#incorrecthogwarts
Ravenclaw:I am, as the novelists say, in need of seaside air.
Ravenclaw: Up until today I thought you were good at math.
Hufflepuff: I’m gay! What did you expect???
“I’m a simple woman, I hear the Pirates of the Caribbean music, I become gripped with the urge to don pirate garb and fight cursed skeletons upon the open sea.”
-Gryffindor
Hufflepuff: Hey, can you teach me to shoot a gun?
Slytherin:…You’re a pacifist…
Hufflepuff:It’s not for fighting.
Slytherin: Then what the fuck do you need to learn how to fire a gun for?
Hufflepuff: Carnival game.
Slytherin:…What?
Hufflepuff: A carnival game. There’s a prize in one of the stalls and I need it.
Slytherin: You know you can buy those prizes for cheap online right?
Hufflepuff:I can’t do that.
Slytherin:Why not?
Hufflepuff:…It’s a matter of pride.
Slytherin:Oh for fucks sake.
Gryffindor:Slytherin, look, I’m melting butter!
Slytherin:That’s great, Gryffindor. You have now mastered the skills of a hot day.
“English majors read 7 books in total and then never shut up about any of them.”
-Ravenclaw
Slytherin:*to Hufflepuff* I want to be the last person who ever kisses you…
Slytherin:That sounds bad, like a death threat or something.
Slytherin:What I’m trying to say is, you’re it. This is it for me.
Ravenclaw: *to Slytherin* What you did was impulsive, capricious and melodramatic… But it was also wrong.
Ravenclaw: Lesbians! What is your wisdom?
Slytherin:The galaxy is nothing but a cold and cruel wasteland. Our only comfort in life is the warm embrace of our lovers.
Gryffindor:Girls are hot.
Slytherin:Getting houseplants to support your mental health is the gay version of having a baby to try and save a marriage.
Gryffindor:I know you don’t like that shirt- but I could definitely pull it off.
Ravenclaw: *mumbles* Oh my god please do.
Gryffindor:What?
Ravenclaw:W H A T?
Gryffindor: Hitting the gym to release stress is really not as effective as hitting the people who caused the stress.
Ravenclaw:*Backs away slowly*
Slytherin:*Jumps out the window*
Ravenclaw: Sorry for not texting you back, I’ve been busy suffering the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.
Gryffindor:Slytherin, just because a guy talks a lot about a fictional character on a first date doesn’t mean he’s not husband material.
Hufflepuff:Sasquatch isn’t fictional.
Hufflepuff:*whispering to Gryffindor* Gryffindor has no idea I’m high.
Gryffindor:You’re high?
Hufflepuff:I’m sorry.
Hufflepuff: *leaning over to whisper to Slytherin* Gryffindor has no idea I’m high.
Hufflepuff: Oh my gosh! Look, it’s food! I love food.
Hufflepuff:I can’t even remember what we were talking about.
Gryffindor: What would you do if you were in my shoes?
Slytherin:First of all, no one should ever be in those shoes.
“It’s time to forget the mistakes of the past and start making the mistakes of the future.”
-Gryffindor
Ravenclaw:Accidentally indulged in too much “me time”
Ravenclaw:Turns out I’ve been reported missing for over six months and presumed dead by most local and national authorities.
Slytherin:You’re mad at me.
Gryffindor: I’m not mad. I’m just disappointed.
Slytherin:Oh, come on, everyone knows that’s worse!
