#dazai x chuuya

Dazai:It’s really muggy outside, isn’t it?

Chuuya: If I look out the window and see all the mugs on the lawn, I will murder you.

Dazai, sipping coffee from a bowl: …

Chuuya: i wanted to kiss you today

Dazai, leaning closer: why didn’t you?

Chuuya, pouting: i couldn’t reach your face

Chuuya, walking into the kitchen: is something burning?

Dazai, seductively leaning against the counter: just my desire for you~

Chuuya: dazai, the toaster’s on fire–

Mori: let’s play fuck, marry, kill

Chuuya: kill dazai

Mori: it hasn’t even starte—

Chuuya: kill. dazai.

Dazai: *trips and falls*

Dazai: fuck i wasn’t ready!!

Chuuya: neither was i when you left the port mafia the night odasaku died with no words at all. but go off i guess-

Dazai: How are you so calm all the time?

Chuuya: The trick is to be so stressed out that it becomes your default state of mind.

Dazai: don’t go into that room!

Chuuya:why?

Dazai: there’s a spider inside

Chuuya: well, did you kill it?

Dazai: d-dude no, it got like 8 legs, i only got 2. that’s n-not fair

Chuuya: you always do that thing when you say my name

Dazai: what is it?

Chuuya: say my name

Dazai:

Chuuya, breathing heavily:THAT

Dazai, on one knee: will you marry me, Chuuya?

Chuuya:ye—

Dazai: hahah april’s fools!

Chuuya, forcibly taking the ring from Dazai and slipping it on his finger: so i’m thinking a summer wedding—

Dazai:wait—

Chuuya: no? spring then?

Mori: damn, the power went out

Dazai: don’t worry i got this

Dazai: *shakes rapidly and starts to illuminate*

Chuuya:what-

Dazai: i swallowed a flashlight

Chuuya, on the verge of cardiac arrest: yOU DID WHAT

Chuuya: im sad. nobody loves me

Dazai: bold words from someone within my hugging range

Chuuya: can i get a sip of that water?

Dazai: it’s not water

Chuuya: ooh vodka, i like your style

Dazai: it’s vinegar

Chuuya:wha-

Dazai: it’s vinegar, pussy

Chuuya: i wish i was a steak

Dazai:wha–

Chuuya, teary-eyed: so someone could look at me and say “well done”

Chuuya, shoving a bouquet of red camellias into Dazai’s arms: I hate you so much

Dazai, accepting them with a soft smile: I can’t stand you either

Chuuya:*kicking Dazai’s door down*

Chuuya: Guess who’s drunk!

Dazai: I guess Chuuya.

Chuuya: You guessed right!

Mori, at Chuuya and Dazai: Are you two together?

Mori:Because if so I feel bad for Chuuya.

Chuuya:

Dazai:

Dazai: I fucking feel bad for him too.

Chuuya: tell me why you’re here so i can hurry up and kill you

Dazai: lol okay so first of all i sent a letter to the higherups saying that if i die all the secrets of the mafia will be revealed :3c so if you kill me you’ll be seen as a traitor to the mafia and they’ll either kill you or worse xoxo ♡

Chuuya:

Dazai: *gets hit by a car*

Chuuya: Are you okay!?

Dazai: Please.. i need my phone…

Dazai: *opens twitter*

Dazai: LMAOOO Y'ALL GUESS WHAT JUST HAPPENED

Dazai: let me tie your shoe laces for you

Chuuya: what? why?

Dazai: so you won’t fall for anyone else

Chuuya, tearing up: shut.. shut up.