#cr shitpost
you are trent ikithon (ew). you have been secretly collaborating with the shadowhand to the bright queen (sworn enemy) to smuggle out some precious arcane artifacts. you are also playing some real intense mind games with the man who murdered his parents because of you. these two things have no overlap. then your sanitarium gets broken into, and your former pupil uses some dynasty magic. you want to freak him out, so you tell him that you know where he learned it (up for debate if you do. you might not even be aware at this point that it was the shadowhand). you show up at the blooming grove to fuck shit up, and who’s beside your former student??? the fucking shadowhand. they are besties, apparently. this is news to you. you are detained and imprisoned. a few years later, a letter arrives. your hands are bound, so you need it to be read to you (that loud expositor is happy to do so). it is a wedding invitation. the former shadowhand of the fucking kryn dynasty is getting married to
brencaleb widogast. you cannot attend, as you are in naughty boy prison for your naughty boy crimes. what the fuck. you are being spoon fed like a widdle baby. this is your life now.
i am normal [literally totally and completely obsessed with essek thelyss] and fine [the love of my life is someone else’s dnd npc and we’re gay in opposite directions] and it will all work out [he is purple but we’re both 5’2]
thought about essek too hard i’m seeing shrimp colors
another day goes by where i don’t have an essek origin story graphic novel. the sands of time are eroding my flesh, but not my will. i will wait for you, beloved. don’t take too long.
the thing with essek is he’s literally so ‘do we have to kill you? i’d like to see you try’ but he’s also ‘do you want whiskey in that cocoa? certainly’. like he’s so ‘don’t be so sure, young man’ but he’s also ‘caleb, i’m scared’ like oh my god he’s ‘show me something impressive’ and he’s also ‘will you do it? i will help you.’ he has the RANGE.
i hate gay people like it’s never ‘i love you’ it’s ‘will you do it? i will help you’ ffs
deirta thelyss really said yes here are my sons worry and evil. they will grow to be well adjusted. this is a brilliant plan.
area woman thinks about essek too hard 7 dead 20 injured
if liam o’brien goes one full day without alluding to making out with guys in college he will implode like a dying star
critical role campaign two, otherwise known as ‘caleb’s reverse harem feat. beauyasha’
adeen dumped essek over Sending
beau speaking undercommon is untapped comedy gold. she refuses to use esseks name and refers to him as ‘shitspider’ exclusively and essek hates this because it’s what verin used to call him. she has to sit in on caleb and esseks’ spellcrafting dates because when essek’s too excited he forgets common and she needs to act as translator so caleb can save his spell slots. she refuses to translate the pet names and she adds in swears. it’s the closest essek has ever gotten to a physical altercation.
caleb ‘takes communal baths with his friends completely naked regularly and was in a throuple’ widogast and essek ‘cannot show shape of body or meltdown, complete victorian modesty, 120 year old virgin’ thelyss are in love
she luxoning on my beacon till i dunamis
assuming verin is consecuted, that’s going to be a batshit anamnesis in a few hundred years
