#heartbroken
Why can’t I stop thinking of you
I think I’m okay, then I remember something about you. Your smile, your laugh, the way your eyes seem to sparkle when you looked at me, and I’m right back to where I was before. I’m an emotional wreck, I feel everything all over again. Moving in seems impossible. There is no way to forget you. To remove you from my memories, my thoughts, from my heart. Love will never be the same. I’m not sure if it exists or if it’s possible anymore. 2019/07/09
Even though I stole your tumblr that you used to post all your naughty thoughts, I doubt you have ever looked to see if its still up. There isn’t a day that I don’t think about you, about us, about how we used to be, how I want us to be together. Nights like tonight make me think of you. I’m at a concert tonight, and all I can think about is that time you stopped by the house after you went to that concert alone. As I drive home, every song is about us. The memories flood my thoughts and I want it to be like it once was. The way we loved each other. The way we can still love each other. Better than anything we have ever known in the past, but its too late for us. Too many things have been said in anger, and too many emotions to let go of the past. I still love you but the pain of you moving on is almost unbearable. I love you and I’m still in love with you. 6/12/2019
Most nights when I drink, its to try and forget you. To forget us. To forget what we had and what will never be again. It always has the opposite effect. It makes me think of you more. When I leave the bar after trying to forget you, I often close my eyes and pray that another car pulls out in front of me or runs a red light as I enter the intersection. Then I hope that the impact wipes my memory of you, replaces the emotional pain with physical pain. I see your face when I close my eyes and hope its the last thing I’ll see before I leave this world.
everythings-reminding-me-of-you:
“I wish I knew how to stop loving you.”— Paris Youth Foundation (via everythings-reminding-me-of-you)
everythings-reminding-me-of-you:
““You have moments where you think you’re over it and then you have others where you cry on the bathroom floor wondering why you weren’t good enough.””— (via everythings-reminding-me-of-you)
everythings-reminding-me-of-you:
I want you to know if you ever, even for a second, regret your decision and want me back; If you ever look at old photos of us and miss what we had; If you miss having someone there who cares for you like I did; Please text me or call me because I will be there, and I hope and pray with every part of me that the day will come where you realise you can’t live without me because I really can’t do this without you.
- 22.19pm
everythings-reminding-me-of-you:
“What we once had was the most special thing in the world, and I wish I could go back to those days.”
- texts from him: a year ago
16/03/19
2/1/2019
I remember all the little things that made me fall in love with you over and over every week. I would watch you when you weren’t looking to see the way your nose moved when you spoke. The days we would lay in bed and I would rest my head on you. The way your touch made me feel alive and calm and at peace. I remember the way your skin felt when I touched your cheek. They way your hair felt when I ran my fingers through it. The softness of your lips when they met mine. They way your eyes sparkled in the sunlight. I can’t stop thinking of all the things that I love about you because I’ve had 29 years to learn them all. I wanted another 29 years, but you fell out love with me. My heart has never felt the same. I try to move on and friends tell me it will get better. That everything happens for a reason. That something better will find me, but all I can see is how none of it compares to what we had. My heart no longer wants love. It no longer wants to feel. I no longer want to exist without your love because all I feel is emptiness and despair. I long for the sensation of your touch, your look, your smile, your kiss, your love. Without you, without us, without our love, I feel the cold hard steel of my fate pressed against my head waiting for the courage to end the pain and emptiness. When does it get better?
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everythings-reminding-me-of-you:
I know it’d be easier if I could let you go
I know it’d be easier but I don’t want to
Take me with you, please, I know that we could make this right.
-01/02/2019
“Falling so madly in love with you is a tragedy. Nothing in my world will ever seem so beautiful again.”—
Michael Faudet
(viaquotefeeling)
everythings-reminding-me-of-you:
Since you left I’ve lost all hope in love. I used to wonder what it would be like to have someone completely in love with you. To feel so loved and content that you plan the rest of your life out with one person. Then I met you. You loved me so deeply, in a way that I only imagined possible in the movies. I felt so lucky and everyday fell more and more in love. Then suddenly you left and never even looked back. “I’ve just fallen out of love with you” is what you said. And those words shattered every part of me. And 10 months later I’m still trying to pick up the pieces to build the strength to be without you.
22/12/18
It sucks when there’s only one person that you want to tell when something good or bad happens to you, and that person no longer wants to be a part of your life. I don’t even think I enter her thoughts anymore, but she is in mine almost every minute of every day.
Renewing or wedding vows after 25 years. It was a lie. She couldn’t wait to get home and be with her boyfriend twice that same week. Why renew vows if you were already in love with someone else.
The one and only love of my life. 01/16/2019
As beautiful as she is and as much as I loved her, these pics were never intended for me. They probably went to her boyfriend or her 67k followers on Tumblr. She had an affair while I watched and denied it. I made a lot of mistakes and my heart is broken to the point that I don’t think it will ever heal or love again. Even though she is with him, I still forgive her and love her. I’m still in love with her.
Pleasure turns to the pain
Of the lessons learned from the strain
Of the questions burned in my brain about whether love is humane in its touch
These thoughts are like salmon swimming upstream in the tears of your deceit
Fighting a current hurtthat kills more than is created by the chaos of our intertwined emotions
Chaotic because the anchor of Eros’ arrow has been plucked from the vessel of my undying infatuation
Separation not as simple as the distance between us
My mind no longer possessed by the demons that had been the overseers of my enslavement to your lies
The seeds of these lies rooted so deeply they’ve cracked the foundation of what we once shared
Allowing the faith in us I had sealed inside to gush out like a river
Ripping the image of our future together from my thoughts as violently and as brutally as if it were a child being taken from its mothers arms
I’m left surrounded in darkness, but I refuse to be swallowed by it
My loneliness like the night air; invisible to the eye, obvious to the touch, in its cold uncomfortableness
Yet If I could do all over again
I’d do it in the same skin I’m in
To lay down and let love die, just stay down and let love lie
No, no, no, no, not I
I’d rather stay ‘round and let love fly
Even though I’ve seen its darkest form; deceit
Nothing else could taste this warm or feel this sweet
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