plot: the night, when everything changes —but the road is still long for max. word count: 4.515k (so that’s what is took so long hehe) warnings: victoria is the best sister ever, swear words, max worrying too much, depeche mode song references, small steamy part (it’s reall short tho), if i let out something, let me know uwu
i hope you’ll love it >3<
✿
max was glad that they had two weeks to the next grand prix,
yet, he never, ever felt so alone in his life like now.
he was never alone for a single minute of his life; being a formula-1 driver made a whole group to jump around him constantly, interviewers, his friends and his family were even almost in a reach out —and when y/n came to the team, they talked for a year before she got into formula-1. max and y/n knew each other, making a good friendship inside and out of the team, y/n could spice up things in the team videos, but like, in a non-sexual way —maybe that’s why max’s fans didn’t want to slice her throat immediately every time when a video came out. the team loved y/n, she not only just filled the emptiness after daniel so quickly, but she added something —something he couldn’t name, something that just existed. it was a feeling what he felt like he had a sixth sense, but instead of fear or some concern, he felt complete, he felt that somehow, everything’s gonna be alright.
y/n was the red bull’s sixth sense, and his best friend.
until now, because max didn’t know how y/n is. they didn’t interact in two weeks, but what was really, really near is an awarding ceremony, where christian and his two driver is invited —which means, there’s no sedation for the youn driver, for neither young driver. when max got the news late at night, coming home from a head-out with the boys before he headed back to netherlands, his home —charles left out, and he couldn’t blame him. he wanted the ferrari driver to talk with y/n, but it was miserable, how he asked a third person to intervene into their thing… not to mention that they were best friends, best friends, for hell’s sake! what a dick move would it be, and he perfectly knew that not only he could be dissappointed in himself, but y/n too. and y/n didn’t do anything, it was him. so, getting the news, he wanted to text her, but then he saw the last message he got from her.
y/n y/l/n — may 22, sunday of course i’m gonna be by your side! we’re best friends, have you forgot, maxie?
, ,
it was one and a half week ago —he felt himself the shittiest friend ever. dropping the phone into the other corner of the bed, he pulled the covers on his head, huffing. why did he say those things? why he couldn’t just shut up, and keep everything to himself like every other time? he wasn’t an open man, he didn’t like the flashlight, he didn’t like to see the stuff he said in the media, on instagram profiles and digital news —he shared his personal things, the things he cherished with the ones who where close to him… with his family, his friends, y/n, his… his y/n. y/n never bragged to anyone, he knew his secrets are safe if he said them to her, he saw it in her eyes the understanding when he told her about his insecureness with his father, with his career, with all the massive stress, and he could see it in y/n’s eyes, that nobody who is unwarranted in this case will hear about his worries —y/n’s eyes talked; she told him that he can trust her, only with her eyes. but now, those yes were far away from him, and he didn’t know he can look into those eyes without shame. and best friends? what best friends now? y/n wasn’t a dramatic person, but he would totally understand if charles became her best friend, or literally, anyone else instead of him —in his head, he even imagined how he recommends anybody else for the place ‘best friend’, stepping down from the 'podium’ —was that idiocy? of course.
did max feel himself alone? of course.
turning to his side, he sighed. it wasn’t good without her. out of a sudden, his door flinged open, he catched up his head on the action.
“are you awake, you big dumbass?”
max covered up himself, even though he wasn’t naked, and wasn’t even doing sinful or pervert things —but if he wanted to be honest, he was young, many times horny like an ordinary man, and he wasn’t in a relationship for a reason (his relationship with y/n wasn’t on the level what he wanted with her, but that was for another day), and now, he couldn’t even deny that those things involved y/n in his imagination —yes, max wasn’t a saint, and he felt bad when he looked into y/n’s eyes… but it was too good to stop it. the images about her body haunted him, they often saw each other half naked, and picturing her in positions excited him. laying beside him, in his arms, stroking his waist with her heels as her legs caged him closer to her, holding one of his hands with her small, pretty one as she looked into his eyes, his other hand and his hips helping hers to move faster and deeper, it was only him who could hear how good she felt —he wasn’t with a girl like y/n ever, because there weren’t girls who comapred to her, but max was sure that she must feel incredible, if not less, heavenly.
“are you awake, huh?”
it was his sister, victoria. she came back to her parents since she wanted them to spend a little time with their grandchild, who was now with her husband,
“what the fuck are doing in here? and if i’m naked, then what?” he freaked out, only to have his sister rolling her eyes.
“we’re not your silly fangirls, max, we don’t scream, tear up and pass out if you come out without shirt.” she bragged, she always had something to respond with. max layed back on the bed, running his hand through his hair.
“okay, then what do you want?”
“i want to know what’s between you and y/n.”
when max sat up again, and tried to send her to somewhere else, he realized his sister wants to help him —and maybe, now he needed some serious help. sighing, max looked everywhere but in his sister’s eyes. he wanted to say how neglected, how shit he felt, how he wanted to make that night over and over again to not to say those things, or how he could prevent the accident… how he wanted to talk to her again, how he felt the same, strong regret and bitter taste in his mouth, under his tongue after he drove away to the airport… how cut away he felt from everything, because for him, things were complete when she was there, with him. that’s why he knew he’s gonna feel alone on the top of the podium, without her hug, without her reassuring touch and bright, curling dimples in the corner of her smile, that’s why he fought nico, not because he is crazy, but because he was worried, so worried that something serious happened —and from that moment, y/n wouldn’t be the same again, which wasn’t a problem, beacuse he liked, loved her either way, but this silly mistake was enough to bring the lion out from him because of her…
but max only said this in his mind to his sister. he kept it to himself —y/n wasn’t here to understand him like no one did.
“it’s nothing.”
victoria huffed, sitting down on the edge of his bed. she looked at him, with a little, faint shine of worry in her eyes —she knew that max and y/n are best friends, and trusting his maternal, sister and woman senses, she maybe guessed that max felt something more. she never said it, and for max, this was completely okay.
“listen, max, i’m not going to read the riot to you, not even playing the moral high ground, but talking to you, as a woman to a man, or as a sister to a brother, i see that something isn’t alright. and, not because i saw your outburst, i know how you are, but seeing that you don’t have the spirit to do anything, not bringing here y/n when there’s a quite long break between two race, even a winning award, where the two of you go together… it’s not like the two of yu act, and since i don’t want to be the gossiping one, and i am not involved in this, but i’m truly worried about you, please, just tell me what’s going on.”
that was longer than he expected, he couldn’t blame her —dragging around himself, groaning and being silent wasn’t his form. at least it wasn’t his mom, or even worse, his dad, jos who came to talk to him —his dad may just make things more terrible, they never talked about his love life, especially not with y/n, and maybe he didn’t even want him to gain more feelings towards her than a friendship. but where should he begin? and what should he say, what’s the point in this fucked up situation? sighing, max sat up, leaning his back on the head of his bed, fiddling with his fingers.
“can i be direct and honest?”
his sister’s eye softened while she nodded.
“you’realways direct and honest, maxie. just tell me.”
max huffed.
“i think i’m in love with her.”
his sister tried to hide her thoughts —he could read from her face what she often did in their younger years, that 'she always knew it’, and 'he just doesn’t admit to himself’. but now, victoria was silent, because that was max’s most top secret. max was like a time bomb when it came to his heart’s stuff —nobody never knew, or even could guess when he explodes or shuts down about them, even max didn’t know where were the boundaries of his stuff.
“do you think so?”
max shook his head, leaving her confused for a moment.
“no, i know i am. i realized it like, two or three days ago? yeah… i always felt beside y/n something vibrant, or, when you just want to be closer to the other. but i refused to tell her, because i don’t want to be out from her life…”
sometimes max thought very low about himself, when it came to y/n, the choking, lung-pressing feeling multiplied —seeing her living the time of her life with other guys, even if they were just her friends, or even charles, other celebrities who just came up her because she was pretty, famous or rich —made himself think when she always went back to max and his group, but mainly him, 'who i am to those guys? how is she still staying by my side, when they’re much more funny, handsome and can express their feelings for her?’. everytime he thought about teeling his feelings to her, he already watched the whole scene unfolding: seeing her drawing off from him, searching for a much more handsome, much more funny and much more sensitive guy, who can give her everything.
“…but when daniel just told those things, about her, i felt like i need to stand up for her, i couldn’t hear any longer how they tease her just because she had a bad day, or for just who she is. and they never pay attention to her success, her achievements, they only bring her up if she blasts something, even if it’s not her fault. you know, the feeling when something suffocates you?” victoria nodded, made him to continue. “on that night, i felt that i need to free myself from that feeling. that’s why i said those things.”
“and why didn’t you tell her before you freaked out? not to say bad, but you looked like a mad man, a really mad man. except me.”
“what do you mean by 'except you’?”
victoria gave him the smile, that 'i am your sister and i know everything about you, you silly dumbass’-smile, but he couldn’t blame her —at some point, when he said things to y/n or did things to her that crossed the line of their friendship into something more, he sweared to himself to never do it again —otherwise, she would find out.
“i mean, that i saw how you act with her. sure, you treat people you only like with kindness, but when she slept once, or twice here, you always looked after her reactions, trying to make everything perfect, keeping us away from her… but i can get it, our family has a reputation, so i don’t blame you.” she giggled, easing max’s worry. “and why don’t you tell to her how you feel? after this, i’m sure she doesn’t know what to say, or do. you fucked it up, but it doesn’t mean that you lost everything. you have the chance to say the first word after this, and i know you can make it right.”
max sighed.
“can’t i wait for the awarding thing?”
victoria scrunched her nose, shaking her head.
“with that, you communicate that you don’t care about the whole situation. girls are shy when it comes to things like this, but knowing her, y/n wouldn’t turn you down if you wanted to talk. just be calm, and everything will be fine, oh, and the most important thing!”
“what, what’s the most important thing?” max was thankful to his sister, without her, he would procrastinate until the night they met again, messing things up more and more.
“to be yourself. to be direct and honest.”
after this and a couple more of minutes, victoria exited the room, closing the door when she got a phone call from her husband —max reached for his phone, calming down his racing heart, trying to get out something sensible from his still messed up thoughts.
maxie super max!! >3< (the name was obviously set by y/n) hey, could we talk on the award night?
it wasn’t the best, but he trusted his luck —and that y/n doesn’t thinks he’s crazy, or in love with her, before he could tell him personally.
, ' ? ,
✿
the night came faster than he thought.
poking his necktie, smoothing the black suit for the hundredth time, max felt his heart’s gonna break out from his chest. glancing to his phone constantly, trying to think about how he’s gonna make the whole conversation with success —in the days, he discovered that talking about his feelings is thousand times more complicated than winning a grand prix or a world championship. he even wrote down things he wanted to say, but every piece of paper, every note in his phone got into the bin in a matter of minutes or hours; reading it back again and again, every word, every sentence seemed pathetic and finicking, like he studied his loquence like a good student.
“max, are you ready?” tom, his personal trainer peeked into the room, finding him in fron of the mirror. “usually, you don’t spend so much time in fron of the mirror, mate. is something the matter?”
isconfessing our feeling to our best friend, and telling them how we felt through years, how we find them the most wonderful, most perfect person in the world and how we can’t say a word about how we feel because we are too shy and miserable when it comes to our feelings can be 'something’? because if yes, then yeah, something is the matter.
“no, it’s nothing, tom, it’s alrigth.” but don’t forget if we are the best at hiding our feelings, then nobody never will found out what we’re into.
“okay, 'cause the cab is here.”
standing at the entrance of the building of the ceremony, beside the shiny road of big, fancy cars that brought more and more famous people, max stated a fact, that the awarding ceremony was one of a hell for the peaceful conversation max wanted with y/n. and yet, he didn’t even met her —god, she’s gonna be breathtaking, isn’t she?
“is y/n here already?”
“no, rowan and she is late for five minutes. you know, women…” max swallowed, remembering everything on that ominous grand prix.
“yeah, women…”
“as long as we wait, we should walk to christian. y/n as rowan’s gonna go there too if they’re here.”
max followed tom; this night is gonna be long. trying to talk to some of other sportsmen, he heard a couple of gasps, and mutters.
“oh my god, is that y/n, the first woman formula-1 driver in the world?”
“yeah, she is!”
“she’s so gorgeous, did you look at her dress and her makeup?”
“she’s like a godddess!”
“no, she looks like a queen or a fairy… so beautiful.”
max was scared to turn —he didn’t want to fall in love her again and again, but tom tapped his shoulder.
“i think the wait is worth it.”
yes, it really was —and he fell in love again.
getting out of the car, he wanted to be the one who helps her by holding gently her hand, not to mention what a sight was too see y/n… the flowy, ankle-length dress’ little gems glowed in the flashlights, the see-through layer on top of the pearl-white silk dress twirled around her thin form as she looked around, giving the perfect sights of her appearence —her skin was clear, the black, thick mid-heels (victoria could call them mary janes or something) made her ankles and legs look more pretty, the thin straps of the dress showed her collarbones and lean arms, her clear makeup were the cherry on the top —y/n’s stylist wanted her to be innocent, not like a virgin, but like clean sheets on the bed tat didn’t know the previous story of the bed they got made up to. her silky hair flowed after her with every move of her head, she and her stylist let it down, not a strap, not a hairband, even a clip, nothing. y/n’s hair was perfect —she was heavenly, she was so pure.
maxfelt it again, the feeling of falling in love —getting numb in his arms, his legs, yet his heart turned into a godspeed mode, getting his mouth and mind dry.
“hey, guys”, rowan said from her side, y/n coming after him, waved a little bit.
“hello, tom. hi, maxie.”
maxie —maybe she forgot his riot. maybe there’s still hope.
“good evening, y/n.”
they spoke like familiars, not like best friends —he got to act fast, before the chance slips away. standing beside her to go to the cameramen, the photoshoots of the media, judging by the glances of others, y/n and him looked really good —maybe together too.
“are you nervous?” y/n asked, glancing up to max. even if she was a little taller given by the heels, the height difference was significant between them —anothe thing he and the fans adored, who screamed when they saw the drivers together.
“a little bit, and you?”
“i just want it to be over”, y/n said, while she clinged with her slender, tender arm to one of his strong, suited one, like she wanted to seek comfort from him. max’s hand shook as he stroked y/n’s arms, please don’t let this move to be a confessing one, he prayed in himself. she whispered something to him before they step out into the flashlights. “i want to hear what you want to say. i have to say something too.”
,
in front of the cameras, max wished they taked way before the ceremony —if all his dreams came true by now, he wouldjus wrap his arms around her smelling her hair while easing his uncomfiness, and the media would forget everything by now. or, the other and fatal way of the outcomes, they would just separate after the pictures —his own doubts killed him inside, while y/n looked so peaceful beside him.
after the photoshoot and the whole procedure, the party began —instead of drinking and forgetting the weeks’ actions, max decided it was time to clarify things. searching for y/n, rwan said him she went to the toilet, he just messaged her to come to the balcony where they could be a little bit alone, beside everybody who where too drunk or smoked to realize the serious things he wanted to tell her. walking outside, he took a glass of champagne; he knew he’s going to need it.
waiting outside, every opening and closing door got his breath hitch in his throat, searching or the right words, but when he saw y/n, somehow he got collected —y/n smiled at him, and she was still glowing, still perfect.
“hey, maxie. sorry for the wait, the line in the women restroom was fuking long, i supposed to be going out under the ceremony, but it was just good to… to be in your presence, again. fuck, sorry that i tell you this, it’s awkward.”
max shook his head, but the beating in his thorat almost got out every word he waited to reveal.
“it’s fine, ceremonies are shitty, but that’s why i wanted to talk with you. about… about us.”
y/n’s smile didn’t falter, she was tipsy for sure, stepping beside him, letting their arms touch, leaning onto the barrier. “that message was so strange from you, max. i got scared for the first time for real in many years in our friendship. when i read that you want to talk, i thought… i don’t know what i thought, but no good things came to my mind.” she bragged, max noticed the unertainty in her eyes despite her smile. it was his turn to talk.
“i know i had to write more, or call you, but i wasn’t able to. i couldn’t find the right words.”
“you don’t have to say the right words. i know you, i know what you mean and what you don’t, we’re best friends, fuck, maxie… you scared me when you said nothing,because i felt you say nothing because you don’t want to.”
his heart was heavy —he felt like he’s gonna cry, but he didn’t know why. y/n stated facts, but on the other hands, she thought he doesn’t want her —he never wanted her think this.
“i’m sorry, y/n. i just… fuck, why is this so hard? you’re so cool, so pretty, you help me even if you’re not aware of it, you’re perfect, y/n. you’re perfect for me, and when i lashed out, i was scared that you know that i feel towards you. and if you know it, you’re not gonna stay by my side.”
y/n grew concerned.
“why do you think that i’m not gonna be by your side, maxie?”
max groaned, wiping his face, fingers running through his hair. his body was heavy, he felt so tired, he couldn’ carry the weight any longer —it was time for it.
, ,
“can i be direct and honest?”
the girl beside him nodded.
“just tell me what’s worrying you, max.”
“it’s because i fucking love you, i’m in love with you. i don’t know how long, i don’t know how, but that’s it. i see how perfect you are, how you grow more powerful, more confident every day, y/n, how you glow not just on the races but when we’re together. i’m scared if you gonna outgrow me, and that you’ll find someone who you think is gonna love you better than me, how you will find someone more handsome, more better than words, more… more better for you.” he didn’t even notice the tear his eyes let out. “i know i’m miserable now, but that’s the only way how i can directly say i love you. and i don’t want you to let me go, but i can’t do anything.”
y/n stood still for a couple of minutes, looking deeply into his eyes.
“i’m sorry i let you fee this for so long, maxie. but i can understand why you felt that way, because…”
the pause was so long —because i found someone, because i only think about you as a friend, because i knew you feel this way, i just wanted to give you fake hope, because you really are miserable, because…
“…i couldn’t express how i love you neither.”
max’s glance shot up, right into her eyes —they were honest as always. was this a dream?
“i think i see you how you see me. i am worried for you, i want to go back to the times when i met you, sometimes i wish i could perform better in front of you, just to be sure i still interest you, but then i know i couldn’t keep up my mask with you, if we’re together like, in ninety percent of time. and in the last couple of days, i was scared that you want to talk to me because you got enough of me, or you found someone, someone who’s not me.”
“'i could never find anybody who’s not you, y/n.”
max whispered, brushing her shoulder —it was agonizing what they triggered out from the other. their outsides was like cages, and the insides anted to break out from the beginning, like smoke and spirits wo wanted to intertwine, to be bound together.
“me neither, maxie. i think i’m in love with you, since i knew the little boy in the red bull academy.”
everything was so silent, and the ceremony long forgotten —or max, it was just him and y/n. it was always just y/n, his y/n.
“can i kiss you how i always wanted?” he croaked out, brushing his nose against hers as she cut up his lower lip with hers,
“if you don’t, i’m gonna cry, maxie.”
that kiss was more than anything —years of waiting, years of yearning for each other, years of unconditional love, years of hope and tears, years of sleepless nights and euphoric stands on the podium, thousand of doubts, but in the end, it was just pure love —y/n’s lips were salvation, the only one that assuaged his hunger, his soul.
breaking the kiss, hugging her stronger than ever, touching the soft, naked skin on her back with his hands, he never wanted anything more than this —and now, it was in his hands.
“i don’t care what you say if you kiss me like this. i know you. now i know everything.” y/n said, kissing his jaw, laying her head on his chest, turning to the city lights that shined under them. max turned to the sight too, like he owned the whole world, concepts, sentences and silly words long forgotten.
