here’s what i know: there is a legacy of women who came before us. women who were butch and beefy, who cropped their hair short, who wore thick denim and thicker flannel. women who locked their hurt deep inside and held strong like stone. women who were fem and fierce, who stood tall in a world that wanted to shrink them. women who wore their hurt on their sleeves like a challenge and knew how to heal their lovers’ deep wounds.
i think: we are different and we are the same. i think: we are them and we are their children and we are their grandchildren. i think: i recognize them. i think: do they recognize me?
i think: i am proud of them. i think: i am in debt to them. i think: i love them.
i think: when i wrap my arms around you from behind, and kiss your cheek, and you lean into me, and we don’t care who sees, they might be proud of us, too.
there is something i cannot put into words, a feeling of safety when i am around butches, when i am surrounded by women i know want to keep me safe. i feel like, no matter what, there will always be a butch willing to protect me, willing to take on what i cannot, and willing to be there when i just need someone to be there. the entire energy butches give off shows me that they want to protect, they want to keep me safe and make me feel safe, and they do.
i cannot put into words my gratitude as a femme for them, for everything they do for me.
and of course this is not a one way street, but this post is not about what i do for them but about how grateful i am for what they do for me.
they protect me, they make me feel less broken, they touch my hand when i need it to show me its okay, that im not alone. they look and act and speak in ways that let me know that its okay to be myself here, that its okay to not pretend, that i dont have to be happy and strong and good all the time, that i can be angry and hurt and weak without having to fear being hurt.
and i am so grateful for that, for all of that, i cannot put it into words.
I need to expand my horizons of memes to make but gods are there not enough loving butches memes on this website.
[image description: it is a meme that says “why are you so quiet? what’s on your mind?” and below it there is a sketch of a head with “butches” surrounded with heart emojis in the brain area of the the head. end id.]
[image description: there is a stick person lying in bed with a blush on their face and hearts around their head with a thought bubble that says “butches” next to them. end id.]
[image description: A screenshot from Phineas and Ferb of Candace lying in bed lovingly looking at a picture frame covered in hearts that says “butch lesbians” with the butch flag. end id.]
somewhere, even right now, a butch is buttoning up her work shirt. another butch somewhere else is changing out of her work clothes, and another one is cooking a meal. somewhere, right now, a butch is holding her girlfriend’s hand. a butch is going on a first date and is nervous. a butch is going through a breakup. a butch is newly in a relationship. a butch is laughing. a butch is dancing.
somewhere right now, a butch is shopping for new jeans. another butch is listening to the radio. a butch is making her own music. somewhere, a butch is up early while another butch is sleeping in. a butch has a long commute. a butch walks to the corner store for a snack. a butch is going for a run. a butch is breaking in new shoes. a butch is driving down the highway. a butch is calling her wife on the phone to see how her day was. somewhere a butch is tying a tie, and somewhere else a butch is helping another woman zip up the back of her dress, or maybe helping another woman tie her tie.
somewhere a butch feels lonely, and somewhere a butch is experiencing love for the first time. somewhere a butch is on the train, or the subway, or a motorcycle. somewhere a butch is out fishing. somewhere a butch is eating a sandwich. another butch marches in a political demonstration or a pride parade. somewhere in the world a butch is reading a book. a butch is going to the movie theater. a butch is quitting her job, or starting a new one. a butch is visiting someone in the hospital. a butch is going to church, or synagogue, or mosque, and another butch is coming to terms with not going to anything like that anymore.
somewhere out there, a butch is retired. a butch is picking her children up from school. a butch is happy. a young butch somewhere is putting on her first men’s clothes with some trepidation but a lot of joy. a butch is coming out to her family, or at school or work. a butch is going to the doctor or the dentist. a butch is playing basketball. a butch is moving into a new home, or redecorating a long time one. a butch is struggling to pay her bills. a butch is taking care of a loved one who needs her help. somewhere a butch is building a home. a butch is cutting the grass. a butch is shoveling snow.
somewhere a butch is hugging someone, or kissing someone. somewhere a butch is getting a good night’s rest. another butch is up late working or thinking or talking on the phone, and another is brushing her teeth. another butch is on lunch break, eating something delicious. somewhere a butch is feeling hope. a butch is feeling hurt, but another butch somewhere is experiencing healing. a butch is giving a compliment. a butch is being recognized for her strengths. a butch is seeing the woman she loves for the first time in a long time. somewhere else, a butch is having to say a goodbye.
somewhere a butch has ambitions. a butch is studying hard in school. a butch is trying to deal with a failure. a butch is doing research. a butch is writing. a butch is fixing a car. a butch is playing an instrument. somewhere a butch is changing her life plan. somewhere a butch doesn’t know what she’s going to do about the situation she’s in. a butch is making a hard decision. a butch is mourning a loss. a butch is going to therapy. a butch is starting new in some way. a butch is confiding in someone. a butch is adopting a pet. a butch is making a new friend.
somewhere a butch is talking to her long distance girlfriend on the phone. somewhere a butch is getting up the courage to talk to her crush. a butch is holding hands. a butch is having sex. a butch is trying to forget about a bad date, while another butch celebrates a good one. a butch is telling someone something about herself that is hard for her to say. somewhere a butch is being a good listener, and another butch is learning from a mistake. a butch is grateful to someone. a butch is feeling nostalgic. a butch is moving on from something or someone.
somewhere a butch is riding a bicycle. another butch is out gardening. a butch is out getting a drink. a butch is telling a hilarious joke. a butch is at the barber shop, maybe for the hundredth time. maybe even on the same day or in the same city, a baby butch is getting her hair cut for the first time. somewhere a butch is planning to propose. a butch is deciding to study something new. a butch is going on a long trip. a butch is home on vacation for the first time in a while. somewhere, a butch laughs with her family. somewhere else, a butch is just beginning to find a chosen family who loves her for who she is.
there are many butches out there who love and are loved by many different people. there are butches out there who I will never meet, who understand the way I feel and who I am. there is of course more to all of us than being butch, but that is not the point of what I am trying to say. there are butch women out there in the world and that makes me smile.
The sense of belonging after reading this. Wow. We really are not alone.
you know who’s cool? butch trans women. butch trans women who don’t pass because they’re butch, butch trans women who have been told they aren’t really trans because they’re masculine, butch trans women, all of them, ever. very cool and good people.
Trans men who are also butch women, who blur the lines between gender, who embrace being a man and a woman at the same time, are valid and wonderful members of the sapphic community. Sapphics have a huge history of gender diversity and challenging gender norms, and the butch community has spearheaded challenging gender norms. You are not appropriating terms, experiences, or communities by simply existing, and you deserve to exist safely in whatever spaces you choose to be a part of.
