A photo posted by Kristen Hipwell (@kristen__noel) on
Caption by kristen__noel on Instagram:
Collarbone has been stuck forever..the rest of me is like jello. Today’s heat and sun were way too much even for the brief amount of time I was outside. Brace yourselves….summer is comming.
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So I wrote a thing that I felt like sharing for the first time in quite awhile. I always find it sort of ironic that September is both Suicide Prevention Month and Pain Awareness Month, but that we rarely talk about suicide prevention in the context of chronic pain. And I shared my thoughts on Twitter about Suicide Prevention Month and how a lot of the campaigns for it don’t resonate with me as a chronically ill person. The tweets got a much larger response than I was expecting, so I took some time to write a full-length article elaborating on my initial tweets (which are included in the article). Basically I just expressed that I don’t feel seen or heard by the insistence that “it gets better.” In this article, I share the ways that I cope with my own feelings of depression, and the things that help me continue choosing life even when I know it might not get better. Please feel free to share if you feel this may be helpful to someone else!
At the end of the day only you know how unwell you are and what you are capable of, or not
Unfortunately when we are diagnosed with chronic illness instead of receiving the care and nurturing we need we often need to fight for ourselves instead
“Pain that persists is terrifying because it sets off the amygdala, before the parts of the brain that modify our emotional responses can be turned on.
The result is that we re experience the trauma that caused the pain and this trauma is continuously reinforced by it.
The terror demoralises us, and as pain processing areas expand in our brain, we lose our full ability to problem solve, regulate emotions,resolve conflicts, relate to others, distinguish other sensations from pain, effectively plan and even remember our past experiences to control pain.
Every time a person worsens, it feels like it is here to stay, and we must avoid it at all costs.
The amygdala is not a place of moderation.
It is a place of extreme emotions, fight/flight and post traumatic stress disorder. ”
Norman Doidge, the brains way of healing
IMAGINE how much better you would’ve felt if your doctor had explained pain and how you were feeling like this instead of telling you not to think about it. I wish I knew this when I was begging for help, traumatised by my pain
Today, I’m feeling not so great. Instead of focusing on just me I’m going to extend kindness to others and see what happens I’m asking myself How I can be of service? How can i better someone else’s life? How can I turn my own suffering into grace?
Changed the bed earlier all on my own for the first time in a great many months despite it hurting to do so. Yey! Go me! achievement unlocked!
Except since then I’ve been feeling light-headed and really nauseous. Even worse since eating lunch.
Which is just… FFS! I only changed the bed. One simple household task achieved without help. I feel ridiculous for feeling proud about the fact I managed it. And angry that I’ve been suffering the rest of the day as a result. And useless because testing reveals I still cannot contribute around the house.
