#incorrect sex education quotes
Eric: I have done nothing wrong…ever…in my life…
Otis: I know this, and I love you.
Jean: The floor is lava!
Maeve, Otis, Eric, Adam, Jackson: *drop to the ground*
Jean: Okay listen here you depressing little shits-
Otis: Sir, that’s my emotional support Eric.
Adam: You look nice, I want to kiss you.
Eric: What?
Adam: I said, if you died I wouldn’t miss you.
Jean: I think my instinct about people are way better than your instincts about people.
Jakob: Why do you say that?
Jean: Well, you picked me, but I picked you.
Maeve: Rough night?
Otis: Yeah, it certainly hasn’t gone according to plan.
Maeve: Oh, no. Oh, Otis, I was ordering a drink called a “Rough Night”. It’s tequila with a nicotine patch.
Maeve: And our second option is surveillance footage of Detective Otis Milburn soliciting drugs using perfect grammar.
Otis: It’s not that weird to say, “may I have some cocaine?”
Maeve: It is.
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Otis: Some people give off a vibe
of…right away, they’re like, “Do not fuck with me.” My vibe is more like, “Hey, you could pour soup in my lap and I’ll probably apologize to you.”
Adam: Anyone who’s seen my dick and met my parents needs to die, I can’t have them walking around.
Otis: I need everyone, all day long, to like me so much. It’s exhausting. Maeve once said that walking around with me is like walking around with someone who’s running for mayor of nothing!
Otis: My mom says I’m sweet and that’s why spiders keep biting me.
Lily: I like your top.
Eric: Thanks, his name is Adam.
Mr. Groff: I love all of my students! Jackson, Eric, Otis, Maeve and, uh…
*looks at smeared writing on hand* Alan
Otis: *stirs mac and cheese on the stove*
Jean: That’s what good pussy sounds like.
Anwar, shoving people aside: Making copies. MOVE, I’M GAY.
Anwar (voiceover): In the workplace, being gay just has its perks.
Maeve: I’m not a stone cold bitch. I am a natural, beautiful presence.
Otis: The only time I’ve ever yelled at Eric was cheering him on at his roller boogie competition.
Otis:I have had a very long day. I am very small. And I have no money. So you can imagine the kind of stress that I am under.
Maeve: I receive meaningless death threats all the time. It’s really no big deal.
Otis: Of course. Totally. I mean, why would a death threat be a big deal? Oh, that’s right, ‘cause it threatens death!
