#writing relationships
Writing believable friendships
@bluebxlle_writer on Instagram
Even without taking their backstory into account, your characters’ friendship in the present should be believable enough to allow your readers to root for them.
1. Both ways
This is the number one rule for the friendship to be healthy and believable - affection, communication, help, and everything else should go both ways. You can’t have one character always asking for help and the other always helping while never getting anything in return, or a character always showing affection while the other never reciprocating it - the friendship needs to go both ways.
2. Similar or different
Friends can either be very similar or different, and both are interesting to write about! If they’re similar, they will usually get along pretty well. However, it also leads to the potential of more bickering with each other, since their personalities will clash. Just imagine two equally stubborn or talkative characters in a disagreement
If they’re different, they’ll be able to complement each other well (eg. the troublemaker and responsible one). However, you will still need to give them a common similarity to bond over. Maybe it’s a shared hobby or favorite animal!
3. Communication and trust
Friends can either be all giggly and soft around each other or bicker 24/7, depending on their friendship dynamic and the personalities of the characters. However, a constant thing to keep in a healthy friendship is the ability to trust and communicate with each other.
Friends should trust each other, not leaving each other for a love interest or some whack reason. They should also know the best ways to communicate with each other. Even with friends who bicker a lot, the arguments should be playful. They should always know and avoid the topics that are off limits and would truly hurt the other.
4. Flesh them out individually
Most of the time, there’s only one main character in the friend group, and the rest only act as their friend and nothing more. They don’t have any other role in the story besides being the main character’s friend.
While you can’t always dive into the backstory and depth of the other characters, especially if your story is only from one pov, you should still fully flesh them out. Give then strengths, weaknesses, hobbies, goals, quirks, etc. Make sure that everyone in their friend group are their own person, not just a supporting character for someone else.
5. Reason to stick together
Your character will meet so many people throughout their life, but they can’t keep in touch with all of them. Chances are, they’ll “abandon” old friends for new ones they just met. If you want to write a long-lasting friendship, you’ll need to find that key reason why they choose to stick together despite their hardships.
Maybe they ever saved each other’s lives in the past? Or maybe they live close to each other, so it’s easier to maintain their friendship. There are lots of possibilities!
6. Different friendship dynamics
- Chaotic x chaotic
- dumb x dumber
- grumpy x sunshine
- talkative x shy
- goofy x serious
- cinammon roll x cinammon roll protector
- Playful & friendly rivals
- sarcastic x blunt
- calm x always angry
Not the school subject, which I know nothing about (sorry to my chemistry teacher). I’m talking about love. But more than that, chemistry is the way two people interact, and usually it is referring to a romantic sense (though there can be friend, familial, or even antagonistic chemistry). So here are some tips on creating and maintain some of those sparks to make your readers care about the relationships in your story.
Make it Slow
It doesn’t need to be slow burn. Hell, it could even be love at first sight. It’s not about the falling in love, it’s about the relationship itself. In real life, we don’t know what a partner is like until a month, 6 months, a year, maybe even a decade after being with them. First impression you is not the real you. Let the characters develop themselves naturally and slowly, and the relationship will not become too fast-paced and unrealistic.
Give them Differences
We’ve all heard the saying “opposites attract.” And since everyone is different in some way, that is true. Now, your romantic interests don’t need to be polar opposites. In fact, something which I will talk about soon is that they should have some similarities. But a difference creates conflict—good conflict. Conflict that can mirror character’s internal conflict, that can mirror the plot, that can lead to surprising bonds. Make your characters’ differences complement each other, and that will lead to great chemistry.
Give them Similarities
Wait, what? You just said to give them differences.
Well, yes. Both can be true. In the same way that every person on Earth is bound to have something similar and something different with every other person on Earth, your characters should have some similarities to go along with their differences. What is a common trait, or situation, or part of their identity that they can bond over. What do they share that nobody else shares with them? Answering this question can also answer the key question: why do these two characters specifically work well with each other, and not with anyone else?
Focus on Each Separately
You can’t make a good relationship unless the characters that are part of that relationship are also good. So, before you jump into trying to create chemistry, make sure your characters are fully fleshed out first. They should be able to stand on their own with their roles in the story. Make them complex, with motivations, goals, and a key role in the story beforeyou pair them together.
Hope this helps!
Writing believable friendships
@bluebxlle_writer on Instagram
Even without taking their backstory into account, your characters’ friendship in the present should be believable enough to allow your readers to root for them.
1. Both ways
This is the number one rule for the friendship to be healthy and believable - affection, communication, help, and everything else should go both ways. You can’t have one character always asking for help and the other always helping while never getting anything in return, or a character always showing affection while the other never reciprocating it - the friendship needs to go both ways.
2. Similar or different
Friends can either be very similar or different, and both are interesting to write about! If they’re similar, they will usually get along pretty well. However, it also leads to the potential of more bickering with each other, since their personalities will clash. Just imagine two equally stubborn or talkative characters in a disagreement
If they’re different, they’ll be able to complement each other well (eg. the troublemaker and responsible one). However, you will still need to give them a common similarity to bond over. Maybe it’s a shared hobby or favorite animal!
3. Communication and trust
Friends can either be all giggly and soft around each other or bicker 24/7, depending on their friendship dynamic and the personalities of the characters. However, a constant thing to keep in a healthy friendship is the ability to trust and communicate with each other.
Friends should trust each other, not leaving each other for a love interest or some whack reason. They should also know the best ways to communicate with each other. Even with friends who bicker a lot, the arguments should be playful. They should always know and avoid the topics that are off limits and would truly hurt the other.
4. Flesh them out individually
Most of the time, there’s only one main character in the friend group, and the rest only act as their friend and nothing more. They don’t have any other role in the story besides being the main character’s friend.
While you can’t always dive into the backstory and depth of the other characters, especially if your story is only from one pov, you should still fully flesh them out. Give then strengths, weaknesses, hobbies, goals, quirks, etc. Make sure that everyone in their friend group are their own person, not just a supporting character for someone else.
5. Reason to stick together
Your character will meet so many people throughout their life, but they can’t keep in touch with all of them. Chances are, they’ll “abandon” old friends for new ones they just met. If you want to write a long-lasting friendship, you’ll need to find that key reason why they choose to stick together despite their hardships.
Maybe they ever saved each other’s lives in the past? Or maybe they live close to each other, so it’s easier to maintain their friendship. There are lots of possibilities!
6. Different friendship dynamics
- Chaotic x chaotic
- dumb x dumber
- grumpy x sunshine
- talkative x shy
- goofy x serious
- cinammon roll x cinammon roll protector
- Playful & friendly rivals
- sarcastic x blunt
- calm x always angry
Hey guys! I’m taking some information from previous asks and putting them into posts if I think the tips could be used for others as well. They’ll be tagged posts from asks. Enjoy!
1. Proximity matters. Spend time with them. If they’re around you often and you guys really click and have a lot in common, they’ll begin to realize that they like you, maybe just as a friend first, but you have to reach that before you can get to romantic liking.
2. Similarities matter. Scientifically, if you guys have a lot in common, they’re more likely to like you. I’m not saying fake being interested in everything the other person is interested in but show support for what the other person liking different things than you and if you’re interested in learning more about something they like, definitely do some research so next time they talk about it, you can join in with some comments. They’ll recognize that you remembered what they said they were interested in and that you took the time to look it up for yourself. They’ll be impressed.
3. Communication matters. Talk to them regularly. Get to know them. Let them get to know you. Don’t keep it basic like favorite colors, food, etc. Those are fine for starters but one of my favorite things about when my boyfriend and I first started dating was that we could talk about deep stuff like life goals and travel hopes and all that almost from the beginning. It made him more interesting and open to me.
4. Look for signals. Do they often want to hang out or talk? Do they flirt with you? Act all lovey-dovey and couple-y? Sometimes it’s hard to read signals from people but keep a look out for them. On the same note, don’t be confusing with your signals. I am awful most of the time with telling if someone likes me or not so I like clarity.
5. When you feel prepared, ask them out. It can be as simple as “hey, I enjoy your company, would you like to grab a coffee with me tomorrow at 9?” It doesn’t have to be “hey will you be my significant other?”
6. Respect the other person’s boundaries. If the person says no to you asking them out, don’t push, don’t guilt trip them, don’t manipulate them. Respect their decision and move on or remain friends. Whatever works for you.
For my followers who experience romantic attraction :)
You’ve probably all seen the typical post about how consent in sexy and cool and the phrase “can I kiss you?” is way more attractive than any sudden surprise kiss.
And I agree, but I also acknowledge that consent comes in many forms and those words aren’t the end all be all of consent.
So, as someone who’s been in two relationships with differing levels of consent, let’s talk about it.
Obviously, everybody is different, consent changes for different relationships this is writing advice not life advice. Sit down and talk to your significant other if this is something that concerns you!
Kisses with consent are sexier. And not just because of the consent.
My first boyfriend would often kiss me suddenly and without consent (that isn’t the reason we broke up… but it definitely didn’t help matters), and they were awkward. Because here’s the thing, if I’m just minding my own business and suddenly someone else’s tongue is in my mouth well, my reaction is notgoing to be kissing back. It’s pulling away or awkwardly freezing.
Knowing what’s coming up, is helpful in a relationship.
At the start of a new relationship, verbal consent is key.Not only at the beginning but also during, if you’re going for a long kissing session, stopping for a second and asking, “are you still comfortable?” or “mind if we continue?” are useful.
But later on in a relationship these verbal cues fade. They don’t disappear, I still walk up to my boyfriend and say, “mind a kiss/hug?” but we do have alternatives.
For example, simply kissing the air in his direction is an easy way to initiate.
Looking your partner straight in the eyes and opening your arms up to signal the desire to embrace. (Warning can also end in raised brown and slowly walking away).
Touching one’s cheek if we’re already cuddling.
And many more!
We’ve been in a relationship for five years. We know each other and we know that these actions signal consent. New couples need to learn each other and their signs.
There are also things we do not ask consent for because it’s a given. For example, kissing on the cheek when my partner walks past me at the desk or comes up behind me while washing dishes. Hugging when we first see each other after a couple of days apart. Or many other numerous things.
Again, after five years together, I’m one hundred per cent comfortable with touch from my boyfriend, despite being kind of sensitive to it from anybody else (even handshakes and pats). Because of this, he has my consent, but I always have the ability to take it away.
And that’s perhaps more important than the initial consent itself! If I’m anxious because of an exam and touch sensitive, I know I can take back that consent, tell him to please not touch me. And he will. That’s more important than him asking in the first place, for me, personally.
Also, all of these points go two ways. Both parts of a relationship should be asking for consent. Consent is a two way road. Nothing can happen without TWO consenting individuals. (I mean, two or more or whatever, love these days fits no mold and I’m totally here for it).
As usual, check out my book, stories I’ve written plus other social medias: here.
Can you think of any other non-verbal signals for consent? I’ve only listed here one’s I experience but everybody is different!
