per discussion on discord, the Tapes are not a Beholding thing so much as a manifestation of Jon’s own personal powers
the thought process is like this:
It’s assumed that tapes are just a Part of Being the Archivist, but they are mostly emblematic of Jon himself. There have been other Beholding avatars before Jon, and there have been other Archivists, but no sign that anyone else has this affinity for the tapes.
Per Gerry, Gertrude did absolutely read statements for her hunger, but according to him, she didn’t record them. What she did record was relevant information.
Tapes also pop up when Jon wants more agency. They crop up when there is information he specifically will want to know, and often not necessarily Fear-related.
And the way people react to the tapes is parallel to how they think of Jon. For Martin, he’s very fond of them, sees them as little confidants, and they form his connection to Jon through their separation in S4. Tim and Basira both view the tapes as a sign of Jon’s monstrousness. Back when Daisy has her bloodlust on, she sees Jon having one as a sign he’s a “freak”, confirming her need for him to be a monster worth killing. Melanie is neutral to them mostly, but they capture the story of Elias tormenting her, which informs Jon’s kindness to her after he knows about it.
And very interestingly, Elias can’t control them. When he wants to turn one off, it will decide “actually nah” and defy him. Particularly in the case of his mental attack on Martin, that doesn’t even feel like something the Beholding would want as a snack. What Elias does is scary, but the chief emotion Martin is going through isn’t Fear at all (in fact, it’s p much not fear, he planned the whole thing) but grief and sorrow.
Martin, who has the clearest view of who Jon really is, doesn’t distrust the tapes. And Jon takes one with him to Scotland for a sense of protection. In fact, they are closely associated with Jon from the very beginning; he shoves his fucking hand into worms to recover one out of his desire to not become a mystery. They are less an artefact of the Archivist and more an artefact of Jon wanting to be known. Not in a scary way, but an informative way, which is a motive that certainly overlaps with Beholding stuff but is not fear-aligned.
After all, later in the show, as Jon starts to fight with his addiction to statements, most tellingly, when he feeds purely to feed, the most monstrous thing he does, it’s done entirely OFF-TAPE. It feels important that things Jon is ashamed of and doesn’t want known about him happen off recording.
Thus, theory: the tapes don’t serve Beholding, they serve Jon. And Jon has power beyond the scope of Beholding.
Same shape, flat on the top and rounded bottom, both the same/near the same shade, although it’s hard to tell with the thumbnail having it glow but it’s remarkably similar to the one we have in our hands!
In both series we had the ability to loop, to travel to different times, so much so that a crazy lady with a Lazer gun had to stop us (And shoot Mark in the process) . It was The Box in A Heist With Markiplier that gave us the power, BUT IT WAS THE GEM ON THE BOX, not the Box itself! Now WE have it again!
Does anyone else feel this way? Sometimes it can be really overbearing… it feeds into my depression and makes me withdraw completely. The nice thing about sharing this comic with folks for feedback is that I learned that I’m not the only one who feels this way at times.
Just to define a bit:
intrusive thoughts and anxiety are closely related, but don’t always overlap. An intrusive thought like ‘no one loves you’ stems from anxiety. Intrusive thoughts like ‘what’s STOPPING me from setting my own room on fire?’ doesn’t come from an anxiety that you are going to somehow uncontrollably set your room on fire. It’s a (sometimes) frightening and obnoxious unwanted voice that has a tendency of making you feel like a bad person just for thinking about something… even if it’s something you would never do.
(This is that first comic I think I’ve made since… junior year of high school? so like, 7 years? Wow, to think I used to be really into making them (ie, my own terrible terrible manga that I hope never sees the light of day) So go easy on me! I tried addressing a few weaknesses of mine here: color and composition. I tend to do a lot of local color so I decided to try different limited color palettes for each panel and try out different compositional elements as well. I know the colors don’t totally go together from panel to panel, but I’m proud of myself for the effort and for pushing myself! Please like/comment/reblog if you have ever felt this way <3 )
