One of the most unoriginal lines on dating app bios got me like:

Also, we ALL like food, traveling, and pretending to hike regularly. Write something else.

Turns out it’s the same, if not more, pictures of guys with their cars, posing shirtless, and at the gym. Except the accompanying song 90% of the guys pick is either “Sympathy for the Devil” by the Rolling Stones or “This Must Be the Place” by the Talking Heads. Nothing against those songs…but evidence shows there’s some correlation to douche-hood…

Not getting a match? Keep swiping.

Went on a date and it sucked? Keep swiping.

Went on a date and it was great but it’s been a few days and you haven’t heard from them? Keep swiping.

A big part of me really hates the never-ending swipe - it’s problematic to modern dating. But the unfortunate truth is, it’s also really helpful when you feel stuck in a dating rut. 

Bruised ego, for sure

Not trying to be clingy or anything but your arm brushing against mine means we’re married now.

But I was at a wedding, so I had to pretend I’m fine, contorting my face to look something like this:

Another time, I got one of those “being let go” texts from a guy on my birthday. It had been days since our last date and as (lack of) luck would have it, he texted me while i was out with friends for my birthday celebration.

AND, once I got dumped by a bf right before he was supposed to meet my entire family for dinner…he didn’t make the dinner but everyone else did…

So yeah. Timing has not been an ally in my dating experiences.  

So I had to be like…

“That’s SO great!! I’m SO happy for you both!! Will you excuse me a moment?”

(goes and ugly cries in the bathroom, regretting to even bother shaving my legs)

What they probably think they sound like:

What they actually sound like:

Welp, bye. Excuse me while I go stand by myself next to the food and alcohol. 

Appreciate the support and help but dating now is an entirely different beast. Dating behaviors and mechanics have mutated and require a whole new survival kit…

Versus during the date….

gasp, feigned surprise.

Our digital footprints are a double edge sword…I want to make sure he is who he says he is but I also hate that I now know he participated in the 2005 fad of frosted tips.

you can find me on Instagram too: @readyformylastfirstdate​ 

Tumblr has censored my blog as “may contain sensitive content” and hasn’t gotten back to me about why and/or removing that warning (boooo) so….

I’m posting NBSOMT stuff (never-before-seen-on-my-tumblr) there, as well as oldies but goodies, so come check it out!

All I ever wanted was to be in a serious relationship and dating apps are supposed to be a means in which to get there. Instead, I’ve been stuck in a seemingly endless groundhog’s day of dating. 

So…am I being punished for something?

Why are all the dating app experiences basically the exact same?

Forkin’ shirtballs - I’m in dating purgatory. 

Huge dating app pet peeve is when guys say they include their height because “that’s the only thing girls care about”….

Seriously, f*ck off with that nonsense. Put your height or don’t but stop pretending it’s for our sake and not your own vanity.