- Make sure the place where you’re going is accessible! Your date might opt to use a wheelchair that day, and if they’re using a cane, best to make sure there aren’t a silly number of stairs involved in whatever date you’re considering.
- Call ahead to the place to see if wheelchairs are available to borrow if you’re going somewhere that involves a lot of walking and standing around, like a museum.
- If your date is using a cane, they likely only have one arm to hold things. Consider bringing their food/drinks to the table along with yours– let them claim a booth while you get the food!
- Be prepared and willing to be someone’s physical support sometimes, especially if your date is having a rough leg day.
- Be prepared for a Plan B Date: it’s so awesome to have a back-up plan for the date if the day comes around and your person is spoonless. Believe me, it’ll mean a lot.
i just really want to add some from my own experience:
ask yourself, really ask yourself if you’re fine with plans being cancelled at the last second, cancelled mid-event, and for plans to often be “come over to my house and lump on the couch with me” - if you aren’t? don’t date somebody with chronic pain/fatigue. especially if you will take that sort of thing personally and/or hold it against the person. if you date me, you date my disabilities. i have to deal with them, so do you.
if you are grocery shopping with someone who uses a mobility aid like a cane or rollator, and that person is pushing the cart? DO. NOT. MOVE. THE CART. while they are using the cart, it is taking the place of their normal mobility aid and moving it is like moving their leg. DON’T DO IT. i have fallen in grocery stores more times than i want to think about due to an ex who couldn’t get it through his head that THIS IS MY CANE RIGHT NOW and would just grab the basket and drag it somewhere.
if your date says “no, it’s fine, i’ve got it” when you try to do something? let them. just let them. my disabilities takes so much away from me, the things i can actually do are things i am proud of. it makes me feel better to be able to do things for myself. i detest nothing more than an able-bodied person INSISTING on doing something that i can do myself, even though i’ve said multiple times that i’d prefer to do it myself. it says volumes on what that person really thinks of my abilities as a functional human, none of them positive. i get that you’re trying to help, but i promise, taking away what autonomy we do have? not helpful.
learn to tell your date beforehand what the date will entail. learn to look for the things your date would need to know. i had an ex that never factored in things like “walking half a mile” or “it’s a three story walkup with no elevator” because those things were no problem for him. i, on the other hand, would arrive at the destination crying from pain and unable to enjoy a damn thing - and exhausted in advance by knowing i’d have to repeat the journey just to get back home. don’t be afraid to ask your date what things they need to have taken into consideration. ask what accessibility options are necessary for them when it comes to cane/wheelchair access, how much access there is to regular seating, how much walking will happen, how many stairs there are. if you go to a movie and the only parking is way in the back, ask if they’d rather you drop them up front while you get a spot - because sometimes traversing a large parking lot is the difference between watching a movie and sleeping through it, or being too distracted by pain to follow it. by and large, we know our limitations and it means the world to have someone say “hey i want to take you to this exhibit, i think you’d really enjoy it! there’s several stairs to the entrance and the wheelchair ramp is kind of obnoxiously far away, so it’s either a bunch of walking or deal with stairs to get in there, but once you’re inside there’s a lot of comfortable benches and not a whole lot of walking.” because they thought about how you navigate the environment.
if your date is using a rollator or wheelchair, make sure your car (or whatever form of transportation you are going to be using) has space to put it. don’t ask me out to the renaissance faire and then show up in a CRX and look confused when i say my rollator can’t go in that so i’ve gotta stay home.
BE. PATIENT. this shit is unpleasant enough for us already, the last thing any of us need in our lives is another able-bodied asshole making us feel like burdens. we can’t do everything as quickly or as easily or sometimes at all. sometimes we need your help. sometimes we have to cancel plans. even big plans. even big expensive plans. it’s no fun for us either. sometimes we have to back out of shit halfway through because our bodies have absolutely hit the wall and have failed us. i’ve had to abandon a cart full of groceries before and sleep in my car before i could even manage to drive home because my body just gave the fuck out with no warning. can you imagine? just for a second? imagine being young enough to still get carded for booze and your body literally collapses and you have to almost crawl to your car, sitting in the middle of the floor several times on the way. don’t get frustrated with us, we’re doing our best. it’s just harder than you can imagine.
Also remember just because the cane isn’t there doesn’t mean the disability isn’t there. All of these points are still relevant. Be aware. Be considerate.
yooo it’s me again with part two of my reference masterpost, now focusing on life in general a little bit more (see part one for more school-based things)! enjoy ✨
so@saintjoan did a cool book giveaway last month and it inspired me to do my own so I could thank all of my amazing followers for sticking by me through my second year of uni (and all the ranting it entailed). now it’s the summer and I plan to read a ridiculous number of books, so this is my way to (hopefully) inspire some people to do the same and maybe even read one of my faves :)
there will be one winner, who can pick one of the books shown above. these are a few of my favourite fiction books, and if you want to know what they’re about feel free to ask! if this gets more than 3k notes I’ll add another winner.
Zendaya isn’t here for your rape “jokes” that promote violence against women. When @ogxbenson polled his followers who they would rape if the Purge were real, the Disney star immediately called him out for the disgusting question. Perhaps more shocking are the disturbing responses by men who answered @ogxbenson’s question.
This is scary. This is so scary.
^^^^^^^^^^ there’s no hope for children growing up I this world
this is a actual tweet that someone sent out and the worst thing about it is that people were saying “ oh this is so fucked up …but _______” like people knew how terrible this was and they still took it as a joke
I literally wish that everyone who found this funny or condoned this would drop dead on the spot like I don’t give a fuck.
honestly I know enough has been said about those posts that end with the entire bus applauding someone, but like it’s just SO unbelievable?? in my experience if anything of note at all happens on public transport we all just kind of quietly look around at each other with this expression
