okay so I’ve been gone for a minute because I was writing my first fic on ao3 but I’m back with more trash than ever! I really love crack fics and my friend and I thought up this absolutely GREASY premise and I just couldn’t help myself. I only included a few of my ideas in this post but let me know if yall like it and maybe I’ll do a part 2
Haikyuu!! Frat House AU
Bokubro is obviously a member of the frat, he’s also a minor drug dealer with Kuroo, and his room is L I T E R A L L Y DISGUSTANG, like Kuroo actually has a fear of Bokuto’s side of their room. People are baffled, BAFFLED when they find out that his boyfriend is non other than Akaashi, president of the most prestigious fraternity on campus. But what can akaashi say? he believes any guy who can drink his weight in vodka, take at least three different unnameable drugs, and still smile at him the morning after, deserves his attention.
Kuroo took one for the team when he rushed, and roomed with Bokuto. Needless to say, his quiet gamer boyfriend, Kenma, refuses to stay over. When they first met at one of the frat’s infamous ragers, they’d stumbled into Kuroo’s shared room, heading toward a drunk hook up. Then Kenma put his hand in something wet. And very much alive. That was the first and last time. Bokuto and him irritate everyone by constantly referring to themselves as “businessmen”, only to be immediately informed by Iwaizumi and Daichi that “selling drugs to high schoolers doesn’t make you business men”
Daichi didn’t want to be in charge, but duty calls and when you and Iwaizumi are the only sane ones in the house, well a man has to step up. Plus, it totally gains him brownie points with all of the trashy college girls that show up to their notorious parties. because he was totally interested in that, and definetly not in the chaotic silver haired boy from the competing fraternity. no he wanted nothing to do with Sugawara. It’s not like he catches himself openly fantasizing about him, and the whole house made it into a running joke.
Iwaizumi is also in charge, to no one’s surprise. he and daichi have the cleanest room in the house, not only that but he’s the only one who will do dishes. he’s exhausted. he’s also sleeping with Oikawa Tooru the single most irritating member of the prestigious fraternity suga and akaashi are in. but don’t mention it, don’t talk about the way he blushes when oikawa throws it back, and DEFINETLY don’t bring up the time Oikawa broke his knee sneaking out of Iwaizumi’s room, and spent an entire semester harassing iwaizumi on a bright pink motorized scooter.
Ushijima doesn’t really care enough to be in charge. Mans is a FARMER if you catch my drift, and he makes fat stacks off of his “business” with Kuroo and Bokuto. once spent the entirety of his rush week in a maid’s costume. but hey he’s not complaining, it did get him the attention of that really weird dude from his leisure cooking class. he and Tendou are possibly the only couple that have it all figured out so kudos to them, three years strong
the miya twins are living frat legends, and they have been since their first party, at which Osamu got wasted and punched an equally wasted atsumu in the face for “breathing too loud”. Atsumu seems like he sleeps around a lot, and maybe he did, but the guy won’t stop simping for a very reserved chem major named Sakusa. sakusa gave into atsumu’s begging once and woke up on a stained mattress in Vegas for his trouble.
Terushima is also there, making each party a little bit more chaotic and sleeping his way through ever girl on campus, except for kiyoko and yachi, the other guys were oddly protective of them. make no mistake though, terushima was a loveable himbo, who made extra sure that safe, sane , and consensual relations were his top priority. during hell week, he had to poop in a target dumpster, but daichi and iwaizumi didn’t keep a good look out for him, he narrowly avoided getting arrested. NARROWLY.
Nishinoya and Tanaka rushed together. it went exactly how you think it did. Daichi and iwaizumi swore up and down that if they weren’t desperate for new pledges, they would’ve never let those two in after they set the toilet on fire. Tanaka got really smacked one night and took a vow to abstain from any hook ups until he and Kiyoko (the hot girl from that one sorority) were engaged. Noya holds him to it and it’s actually really wholesome. Noya on the other hand is battling a low grade obsession with the anxious design major from Akaashi’s fraternity. everytime Asahi gets inebriated he’s instantly the life of the party, and if Noya wasn’t already in love, that time drunk Asahi took his clothes off and swam in the city fountain with him really cemented it.
kyoutani hates that little snot from the other fraternity….what was his name? mini oikawa, super prissy and whiny….YaHAbA. Kyoutani won Iwazumi’s admiration when he took his rush like a champ, obliterating keg stands and hair removal alike. everyone thinks it’s really funny because they’re basically the same person down to the snotty, prissy, irritating boyfriends they won’t admit they have.
Ennoshita is the mini daichi, and he’s a simp for Tanaka. constantly pulling him back from fights, and rubbing his back when he throws up. maybe someday Tanaka might notice….
Lev is possibly the dumbest rush they have ever received and also the most fun. his natural talent for shotgunning and dangerous drunken adventures, makes him a favorite. he ripped his pants in front of the entire student body during his rush, on purpose. like he wanted it to happen. still to this day, no one understands why. he’s been simping for yaku as long as he’s been in college, so two whole months. to the outside world, it looks like the angry little man wouldn’t think twice about the lowly freshman, but lev’s been in enough closets with him to know that that’s just not true.
kindaichi just adds to the madness, he’s an anxious peacemaker with an epic talent as a lightweight, and a massive crush on his apathetic roommate, kunimi. Kunimi regretted joining the frat the first time he watched Bokuto peel string cheese with his toes.
Hinata and Kageyama are rushing at the same time. Tobio Swageyama is made for Greek life, but Hinata can barely do a keg stand. So naturally they are paired together through the rush callenges. This results in the loss of no less than six pairs of pants, a completely bald (no eyebrows) Kageyama, and an upside down lower back tattoo reading “boke”, sometimes they get a little too spicy at parties and take the whole “kiss the homies goodnight” thing to a whole other level
So I found this absolute banger in my YouTube recommendations, “ as the world caves in” by Matt Maltese, and since this is my life for now, I thought it would be kinda cool to write some angsty Nuclear Apocalypse!Haikyu headcanons for the ships. So this time I present fresh, spicy, radioactive trash.
Imagine they’re just in school, all of the boys are just going about their days when the notification hits, this life will mean nothing in about eight minutes.
Daichi and Suga
Daichi is the one who cries surprisingly. Panicked, hot tears as he looks frantically through the crowded halls, when they find each other, Suga merely gives him a watery smile, the acceptance in his eyes making Daichi sob harder. They go to the club room, because they know they won’t have time to make it home, and there they lay, wrapped around each other, as Suga traces patterns on Daichi’s back
Asahi and Noya
Noya’s first thought is actually of Asahi, he’s up and out of his seat before anyone else even thinks to move, he finds Asahi in the closet where they fought that one time, and he can honestly say he doesn’t mind dying if it means he can catch Asahi’s glass heart one last time. So he’s shocked when Asahi catches his too, when the older boy reaches his warm hand up and wipes away Noya’s tears instead of his own. He finds himself sobbing then, because he thinks he could’ve loved Asahi for a long time, if he’d ever been given the chance.
Tanaka and Ennoshita
Ennoshita bumps into Tanaka on his way to find a hiding place. It’s not necessarily anything but kindness when Tanaka grabs his hand, and they silently agree to die together so they don’t have to do it alone. They lay under some desks in the back of an abandoned classroom, and Tanaka talks about his child hood and Saeko, and Noya all while Ennoshita rubs circles on Tanaka’s open palm. This isn’t a bad way to die at all, Tanaka finds himself thinking when he finally grows quiet enough to really look at Ennoshita.
Tsukishima and Yamaguchi
They were in the same class when the notification sounded, and while everyone ran, they stayed seated. Kei thought vaguely of Akiteru, but he had the one person he really needed right in the same room. The feeling was clearly mutual, the two didn’t say a word, they simply laced their fingers together and waited for the world to end like they did everything else, together. It was all very calm until Yamaguchi heard sniveling from next to him, and turned to see a distraught Kei. Kei wrapped his long arms and only managed to get two words out before the world imploded around them, “Gomen, Tadashi.”
Kageyama and Hinata
Hinata is a mess, of epic proportions, and normally Kageyama would tell him to stop carrying on, but he can’t, because Shoyou has every right to be a mess. He should be too. But he can’t be, because he needs to keep it together, for Hinata. Hinata, who is currently screaming about Natsu and his mother, about how he can’t get to them. This goes beyond volleyball, his wails shake Tobio to his core because they are filled with not just soul bending grief, but guilt and frustration, as well. Finally, out of a love he hadn’t realized yet, he pulled his tiny giant into his lap and held him close to his chest while he shook. “R-Remember what I said, Shou? With me you are invincible. And you’re with me, so everything will be okay.” They both know he’s lying, but it quiets Hinata down, and they cling to each other until the world ends, and even after that.
Yachi and Kiyoko
Yachi almost dies in the hallway, trampled by her panicked peers, when Kiyoko pulls her up, and they sit on the bench in the desolate gym, Yachi playing with Kiyoko’s hair while Kiyoko swipes at Yachi’s bloody nose. Yachi kisses her gently on the lips, because she has bigger things than rejection to fear in the last few minutes of her life. Kiyoko merely smiles and pulls the girl in again, and that’s the best way to die, they’re sure of it.
Kunimi and Kindaichi
Kindaichi has never seen Kunimi show any sort of emotion off the court, so he immediately forgets his own tears when he notices the seemingly apathetic boy sobbing in the desk next to him. Great, silent sobs escape Kunimi despite his best efforts and Kindaichi’s stupid confused expression only seems to make it worse until he musters up all of his courage and decides not to die alone, and grabs Kunimi’s hand. Kunimi then shocks both of them as he leans his head into Kindaichi’s chest, after a moment, Kindaichi wraps his arms around Kunimi, and they think about all of the things that could’ve happened, if only this one massive thing had never happened.
Yahab and Kyoutani
Yahaba ran to the Aoba Johsai gym for some odd form of shelter originally, but nearly turned away the moment he saw Kyoutani punching the walls, enduring angry sobs. But the world was ending, and Yahaba was too afraid of other things to be afraid of Kyoutani, so he grabbed Kyoutani’s wrist, and pulled his bloodied fist closer to his own mouth, and pressed a soft kiss to the Mad Dog’s knuckles. They shared a meaningful look and then simply sat together, fingers interlocked, and tears flowing freely.
Iwaizumi and Oikawa
They’re in the same class as well, Oikawa is talking with some of his admirers, but when the alarm sounds, all he sees then is Iwaizumi. That’s how it was always going to be with them, in the end, they both only really saw each other. Then Oikawa thought of Takeru, dying with a bunch of strangers in a little classroom, and promptly threw up, all over his desk. The girls who hadn’t already run were certainly on their way out now as Iwa pulled Oikawa into his arms. He let’s out a watery chuckle as he wipes Oikawa’s normally perfect face and says, “You know I would’ve married you someday, right? That I would’ve spent my life giving you my everything?” Oikawa cries then, and together they mourn the loss of the future they would’ve had and their story ends the way it started, with each other.
Kuroo and Kenma
Kuroo finds Kenma, wide eyed and shivering in a corner of the Nekoma hallway, he pulls his ingenious setter away from the crowd and outside onto steps they had sat on many times together. He tucks Kenma’s hair behind his ear and freezes in shock when the small boy simply grabs Kuroo and pulls him into a melancholic kiss. “ I just thought you should know.” Tears are rolling down Kenma’s cheeks now and Kuroo is sobbing because not only did Kenma just kiss him, but he’d never have time to do it nearly as much as he wanted to. Making the best of the worst, Kuroo leaned in again, he wouldn’t let Kenma die feeling anything but loved.
Lev and Yaku
The giant Russian didn’t mean to find Yaku, it just sort of happened, and then he went into protector mode (even though Yaku could take care of himself just fine, thank you very much) and picked Yaku right up, running through the people in the hallway with ease while Yaku screamed in his arms. Lev stops when they reach the Nekoma locker rooms, and the moment his feet touch the ground, Yaku is screaming at Lev as Lev slides down the lockers and onto the floor, tears rolling down his cheeks. Yaku is still yelling when Lev interrupts him with a sharp “I love you”, that shuts the Libero right up. After a moment he simply mumbles “ alright then” and proceeds to climb right into Lev’s lap. They sit like that, Yaku’s face hidden in Lev’s neck and Lev’s arms wrapped around Yaku’s waist, right until the world ends. Yaku pauses at the last second to whisper something that sounded suspiciously like “I love you too” in Lev’s ear.
Bokuto and Akaashi
Bokuto F R E A K S out, and Akaashi can’t really explain it, but it’s like he can feel Bokuto freaking out, like he can feel Bokuto needing him. He finds the Ace curled up in the corner of the boys bathroom, and pulls him into his arms, laying on the filthy floor with the broken boy he had come to love so much. Bokuto kisses him softly, and it tastes like salt because Bokuto isn’t the only one crying. Akaashi draws soft circle patterns on Bokuto’s arms while Bokuto runs his fingers through Akaashi’s hair. They’re calm now that they know they’ll go together.
Ushijima and Tendo
Tendo fully expects to go alone, whether it was in eight minutes or eight years he just assumed he would endure whatever happened to him by himself. What he doesn’t expect is Ushijima asking him oh so politely if he would grant him the honor of dying with him. Well with a stunning proposal like that, how could he do anything but pull Ushijima into his hiding place with him? They simply talk in hushed tones about silly things until the last few minutes when Tendo leans over and presses a gentle kiss to Ushijima’s forehead. They hug then, and just like that, Tendo was happy, really happy, for the first-and last- time in his life.
Kyoutani feels like someone who didn’t plan on getting this far and has moments of staring into space thinking about the life he’s made for himself. So, for as much as they bicker about things that don’t matter all that much, he’s so happy to have Yahaba as a part of it.
Kyoutani feels like someone who didn’t plan on getting this far and has moments of staring into space thinking about the life he’s made for himself. So, for as much as they bicker about things that don’t matter all that much, he’s so happy to have Yahaba as a part of it.
The merch is out and the numbers are in! Our pledged ½ of all zine profits, plus some contributions from our zine creators, come out to a staggering $1224.19 USD! We split the donations between 5 organizations our team all loved.
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We have unlocked all of our stretch goals, thank you so much for your support!!! Preorders are still open until June 28th and all physical orders will get these gifts!
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