#deadpoets

They deem me mad because I will not sell my days for gold; and I deem them mad because they think my days have a price.

Khalil Gibran, Sand and Foam

Sorrow is stronger than joy. One can forget joys, one never forgets sorrow. I am your suffering, that is why you can never stop loving me. Suffering alone is true, happiness isn’t.

Renée Vivien, A Woman Appeared to Me (tr. by Jeannette Howard Foster)

i dont think neil knows how much todd likes to sit and listen to him ramble about whatever is on his mind that day - something interesting he saw, a weird dream he had, a shower thought, a poem, a book, something funny a classmate did etc

todd could sit for hours listening to neil ramble on and on

and every time neil would stop, todd would ask a question to get him to start talking again because he just loves sitting there listening to neil so much

todd anderson going home in all his sulky emo wannabe glory only to lay on the living room couch near the phone , swinging his legs in the air and giggling into the phone while talking to his boyfriend

anderperry but due to a series of misunderstandings neil thinks they both have agreed to date and todd is clueless and confused as to why neil just greeted him with a kiss

masterlist

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But she wears short skirts

I wear T-shirts

She’s cheer captain

And ‘m on the bleachers

Dreaming about the day when you wake up

And find that what you’re looking for has been here the whole time

If you can see I’m the one that understands you

Been there all along so why can’t you see…

…that you belong with me

‘Honestly, I don’t why you are doing this to yourself’, Neil sighs aggravatedly as he paces through my room. The latter causing an annoyance as I was trying to do some homework.

‘Neil’, I say quietly, ‘please, just drop it.

‘I mean’, he continues as if he hadn’t heard me, ‘he’s with that other girl, what’s her name? Chris? He comes to you for relationship advise, for her! For Christ’s sake, Harley, I’m telling you this as your best friend, this is only gonna end up hurting you…’

Even though I’m looking at him I could hear the desperation and concern in his voice as he said that last part.

And I know that Neil is right, of course, he always is. But still, I can’t help but hold on to the hope that maybe one day Knox’ll see…

My thoughts are interrupted by Neil sitting down on my bed next to me, leaning his back against the headboard. He looks over at me with an expression I, honestly, can’t really place before he sighs and throws an arm around my shoulders.

‘Wanna help me practice my lines for the play?’ he asks finally in an almost defeated tone.

I lean my head against his shoulder, closing my eyes and letting out a content sigh before lifting my head again: ‘Sure.’

And that’s what we did. From time to time, Neil would let out a giggle when reciting a line. This would make me look at him with a stupid smile plastered on my face.

It’s moments like this that kinda make me realise how handsome my best friend actually is…

Some of these moments though, he’d catch me looking, and this was one such moment. He looks over at me, and upon seeing that I’m no longer focused on the script but on him, he looks down at me and smirks. Noticing that I’ve been caught staring, I turn my attention back to the script, all the while feeling my cheeks heat up. Neil’s arm that he’s lazily wrapped around my frame tightens momentarily before relaxing again.

Our peace and quiet is disturbed however, by my bedroom door suddenly swinging open. Neil and I jump at the sudden movement and sound of the door slamming against my closet door. Neil’s arm automatically unwraps itself from me as he boy hops onto the bed opposite mine as he always did to prevent getting in trouble with teachers.

‘Harley!’ Knox cries out happily, letting himself into my dormroom, ‘You’ll never guess what just happened! Oh, hey Neil.’

‘Hey’, Neil says, unusually shortly.

‘So!’ Knox continues, not seeming to notice his friend’s behaviour, ‘you know about that party at Casey’s place where we were going to go this weekend?’ I nod, ‘Well, I asked Chris to come along as my date. And guess what? She said yes!’

I struggle for a second to keep a fake smile present on my face as I try to look excited, ‘Oh, that’s great! I’m so happy for you.’

‘Thanks, I feel like I’m this close from finally getting the most beautiful girl in the world as my girlfriend!’ he grins, hugging me momentarily before pushing me away again, ‘anyways, I gotta go now, but thank you so much for all your advice about Chris.’ He pats me on the shoulder one more time before leaving the room, closing the door behind him.

As I stare at my closed bedroom door for a couple more seconds, that stupid smile still on my face, I begin to notice the tears streaming down my cheeks.

Within seconds I can feel Neil pull me into his arms. My hands rest on his chest, crumpling his shirt as I cling to him, feeling as if my knees could give out any second now. I rest my face in the crook of his neck as his arms wrap around me comfortingly.

‘shh now’, he whispers, ‘I’m here. I’ll always be here.’

A/N: This was a request I got on my Wattpad profile and I thought I’d post it here too. if you like, you can go follow me on Wattpad also @ Evangeline_Perry :)

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Neil

Neils parents: rude AF

·      You and Neil met in the theater during the auditions of A midsummer night’s dream and hit it off rather quickly

·      It didn’t take him very long to ask you out

·      But it also didn’t take long for Mr. Perry to hear about his son’s relationship and his commitment to the theater from one of his colleagues whose child was also part of the theater group

·      When he first heard about it, he was furious

·      Firstly, because his son was doing a play behind his back

·      Secondly, because his son had a girlfriend behind his back

·      And third, because he’d heard this girlfriend was not a born and raised American

·      He’d read about immigrants, mostly those who’d fled their homes for America during the Second World War, but none of those news outlets showed these people in a positive light. As a result, his views weren’t positive -or at the very least sympathetic- either

·      Because of this, Mr. Perry came bursting through Neil’s bedroom door, and seeing his son on his bed with his arms around that girl, his rage only grows, and he demands Neil break off his ‘relationship’

·      What Mr. Perry didn’t anticipate however, was his child’s reaction. Neils arms tightened around the girl he loved as his expression hardened. ‘No’, he states firmly.

·      ‘What?’

·      ‘No’, Neil repeats, ‘I am *not* breaking up with (Y/N) and you do *not* get a say in who I love. You need to leave, right now.’

·      With a small but stern shove, Neil removed his father from his room, closing the door in his face and turning the lock, preventing Mr. Perry from re-entering

·      A short tense moment later, Neil turned around, his angered expression softening into a smile once he laid his eyes on his shocked yet relieved girlfriend

Todd

Todd’s parents: awkward

·      You and Todd were reading in his room. One of his arms around you and your legs entangled while sitting on the bed

·      Both of you jumped when suddenly the door opened to reveal Todd’s parents

·      Seeing his son with a girl in his bed, caused both to stop in their tracks as well

·      Todd jumps out of bed, standing up and coming face to face with his shocked parents

·      After another long tense moment, Todd’s father was the first to break the silence. ‘well, Todd, would you please introduce us?’ he asked somewhat awkwardly.

·      Todd froze, unable to speak as his entire body tenses up. Instead, you stand up, reaching you hand out for Mr. Anderson to shake: ‘I’m (Y/N). Nice to meet you, sir.’

·      Mr. Anderson shook your hands after a moment’s hesitation

·      Todd’s parents both seated themselves on Neil’s empty bed and motions for his son and his girlfriend to do the same. ‘I’m going to be honest with you both. I did not expect you,’ he motioned at Todd, ‘to be getting a girlfriend, especially not one who’s clearly-‘ he caught himself, ‘-especially not since you’re not the most social boy.’

·      With this he turns his attention to you: ‘Do you go to school in the area, young lady?’ You noted that you do. This is where the still awkward smalltalk begins, though most of it is Todd’s parents asking you questions as your boyfriend only occasionally chimes in, which you don’t mind, you’re just glad he hasn’t completely frozen up in the presence of his parents

·      The smalltalk goes on, until it finally reaches the topic of parents: ‘and, if I may ask, what do your parents do?’

·      ‘well, my father is a teacher, and my mother is a housewife’, you tell them.

·      ‘And.. uhm… may I ask where-‘

·      ‘where I am from?’ you ask, trying to sound as neutral as possible, ‘Well I am from (American State) …but my parents were born in (country that isn’t in north-/south-American). They moved here during the war.’

·      The parents simply nodded in understanding before sharing a look and standing up, causing both you and Todd to follow suit.

·      The parents shook their son’s hand and yours one last time before bidding both of you goodbye

Charlie

Charlie’s parents: surprised but chill ft rude Welton teachers

·      Both of you go to different schools so one of you always had to sneak out to the other’s school.

·      But this time a professor walked in on you and Charlie when you were kissing behind the Welton building

·      The professor, of whom you didn’t know the name, was beyond himself with rage, dragging both of you to the headmaster’s office

·      Headmaster Nolan sat behind his desk, shot both of you a look of annoyance and disgust and simply informed you he’d called both pairs of parents.

·      With that he motioned you to sit in the chairs in front of his desk.

·      You both sit there in silence for a while until both your parents arrive

·      When you both turn to face your parents, you can clearly see a short flash of shock come across Charlie’s parents’ faces as they lock eyes with you parents

·      The reason for that was all too familiar to you, you weren’t even surprised

·      Once the parents were seated next to their respective children, headmaster Nolan relayed what had happened until you noticed something;

·      ‘So, Mr. and Mrs. (L/N), your daughter had sneaked out of her school domain without permission and convinced one of our boys to abandon his schoolwork-‘

·      ‘excuse me sir’, your father’s voice suddenly interrupted, ‘but it seems to me that it takes two people to kiss. You are sitting here blaming my daughter, when I am sure this young man was more than willing to put his schoolwork down.’

·      You blushed at your father’s blunt statement and after you saw Nolans shocked face you had to do your best to conceal your giggling

·      You shoot a look at Charlie only to see he was blushing and holding back laughter also

·      The meeting was concluded shortly after that with Nolan demanding both of you get detention for at least 2 weeks

·      With that you all leave his office and lead your parents to the exit of the school. Charlies parents say their goodbyes to their sons, after scolding him one more time, telling him to behave. They also shoot you a friendly nod and both fathers exchange a handshake.

·      After a short moment, your father turns to Charlie: ‘you seem like a smart young man. You treat my daughter with respect and there’ll be no problems. Alright?’

·      Leaving Charlie to stiffly nod before shaking your father’s hands.

Meeks

Meeks’ parents: patronizing

·      Unlike most of his friends, Steven Meeks told his parents about his girlfriend before they could hear about it from someone else

·      Meeks had let you know they’d invited you both to dinner one evening. You were a little nervous since you knew Meeks’ family was full of doctors and professors and they might think you’re not good enough for their son

·      And your fear turned out to be true. The evening was filled with passive aggressive questions with a patronizing undertone. But you just smile, linking your hand with Meeks’ under the table, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

·      ‘so (Y/N), how are your grades in school, Meeks is a straight A student.’

·      ‘yes Ma’am, I know. So am I’, you say smiling.

·      That statement was caused an annoyed side-glance to be shared by the two parents.

·      The night goes on like that, yet your smile never wavers as it is clear you exceed all their expectations (much to their annoyance)

·      At the end of the evening Meeks dropped you off at the school gates, while giving you a hug he apologized for his parents’ behavior

·      ‘It’s alright’, you tell your boyfriend, giving him one more peck before re-entering the schoolbuilding

Pitts

Pitts parents: very nice

·      Like Meeks, Gerald Pitts told his parents about his girlfriend before they could find out from a third party or before you and he got caught sneaking around each other’s campuses.

·      And thus, one night you got a phone call from your tall boyfriend inviting you to a coffee date with his parents.

·      You knew he was going his parents about you, but you were nervous none the less.

·      Pitts seemed to notice this in your silence: ‘don’t worry. They are going to love you. I promise.’

·      His kind words put a smile to your face as you accepted the invitation as you began to count down the days until you got to see your loving boyfriend again

·      That day soon came. You walked into the coffeeshop Pitts had specified and scanned the room looking for his familiar face.

·      You soon found him, his face lighting up when he saw you. A soft blush spread across your cheeks

·      When you arrived at their table Pitts scooted over so you could sit next to him after pecking you on the cheek.

·      His parents smiled at you before introducing themselves

·      As you all sipped your coffee, Pitts parents asked you many questions, one of them being: ‘how did you meet our son?’

·      You told them the story of how you’d met after bumping into him at an assembly of your school and his and had kept in contact ever since

·      At the end of the ‘coffee date’ Pitts’ parents offered to drive you back to school, all the while commenting on how they were so glad their son was seeing such a nice girl.

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I was just zipping up my red A-line dress for my date with Neil when I heard a knock on the door. I get up to open it and see knox: ‘ow, hey.’ I say, forcing a smile.

‘Hey’, Knox pushes past me to walk into the room, ‘I’m going on a date with Chris tonight, I can’t decide which blazer or which tie…’

As he said the last bit, he held both options up. I take a quick look: ‘Black blazer, blue tie.’ I say absentmindedly.

You really don’t notice anything outside of your own bubble do you? I wanted to say but decided against it.

Without giving anything else any more thought, he nodded and made his way back out of the room: ‘okay thanks.’ Suddenly he stops in his tracks and turns his head to me: ‘why so dressed up.’

‘I’m going out’, I say, holding my chin up.

‘hm’, he simply hums, yet his facial expression gives away that he doesn’t like either the outfit or the fact that I am going out instead of solely helping him with his dates. Without a further not he leaves, closing the door behind him. I sit back down on my bed, feeling a little beat down. It doesn’t take long however before I hear another knock on the door. I open it to see Neil’s smiling face, though as he sees me his jaw drops. After a second more, I break the silence: ‘hey, neil. You look great’

‘YOU look beautiful’, he speaks finally, his grins reappearing brightly, I return it.

‘shall we go?’ he grins.

‘yeah’, I nod.

Though I notice he goes to reach for my hand but decides against it, opting instead to rub the back of his neck and mumble a ‘let’s go’ before walking down the hall, with me following closely behind.

He’d led me out of the school and into the small town nearby. He held the door to a comfortable-looking café open for me. He walked in behind me, guiding me towards a small 2-person sofa. An elderly lady wearing an apron comes up to us shortly after: ‘Hello there, dearies, what can I get you both today?’

‘A caramel macchiato for me, please.’

‘And a cappuccino please’, Neil asks with his usual charming smile.

Time skip brought to you by your dearest fanfic author’s charming writer’s block

As it gets later, Neil and I reluctantly leave the café and make our way back to school. On the way there we talk and laugh about anything and everything. As we walk I notice Neil’s hand grazing mine a couple of times. Before I even realized it myself, I slip my hand into Neils. I can feel Neil tense slightly before relaxing and shooting me a smile. His cheeks have become a light shade of pink, but I am sure that, so are mine. As we walk, we maintain eyecontact for just a moment longer before looking back at the road ahead of us.

Then suddenly we stop walking and I notice we’ve reached my dormroom. I let out a short chuckle as I realize this and open the door. I shrug off my coat and hang it up on the hook before turning back to Neil, whose leaning against the doorframe.

‘I had fun today’, I smile.

Neil smiles back at me, ‘Me too’, gently he reaches out to take hold of my hand again, he leans forward to kiss me on the cheek. I feel my cheeks heat up as I turn my head towards him, there we linger for a second before he leans in the rest of the way. The hand that isn’t holding mine gently goes to rest on my cheek. I kiss him back immediately, slowly reaching my hand to rest on his chest, crumbling his vest in my hands. Deepening our kiss, he reaches his arms around my waist and pulls me close to him. I don’t realize we are walking until my back hit my wardrobe, making me gasp and pull him closer, if at all possible. My hands slide up from Neil’s chest to his hair, allowing me to pull on the ends, causing him to groan. After a while, we pulled away for air. I feel my cheeks heat up as I meet Neil’s eyes. He smiles down at me, his own cheeks equally as red: ‘I’m sorry, I think I let myself go.’

‘Don’t worry’, I pant softly, ‘I don’t mind.’

Neil pecks my lips one more time before pulling back: ‘I should head out to my dorm, it’s getting late.’

‘Okay’, I say in a small voice, ‘Goodnight Neil.’

‘Goodnight (Y/N)’, Neil smiles.

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Some time later during that evening Neil and I called a taxi and went back to Wellton. After sneaking back into my room and talking for a while longer, Neil moved to leave for his room.

‘Wait’, I call out suddenly, catching Neil’s attention, ‘can I ask you something?’

‘Anything’, he tells me.

Suddenly feeling nervous, I take a deep breath before asking: ‘What did you mean when you said you’d still be here when I’ve moved on from Knox?’

This question seemed to have caught Neil a bit off guard. He momentarily rubs the back of his neck, smiling sheepishly at me as he answers: ‘I think you know what I meant.’

‘No, I-I don’t think I do.’

Neil lets out a humourless chuckle as he takes hold of my hand, though trying his best to look anywhere but in my eyes. ‘I like you’, he begins, ‘and I never told you because I thought you and Knox would get together eventually. I wanted you to be happy.’

‘Neil…’

‘You don’t have to say anything right now. I’m fine with us being just friends if that’s what you want. I’m not forcing you to think of me in that way. Just… just take your time, alright?’

Only for that last part does he look me in the eye and the look he gives me sends shivers down my spine for reasons unknown to me. All I can do is nod and look at Neil as he walks away. I stand there, frozen, for a few more seconds before I bolt out of my room, intending to catch up to the boy that meant so much to me.

As I enter the hallway I can see him just rounding the corner. My walk turns into a jog as I attempt to catch up with him. It doesn’t take long before I wrap my arms around him from behind, hugging him, causing him to stop dead in his tracks.

I can feel him put his hands on mine, taking hold of them, before turning around to face me.

‘Would you like to get coffee with me sometime?’ I ask, feeling heat building up in my cheeks.

‘Yeah’, he accepts, offering me one of his bright, sweet smiles.

‘it’s a date’, I say, tiptoeing to give him a kiss on the cheek. However, the height difference between us was bigger that I’d anticipated, and I ended up kissing very much near his jaw. My cheeks heat up even more when I hear Neil inhale sharply.

‘Sorry’, I mumble, not really looking at him.

‘Don’t worry about it’, Neil smirks, softly lifting his hand to stroke my cheek. I feel myself leaning into the touch, ‘goodnight Harley’, he mumbles, before leaning down and kissing my forehead.

‘Goodnight, Neil.’ I manage, barely above a whisper.

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And so the weekend rolled around. Currently I am in Knox’ room helping him with his outfit for his date.

‘No, no tie’, I tell him, ‘it’s a party, not a dinner at your parents’.’ Knox lets out a chuckle: ‘You’re probably right’, he turns to me, putting a hand on my shoulder, ‘Thank you, Harley, for being such a good friend, I wouldn’t know what to do without you, you’re the best.’

I have to force my lips to curve into a smile: ‘No problem.’ With that Knox lets go of my shoulder and goes to grab his coat, ‘I’m gonna go pick up Chris, but I’ll see you and the guys at the party.’

Without another word he storms out of the room, leaving me there alone. Sighing I gather my things and go to my room to get ready.

I chose a simple dress to wear with my converse shoes. As I’m finishing up my hair, I hear a knock on the door. ‘It’s open’, I call out.

The door opens to reveal Neil in a casual yet stylish jacket shirt and jeans. He left the top buttons of his shirt unbuttoned. He walks into my room offering me his usual sweet smile. I offer him a half-hearted smile through the reflection of my mirror. This he seemed to notice immediately as he went to stand behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder: ‘Harley, why do you do this on yourself?’

‘What do you mean?’ I ask, finishing up my hair.

‘Why do you keep chasing after Knox’, he clarifies, ‘Even when it’s so clearly he’s with that girl?’

‘I-… I don’t know’, I sigh, leaning against Neil slightly, ‘I just want him to be happy, I guess, and I was just hoping that hoping that maybe he’s see that…’

‘You’re the one who understands him’, He finishes, ‘the one who’s been there all along?’

I nod simply. Neil unwraps his arms from my waist, puts them on my shoulders and turns me around to face him, ‘Now listen to me’, as he says this, I notice how close he is to me, as he speaks, his breath fans my face. Suddenly flustered I turn my gaze away and attempts to take a step back. Neil seemed to notice this however, as he places his one hand gently on my upper arm and the other under my chin, giving me no other choice but to look the tall boy in the eye.

‘If he doesn’t realize or appreciate the things you do for him by now, he is not worth the pain.’ I could never explain why but something in the intensity of his gaze captivated me, almost even left me in awe.

‘then what do I do?’ I ask him, in some kind of trance.

‘Move on’, the hand that was under my chin carefully moves to my cheek, stroking it gently, ‘or at least try to, find a guy that does see your beauty, your smarts, your… everything.’

‘But I…’

‘Look, I’m not saying you have to force yourself to move on right now. Take your time, as much time as you need. When you’re ready, I’ll still be here for you.’

‘Wait, what do you-’

‘I should go, Todd’ll want some help figuring out what to wear’, with that he drops his hands and leaves the room, leaving me momentarily too stunned to react.

*Some time later*

‘Hey guys!’ Knox greets us, holding Chris on his arm, ‘Glad y’all could make it.’

‘Ow, come on now, Knoxy, I wanna dance’, Chris whines, dragging him away from his friends and onto the dancefloor.’ They begin dancing to the loud music, but honestly… all they’re really doing is just grinding on each other -_-

I turn my gaze away from the scene and scoff in annoyance. Suddenly though I feel a hand gently place itself on the small of my back. I glance over to see Neil has begun to lean in closer to my ear so I could hear him over the loud music: ‘If you want to leave this place, just say the word and I’ll drive you back.’

I simply turn to him, looking him in the eyes as I take hold of his hands, ‘Dance with me’, I say as a slow song begins to play. Keeping my hold on one of his hands, we walk onto the dancefloor. He places his arms around my waist as mine wrap around his neck. After a few seconds I rest my head in the crook of his neck. In response, he wraps his arms around me a little tighter, so that now there is no space left between their bodies.