#being good

Daily Picture Assignment #123

Happy hour outfit from last night.

Reaction Junkie and I have a little protocol around what I wear. Whenever I’m going out, I ask him what to put on. I’m not asking him to pick out my whole outfit, mind, since that isn’t his strong suit. Instead, I ask him if I should wear a skirt, dress, or shorts. Now that it’s winter, I’ve replaced “shorts” with “pants” and “leggings.” I really like this protocol, since I get to feel that sense of being controlled and Reaction Junkie gets to make pick out some of my clothes, but without any of the pressure of having to pick out a full outfit.

While I don’t ask Reaction Junkie to make all of my clothing choices for me, sometimes I do ask for input when I can’t make up my mind about a particular aspect of my outfit. Last night was such an occasion. I couldn’t decide which boots to wear, these ones, or my big stompy boots. I was leaning towards the stompy ones, but wasn’t sure, so I put these on and asked Reaction Junkie what he thought.

He thought for a second and told me, “Those.” For a moment, I thought about disagreeing and wearing the other boots, but then I remembered my place. It doesn’t matter what I want. What’s important is what Reaction Junkie wants. Even if I think he might be wrong, and that a different course would be better, I need to listen to his decision. If it’s something major, I can, of course, speak up, but even then, if he still wants me to do what he initially said, I must obey. And if I disagree on something minor, I should, no, will obey without question. So I wore the boots that he picked.

The details of Reaction Junkie’s preference or order don’t matter. The important thing I that I remember that I’ve subsumed my preferences and wants into his. If I prefer something that runs contrary to what he wants, I will follow through with his desire. A particular decision may not be or even become what I would like, but by virtue of the fact that it is what Reaction Junkie prefers, I will want to follow through with it. I may not want it specifically, but going along with it will make me happy, because it will best please Reaction Junkie.

PS. Before anyone gets mad, the shirt is from A Softer World, and it’s making fun of people who act like that’s what feminism is about. Reaction Junkie has one, too, which results in some great interactions.

Daily Picture Assignment #24

On Friday, I woke up feeling kind of grumpy. Grumpy in general and grumpy at Reaction Junkie. It was mostly the result of not sleeping long enough or well enough, but also because something he’d said to me when I woke up in the middle of the night gave me a moderate case of the feels.

When I was trying to decide what to wear to work that day, one of my previous DPA posts came to mind. I considered wearing something besides my usual, but because I was grumpy, I initially pushed the idea aside.

Then I realized that this was a perfect opportunity. I should put forth that extra effort, not despite being grumpy with him, but because of it. Deciding to pick an outfit with Reaction Junkie in mind despite not being in the mood is an even better demonstration of my submission than if I were excited about doing it.

So, I put on a cute skirt and heels, and headed out to the office, pleased with myself for being good, even though I hadn’t felt like it.

Daily Picture Assignment #36

I’m going out on a date with Not A Tumblr Dom today, and I’m really looking forward to it. I find him easy to talk to and interesting to listen to.

Before I left the apartment, Reaction Junkie told me that I’m to drink a bunch of water while I’m out tonight. He added that I should ask Not A Tumblr Dom for permission to pee.

I looked up at Reaction Junkie, a little disappointed. I thought he wanted to have complete and sole control over my bladder. Before I could say anything, he interrupted himself and said, “No. Don’t do that. I don’t want you to do that.” It made me really happy to know that he values being the only one who gets to say when I can and can’t pee.

Reaction Junkie owns my bladder as part of owning me, of course. But more than that, he has total control over my pissing privileges. He may very occasionally give temporary control to someone else, but at the end of the day, it’s Reaction Junkie who gets to decide when and where I get to piss.

I’m going to drink a bunch of water tonight, as Reaction Junkie ordered. But I’m so pleased that he enjoys having sole control over my bladder as much as I enjoy him having it, so I’m going to go above and beyond.

I’m not going to piss while I’m out tonight. Barring some kind of big disruption, I’m not even going to text Reaction Junkie to ask for it. I will hold it all night, no matter how desperate I get. Only when I return home will I ask for permission to piss.

In addition, I’m going to change my workplace pissing habits. Right now, I don’t have to text Reaction Junkie for permission while I’m at work. Starting tomorrow, I’m going to change that. I want to have an ongoing reminder that no matter where I am or what I’m doing, Reaction Junkie owns me and has control over me, even over my basic bodily functions.

PS. It’s really hard to take a picture of your bladder.

Daily Picture Assignment #29

Before I went out last night, I asked Reaction Junkie my usual question, “Dress, skirt, or shorts?” Usually he just texts back telling me which of the three to wear. But yesterday was different. Yesterday he told me, “Skirt and no panties.”

When I saw his response, I whimpered aloud at my desk, and my cunt clenched. Normally I pick out whatever style of the dress, skirt, or shorts I feel like wearing, so I started thinking about what skirt to wear that would be easiest. I decided on a long skirt, one of my hippie/boho ones.

Then I realized that I shouldn’t be thinking about what would be easiest for me. I should be thinking about what he would like best. As I’ve talked about before, if I think of a clarification to ask for, I should ask for it, even if I have concerns about the answer I receive. To not do so would be to deny him some amount of control over me. I would be missing out on a chance to submit further to him.

I want to (and ought to) give him as much power over me as he wants and submit to him as much as possible, so I texted back and asked him if I should wear a floofy skirt, a tight skirt, or a long skirt. He told me to wear a long tight skirt. I put together this outfit and headed out of the house, sans panties. As evidenced by the picture of my ass without panty lines, despite the thin tight skirt.

I was relieved that he hadn’t instructed me to wear a short floofy skirt that might be blown up in the wind, and pleased with myself for putting aside my concerns about that risk and cede control to him.

Daily Picture Assignment #41

While I haven’t been keeping up with these pictures as well as I should be, I have been very good about something else. In another DPA I decided to change my workplace pissing habits. Previously I didn’t have to ask Reaction Junkie for permission to pee while at work. Now I do. Each time I need to piss, I have to text him to ask, “May I please pee?”

For practicality’s sake, if he doesn’t respond to my text within half an hour, I’m allowed to go, but there’s still a challenge there. I don’t want to ask permission before I actually really do need to pee. That defeats the purpose. But I also need to ask early enough that if he doesn’t respond, I can wait the half hour. It’s a delightful balancing act that leaves me desperate, wiggling, shifting uncomfortably, and trying to distract myself so I can hold it for the next five, ten, or twenty minutes.

Sometimes he responds unexpectedly fast. In those cases, I try to finish however much water I have left in my huge one litre Camelbak and wait until the need to pee is more urgent before I get up and head to the bathroom, to sort of make up for the fact that I got permission earlier than absolutely necessary. When I told Reaction Junkie about that, he said, “Good girl,” and it made my pussy twitch. I’m not sure I’ve been doing it every single time he’s responded more quickly than I thought he would, but I’m certainly going to do so now.

Of course, he doesn’t always just say “Yes” when I ask if I may pee. As Reaction Junkie said to me, if he said yes every time, “it would become perfunctory." Sometimes he tells me "No,” but more often he tells me at what time I’m allowed to piss. Late last week, for example, I texted him at 12:11 asking for permission. A minute later he texted back, “1230, slut.” I gasped and moaned a little at my desk, even more turned on than usual by the addition of degradation and name calling to the bladder control and desperation.

Sometimes when he gives me a time at which I’m allowed to go, he also offers me an alternative, some task to perform or action to take. If I choose to do it (If he’s given me a choice. Once in a while it’s a condition of being allowed to pee, no other option.), I’m may piss as soon as I’ve done so. Occasionally it’s something terribly embarrassing, like asking my boss for permission to go to the bathroom. Once I had to do 25 squats while pressing on my bladder. More recently, he’s started using his control over my bladder to get me to do things he wants me to do or that I need to do, such as text a friend to set up a time to hang out, or send an email I’ve been putting off.

When he denies my request, makes me wait until later, calls me names, or makes me beg, my cunt clenches and my head buzzes a little with subspacey delight. Using his control over me to make me do things I’ve been procrastinating on or I’m hesitant to do in order to earn the right to piss is a perfect way for him to reinforce his orders. It helps me learn my place and teaches me to do as he says, even at other times, as I become conditioned to obey him.

I love that we’re doing this additional bladder control and desperation. As I go about my day, I’m mindful of the fact that I have to ask him if I may piss. Because of this, I have to actively think about my place in our relationship whenever I need to use the bathroom, whenever I drink my water, whenever I refill the bottle, whenever I go into a meeting. It’s a constant reminder that he has such ownership and control over me that even my most basic bodily functions are subject to his will. It’s impossible to forget that, even for a moment.

Reaction Junkie owns me, I have submitted to him, and I have given up power over myself to him. He has complete control over me everywhere, even at work. This was all true before, but now I am consciously aware of it throughout the entire workday.