#ahs rp

—————CHI WITH A C’S AMERICAN HORROR STORY PARODY SENTENCE STARTERS
taken from this video. change as needed.

“God, they didn’t die in here or anything, did they?”
“I’m pretty sure you’re Jessica Lange.”
“Why did you eat all the poptarts?”
“I’m sorry, who’re you? How do people keep getting into my fucking house?”
“We all know you ran over five people on your way to work this morning.”
“First up, telekinesis. You must be able to touch your nose with your tongue.”
“Surprise, bitch. I’m more powerful than any of you assholes put together.”
“She comes back in Apocalypse, chicken.”
“Today, I noticed something I had never noticed before. I am Sarah Paulson.”
“We’re just so sad ‘cause it’s your last season, Jessica.”
“Ryan Murphy is going to make me a star.”
“Eight hundred dollars? I booked for a night, not a year.”
“We have Lady Gaga.”
“There could be a hundred people in a hotel, and ninety-nine don’t believe in you, and just one does. And that, for me, was Ryan Murphy.”
“Think Four Seasons but with ghosts.”
“I’m stuck here for forever.”
“I kept trying to drop hints to ____ that I want to leave.”
“I felt like I was in an episode of American Horror Story.”
“There’s someone staring at me. There’s someone on that wall and she looks exactly like me.”
“Oh, honey, did you drop your pen? I can pick that up for you for twenty-five thousand dollars. I take cash.”
“Oh my god. Oh my god, oh my god. Oh my god, oh my god, what was that?”
“Fuck you, America! Fuck you, world! USA!”
“She’s scared of everything. She’s scared of grapes, twelve o’clock, the moon, elbows.”
“You need to come home, right now. We have a national crisis. We need to phone Andy Cohen. They’ve replaced Real House Wives of Beverly Hills with Atlanta.”
“At first I was afraid… I was petrified. I kept thinking I could never live without you by my side.”
“It’s pretty fucking dramatic for a receptionist but whatever.”
“As purples, you’ve all survived Lockdown 2020.”
“Hey, dad? Look, I know you’re the Antichrist and stuff, but do we really need to have an apocalypse?”
“Wait, you guys, haven’t we done this season?”
“You guys, I’ve discovered a new power! … You’re all Covid free.”
“No, I’m sorry, next season. Next season.”
“Shake those hips! Yeah, do it for the eighties.”
“I just had the perfect idea. Should we go be counselors at a camp? I know the perfect place. A dozen people got murdered there, but you know, life goes on.”
“Don’t do anything you wouldn’t want Jesus himself to be looking at. He’s always watching.”
“Oh my god, that’s Mr. Shue from Glee.”
“We’re in the eighties. That wouldn’t be possible.”
“Obviously I’m gonna put Sarah Paulson in every season. That’s just the way I work.”

you know what’s fucking crazy? That men AREN’T THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO ABUSE, RAPE, ASSUALT OR FLAT OUT HURT OTHER PEOPLE ISN’T THAT CRAZY THAT WOMEN COMMIT CRIMES TOO WOW WHO KNEW???? but seriously all you feminists who think women are perfect fuckin angels can literally fuck off. -this is coming from a feminist that is a female

On another note if your ballsacks are sweaty and hairy and shit my pussy shouldn’t have to be shiny and perfect fuck off.