#incorrect merlin quotes
Arthur: I keep a single secret in my pants.
Merlin: Must not be a big secret then
I’m sorry milord, but the peasants are nailing erotic artwork of you and your court jester to the church doors again
and the ship name, squire? what is the ship name
For those in the tags who fairly point out that it’s Merlin who dresses Arthur
Merlin: ‘How come your clothes are always so…sloppy when I’m not around!?!?’
Arthur (avoiding eye contact): “Idk….just happens…..’
Merlin: *hands Arthur a bottle of water*
Arthur: *taking a sip* Thank you, but what’s this for?
Merlin: Oh Gwaine said that you get thirsty around me.
Arthur: *spits out the water*
Merlin:Gaius, you love me right?
Gaius:….
Gaius:Normally I would say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going in a direction I won’t like.
Arthur: I promised Gwen we won’t do anything stupid!
Merlin: Why would you lie to your wife like that?!
Uther: There will be no sorcery in my kingdom! Understood?
Merlin:Yes.
Uther: Yes, sire!
Merlin: There’s no need to call me ‘sire’, my king.
Arthur: About a week ago, I accidentally slept with Merlin.
Leon:…Really?
Arthur:Yes.
Percival: You slept with Merlin?
Gwaine:Accidentally?
Arthur:Yes!
Lancelot: I don’t understand. Did you trip over or something?
Arthur: I would die for you
Merlin: I would die for you first
Gaius: (from across the room) NO ONE HERE IS DYING!
Gwaine: Having sex doesn’t mean you’re dating!
Merlin: Right! If it did, Arthur and I would be dating.
Everyone:
Merlin:What?
Arthur: I am at a loss for words!
Gwaine, telling Lancelot later: Despite being lost for words, Arthur yelled at me and Percival for the next 45 minutes.
Lancelot: You will machete through this!
Lancelot: *make it
Lancelot: Do not machete your way through this
Gwaine: …Too late
Merlin: I relate to Belle because she loves books and likes people for who they are!
Gwaine: I relate to Tinkerbell because she needs attention or she dies.
Arthur: Did Merlin just tell me he loved me for the first time?
Lancelot: Yeah.
Arthur: And did I do finger guns back?
Lancelot: Yeah, you did.
Gwaine: If I run and leap at Percival, he’ll catch me in his arms!
Gwaine: *runs and leaps at Percival*
Percival, who is holding coffee: *drops the coffee to catch him*
Gwaine: Name one time I haven’t acted professional!
Arthur: …You’re holding a juice box right now.
Gwaine: It’s to stop me from spilling my juice.
Arthur: You read my diary?!
Merlin: At first, I didn’t know it was your diary. I thought it was a very sad handwritten book.
Merlin: Do you like my outfit?
Arthur: Not as much as I like what’s underneath it.
Merlin, blushing: Arthur-
Arthur: I need your chair. Get up.
Gwaine: I learned some very valuable lessons from this.
Lancelot: I’m guessing they are all horrible distortions on the lessons you actually should’ve taken away.
Gwaine: Death isn’t real, and I’m basically God.
Gwen: Okay, truth or dare?
Lancelot: Truth
Gwen: How many hours have you slept this week?
Lancelot:
Lancelot: Dare
Gwen: Go to bed.
Lancelot: …This is a stupid game.
Arthur, going over Gwaine’s resume: Okay, so right here, it states that you’re creative.
Gwaine: Yes.
Arthur: Okay… may I know what you create?
Gwaine: Problems.
Merlin: Violence isn’t the answer.
Gwaine: You’re right.
Merlin: *sighs in relief*
Gwaine: Violence is the question.
Merlin: What?
Gwaine, bolting away: And the answer is yes.
Merlin, running after him: NO-
Lancelot: So apparently the ‘bad vibes’ I’ve been feeling are actually severe psychological distress.
Gwaine, texting Leon: Leon help I’m being kidnapped
Leon: Where are you?
Gwaine: I’m with some strange person. In a car. Help.
Leon: I’ll call Lancelot.
Lancelot, answering his cell: Y’ello?
Leon: Where’s Gwaine? He texted me that he was being kidnapped.
Lancelot: Gwaine? Whaddya mean, he’s right next to me-
Lancelot:
Lancelot: I’ll call you back. *hangs up*
Lancelot: THE NEW HAIRCUT ISN’T THAT BAD!
Gwaine: WHO ARE YOU?!
Arthur, to Merlin: My life is in the hands of an idiot!
Merlin, motioning to himself and Gwaine: No no no no no, TWO idiots!
Lancelot: *Accidentally hits someone in the face*
Lancelot: *Trying to decide between saying ‘I’m so fucking sorry’ and 'Are you okay’*
Lancelot: ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY?!
Percival: *Screams*
Gwaine: *Screams louder to establish dominance*
Leon: Should we do something?
Arthur: No, I want to see who wins.
Merlin: So that’s my plan.
Arthur: Are you alright with constructive criticism? I don’t want to sound mean.
Merlin: No, go ahead, I want to hear it.
Arthur: It fucking sucks.
Merlin: That’s not constructive criticism.
Arthur: What did you do with the victim’s body?
Gwaine: What didn’t I do with the body?
Arthur:
Gwaine: Okay, that sounded more sexual than I intended. I disposed of the corpse respectfully.
Arthur: Can you keep a secret?
Gaius: Do you know anything about my life?
Arthur: No I do not. Good point.
