#butchfemme

marcchagallthebride:

marcchagallthebride:

unpopular opinion perhaps but neither bi women nor anyone else should have to complete a ~required reading~ list before identifying as butch/femme. people should absolutely be encouraged to learn abt the history of the butch/femme labels & the culture surrounding them but idk whenever i see people tell bi butches & femmes to go read stone butch blues or boots of leather, slippers of gold bc clearly they don’t understand what butch/femme REALLY means it strikes me as less of a good-faith effort to encourage them to learn their history & more of a mean-spirited attempt to gatekeep butch/femme culture & exclude bi women ‍♀️

when you feel compelled to recommend butch/femme literature to a bi women bc you think she’s misunderstanding butch/femme identity you should ask yourself 1) would you do the same thing if she were a lesbian? & 2) if she reads it & decides that butch/femme identity is indeed right for her, will you be prepared to accept her as butch/femme?

ex-packagehandler:

I wish more people understood that butch/femme is not the end all, be all of understanding lesbian dynamics regardless of time or place. Like, speaking as a butch, it doesn’t make sense to call a woman of the 1800s a butch. I see so many posts about rich people not getting to call themselves butch (true) due to butch/femme culture’s origins in the working class lesbian community in America but then people will call historical figures predating this butch/femme cultural phenomenon butch despite that not making any sense, or calling people butch who are not self-identified as butch and who have entirely different terms to describe themselves with sourced from their own culture and experiences where it is an act of colonization to call them butch. Butch is not the final word on lesbian masculinity and femme is not the only way in which to understand women attached to butches/lesbian masculinity. Additionally it’s okay to not be butch or femme but to still relate to those experiences. Terms exist to be useful to us and you don’t have to use them in all contexts regardless of their helpfulness or accuracy just because it’s a term that is widely known

gatheringbones:

“I need more faggy butches in my life. Faggy butch was good. It accurately described my pink button-down shirts, my giggles, the fact that I talk with my hands. I once saw a tape of myself in which I made a gesture that looked more like it belonged in A Chorus Line than in the middle of an interview. Faggy butch was like genderqueer—not quite this or that, a little of both, maybe. A friend once said to me, “I access my femininity through my masculinity.” I feel lucky to have grown up in a world with butch pioneers, and I feel lucky that I had an idea about what being butch might have meant. But instead of making me feel part of the community, these constructions of what butch was—stereotypes, really—pushed me away from the word and the identity. Instead, I chose a newer term, genderqueer, which had yet to be defined; it was in flux, it was a new frontier. I may not have been butch “enough,” but genderqueer was all mine to rewrite and redefine. I still like the word “genderqueer,” still claim it and own it and love the way it makes room for me, in all my complexities. But I’m coming back around to butch. Maybe it’s because the years of pink prom dresses are further and further behind me, maybe it’s because I’m learning from butch elders who talk in terms that make room for me, giggles and all. Maybe it’s also because the people I know have no idea (unless I tell them) that I was never a tomboy. They only know me—my short hair, tightly bound chest, and button-down shirts. I think every new generation feels the need to reject their elders, reject what came before them, and feel that they are the new gender rebels. We invent terms, we create new spaces, and sometimes, we come back to where our big brothers started—home.”

— miriam zoila perez, from Persistance: All Ways Butch and Femme

wearyfemme:

wearyfemme:

wish so bad folks would quit saying stone identity is always from trauma like stop lol fgklgdmfklgjdflgj it perpetuates some really harmful stereotypes seriously mgdlfkgj

like maybe don’t treat stone identity like a symptom of a mental illness and instead like, idk, a documented historical identity and sexual preference that many people have for many reasons.

yes, for some of those folks, is trauma a reason? totally. but that’s certainly not the only one and frankly there are very few other LGBT identities that others demand you justify and validate with a good “reason.” nobody??? is obligated???? to disclose??? their trauma???? to validate an identity that easily exists without it

lesbiandomesticity:

here’s what i know: there is a legacy of women who came before us. women who were butch and beefy, who cropped their hair short, who wore thick denim and thicker flannel. women who locked their hurt deep inside and held strong like stone. women who were fem and fierce, who stood tall in a world that wanted to shrink them. women who wore their hurt on their sleeves like a challenge and knew how to heal their lovers’ deep wounds.

i think: we are different and we are the same. i think: we are them and we are their children and we are their grandchildren. i think: i recognize them. i think: do they recognize me?

i think: i am proud of them. i think: i am in debt to them. i think: i love them.

i think: when i wrap my arms around you from behind, and kiss your cheek, and you lean into me, and we don’t care who sees, they might be proud of us, too.

:

there is something i cannot put into words, a feeling of safety when i am around butches, when i am surrounded by women i know want to keep me safe. i feel like, no matter what, there will always be a butch willing to protect me, willing to take on what i cannot, and willing to be there when i just need someone to be there. the entire energy butches give off shows me that they want to protect, they want to keep me safe and make me feel safe, and they do.

i cannot put into words my gratitude as a femme for them, for everything they do for me.

and of course this is not a one way street, but this post is not about what i do for them but about how grateful i am for what they do for me.

they protect me, they make me feel less broken, they touch my hand when i need it to show me its okay, that im not alone. they look and act and speak in ways that let me know that its okay to be myself here, that its okay to not pretend, that i dont have to be happy and strong and good all the time, that i can be angry and hurt and weak without having to fear being hurt.

and i am so grateful for that, for all of that, i cannot put it into words.

I BUTCH DYKES

finished this jacket this morning - well, “finished” for now, i might add more to it sometime!! rn this is maybe 25-30 hours of work? all hand embroidered by me ^_^

stonefemblues:

stone butches and femmes seek relationships with each other because our sexual desires and needs can be equally met by each other. just because our sex lives do not look like yours doesn’t mean ours isn’t mutually satisfying. we equally pleasure each other, in ways suited to each other’s boundaries.

hanging out in a butch/femme community is just like … wow everyone is Very Hot

thegestianpoet:

butch/femme dating is one thing (a good thing) but I feel like we don’t talk enough about the specific and deeply funny and affectionate nature of friendships between butches and femmes and specifically i love the bonding over not understanding various things that the other is into but not in the mean-spirited way straight people seem to love doing