One of the most unoriginal lines on dating app bios got me like:

Also, we ALL like food, traveling, and pretending to hike regularly. Write something else.

Turns out it’s the same, if not more, pictures of guys with their cars, posing shirtless, and at the gym. Except the accompanying song 90% of the guys pick is either “Sympathy for the Devil” by the Rolling Stones or “This Must Be the Place” by the Talking Heads. Nothing against those songs…but evidence shows there’s some correlation to douche-hood…

Not getting a match? Keep swiping.

Went on a date and it sucked? Keep swiping.

Went on a date and it was great but it’s been a few days and you haven’t heard from them? Keep swiping.

A big part of me really hates the never-ending swipe - it’s problematic to modern dating. But the unfortunate truth is, it’s also really helpful when you feel stuck in a dating rut. 

What they probably think they sound like:

What they actually sound like:

Welp, bye. Excuse me while I go stand by myself next to the food and alcohol. 

Appreciate the support and help but dating now is an entirely different beast. Dating behaviors and mechanics have mutated and require a whole new survival kit…

All I ever wanted was to be in a serious relationship and dating apps are supposed to be a means in which to get there. Instead, I’ve been stuck in a seemingly endless groundhog’s day of dating. 

So…am I being punished for something?

Why are all the dating app experiences basically the exact same?

Forkin’ shirtballs - I’m in dating purgatory. 

Huge dating app pet peeve is when guys say they include their height because “that’s the only thing girls care about”….

Seriously, f*ck off with that nonsense. Put your height or don’t but stop pretending it’s for our sake and not your own vanity.