#canis canem edit
Jimmy: Ah, Mr. Galloway’s class, where we learn about writing and Mr. Galloway’s personal problems.
Gary: Relax. once the termites are gone, we can move back in and everything will be back to normal.
Pete: What do you mean “normal”? Jimmy dropped out of college!
Jimmy: Zoe went to Boston!
Zoe: Gary brought termites into the house!
Gary: Well Petey-… what did you do again?
Pete: Nothing. As usual, I’m the good one.
Mandy: Why don’t I take my shoe, flip it sideways, and stick it up your uterus you stupid cunt?
Angie: Wow, she sounds like HBO!
Gary: I’m working on my 5 year plan.
Gary: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. And then they’ll all be sorry.
Pete: I think we may have found the root of your problem. You have mother issues!
Jimmy: Yay, I have mother issues!
Pete: No, that’s bad.
Jimmy: Aw, I have mother issues.
Lola: I love these parties. I feel like I’m an ambassador, or a spy, or, like, a really high-class prostitute
Gord: Well Lola, who’s to say you can’t be all three?
Gary: Alright, so you and I are married.
Pete: We are not married.
Gary: Relax, it’s just pretend.
Pete: I don’t want to pretend.
Gary: Scared you’ll like it?
Pete: Okay, if we’re married, I want a divorce.
Jimmy: Are you two like this all the time?
Gary and Pete: Yes.
Pinky: You know who’s looking fine tonight? Derby.
Mandy: Okay, you did not just say that.
Pinky: What? He’s a good kisser.
Mandy: … He’s your cousin.
Pinky: Yeah but he’s my first cousin.
Mandy: Right.
Pinky: So you have your cousins, then you have your first cousins, then your second cousins-
Mandy: Uh-uh honey, no.
Pinky: That’s not right, is it?
Mandy: That is so not right.
Derby: I assume you realize this kind of idiocy will not be tolerated in my clique.
Justin: Is there another type of idiocy you’d be more comfortable with?
Bucky: I’d do anything for you, Beatrice.
Beatrice: Thanks, Bucky.
Bucky: I’d eat trash.
Beatrice: Well, don’t do that.
Bucky: I ate trash.
Beatrice: Okay.. well… that doesn’t really help me…
Wade: Let’s fight.
Davis: About what?
Wade: I don’t know. What’s your favorite animal.
Davis: Elephants.
Wade: Fuck elephants.
Pete: I did something terrible.
Zoe: I’ll get the shovel.
Pete: No I- wait what do you think I did?
Zoe: Doesn’t matter, no one will ever know.
Jimmy: What language do they speak at the center of the earth?
Jimmy: Core-ean.
Gary: The center of the earth is around 5430 degrees celsius. Nobody is going to live there so they dont need a language.
Jimmy: … Core-ean.
Casey: What about my dreams?
Bo: Casey, I told you, we can’t build you a candy house. It will fall apart. The sun will melt the candy, it won’t work.
Pinky: Guess what, I have flaws too. What are they? Oh I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.
Jimmy, to Gary: Hey, don’t insult Petey! His life is pathetic enough without you!
Pete: …
Jimmy: Don’t say I never defend you.
Pete: Can I say you never defend me well?
Peanut: *shrieks*
Vance: *sinister laughing*
Peanut: Were you laughing at me?
Vance: Um…
Peanut: Were you?!
Vance: Well, you see, um, I didn’t mean nothin’ by it. It’s just a generic pirate thing I do.
Mandy: Why is it always Romeo and Juliet?
Miss Peters: I don’t know, ask teenage romcoms.
Beatrice: And why am I always the boy?
Ms. Peters: Uh, your flat chest, your general demeanor, your silhouette, your voice, I could go on.
Mandy: And why am I Mercutio?
Miss Peters: Because I wanted to kill you off early.
Pinky: And I’m Juliet because I’m the prettiest, right?
Miss Peters: No, it’s because you definitely tried to poison yourself when you were about 14 over a boy you met three days ago.
Pinky: Eh, you live and you learn.
Beatrice: Juliet didn’t.
