back.
“Okay!”
When you turn back around, you find Dino’s somehow taken most of your grocery bags into his own hands. Well, you won’t complain.
On the elevator ride up, you remember Jeonghyeon. “Oh, shoot.” You scramble for your phone.
“What is it?” Dino asks.
“My roommate.” Exiting the elevator, you draft up a quick text.
“You got a roommate?”
His shocked tone makes you pause and look up. “Eh? I’ve always had a roommate.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Ever since I came to Seoul.” You send Jeonghyeon the text and continue on to your apartment.
“Oh.”
“You really don’t know anything about me, huh,” you say lightly as you unlock your door and step inside.
When you turn around, Dino’s standing at your threshold, looking at you with big eyes full of hurt.
“Hey — come on, I was joking.” You put down your bags and wave him in, feeling bad. “I didn’t mean it like that, Chan-ah.”
“Well, you’re not wrong,” he mumbles, trudging in and setting the groceries down gently. “But you know what, nuna?”
“Hm?” You close the door and turn to find him staring at you intently. “What is it?”
He takes a step forward. “I thought about it, and I don’t think it’s all my fault that I don’t know anything about you.”
“Hang on, I never said it was your fault.”
“I know, but what I mean is: you were too good of a manager.” He takes another step. “And maybe I was too good of an idol, right? That’s why our relationship was like that. That’s why you just felt like you were doing your job all the time.”
You smile a little wryly. “That’s one way to look at it, sure.”
Dino stops in front of you, expression earnest. “But see, now we’re no longer like that. You’re not my manager, I’m not your idol.”
To your surprise, he takes your hands and clasps them in his.
“Now we can have an equal relationship,” he finishes.
Uh. What?
“What are you talking about?” You pull your hands away.
He grabs on tighter and leans in. “We’re friends now, nuna.”
His tone is so matter-of-fact that for a second you actually believe him.
Then you shake your head. “What? No, that’s not —”
“Before we were just colleagues, right? Now we’re friends. You can tell me things like who your roommate is, how your family is, what you do on your days off. You can tell me everything about yourself.”
He’s looking so sincerely into your eyes that it almost physically hurts to look away. “Chan-ah, we can’t.” You tug your hands free again and tuck them behind your back.
“Why not? You’re not my manager anymore.”
“I’m not your manager anymore, but you’re still an idol,” you point out. “You still have all the responsibilities and restrictions of your job, your life. And now I’m no longer part of that life.”
“But I’m allowed to have friends,” he says indignantly, drawing back. “I’m allowed to choose you to be part of my life as my friend.”
“Listen, thank you for saying that, but — I can’t.”
“If we become friends, Chan-ah, I’m going to start liking you.”
…
Wait.
You said it.
What the fuck?
You can feel your eyes growing huge, a mirror to Dino’s widening eyes, a mutual staredown over the gruesome confession that’s just come out of your mouth.
THUD.
Something hard hits you from the back, and you topple forward onto the floor.
“Ow,” you groan.
“Nuna! Are you okay?!”
“Oh my God, Y/N-ah, sorry!” That’s Jeonghyeon’s voice.
You roll over weakly onto your back and squint up at Jeonghyeon, who stands in the doorway with a hand on the doorknob and a hand to her mouth.
“I didn’t know you were standing behind the door — are you okay?” She hurries in and crouches down beside you. “Did you hit your head?”
“Ow. I’m okay. Welcome back.” You close your eyes and dizzily let her pull you up into a sitting position. “Sorry, this guy showed up without giving advance warning. Jeonghyeon, meet Chan.”
“Nice to meet you,” Dino says automatically. “Wait, never mind that — nuna, shouldn’t you go to the hospital?”
You wave him off as you stand, holding onto Jeonghyeon. “I’m fine. Anyway, you should go now.”
“Me?” Dino looks between the two of you. “But — we’re not done talking.”
“Yeah, well, Jeonghyeon’s home, so time’s up.” Avoiding eye contact, you move around him and into the kitchen to start putting away the groceries. “I bought groceries, Hyeon-ah.”
“So I see.” She puts down her bag and hangs up her coat, side-eyeing Dino all the while. “Why is he here?”
“Oh, um, let me introduce myself,” Dino says quickly. “Hello, I’m Dino of Seventeen.”
“Right. You’re the guy who didn’t show up yesterday after making an appointment with her.”
He ducks his head. “I’m sorry. That was my bad.”
“So. Again. Why are you here?” You can hear Jeonghyeon’s eyebrow raise in her voice. “Did you come to confess your love for her or something like that?”
“No, I did that already,” you say ruefully, sticking your head deep in the fridge as you put away the soy milk.
“Oh. Wait, what?” Jeonghyeon drops the eyebrow raise and comes over to join you in the fridge. “You did what?”
“I said I liked him. By accident.” You share a grimace with her. “It was right before you opened the door into me, actually, so you had great timing.”
“Wow.” She lets out her breath in a low whistle.
“Yeah. That’s probably going to be the lowlight of my thirties right there.”
“Now what?”
“Now he leaves, and we pretend nothing ever happened.”
“Uh, excuse me.” Dino knocks on the fridge door, then peers around the edge. “I’m right here, you know. I can hear you.”
“Great! Then you know what to do.” Jeonghyeon straightens, gives her excellent no-nonsense smile and starts ushering him out. “Go back safely~”
“I still have things to say,” he protests. “Just hear me out!”
“Sorry, time to leave —”
“I like you too, nuna!!”
You look around at that.
Both Dino and Jeonghyeon are looking back at you. Jeonghyeon’s jaw is slightly dropped; Dino’s staring at you like Jeonghyeon’s not even there.
“Um,” you say.
Dino makes a frustrated sound. “Can I talk to you in private, please?”
Jeonghyeon tilts her head at you. After a moment, you give her a tiny nod and move toward Dino. “Let’s go outside.”
He doesn’t move. “Are you kicking me out?”
“Either we talk outside, or we don’t talk at all,” you say bluntly.
“…Okay.” He turns and exits the apartment but holds onto the door, as though making sure you won’t close it on him.
“I’m going to start cooking dinner,” Jeonghyeon tells you. “Take your time.”
You give her a grateful smile before following Dino outside.
He stands fidgeting in the hallway as you lock the door. “Nuna.”
“Not here. Let’s go back to the van.” You start down the hall to the elevator.
“The van? But Taehui-hyeong’s there.”
“There’s nowhere else we can go.”
“So why not your place?” You can hear the pout in his voice without even looking at him.
“Jeonghyeon hates having strangers over. It’s the first rule of our roommate agreement.”
“Then why did you invite me here in the first place?”
You press the elevator button. “I invited you yesterday, when I gave Jeonghyeon enough notice so she wouldn’t be home at the same time.”
“So it’s okay as long as she’s not there?”
“Yes.”
“Weird,” he mutters as he gets in the elevator after you.
You send him a speaking look.
“Sorry,” he says quickly.
“Pro tip: if you like someone, don’t call their friends weird.”
He doesn’t reply. You glance over to find him looking at you.
“What?”
“You’re right,” he says. “I like you.”
“Wha — ?!” You whip back around to face the front. You can feel your ears starting to burn.
“I like you, nuna,” he says, louder. “You like me too, right?”
Fortunately, the elevator reaches the ground floor just then. You dart out without answering and power-march out of the building and toward the van, resolutely not looking at him.
“Nuna!” Dino breaks into a jog to catch up to you. “That’s what you said, isn’t it?”
“I didn’t,” you shoot over your shoulder, not looking around. “Now be quiet before you attract attention.”
You reach the van and knock hurriedly on the driver’s side. Taehui jerks upright from his doze and rolls down the window. “Y/N-ah, hey. You’re done?”
“Almost.” You open the rear door and get in. “Come on, Chan-ah.”
“What do you mean, you didn’t?” Dino says, clambering on after you. “You clearly said it!”
“Hurry up and close the door.” You lean forward and tap Taehui on the shoulder. “Hui-yah, let’s go back to the dorms.”
“What?! No!” Dino grabs your hand in his. “Don’t, hyeong!”
“Uhhhh,” says Taehui.
You pull away with a huff. Fine, if you have to hash this out in front of Taehui, you will. “Chan-ah, look, I was just joking around, okay? Let’s just forget about this.”
“I wasn’t.”
“What?”
“I wasn’t joking, nuna. I like you.”
You glance nervously at Taehui. “Okay, seriously, this isn’t funny —”
“I’mnot joking. Ask Taehui-hyeong. I told all the manager-hyeong already.”
“You what?!” You turn your head to gape at Taehui. His awkward expression seems to confirm this.
“The reason I couldn’t come yesterday is because I told them this,” Dino continues, “and we spent the entire day arguing with senior management.”
“WHAT?” You’re pretty sure you’re in the process of losing your mind. “Lee Chan, you’re an idol.”
“I know!” he says. “I know. But I also know that I like you. And now… now I know that you like me too.”
“Yah, I never said I like you, I said I might start liking you!”
“You said you will start liking me!”
“So what??” Your voice is raised; you sit back and try to bring your volume down. “Okay. Look. You know what? It doesn’t matter.”
“How can you say that? Now we both know how the other feels!”
“It doesn’t matter, because we can’t date.”
“Nuna, I talked to management about this already! You can ask Taehui-hyeong, he was there. You know we don’t have an official dating ban.”
You give him your most stern stare. “Lee Chan, I am not going to date you.”
He blinks, opens his mouth, then pauses.
Finally: “Why not?” he asks, his tone wilted.
You sigh. “I know what it takes to be a celebrity. You owe your entire life to your fans. You live in the public eye. Your livelihood is built on societal sentiment.”
“My true fans would be happy for me to date someone I like!”
“But I don’t want to date a celebrity, Chan-ah,” you say. “I don’t want to date someone living in the public eye. I want to date someone normal like Taehui and deal with ordinary relationship issues.”
His eyes bug out. “Taehui-hyeong?” His head whips around toward the driver’s seat. “Hyeong?!”
“What? No, no, no.” Taehui shakes his head, a look of alarm on his face.
“Hey, I was just using him as an example!” you say quickly. “You know, for example, if I date Taehui, he doesn’t have any fans who might send me hate mail, and if we break up, I don’t have to see his face on the Internet.”
“Why would you date Taehui-hyeong though?!”
“I meant someone like Taehui!” You facepalm. “You’re totally missing the point.”
“Chan-ah, she’s saying she doesn’t want to date a celebrity,” Taehui intervenes. “Don’t you think you should respect her choice?”
“But —”
“He’s right. It’s my choice.” You’re grateful to Taehui for articulating it that way. “Can you respect that, Chan-ah?”
Dino looks down, crestfallen. “When you put it that way…” he mumbles.
You soften your tone. “It means a lot that you care about me. It really does. But I can’t be part of your world anymore.”
His brow creases in confusion. “You used to be, though. You were our assistant manager.”
“And I left. I left, for a reason.”
“…What reason?”
“The longer I worked, the clearer I saw how the K-pop industry turns humans into products.” You take a breath. “I know you chose this, and I’m not saying you made the wrong choice. But I can’t remain in this system. I can’t continue to contribute and uphold it. There’s too much dissonance in my head.”
Dino looks up, brow still scrunched. “Then — if I wasn’t an idol —”
Oh dear. “Stop. I’m not asking you to change,” you say. “We’re not going to change for each other, all right? Some day you’ll find someone who doesn’t mind dating a K-pop idol, and that person will be right for you.”
His throat moves visibly as he swallows. “I believe you’re right for me,” he says, voice thick.
“But I don’t believe you are for me,” you say, as gently as you can. “You’re not right for me, Chan-ah.”
He blinks a few times, then breaks eye contact and looks down without replying.
You look at Taehui, who’s watching through the rearview mirror with a concerned expression. “Hui-yah, sorry for making you listen to all this, and thanks for taking care of Chan. I appreciate everything you’ve done, really.”
“You know it’s no problem.” He turns around to clasp your hand briefly. “Take care of yourself, Y/N-ah, okay? Be happy.”
“You too, Hui-yah. Best of luck with everything.” You muster up a smile and wave. “Then… I’ll get going. Good-bye.”
You open the van door, get out and turn to close it.
“Nuna.” Dino’s there, holding the door open.
You look at him, at the faint glint of unshed tears in his eyes, and you can feel your throat close up with your own tears.
“Be happy, Chan-ah,” you say, and turn away.
That’s how you walk out of Seventeen’s lives; that’s how you walk out of Lee Chan’s life.
![pledis17: © Look at D || do not edit/crop photo. [☆]@mistatrustfundkidLook.Just look.](https://64.media.tumblr.com/21deb992cb6664059443588c56bdb89b/tumblr_oswg0okW0z1t9n75fo1_1280.jpg "pledis17: © Look at D || do not edit/crop photo. [☆]@mistatrustfundkidLook.Just look.")
