Husband comes home, 7.30am. Kid is watching cartoons.

Hey champ how you doing

Hi Daddy

Where’s your Mom?

She’s in bed. You’re not back til Sunday

I know. Someone got sick. Everything ok?

Yeah. I got a new baseball, look

That’s cool. Your Mom buy you that?

No. Joe gave it me

Gave it TO me. Who’s Joe?

Some old guy. He came to see Mom

Oh yeah? When?

Yesterday night

You mean last night?

Yeah. It was funny. Mom was dancing. It was ooky

Dancing?

Yeah, she was dancing all sexy. I was on the stairs she got mad at me for looking

Oh yeah? Where’s she now

I told you. In her bed

And who’s coat is that?

I dunno

Husband goes upstairs. Wife comes out of bedroom in a robe and closes the door behind her. She’s in full makeup.

Hi Doug I wasn’t expecting you

Are you going somewhere? Why are you wearing your boots?

Yeah. I had to….pop to the store. We need milk

Dressed like that?You have somebody in there?

Please, don’t go in, Doug

Don’t go in my own bedroom?

He pushes the door open. Tied to the bed is a man in his mid sixties, greying hair. Naked except for a blindfold and a pair of red panties that the husband recognizes. They were a Valentine’s Day present for his wife. On the floor is a riding crop and a flogger.

What’s going on?

Doug, I’m so sorry.

You. Whoever you are. You need to get the fuck out of here now

Don’t shout, please! Dylan is downstairs

He’s fucking downstairs, I know, and you’re up here playing fucking sex games with this old fuck. Jesus. Have you lost your mind? Is that cum in your hair? I don’t fucking BELIEVE THIS.

Not again.

Doug, please keep your voice down

Will someone untie me?

It’s not what it looks like…

Ready for her Close-Up

Mom?

Dylan…

What are you doing down here?

I...

I was looking for you and Mrs Vernon said she saw you going next door, and here you are in Mr Harvey’s basement. Like this.

I can explain…

Oh good. You can explain being tied up naked in our neighbor’s basement.

I’m not naked. I have underwear on.

I can see your tits, mom. Are you fucking Mr Harvey? Jesus, you really are a fucking slut.

Edgar’s a friend…he asked me to help with a film project he’s working on. You make it sound so sordid…

A ‘film project’? Edgar? Oh, boy. You really do like cock, don’t you?

Yes. I have a problem

You do. The problem is how hard can you suck my dick before Edgar gets back?

memories:

If there’s one thing I learned since I signed up on 05/16/2020 10:37:03 PM, it’s that #my hero academia takes up too much of my time.

lets-talk-about-sects:

beetlesworld:

⇢ Leaked image of Lucifer season 5-

lochnessblobster:

WHO DID THIS?????

lazyintptriestobeproductive:

tag urself i’m oblivious bastard

Oblivious queen

thedandelionthief:

was showing my friend some project sekai characters and it gasped loudly at rui and said “that is the fruitiest man i have ever seen”

whetstonefires:

again, so manycql/mdzs modern AUs set in america and never one in which nie huaisang is like:

so i knew this dude in high school, right, who invented a new kind of nuke and so naturally the government recruited him to work in Defense before he even finished college

but then he went rogue about an ethics issue with refugee camps and became the most famous terrorist in living memory and died in a police shootout

andthat’sthe guy i, the Secretary of Education, want to help me kill the President.