Dean takes his time, running his fingers over the banister of the porch. The white paint is chipping and worn down, but the wood, he can tell, is quality. No splinters, no cracking, no warping. It’s nice. He drags in a deep breath, his senses flooding with the scent of pine trees as the warm early-autumn air blows through them. The sky is clear, save for a couple little puffs of cloud here and there. And as his eyes scan the sky, he waits for it – that impending sense of doom and dread. Even when he’s trying to relax, it’s always there, bubbling beneath the surface. There’s a reason he’s slept with a gun under his pillow for three decades.
But he’s struck with the sudden realization: it’s not there. All he feels is calm and peace. Something he’s never really known.
Well, that’s not true, he silently amends.
He felt peace with Cas.
Frowning, Dean drops his head and closes his eyes. Cas… Fuck, he misses him. He misses everything about him. He misses telling Cas jokes that land like a fucking brick in front of him. He misses the tie that’s always askew. He misses that mess of hair. He misses those eyes Dean can, and often has, get lost in. He misses that trench coat. He misses Cas, plain and simple. And while he feels calm and peaceful here… it does feel like a piece of him is missing. It’s probably not supposed to. Not here. But it does.
It’s comforting to know he escaped the torment of the Empty… but, “Damn it, Cas,” he breathes, wrapping both hands around the banister.
“Hello, Dean.”
Standing suddenly, Dean opens his eyes and whips around. Cas is standing beside the battered screen door, smiling warmly at Dean. “Cas,” he breathes, his eyes wide as he looks him over, like he’s taking inventory of all his favorite things. Messy hair, check; crooked tie, check; trench coat, check; breathtaking eyes, check… Cas, check. “It’s–”
“Yes,” Cas nods. “It’s me.”
Dean surges forward, throwing his arms around him in a crushing hug. He buries his face against Cas’s neck and closes his eyes, breathing him in. It’s another thing he’d previously forgotten to add to his list of things he missed. That clean, earthy smell that was somehow distinctlyCastiel.
When he pulls away, his hand slips down Cas’s arm to his hand, his thumb brushing the inside of Cas’s wrist. He heaves a breath, the line between his brows deepening. “You’re a dick, you know that?” He says suddenly.
Cas blinks in surprise and tilts his head. “I– what?”
Dean purses his lips and shakes his head. “You drop somethin’ like that on me and then just fuck off to the netherworld?”
“I wasn’t in the Netherworld, I was–”
“In the Empty, whatever. You’re still a dick.”
Cas lifts his eyes to the ceiling of the porch, as if the answer to Dean’s outburst is written there. “I still don’t underst–”
“You drop that on me and then you die, and you didn’t give me a chance to say anything.”
“I didn’t think there was anything for you to say.”
Dean scoffs, incredulous. Didn’t think there was anything for him to say? “What show have you been watching, huh?”
“I haven’t been watching television.”
Though outwardly, Dean appears frustrated, he fucking missed this. But something suddenly occurs to him. “Wait.” He shakes his head, those lines between his brows growing deeper. “You really didn’t think I’d have somethin’ to say? You didn’t think I–”
“Reciprocated?” Cas says. He frowns, casting his glance downward. “No, Dean. I didn’t.”
“Well you’re dead wrong.”
One corner of Cas’s lips turn up in a smirk. “I believe we’re both deceased now.”
Scoffing, Dean’s eyebrows shoot up. “Did you just make a joke?”
“Yes,” Cas’s smile widens, “I believe I did.”
“Alright, listen.” Dean grasps the back of Cas’s neck, his fingers brushing up into his hair. There’s no sense of fear or uncertainty welling up inside of him anymore. He’s in Heaven. He gets what he wants. There’s no fear of judgment or self-sacrifice anymore. He’s just gonna fucking go for it. “I love you, Cas. I shoulda said somethin’ a long time ago, but I-I-I was scared, okay? I’m sorry. But–” He cuts himself off and glances out over the farmhouse’s property; the sprawling lawn (that he can’t wait to mow) surrounded by lush trees; the path that leads to the garage that houses Baby. The house he’s always imagined for himself, but always knew wasn’t a possibility. “This is about havin’ peace, right?” His gaze turns back to Cas’s, and he swallows the emotion rising in his throat. “We get forever here.”
“That is the idea, yes.”
Dean licks his lips and takes a step closer. His shoes bump Cas’s, and his hands slips further into the back of Cas’s hair. “Then that means I get forever with you, right?”
Cas is smiling, and he pulls his free hand out of the coat pocket. He grabs a fistful of Dean’s jacket and Dean watches his Adam’s Apple bob as he swallows, Cas’s eyes roaming Dean’s face. “Of course, Dean.”
Dean breathes out in relief. All at once, that feeling that a puzzle piece was askew; the feeling that something was missing dissipates. Forty-one years of sacrifice and loss earned him this: a life of peace with the love of his life – the love that had come completely out of left field and left him breathless. Forty-one years of sacrifice and loneliness and loss earned him the love of a millennia-old angel who thought he was worth something. Worth everything.
He kisses Cas then. It’s soft and slow and gentle. There’s no sense of urgency or fear or desperation behind it. It’s being lovingly handed what he’s always wanted; what he’d always been missing. And, well… he’s in Heaven, so that makes a whole lot of sense.
When they part, Dean keeps his forehead against Cas’s, and they’re both smiling. Finally, Dean rocks back enough to meet Cas’s eyes. He tips his head toward the house and raises a brow. “Wanna come in. Stay a while?” He presses his lips together and shrugs. “I’m thinkin’ maybe forever?”
“I’d like nothing more.” Cas smiles, and Dean feels warmth flooding his chest. In Cas’s smile, Dean feels content. He feels like he’s home. He’s waited his whole life to feel like this. He tried, with Lisa and Ben, but that piece of the puzzle just wasn’t there. He tried with the Bunker, and while he loved that place… there was always just something not quite right. But here, he has Cas. He feels calm. He has no feeling of cosmic obligation or the feeling that he’s running the clock. He has everything he’s ever wanted.
For the first time, and for the rest of time, Dean Winchester is at peace.
With Castiel around hunts because so much easier; day long hunts took hours, days driving turned to seconds.
Thus came the lazy days on the sofa, Cas draped over Dean aimlessly barely paying attention to the TV. Slow walks through the park; watching the bees in the spring and kicking the leaves in the autumn. Cooking fails attempting everything from cupcakes to soup but always ending delicious mess. Lazy affectionate kisses every free moment and little stares over the room around others.
Sam would come and go but Dean and cas spent so little time apart everybody they met treated them as a pair.
Tap Tap Tap Tap A long desperate sigh filled the waiting room “Uuuuuuuuuuuuh” A gentle left the man’s lips soon after to be heard by no-one but himself. And if he was listening His Angel “Cas buddy, we need you,”
From the tense silence of the nearly empty room an older woman burst through the doors. “Do we have a Dean?” The man froze. It seemed in those limited seconds between question and answer every emotion passed his thoughts. “That’s me…” “He wants to see you.” The man didn’t realise he’d been clenching his fists and holding his breath until he released them at the sound of ’..he wants..’
Everything was in slow motion. Feet clattering down with each step. Passing by each devastatingly injured person hooked up to every life support. ‘That could be him’
Every joyous, laughing person. 'I wish that was him,’
The presumed nurse stopped outside a door, and spoke gently, with kindness. “He’s in there.” “Thankyou,” “My pleasure it’s always beautiful when couples re-unite in a hospital room.” This was the last thing she’d said before walking away yet he still called after her,“ we’re not a couple, he’s my best friend.” Suddenly it felt odd to call him a best friend but he dismissed the feeling and entered the room.
“Hey buddy,” “Dean it’s you,” “Yep, in the flesh and blood,” “But the question is.. How are you cas?” “Tired.” “Seems reasonable,” “How are you and Sam?”
“Me? I’m good, just keepin’ goin’. Sam? Well he’s the best he’s been in years, right now he’s huntin anything and everything whe can find.”
The only thing filling the silence was a brief chuckle from cas then the steady noise of the heart machine.
“Cas did you hear me?” “Yes.” “And… Well you know we need you…” “Of course Dean..”
Both of them shuffled around awkwardly. Uncommon for Dean. Very common for castiel.
“I know you need me more than Sam. I know you should be saying 'I need you’”
“Cas what do you mean?” He heard no answer and slowly raised his head from staring at his shoes and looked at castiel. He had gone limp and his beautiful eyes had closed.
“Cas, cas buddy wake up, we need you!”
There was no reaction or visible change however the heart monitor began to slow.. “NURSE! WE NEED A NURSE IN HERE!” Seconds later they came crashing in, four or five of them. Straight to his bedside.
“NO! CAS! WE NEED YOU COME ON,”
He dropped closer to the bed and spoke softly to him one last time,“Castiel. Baby. I need you.” “I Need You Now.” But his attempts were in vain and the heart machine simply stopped.
“No no no no no this can’t happen. I need you. Baby I love you..”
Just imagine when Dean gets sick cas would bring him hot soup and care for and ping him through the house and snuggle with him, because as sick as Dean got cas would never be able to get sick. And just imagine if they had kids Cas might just help the seeker cause he check everywhere in the house in seconds. And just imagine uncles Gabriel and Sam coming round, and Sam would have a beer with Dean and they’d chat about old times and rock the baby and Gabriel would convince Cas that they could bring the oldest child and go cause some mischief where ever they could.
…Castiel is done being subtle. AKA: TFW2.0 goes to the Parade
Happy Pride, everyone!
–
Just a little thing I wanted to do for Pride as a follow-up to an older version, which is inspired by @malmuses wonderful fic “In Your Own Time” (read it, it’s beautiful!)
…Castiel is done being subtle. AKA: TFW2.0 goes to the Parade
Happy Pride, everyone!
–
Just a little thing I wanted to do for Pride as a follow-up to an older version, which is inspired by @malmuses wonderful fic “In Your Own Time” (read it, it’s beautiful!)
….They hurt his cinnamon sugar pumpkin muffin cake.
AKA: When it’s not actually toxic masculinity, it’s boner-at-work prevention!
Also, this just in: I cannot draw were-dinosaur-wolf things for sh*t
(Don’t repost)
————–
Hey, I’m still around, just been dealing with a LOT of pain due to shoulder and spine injuries (fun times) so I’ve had to take it easy lately. I’m slowly on the mend, so thanks for hanging around. I’d appreciate a tip if you like my work, times are tough. Otherwise, enjoy <3
…Castiel is done being subtle. AKA: TFW2.0 goes to the Parade
Happy Pride, everyone!
–
Just a little thing I wanted to do for Pride as a follow-up to an older version, which is inspired by @malmuses wonderful fic “In Your Own Time” (read it, it’s beautiful!)
….They hurt his cinnamon sugar pumpkin muffin cake.
AKA: When it’s not actually toxic masculinity, it’s boner-at-work prevention!
Also, this just in: I cannot draw were-dinosaur-wolf things for sh*t
(Don’t repost)
————–
Hey, I’m still around, just been dealing with a LOT of pain due to shoulder and spine injuries (fun times) so I’ve had to take it easy lately. I’m slowly on the mend, so thanks for hanging around. I’d appreciate a tip if you like my work, times are tough. Otherwise, enjoy <3
