#source brooklyn nine nine
Wynonna: Are we friends again?
Nicole:No
Nicole:
Nicole:We’rebestfriends
Wynonna: That was terrifying, don’t pause like that!
Waverly:If I run and leap at Nicole, she will most certainly catch me in her arms
Waverly:Coming in!
Nicole:NO I’M HOLDING COFFEE
Nicole:*drops the coffee to catch Waverly*
Zeus: You played me like a fiddle!
Apollo: Oh no, Father. Fiddles are actually quite difficult to play. I played you like the cheap kazoo you are.
Kotaro, on the phone after leaving Saki and Sakura in charge: “Enough! I’m coming back right now! I’m very disappointed in you, Saki.”
Kotaro: *Hangs up
Sakura: “What did he say?”
Saki: “He said he’s very disappointed in you."
Sakura: "Oh, man!”
Hermione:Okay so I just logged on the the Cloud as Professor Snape and clicked ‘forgotten password’ and answered his security questions.
Hermione:First up: What is God?
(Newsies)
Jack: I hate businessmen. A whole army of gray-suited Brads and Chads trying to suck my soul and redeem it for frequent flier miles.
(Catch Me If You Can)
Another officer: Are you friends with this criminal?
Hanratty: No, not really
Frank jr: Absolutely. Best friends.
Hanratty: It’s a layered relationship
(Be More Chill)
Rich: I wasn’t hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding is internal; that’s where the bloood is supposed to be!
Fig: Going to meetings, writing things down, you love that nerd stuff.
Adaine: Writing things down is nerdy? What do you do?
Fig: Just forget stuff, like a cool person
Five: I wasn’t hurt that badly
Five: Delores said all my bleeding was internal
Five: that’s where my blood is supposed to be
Crowley: How do you think you’re going to stop me?
Adam: I’ll tell Aziraphale.
Crowley:
Crowley: You sick bastard.
Loki Explaining His Friendship with Peter Parker to the Avengers
Loki: Thor, I didn’t understand why you cared so much about these dumb Midgardians until I befriend a Midgardian myself
Loki:(Picks up Peter and holds him close to his chest)
Peter::D
Loki: I’ve only known Peter Parker for a day and a half (takes out knife and waves it threatingly) BUT IF ANYTHING HAPPENED TO HIM I WOULD KILL EVERYONE IN THIS REALM AND THEN MYSELF
Peter:O_O
Other Avengers:Same
Tubbo: I’m gonna go grab a healthy breakfast!
Ranboo: Are those gummy bears wrapped in a fruit roll-up?
Tubbo: Breakfast burrito, but yeah
Ranboo: I pity your dentist
Tubbo: Joke’s on you, I don’t have a dentist!
Quackity: What are you thinking about right now, Schlatt?
Schlatt: I was thinking about how I would make the perfect American president based upon my skill set, dance ability, and bloodlust.
Percy: I am straight-up depressed. Annabeth’s been doing her best to cheer me up. She gave me this sticker this morning just for waking up.
Thalia: Ew, it’s like you’re dating your teacher.
Percy: I know, it’s so hot
asra: you played me like a fiddle
lucio: oh no, magician, fiddles are actually difficult to play
lucio: i played you like the cheap kazoo you are
Yoosung: I’ve read fifteen whole books.
V: Fifty is not a lot.
V:
V: Wait, you said fifteen?
Yoosung:
Yoosung: No.
Ranpo:Maybe Mr Fancy Hat’s dead.
Dazai:No way that’s true. As Chuuya says when he sees deodorant, “I’m not buying it.”
Kunikida:Dazai, he might actually be dead.
Dazai: Oh, Kunikida. Zombies can’t die. This is some sort of scam. If he were dead, we would be hearing the sounds of children singing in the streets.
Atsushi:Why would a mafia executive fake his own death?
Dazai:The same reason he visits Mexico once a year and sucks the blood from all the goats. For kicks.
Marilla:I’m somehow embarrassed and proud of you at the same time.
Anne:Yeah, that’s my sweet spot.
slytherin: i got kicked out of the family because i’m “a liability” and “weak” and “slytherin.” the last one is just my name but you should hear my dad say it.
Alec: I’ve only had Max for a day and a half.
Alec: But if anything bad happened to him, I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.
Will: Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today to answer an age-old question. The question is: who here does the best impression of Dr. Hannibal Lecter. You’ll be judged on voice, body language and overall lack of flair. Everyone will perform the same scenario: Dr. Lecter eating a marshmallow for the very first time. LET THE LECTER-OFF BEGIN!
Jack Crawford (impersonating Hannibal): What is this glutinous monstrosity before me?
Beverly (impersonating Hannibal): The sugar in this is quite sweet.
Abigail (impersonating Hannibal): oooohhhh *starts giggling profusely*
Will: That’s your Lecter impression?
Abigail: I can hear him doing that.
Alana (impersonating Hannibal): Looks like a sticky pillow.
Will (impersonating Hannibal): I don’t care for it. Classical music.
*Everybody laughs*
Hannibal (entering the room): What’s going on here? What are you doing?
Will: Dr. Lecter, hey. Nothing, just eating some marshmallows. Care for one?
Hannibal (picking one up): Marshed mellow?
Hannibal: *starts giggling profusely while chewing*
Abigail: I KNEW IT!!!!!!
Wylan: Can you keep a secret?
Kaz: Do you know anything about my life?
Wylan: No, good point.
Tricky: Jake, you could have died!
Jake: Don’t worry, I’m sure all the bleeding is internal. That’s where the blood is supposed to be
Jake: Rules are made to be broken!
Frank: Rules are made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken.
Jake: Uh, piñatas?
Tricky:Glowsticks
Fresh: Karate boards
Yutani: Spaghetti when you have a small bowl
Jake:Rules!
Mully: I can make you guys something to eat if you are hungry
Jake: No, we’re good. Thanks, dad
(Awkward silence)
Jake: … Why’s everyone staring at me
Tricky: You just called Mully dad. You said “thanks, dad”
Jake: What? No I didn’t! I said “thanks, man”!
Mully: Do you see me as a father figure, Jake?
Jake: Pffft, no! If anything I see you as a bother figure, ‘cause you’re always bothering me
Fresh: Hey! Show your father some respect!
Jake: I didn’t call him dad!
Mully: No, no, Jacob. I take it as a compliment.You wanna talk about it after a game of catch?
Jake: …(whispering) I’d like that
Peter B Parker: “In light of what you did for me, you can hug me for four to five seconds.”
Miles, super excitedly: “FORTY FIVE SECONDS?!?”
Peter B Parker: “No! Four to five seconds!”
Miles, already hugging him: “Too late!!!”
Miles: “Just be yourself.”
Peter B Parker: “ ‘Be myself’? Miles, I have one day to win MJ over. How long did it take before you guys started liking me?”
Spider-Gwen: “Couple days.”
Noir: “Couple of weeks”
Spider-Ham: “A few months.”
Peni: “Jury’s still out.”
Peter B Parker: “See, Miles?”
Peter B Parker: “'Be myself’. What kind of garbage advice is that?”
Schmidt: We’re so in sync we finish each other’s–
Cece: Sentences
Schmidt: Please, don’t interrupt me
Patton: Just be yourself!
Roman: Be myself? Patton, I have one day to win them over. How long did it take for you guys to like me?
Logan: A couple of weeks.
Virgil: Six months.
Janus: Jury’s still out.
Roman: See? “Be yourself.” What kind of garbage advice is that?
Courfeyrac: I know you think my judgement’s clouded because I like Combeferre a little bit.
Enjolras: You doodled your wedding invitation.
Courfeyrac: No, that’s our joint tombstone.
Enjolras: My mistake.
Maeve: Rough night?
Otis: Yeah, it certainly hasn’t gone according to plan.
Maeve: Oh, no. Oh, Otis, I was ordering a drink called a “Rough Night”. It’s tequila with a nicotine patch.
