love robin swap as a concept but we should consider making duke the first robin more. also he uses lark bc that was his first idea for a name before signal :-)
So we all agree that Alfred is the only one in the family with a functioning brain right? So imagine the batkids do something completely over the top unnecessary and RECKLESS like swing off a chandelier (Master Dick get down from there or your neck will be the least of your concerns!), take the Batmobile for a joyride (Master Jason get out of that car or so help me I will turn it around myself!), jump off a LexCorp building holding a giant sign saying (Wayne tech - sponsored by RED ROBIN) for the #aesthetic (Master Tim return to the manor at once or I will serve your hard drives to Master Titus), successfully attempt a pirouette on the banister (Miss Cassandra until you return to the ground there will be no cookies!), or throw a sword at the brother who still hasn’t gotten down from the chandelier even as a full-grown man (Alfred isn’t even mad about this one - he’s just disappointed that Master Damian HAD to aim a scabbard at the only diamond chandelier in the entire manor) and Bruce is just… impressed and equal parts surprised.
How does an 8 year old backflip off a stairwell almost 4 feet across onto a chandelier and somehow manage to not break it? Or parallel park a weaponized car or piss off LexCorp WHILE promoting his company or stay on balance on a banister 12 feet off the ground or aim a sword with that accuracy? He knows he should be disappointed but he’s just so PROUD that his kids pulled off something he could probably never do. Do lectures in the family are always like “And Master Dick what have we learnt today” “…don’t do a super awesome stunt in front of Alfred?” And Alfred gives Bruce The Glare like “your children are fools” and Bruce is like trying to be responsible “What you did was incredibly reckless…that being said, how did you manage to do it? (Strictly for training purposes, of course) And Alfred is all “MASTER BRUCE” And Bruce clears his throat nervously “yes no more dangerous stunts in the household - while Alfred’s looking”
Everyone in the house (except Alfred) is forced to clean the manor when this happens. With the exception of Bruce who will clean the Batcave, Batmobile and read the new series of parenting books Alfred picks up. Bruce makes sure to save all the footage of their shenanigans over the years in a special folder in the Batcomputer (only for their training of course) which Oracle, Spoiler and The Signal have a field day watching.
TL;DR: Alfred tries to be the responsible parent to the batkids when they do something stupid - Bruce is too impressed to be upset.
