❝young volcanoes❞ | ellie & joel [SPOILERS]

I love these two so much. Their relationship is just the best in the whole world.

Totally freaking out because earlier today something INSANE happened. Troy freaking Baker signed an autograph for my brother and I during his LIVE on Instagram and I will not recover from this anytime soon!! it was so personal for me and, I had no clue he was going to read out loud to everyone what I told him. Joel being the greatest father figure in the history of gaming, how powerful and loved his character was and STILL is, how the game was personal to my brother and I with not having a present father figure. He then began to write and said: “as Joel said “i would do it all over again”. This meant a lot, and this is purely wild! The sweetest ever, Troy you’re a freaking legend. Going to go cry now.

(I did not make this photo) I dont know who made this but ugh my heart this picture is so beautiful I love it so much!♥️

•when you are older I will teach you to play guitar•

Created by dangreys

To Joel, from Ellie

aw, joel has pictures of his daughters on his bedroom dresser…

Series description: Many things were surely fucked up in the year 2038, but no-one ever told anyone how all of it went down. What happened before a group of people left for Seattle to handle personal matters? Why did one girl refuse to leave all of it be? And why there were so many dead in the end?

Quote for the chapter:  “And I heard, as it were, the noise of thunder. One of the four beasts saying, ‘Come and see.’ and I saw, and behold a white horse.” - Johnny Cash

Part summary: When you arrived to Seattle, it was becoming more and more apparent that the things won’t go as planned at all. Especially when you had Tommy slipping between your fingers.

A/N: So, we’re slowly getting to the more important stuff. How you guys feel about it? 

Warnings: Mentions of blood, torture, killing, infected, mentions of WLF, angst, arguments, cuss words. 

Word count: 6.7K

Tagging: @nemodoren@xxgoldenhour@missdictatorme​​@peakymarvels​​@davnwillcome​@pickleriiick​@jodiereedus22​@gladiosamicitias​@tamkashi​@eternallyvenus​@avengerssstuff​@fangirl-inthe-us​@avery-miller​@mikah-writes​@mad-hatter-98​@sadiaafrin99​@flavorishy​@mr-robot-x​

Series master list: H E R E

Joel Miller’s playlist for the bonfire occasions: H E R E

Youtube playlists: JACKSON DAYS|SEATTLE DAYS

Seattle, day first - morning:

The journey to Seattle wasn’t as long as you expected it to be. It was barely two days on horseback - if you wouldn’t get lost so much. Ellie proclaimed herself the leader of your group and well, it was what it was, he sense for orientation was bat shit bad. You’ve spent five days in total on the road - and given that you had to hunt and prepare some safe sleeping places, you were quite quick for a group of four people. Hunting was usually Joel and Ellie’s thing - he was good with the bow, which you knew perfectly and Ellie learned how to hunt during a winter when she was with Joel.

Joel was a man of many secrets and some wild past, you’ve known that, but you thought that maybe, Joel just taught the girl how to hunt. Neither of them told you otherwise - that Joel was in pain, high fever with his hip drilled through with iron support protruding out of the ground. You didn’t know many things, in fact - you still didn’t have an idea that Ellie is immune to the Cordyceps fungus. Sure, you knew all about the chemical burn, tattoo, and once, when she was drunk, she told you about how Joel had to lead her to the Fireflies through half of the United States. Why? She didn’t tell you. She just mentioned she was supposed to die there because of some vaccine - you didn’t know for what. Sure, logically, you knew that shes talking about the fungus infection, but you never thought about it that much.

You’ve never asked her. Maybe it was some different decease? Maybe not? But you’ve never asked her about fungus and infected.

Anyway, while Joel and Ellie set on an evening hunt every day once you found a good spot, you and Dina made sure to check the spot for supplies, to secure the place, take care of the horses and to prepare the sleeping area. Against your wildest expectations, it was quite nice to have them around. You meant such close people whom you saw as members of your family. The old man and Ellie got along pretty well in the end - as far as it came to work and surviving, Joel and Ellie were an excellent team. While these two were the main characters of your group, you and Dina tended to stay put and to follow instructions these two gave you. Sure, you two were enough of a pain in the asses and characters as well, but there wasn’t any need for you to express so far.

Nighttime patrols were sure a necessity - so you made pairs. Usually, you had the first patrol with Ellie to check on the surroundings, on which you played card games, and told each other dumb jokes, and Joel with Dina took your place shortly after midnight. So far, it didn’t even seem like a revenge trip - it was more of a family-only secluded trip. But as soon as you saw the first cars on 99 leading in the direction of Seattle, you realized how close to the city you were.

What if the WLFs won’t be there anymore? What if you’d come late? What if they will be there and you’ll find them? How could you be sure that you’ll find every person who was at the Baldwin mansion? How long will it take? And how high was the probability of all of you surviving? With a sigh, you tightened your arms around Joel’s waist gently, leaning your cheek to his back as you watched the woods and wildlife around you.

“You good?” - Joel asked, quickly glancing at you over the shoulder. You picked your head up, looking at the highway in front of you.

“Yea, I’m fine. I’m just a bit tired, I guess. Hadn’t slept much last night.” - And it was true - you couldn’t fall asleep properly because of the storm raging outside. Bolts of lightning were flashing behind the windows, thunders were shaking the ground and even if you were safe inside the sleeping bag, laying just a few meters from the fireplace, you couldn’t fall asleep for shit. Dina, on the other hand, slept on the other side like a newborn baby with a small grin on her face.

“Some nightmares? Your leg? What’s goin’ on?” - Joel asked and you caught Joel’s side tightly when Sadie jumped off of a small edge. While you had this serious conversation, Dina and Ellie were grinning and snickering as they rode at least ten meters in front of you. You grinned at Joel’s caring mood, shaking your head after a small moment. - “Hey, you can tell me, you know that, rite?” - The man asked you after a moment of silence.

Sure, you could tell him that the proximity of the city is what is making you nervous, but all you’d get back is a question 'Are you sure that you wanna do this, baby girl?’. And with that, you didn’t want to be bothered with. You could describe him the wild dreams you were having about Abby and the other WLFs and how much it was intensifying in the last few days as Seattle got closer. But Tommy was out there. Sure, Joel would agree to turn Sadie back to Jackson, but… His brother was in Washington city. Somewhere out there, alone and possibly dead or taken captive. Joel would go back for you, but you’d tear him apart if you’d make him choose between you and Tommy. At this moment, it was less complicated, because you wanted to find and save Tommy.

“Maybe I would sleep better if you’d come and cuddle me tonight, just a bit, huh?” - You grinned, running your tongue along your lips as you straightened, putting your chin on his shoulder as you watched the profile of his face while Joel kept his eyes on the road. But he let the rein go with one palm to smooth your thigh. And you’d be lying if you’d be telling that your sensitive spot didn’t throb at that bit of human contact.

“That’s exactly why we don’t have patrols together, baby girl.” - The man said and put his hand back on Sadie’s rein, making her fasten up a bit. At that, you scoffed, mumbling a quiet 'funny’.

“Hey, let’s turn to the woods here. Seems like a road and we’ll see when it takes us, what do you say?” - Ellie cried in your direction suddenly. The man turned your horse to follow Shimmer and the girls. Both horses needed some rest as soon as possible - the road was long and tricky at times, plus they had to carry two people and their stuff on their back, so the poor animals were tired enough already. The whole group hoped that as soon as you’ll ride into the town, there won’t be such big need to use the horseback - and you’d be extremely lucky, you’d find some refuge to hide at, where you could make the animals rest a bit as well.

Yet instead of the city, everything you’ve been greeted with when you arrived in front of the entering Seattle, was a long wide wall with white graffiti on it, saying 'WLF - trespassers killed on sight’. Well, that was great. Joel stopped your horse next to Shimmer, looking at Ellie, who’s eyes were already flying all over the place as she looked for a back door.

“Okay, okay. I see something. So, Joel, will you come with me? Y/N and Dina can search through the buildings here and take care of the horses while we figure it out.” - The girl asked everyone. Dina opened up her mouth with a furrow, getting ready to oppose Ellie, so you spoke out before the girl. - “Great plan. You two take care of the passage, we’ll look around.” - You agreed with the girl, already jumping off Sadie’s back. Slowly, you petted her neck and took the reins from Joel, watching the man getting down as well.

“You two be careful.” - Dina sighed, smoothing Ellie’s shoulder before taking Shimmer away as well. You did exactly what you told them you’ll be doing. Neither of you could see the man or Ellie, but you still could hear them bickering, so you knew they’re alright. Dina seemed to be the ideal person for you to confess about your fears. Joel would turn the house around in instant, Ellie would rant about the whole revenge thing. - “Spill the tea, honey. I know something’s bothering you ever since you got up.” - The girl asked you as she went through some unlocked wardrobes, taking a look at old work overalls.

“This will sound weird,” - “Babe, you’ve already told me a shit ton of weird stuff and now, when I would be worried about you if you wouldn’t be scared, ou think you’re too weird?” - The girl answered as you went through some old WLF documents scattered around the tables.

“The closer to Abby we get, the more my heart wants to see Abby suffer, I can’t sleep, all I think about is her. I want her to hurt the way I did. But my head… I think this is all a bad idea.” - A whisper left you as you watched Ellie climb on the upper side of the gate, Joel being under her to catch her is shed be falling. They were still bickering and yelling stuff at one another, so you knew they’re just fine.

“Do you want to kill all of them, or…” - Dina whispered, turning her face at you. But to your surprise, you shook your head almost immediately. You didn’t want to kill anyone. Sure, your own goal was to find Abby, clip her wings, and to do her the same shit she has done to you, make her realize that you’ll kill her if she comes for Joel… But you didn’t want to kill her. What would be the purpose of that? You could make her realize that she should stay the fuck away from Jackson without having her blood on your hands. Unfortunately, Tommy was apparently on the other side of the spectrum. And Ellie was too. Yet Dina seemed to be getting uncomfortable with the topic. - “Y/N… Listen. I know you were a Firefly earlier and that they haven’t sent you out, I know you killed only infected… But behind this gate, some bad people won’t spare a single second with thinking about shooting at you. I don’t want to be an asshole and even if your willingness to spare Abby’s life is admirable, but if things go to shit… And they will go to shit… You will have to kill someone.”

Dina slowly walked to you, licked her lips as her palms gently smoothed your shoulders. Honestly, killing someone wasn’t the first thing that came to your mind when Ellie said We are going to Seattle. It made sense - Seattle was most likely inhabited by various groups and clans, cannibals, and hunters. All you could see was Owen, the woman, and her friends. Those were the people you wanted to see suffer, not killed, but suffering for sure. Yet the reality found its way to you rather quickly as the realization came suddenly.

Given how you reacted to the first kill, could you overcome the feeling of being sick of yourself? In the exact moment when you watched the arrow driving through the man’s neck, you thought of yourself as of something else. Not someone, but something. You were disgusting, you weren’t a human being if you could consciously kill another man, right? But Seattle was full of worse people than the group you’ve met near Jackson in summer.

“Listen, I know it’s making you feel bad, but… Once you’ll get into the adrenaline rush and when you realize that it’s either you or them, you’ll be fighting for your life as a true survivor. I am sure of it. They should be terrified of you.” - The girl hugged you and closed her eyes for a moment, and after that, you left to search the other building. It didn’t take you a long time before finding a piece of paper full of codes. - “Well, look at this beauty. You think it can help us?” - You asked Dina, showing her the paper - and just at the moment, you heard Ellie yelling something about code from the other side. As you yelled some numbers back at her, Joel and Dina got the horses ready, making sure you’ll get them on the other side too. It was just a small moment when the gate got opened and you had run for it because the gate almost pinched you in.

“That was quite something. Everyone alright?” - Ellie asked, getting Dina a quick hug. It was weirdly terrifying watching you almost getting crushed by a gate. After checking on missing or hurt limbs, you continued your journey further into the city - and it didn’t take too long before you stopped in front of another gate. Ellie got to the work immediately - you had the codes, you had a generator… Which didn’t have fuel inside - the tank was emptied clean.

“Hey, guys?” - You asked and walked to a tear in the wall, leading into a big plain of green grass, collapsed buildings, and highways. Dina looked at a cupola in the distance, widening her eyes in realization. She pulled out a piece of paper, making you look at it. The paper was talking about some big operation WLFs got going on, about a name named Isaac and… Gas inside a courthouse and some dome. And the dome you were looking at at the moment. And… Then Dina pulled out a map you didn’t even know she took somewhere in the process.

“What do you have here, girls?” - Joel asked and stepped next to you - Ellie was still thinking about the empty tank while you two were whispering something, trying to estimate the proximity of the things you were seeing to figure out on which street the dome was located on. And so far, you’d say you and Dina had some good estimations. - “I think we just found ourselves some gas…” - Dina snickered victoriously, waving the map in the air. - “But just from looking at the place, there’s a lot of locations to scavage through, I would say.” - You whispered, looking at the sights around you. There was a building which looked like… Some fancy one, a few stores, and a big truck in the water which caught your interest. - “We better split now to cover the area quicker.”

Everyone gathered around you - and it was officially the first time since the trip started you got to plan something out. - “There’s written we are searching for… Serevina Base, which should be… The hotel over there, right?” - You asked them, pointing the pen in its direction to ensure yourself. Ellie nodded quickly. - “But the generator is out, so we need to look for gas. Which should be in the Fedra thing just across the plain,” - You pointed your hand in the direction. - “Or inside the dome there. Let’s say that each group will take one of the spots and look around them. We’ll let our horses out on plain sight in case one of us would get lost. If you do, search for the animal. When we’ll be done, well gather around here and see what we’ll have, and thing of a different plan. And if we wouldn’t get back around dusk, the other group goes to look for them. Huh. Look at me planning.” - You grinned at Dina, who just nodded. This was quite impressive - Ellie didn’t understand half of what you’ve said, but Dina and Joel did.

“The game plan will be as follows - Ellie and I will look around the dome, you guys will go for the Fedra base and to the left side of the perimeter, 'kay? If anything goes bad or worse than that, leave the place be and run away. If everything goes well, we should meet halfway in the plain. I’ll bring the map with me and we’ll mark every usable place we can scavage later, okay?” - You asked everyone in the end, having the whole group nodding. Suddenly, you understood why Jesse was always giving you these speeches before you rode on a patrol. It felt good to hype the whole group up.

Just when you were getting Joel’s stuff out of Sadie’s saddleback, the man approached you. - “You should do this more often, girl. You’re a natural.” - He smiled gently, catching your palm in his to hold it for a small while. And you just stood next to him and moved your thumb on his. - “Be safe out there, 'kay?” - Joel asked you, leaning his forehead to yours, closing his eyes for a small moment. - “Make sure Dina won’t get hurt and come back.” - A whisper left your lips before you pecked his lips, giving him the revolver ammo you were searching for. After that, you hopped on Sadie’s back, offering your hand to Ellie. As expected, she hopped on behind you and caught your waist, jolting around before she found the right spot to sit at.

“Is your ass settled, princess?” - A tease came out of you as you jumped to the grass, riding in the direction of the dome. The girl only chuckled, looking around after that.

“It’s nice out here, I have to say.” - Ellie admitted after a second of watching the wind playing with the grass. You could see a few hinds in the back with a big, strong deer and birds flying above your head. If something, Seattle looked spectacular in the sunlight, especially when the sky was almost cloudless.

“It’s something different than Salt Lake and Jackson. Nice change of view.” - You agreed, having Ellie humming at your response. Oh, shit, there you go - Ellie sure as her way about to ask some weird fucking questions and you didn’t know if you’re ready for any of them. - “He’s too old for this shit, you know that?” - The girl sighed and leaned her chin into your shoulder.

Of course, you did realize that. Joel wasn’t the youngest, that was the way things were. You didn’t know what lays in front of you, what to expect of what’s going to happen in Seattle. What if you’d have to run for your life? What if you’ll have to walk steep hills on foot? Jumping from building to building? Jesus, you stopped your train of thoughts, what am I thinking about? Joel Miller had probably better physical conditions than you, except for some scars and sometimes jolting knees. You kinda forgot about how dangerous can he be since you’ve started seeing each other - but now, you hoped that all the stories Tommy and Ellie told you were true. He could suffocate a man with his forearm even in his early fifties and that was a thing you shouldn’t forget at any time.

“I’ve never met any guy that would be at least half the tough as Joel is. I mean, maybe not even Tommy matches Joel’s level and he had some wild stuff, I tell you that. I’ll take care of the old-timer, I swear.” - There was this unsettling quiet moment you and Ellie shared when you just trotted towards the building. The city was empty, almost wiped clean. Which was unsettling a bit. You’d expect way more cars in the downtown, maybe some signs of residency, anything… But it looked empty.

“I know… But it still weirds me the fuck out, dude. I won’t be pretending I’m okay with this.” - Ellie spoke out of the blue, making you freak out a bit. You were riding in the street leading between high glass-concrete buildings, so the only things you could hear were the wind howling and Sadie’s stomping. Ellie straightened for a second, laughing at your reaction. - “Jesus, sorry for that.”

“You think I’m okay with you and Dina? I mean, no offense, but I’m used to seeing her with Jesse. You two hit it off so suddenly, like, dude, I know you liked her for the longest time possible, but…” - “I see what you’re talking about. I guess we’ll just agree that were both a bit grossed out, but we’re happy that the other one’s happy, deal?” - Ellie asked when you turned right and rode in front of the tall dome - and to your surprise, it was a court.

“I think that makes the case rested.” - You turned your head to Ellie with one of your eyebrows arched - but the girl didn’t get the joke at all. So you threw your hand in the court’s direction, having her gasp for air in realization. - “That was a poor one, babe.” - Ellie snorted. Both of you jumped off Sadie’s back, tying her rein to a nearby lamp to make sure she’s visible if Dina and Joel were trying to find you. As a treat, you gave the animal an apple you’ve carried with you since Jackson and petted her nose before walking back to Ellie. - “And you fucking love the poor jokes I make, angel, so keep the whines to yourself.” - “So you don’t want to hear any of them?” - The redhaired girl teased you back and you laughed out loud, saying something similar to 'you’re fucking gross’.

As you approached the building, you both started to get more and more serious. - “The place is probably filled with infected.” - You said what you both had on your mind. Ellie spared you a quick look and tried to open up the door for you, but it was barricaded from the inside. - “Hey, ma'am, don’t be scared. We’re going to slay it, as we always do.” - Your best friend chanted with a total dingus. After that, she slammed the door with her shoulder for the second time, massaging the shoulder afterward. - “We’ll have to circle the building, see if there’s any other way to get in. I mean, these fuckers got in, we can get in.” - Ellie offered you a high-five and you did accept it.

You did find another entrance to the building, through an old window that could be opened up. At that moment, you weren’t even nervous. It was a known fact that you and Ellie go on that patrols together because of various reasons - one being you couldn’t shoot from a gun and a second one being Ellie clumsy with Clickers.

“See a few of 'em.” - Ellie whispered to the vile silence. It wasn’t exactly silence - it was inhuman silence filled with cries and clicking of the infected in the building. The good news were that you didn’t hear low grunting of a Bloater or a Shambler, so this was a two-man job with which you could get over with pretty quick. - “You wanna do Clickers or Runners first? We have a plan B?” - She asked. You nodded, pointing at a plastic bomb in the pocket of you back. Slowly, you slid the knife out, listening to the sounds of clicking getting closer, and closer to you.

“There’s our number one.” - You grinned at Ellie and moved around the place. Safety first - Ellie loaded her gun and you did your best not to make too much sound. Clickers had a hearing three times better than a human, true, but it applied only if they were clicking in your direction - and as soon as you were hidden behind something, they knew shit - which resulted in the bitch laying on the ground in the next moment as you felt its blood soaking through your pants. You stopped for a second and watched a crying runner standing just feet from you. As soon as Ellie made sure it didn’t see you, she jumped on its back and pushed her dagger into its throat.

Slowly, you maneuvred through the rooms, searching for supplies in the process, killing every infected on sight. True trouble started when you found yourself in the entering hall which had around four infected there. Ellie made sure that her gun is loaded and palmed a brick while you kneeled, slowly taking a bomb and a lighter out of your pocket. For a moment, you watched each other before Ellie threw the brick onto a nearby wall, distracting the infected with inspecting the sound. When you lit up the fuse, you counted to four and threw the bomb in there as well, turning away from the massacre.

When you looked on the spot after the great boom, the walls were burned and painted with blood and parts of the bodies. - “Yuck.” - You grunted, looking at Ellie who was waiting if there won’t be another infected in the area. But it was looking clear. - “Your bombs never stop to make mesmerized. She offered you another high-five and you accepted.

You, my friend, were looking disgusting. You’ve come from the patrols in a worse state, sure, but you always grinned when you saw blood on your jeans. How comes that someone like Joel or Tommy rarely got dirty? The must’ve been using some fucking magic. Your best friend didn’t care about her appearance at all, she was looking around. - "Can’t see any gas here, but the elevator shaft looks promising.” - Ellie sighed and smoothed her cheek with the back of her hand, accidentally rubbing blood all over her damn face. At that, you let a sighed and motioned for her to go first.

“Looks alright down here, come… Oh, fuck!” - The girl cried out and you could hear first gunshots. Seriously, you had never got anywhere as quickly as at that moment. Without waiting around, you took the knife out, getting a runner off of Ellie. When that was over, you got out your gun which you rarely used, loaded it, and tried to hit at least something around you. It was a miracle you both got out of it alive, but the adrenaline rush made you look around with fear. You were still triggering the gun to fire, but the magazine was already empty. Which made Ellie giggle as she leaned her palms to her thighs while watching you.

“Good job, we’re clear.” - Ellie grinned, making you finally pull the trigger down. You kneeled as well, taking in a deep breath as you started to laugh too. This was a close call and the adrenaline inside your veins hit its all-time top, so as your brain relaxed, you were laughing like crazy. - “I thought you didn’t know how to use a damn gun.” - Ellie wondered and helped you on your feet.

“I never said I could use it either.” - You bickered back, looking around. It was an old garage under the court, the whole place was dark and hard to orientate in, so you both lit up your flashes.

“This was fucking badass, babe. You’ll be better than all of us one day… And… Look at this beauty.” - The girl put her palms on her hips, smiling at the sight of a gas tank. There was a small red barrel for it too, which was just perfect.

“Go on, give it a whirl. I would prefer to leave this fucking place.” - A sight left you as you put the gun back into the holder, making sure it’s secured there. With a childish grin, Ellie picked up the small barrel and put it under the pipe, turned the lever, and… - “It’s fucking empty.” - She sighed, cursing under her breath. Well, that was a bummer.

“Let’s hope that Joel and Dina find some. Come on, we can at least scavage a few stores on the way back.” - You smiled at the girl, patting her shoulder. As you said, so you did. And you were quite okay with what you’ve found - enough stuff to make some more bombs, Molotoves, two cards which Ellie was collecting, ammo and some food. Those were good finds.

A few hours later, you met up with Joel and Dina again to share the finds and the intel. To your luck, Dina managed to find some gas in something called a synagogue while the old man securing the perimeter - and they also found a nearby used fireplace possibly used by Tommy. And they found some food and stuff as well. With the fuel, the generator was running in no time and you continued your journey to the Serevina base. You were moving forward slowly and with hesitations, having your eyes opened all the time in search of the WLFs. But the place was just full of supplies, dead bodies, and infected. And as you progressed thought the building, you only found more of these. Until you bumped into that room.

When Dina saw it, she covered her mouth and ran into the corridor to vomit, you stood there in shock, Ellie widened her eyes - just Joel kept his cool as he walked around the crime scene. There were two dead people, both tied up, one of them laid on the ground in gallons of blood, and the other one was tied to a chair on wheels. Whoever did this to them, he had to have a strong stomach and a strong hatred in him.

“Shit.” - Dina muffled when she walked back into the room, cleaning her lips and mouth up with the back of her palm. - “The fuck happened here?” - She asked the same question you had on your mind. Ellie and Joel exchanged knowing looks before splitting to look at both the bodies.

“Tommy did this.” - The redhead muttered and touched the face of the wheelchair man. Dina shook her head, walking closer to the body to look at it as well. - “This? No way.” - The girl insisted. The man was crouching above the other body, watching it with his dark eyes. Ellie took in a small breath. Both the girls spared you a look as you walked forward. You did the same thing as Ellie - your thumb and index finger circled around the swollen jaw covered in old blood as you looked at the contours of his face, taking in every small detail your eyes were able to recognize. After a moment, you let his face go, looking away from everyone. A scoff you let out made Joel turn at you. He knew damn well this was his baby brother’s handwork.

“It was definitely him.” - You nodded to yourself, putting a hand in front of your lips. - “This is one of the ones that were in Baldwin when it happened.” - You nodded, looking back at the people around you.

“And this one, kiddo?” - A raspy question made you aware that Joel is standing just a foot away from you, pointing at the body laid down in the blood. Slowly, you walked to the man, even crouching to take in his face. But soon, you just shook your head. -  "I don’t recognize him. What the fuck was Tommy doing here?“ - You asked the man. But Ellie was the first one to speak.

"He was using them against each other.” - “How?” - Dina asked and looked at the bodies once more. With that, Ellie looked at the man who was now smoothing your back, ready to explain every small detail to you and her girlfriend. She pointed her palm at the body which was laid down. - “Joel told me about this. You ask this guy a question, but you don’t make him say it, you make him write it down. Then you ask the other guy. And if the facts match, they’re telling the truth. And if not…” - “You fuck 'em up.” - Dina finished and Ellie hummed quietly.

Joel knew this method? This gruesome, brutal method? Was he using it on someone? As the man felt your shoulders tense up, he looked at the emotionless expression in your face and he stepped aside immediately, letting him have your own space. Jesus, how much you didn’t know about him? Sure, he was a smuggler and he fucked up a few people here and there, what you’ve heard from Ellie’s stories - but until that point, you thought he done it for the sake of her well-being. Guess what. You were wrong.

There was this strange, vile persona inside of Joel the whole time he was by your side - and even though you knew that, it took you by a surprise. How much he had done? How much pain did he cause? What other methods of brutal torturing did Joel know? And the worst thing you realized was that once you’ll leave Seattle - you be the same as him. Your stomach was slowly turning upside down.

“This just happened, guys. He can’t be far off. Come on.” - Dina tried to cheer everyone up, yet it was met with a wall of blank stares. She nodded, again, and everyone got out of the room. You were completely lost in your thoughts as the others were doing the job - Joel’s palm in front of your face woke you up from the trance and you hopped behind him. And he knew something’s off when you didn’t catch his waist.

“Girls, wait for us back there, alrite?” - Joel called out. With that, both of them nodded. Ellie and Dina were shaken as well, but you were looking lifeless, confused, and disgusted. The man breathed out and lowered his head, waiting for you to say something. A word. A cuss. Anything.

“You ain’t good, don’t tell me you are.” - The man warned you just when you were about to ask him why you’re not riding forward. - “It’s disgusting and I know that, 'kay? But… I swear you don’t have to be afraid of me.” - Joel whispered, but truth be told, he was too afraid to look at you. At that remark, you scoffed ironically.

“Is this what you call 'I was struggling with surviving for a long time’? Listen, I knew you killed people before, I knew you stole shit from them, smuggled things for the Fireflies and survived a lot of stuff… But… Joel…” - You hopped off the horse again, walking around to somehow gather the shit together before speaking. Your lungs were begging for breath as it got shallow. Ellie watched you with worries in her face, but Dina made the girl turn away. - “It must’ve been hard for you. And I get it. But this shit? You were doing this… This fuckery to other people?” - You pointed back to Serevina. The man took in a deep breath. He was nervous as fuck - you could tell because his eyes were lingering all around except your face as his fingers played with Sadie’s rein. When he was about to say your name to calm you down, you widened your eyes to stop him.

“No. You answer this question. Did you do things like that to other people?” - You asked again, still pointing to the hotel. Slowly, the man gulped and nodded. An unbelievable laugh left your throat. - “Did you do worse than this?” - And again, the man had nodded. Joel started to move his tongue inside his mouth uncomfortably, which made you aware of what he was going through inside. - “And did you ever, at least once, planned on telling me what you’ve done to others?” - With that, only the hollowing of the wind could be heard. After a moment, the answer was clear. Joel didn’t even think of telling you.

Honestly, why should he? He told you he had done some terrible things in the past and you told him you’ll not leave his side nonetheless. You told him you didn’t care about that. But obviously, as soon as you saw first hints of Joel’s true persona, you were starting to back off. Should Joel be wondering why? No. Not at all. It was understandable. But it was still hurting him.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Joel. This is some heavy stuff I should’ve at least had a hint about, don’t you think?” - You asked, running your tongue on your lips.

“I told you what I am. You didn’t listen to it if you ask me, girl.” - Joel got off the horse too to remind you who was the man of the situation. He was also trying to make you back off with his hight and his eyes… These were as dark as an iron-colored sky.

“Am I the one who fucked up people to shreds? Who beaten them until they lost consciousness? Do I look like someone who killed another human person for the sake of business? Huh?” - You answered. Just when the man inhaled loudly, Dina jumped between you, pushing herself in between.

“I know… That this is a private matter of trust… But… Can you leave it for once we find some refuge? You can argue all you want there. Let’s just… Go now.” - She asked both of you. It took you a moment to calm down enough to hop on Sadie behind Joel, but you didn’t catch his waist nonetheless. As you were thinking about what just happened, a loud bang sounded through the street.

You barely knew what was happening - in the pressure, you caught Joel’s waist as he lost control over the horse. You couldn’t hear anything and you screamed as Sadie ran into a shop window, breaking it apart. The horse was dead in the next minute, throwing you both on the ground under it. It was hard to realize what happened as you felt the warm blood under you as you fainted.

The road just blew up.

Doodles for my #DenialAU in which Joel survives with major brain damage and partial amnesia and Ellie takes care of him. Angst fluff and mental breakdowns aplenty. I just love broken and helpless characters so much ok

I still hear his screams.

#DenialAU