Hogwarts houses as things I’ve said as a Skating Coach

Gryffindor: “I didn’t teach him that! He came up with that dangerous idea all on his own!”

Also

(to my own coach) “Now I understand the stress I put you through evertime I tried something stupid”

Slytherin: “I better come back in 6 years and find that you’re all better skaters than I ever was. Your challenge: kick my ass”

Ravenclaw: Apparently physics doesn’t apply to 6 year olds.

Hufflepuff: I know we all hate backwards… But what if I made it a GAME!?

Gryffindor: Now, guys, I have a little surprise for you!

Slytherin: You’re getting a nose job?

Hufflepuff: You’re getting married?

Ravenclaw: You’re getting fired?

Gryffindor: …

Gryffindor: First of all, RUDE, second - 

Ravenclaw - Phil Coulson

Gryffindor - Star Lord

Slytherin - Loki

Hufflepuff - Spiderman

Hufflepuff:

Something with a romantic, slightly vintage vibe / Floral patterns are very welcome / More softer colours than bold, it’s about looking like a benevolent nature goddess 

Gryffindor:

Gryffindors, on the other hand, are ALLLLLLL about the colour / If some element of their dress doesn’t say “I’m a hot piece of stuff and I damn well know it” i just doesn’t feel like them / But they still like a more classic silhouette 

Ravenclaw:

Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws are kindred spirits in their love for romanticism and vintage styles / But Ravenclaws are more likely to play with more modern silhouettes or necklines / They’re also a big fan of texture in their dress, and those little details which makes it feel it’s theirs 

Slytherin:

Slytherins love for their dress to be a show-stopper/ But they still can’t get enough of classic styles with the ‘princess effect’ / They’re all here for the glitz and glam, and know that they can pull it off effortlessly with film-star appeal

(yes, I used some pictures from red carpets, but the dresses were too darn pretty!)

Hufflepuff:

Hufflepuffs are more free spirited, so they want something with a bit more movement / Soft waves with longer layers on top are great / Lots of Huffs like to spice up their short hair with clips or headbands (which, let’s face it, looks adorable!) 

Gryffindor:

Gryffindors are bold, so their hair should reflect this / It’s not uncommon for short-haired Gryffs to make their hair look #edgy with bolder colours, shaved sides or patterns shaved into the style / It’ s best for the style to not hold Gryffs back, so short enough to stay out of their face

Slytherin:

Short hair looks undeniably chic, so it’s no surprise when a Slytherin starts rocking a new ‘do / A slicked back style is great, as a small change of outfit can change it from professional to badass / Slytherins like how short hair is ready for any occasion (and looks great with a signature bold lip )

Ravenclaw:

Ravenclaws tend to stick with longer short cuts, to allow for movement and plenty to play with / But they still keep it fun, with many adding soft colours, or hidden undercuts / Ravenclaws also tend to wear their hair a bit messier, but they always pull it off

Gryffindor: Italian 

It’s passionate and sounds warm / The words roll off of your tongue, perfect for cursing out an enemy or praising someone you love / Italian culture has a big emphasis on family, and Gry needs the people they consider their family to help them shine / Same fundamentals as the Slytherin French, but thefeeling is different, more fiery and based on outright expression rather than carefully chosen words

Ravenclaw: Korean (South Korean)

A pleasingly methodical language / But that doesn’t mean it isn’t fun or doesn’t allow for creative expression / Korean culture values respect and academic understanding, two things Ravenclaw knows are important in their view of the world / Attitudes of Koreans and Ravenclaws are surprisingly similar, with an appreciation for history and culture paired with excitement for the developments the future brings and a love of witty humour

Hufflepuff: Danish

The language sounds friendly and fun / Have you ever encountered the Danish word ‘hygge’? It pretty much sums up the way Hufflepuffs like to live their life: everyday cosiness, with an emphasis on doing what is enjoyable to create happiness / Naturally, this attitude helps create a homely, warm and welcoming atmosphere that others sense around Huffs / Often forgotten and underappreciated, but those who notice are always pleasantly surprised by the little gem they’ve found

(I think everyone can benefit from the concept of Hygge, find out more in this article by the BBC: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-34345791  )

Slytherin: French

It’s a regal language, notoriously more difficult than it appears but so, so beautiful / Stuck up, but with good reason tbh / It’s a language of poetry, politics, and passion, but nothing seems done entirely spontaneously / There’s a feeling of a careful maintenance of appearances, but damn, they pull it off every time / Both have mastered the art of sounding like they’re complimenting you when they’re telling you how stupid you are

(I know this focuses predominantly on European languages, but I didn’t want to writ about languages I haven’t heard before and write something that misses the feel of the language/culture, but I’ll happily do one with other languages if you guys want :D )

Hufflepuff:

Super excited / Tries to be the ‘mum friend’, but they’re too drunk to be useful / Wanted to wear their favourite shoes, but are worried they’ll get ruined / Tries to hug everyone / Rambles about random stuff to strangers, ends up making a new friend / Terrifying if they’re angry-drunk

Gryffindor:

“LETS GET F*CKED UP!!!” / Most likely to end up passed out in the bathroom / Thinks they dance and flirt better when tipsy / Wearing Rav’s shoes, Sly’s makeup, and Huff’s bracelet / Tries to give strangers life advice / Uses up all their energy at the beginning of the night, ends it yawning, braiding someone’s hair, and humming High School Musical songs

Ravenclaw:

Doesn’t know why we don’t just go to the cinema / But is still the best at holding their alcohol / Makes sure Gry doesn’t call their ex / Encourages Sly to kill their ex / Likes watching how ridiculous other people are being / Forces the others to bring jackets / Receives lots of love from Hufflepuff for remembering basic things (their keys (in your pocket), where their phone is (in your hand), where their glasses are (on your head, goddammit, how drunk are you?)

Slytherin:

Likes to act like they can drink, is a bit of a lightweight / Hardcore flirts with Huff when drunk / Put a lot of effort into their outfit / Tells the others how much they love them after one sip / Gets all dramatic and tells everyone their life story / Argumentative over silly stuff (are Jaffa Cakes a biscuit or a cake, for example)

Hufflepuff: On my cheek as you tell me how proud you are of me; please, interrupt my thoughts of work with a brief show of affection.

Gryffindor: On the lips as the tang of victory lingers in our grinning mouths - show me we have won together.

Ravenclaw: On my forehead when I mumble through my theories, and show me that a broken world is still tinted with curiosity.

Slytherin: On my hand as I envision our future, and be my anchor back to earth without grounding me completely.

Slytherin:

Sit on their lap to give them perfect eyeliner / Write comebacks to rude messages / Hype them up before they speak to their crushes / Lend them my hats to spice up their outfits / Give them honest advice when they’ve made bad choices / Try to help them achieve their goals

Ravenclaw:

Check the zodiac compatibility for their crushes / Listen to their weird dreams and try to interpret them / Write bad meme-filled fanfiction when they’ve had a bad day / Do intricate nail designs / Research anything they tell me they are a fan of / Lend them films so they can enjoy them, too

Gryffindor:

Speak to them loudly in French so they can avoid people / Make them feel better about their horrible flirting skills / Offer to be their second in a fight / Hold and massage their hand when they feel nervous / Redo their lipstick when they’re gonna see their crush / Send them wholesome memes

Hufflepuff:

Bring in cookies on my birthday so they can have treats, too / Sing their favourite songs when they’re sad / Send them pictures of pretty flowers / Motivate them to do their goddamn homework / Draw cartoons of them on their birthday cards / Play with their hair when they need a nap / Be the sensible, sober friend

The Houses as Popular Children’s Books

Hufflepuff:

Wonder, R J Palacio

Sweet and complex / Open hearted / Not without faults / Fights against cruelty one friendship at a time

Slytherin:

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Roald Dahl

Always excitingly unexpected / Embodies guilty pleasure / Unafraid to be critical / Success is equal measures of luck and work

Gryffindor:

Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll

A true classic / Mixes the weird and wonderful / Drugs may (definitely) be involved / The greatest adventure is the one you create

Ravenclaw:

Percy Jackson and the Lightning Theif, Rick Riordan

Makes you feel intelligent / Keeps you transfixed for hours / Never give up on anyone / If you can’t find a solution, find a new angle

If you haven’t read any of these, I really recommend them! X

Gryffindor:

Does extra reading but forgets to read mandatory texts / “Damn I’m stressed, better meditate for a bit” *breathes in* *SCREAMS* / On a first-names basis with all their teachers and the lunch ladies / Always tries to help friends with work / Wants to study in a group, knows they’ll get distracted / Has tried the ‘study then reward’ method, ended up eating the reward before studying / Day-dreams of the best end-of-year prank

Ravenclaw:

Doodles in the margins / Actually enjoys silent working time / Gets inspired when they get a project, procrastinates until they can’t fulfil their vision / Coffee as a meal replacement / Knows how to solve the problem, they just can’t verbalise it / They either study for 1 minute or 1 day, nothing is done by halves / Wants to make a breakthrough in science or archaeology or literature etc. but DAMMIT this class may kill them first

Slytherin:

Understands the complex material better than the basics / Would rather hand something in late than done wrong / Wants to be open to new ideas, but they know that theirs are better / Really enjoys doing extra research / Can write eloquently, but memorise things better if they use slang and the occasional curse (”foot-fetish-Philip Larkin was the voice of the working class, but he was a miserable cheating b*stard”)

Hufflepuff:

Work harder for teachers they get attached to / Getting praise puts them on cloud 9, but they find it hard to recover from well-meant criticism / They either know everything or nothing, and they’re not embarrassed to admit the latter / Put effort into every task, but they can’t help when they’re feeling more inspired / Tend to get consistent grades / Studying can feel very relaxing for them, but small distractions drive them nuts

It may be early, but it’s already beginning to feel autumnal where I live, so I’m feeling excited!!! :D

Gryffindor:

Wants to jump into the BIGGEST leaf pile and carve the SCARIEST pumpkin / Starts to subtlety smell of bonfires and spice / Buys their sparklers and fireworks in bulk / Jams out to ‘ Monster Mash’ and ‘Time Warp’ in the lead-up to Halloween

Ravenclaw:

Want to sit in a café and read whilst sipping a seasonal drink / Gets in the mood for Halloween by reading conspiracies and Creepypasta, and watching Buzzfeed Unsolved / Loves wearing extra scarves / Their chilled evenings-in feel so much more satisfying when it’s cold outside

Hufflepuff:

Overdoses on Halloween sweets / Wants to watch as many horror films as possible (will probably end up watching Disney after they’ve finished traumatising themselves) / Looks cute in oversized jumpers / Cold weather is the best excuse for them to drink hot chocolate every day

Slytherin:

Feels more powerful when Halloween is in the air / Has ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’ on loop, and likes to yell out ‘THIS IS HALLOWEEN’ at any given moment / They start to play with even darker make-up and clothing / Feels safe when they’re wrapped up inside and it’s miserable outside

Gryffindor:

Saw something cute on Pinterest and went ‘screw it’ / Thinks they’re ready for grand designs / The colour scheme is super important to them / They like the idea of going minimalist, but eclectic styles suit them way better / “Okay, but what if there was a swing over here, and I could totally do one of those photo walls, and a HUGE armchair over there…” *moves one stool* / They finish with a room full of character and feel pretty proud of themselves

Hufflepuff:

More likely to build up a room over time than to fully decorate in one sitting / Get excited when they have something new to add / “But are there enough cushions…?” *stares at their 10000000000000 cushions* “…. nope. :)” / Really like the cosiness of scandi styles / Has to call their friends over to help them after spilling paint for the 50th time / Just trying to turn their house into a home / The end game is a cosy room full of candles, fairy lights, and plenty of memories

Ravenclaw:

Theyhave to do it on their own - it’s too personal a thing to let others mess it up / They’ve likely been inspired by a room in a book/TV show/film / The idea of having vintage or repurposed items makes their little heart sing / They need to imagine sitting there reading a book and sipping a cup of tea, whilst a record plays softly in the background - if they can’t feel this, it’s not right yet / Ravenclaws tend to collect some interesting things over the years, and they love showcasing these bizarre bits and pieces in new ways

 Slytherin:

Cleaning out before decorating is super therapeutic for them / They need the space to be impressive in some way, and imagine how wowed their friend are going to be whilst decorating / They will try to give the space a chic vibe, but it’ll probably end up quite homely in some areas (hufflepuffs and slytherins are the biggest nesters, okay? Okay.) / They likely created a moodboard before decorating / It needs to be perfect for having drinks with friends and for watching horror films alone 

Ravenclaw: Lesbians! What is your wisdom?

Slytherin:The galaxy is nothing but a cold and cruel wasteland. Our only comfort in life is the warm embrace of our lovers.

Gryffindor:Girls are hot.

Gryffindor:I know you don’t like that shirt- but I could definitely pull it off.

Ravenclaw: *mumbles* Oh my god please do.

Gryffindor:What?

Ravenclaw:W H A T?

Gryffindor: Hitting the gym to release stress is really not as effective as hitting the people who caused the stress.

Ravenclaw:*Backs away slowly*

Slytherin:*Jumps out the window*

Slytherin:Gryffindor?

Gryffindor:How do you always spot me so easily? I want to know your secret!

Ravenclaw:She says ‘Gryffindor’ every five minutes and sometimes you’re actually there, so it gives the illusion that she can see everything.

Ravenclaw:I have some concerns…

Gryffindor:Okay, what’s up?

Ravenclaw: There are continuity errors between Jurassic Park and The Lost World.

Gryffindor: Oh my god. I thought you meant life problems. Not the goddamn dinosaurs again.

Ravenclaw: THESE ARE LIFE PROBLEMS!

Gryffindor:Thank you for not saying “I told you so”.

Ravenclaw:When you’re as right as I am, you don’t have to say it.

Hufflepuff: You two seem kind of out of it today. What did you eat for breakfast?

Ravenclaw:Don’t be silly, what I ate this morning has nothing to do with my current state.

Hufflepuff:Gryffindor, what was your breakfast?

Gryffindor:M&M cereal.

Hufflepuff:Oh god, you see! That’s what I mean, I didn’t even know M&Ms made a cereal!

Gryffindor:They don’t, it’s just M&Ms in a bowl with milk.

slytherin: darling, fire whiskey please.

ravenclaw: sly, it’s breakfast.

slytherin: and a piece of toast.

Gryffindor: hey guys!

Hufflepuff: hi! Oh, you’re glowing btw

Gryffindor: always, thanks

Ravenclaw: no, you are literally glowing. Did someone put a jinx on you?

Gryffindor: dammit Slytherin!

Ravenclaw writing fanfic: What would you do if you broke your leg?

Gryffindor:Grow me some wings