attack of the clones leaves plausible room to theorize that there’s a raging death stick addiction epidemic going on in the jedi temple, and by “plausible room” i mean that i personally can overthink star wars faster than a hummingbird can beat its wings
in attack of the clones, obi-wan is approached by a drug dealer in a bar, and is offered death sticks for purchase. this immediately after anakin (the least helpful individual in space) helpfully shouts JEDI BUSINESS, BACK TO YOUR DRINKS and obi-wan is wearing distinctive jedi robes and is carrying a lightsaber, which even a slave kid (anakin, when he was more helpful) from the rural portion of the galaxy could recognize.
factor to note: the jedi are here in an enforcement capacity, they are actively chasing a criminal. the jedi clearly have the legal capacity to operate as law enforcement, although i doubt they operate as local coruscant law enforcement. but they are still quite literally government contracted law enforcement wizard monks, and death sticks are implied to be an illegal substance, and given the context of the bar, we can assume they’re a party drug.
drug dealers do not typically go “would you like to buy drugs” to random people, especially people very obviously in uniform, carrying a weapon, here (which everyone knows, thanks to anakin) on official business. official business that involves law enforcement, because that is obi-wan’s job, he is literally stopping a hired assassin. so what we can assume is that this guy is either really dumb, really high, both, or that he has an active market of jedi who buy death sticks from him, and that market is so stable he is bold enough to walk up to random jedi #5 and offer him illegal drugs. hence, there might be a solid number of jedi doing death sticks.
factor to note: it’s mentioned in the prequels that the force was growing darker, more clouded and more hostile for the jedi to use. in legends, it’s said that death sticks could hamper a user’s ability to touch the force, so you could connect the two and say that death stick usage spiked because the force had really, really awful vibes suddenly. and then you send THAT vulnerable population, where they become MORE vulnerable.i can wring all of this out of a one-off gag scene, you have no idea what kind of insane thoughts about star wars i can make up.
I really think Rasputin lucked out, in that being remembered by history as some species of giant unkillable sex wizard is something most of us can only fruitlessly aspire to.
He didn’t luck out, he worked hard for that rep
he really didn’t though
he was just kind of a garden-variety creep, but the rumor mill did all the work for him and now he’s a banger disco song
to be fair, neither could Rasputin. Alexei very much continued to have haemophilia.
isn’t the current theory that he seemed to heal faster and have more spoons when Rasputin was around because Rasputin wouldn’t let the doctors give him aspirin, a blood thinner?
Ra Ra Rasputin Russia’s wellness scamming fiend
Fun fact: the conspirator who’d been made responsible for preparing the poison for Rasputin, Stanislaus de Lazovert, was a medical intern who’d studied under the exact same doctor who kept trying to treat Tsarevich Alexei’s hemophilia with aspirin.
Like, I feel like this should be taken into account when evaluating reports of Rasputin’s miraculous immunity to poison.
Did the guy who shot him also study under that doctor?
No, Felix Yusupov was just a useless nerd who thought he knew how murder worked because he’d read a book.
Based on the available historical evidence, the most likely sequence of events is as follows:
The conspirators attempt to kill Rasputin with poison-laced cakes, but fail; it’s unknown whether this is because de Lazovert fucked up the poison, because Rasputin – who had a well-known dislike of sweets – didn’t go in on the cakes as heavily as they expected, or just because a poisoned cake is a really stupid idea.
Seeing that the poison has failed, Yusupov gets Rasputin alone for a moment and shoots him once in the chest, causing him to fall senseless to the floor. Because he’s a useless nerd who thinks he knows how murder works because he read a book, Yusupov is unaware that a single handgun shot is very unlikely to be immediately fatal, and neglects to finish Rasputin off, instead leaving the room to confer with his fellow conspirators.
When the conspirators return to retrieve Rasputin’s body, he recovers from the shock of the initial gunshot and attacks them. Following some general panic, a third conspirator, Vladimir Purishkevich, opens up guns blazing; Purishkevich manages to miss several times in spite of being at point-blank range, but eventually strikes Rasputin in the head, killing him instantly.
The conspirators beat the shit out of Rasputin’s body just to be sure, then proceed to make a complete clownshow out of disposing of the corpse; the remainder of Rasputin’s injuries are sustained postmortem.
Pretty much everything else about Rasputin’s miraculous invincibility is invented whole cloth, much of it by Yusupov himself in order to build himself up in his own published memoirs.
(As icing on the incompetently poisoned cake, elements of Yusupov’s memoirs were later incorporated into the 1932 film Rasputin and the Empress, which led to Yusupov suing MGM Studios for libel because the film strongly implies that Rasputin was fucking Yusupov’s wife. The precedent set by that lawsuit is the reason those “similarities to any real person living or dead are coincidental” disclaimers exist.)
bothprimandkylo hit milestones recently, and i didn’t want to do a joint giveaway; i do giveaways pretty much every other day, and i’m so grateful to all of you guys for helping me reach this milestone that i wanted to do something else to thank you. so here it is: the five major rules i always remember when thememaking! please remember, these are only things that i’ve made up after making themes for a long time. there are, i’m sure, many other ways to achieve your desired theme, but hopefully this’ll help you out!!this tutorial is customized to cs6.
IT IS VERY LINK-HEAVY. CLICK AND DRAG THE LINK TO THE TABS BAR TO OPEN IT IN A NEW LINK.
first of all, here is a resource tutorial filled with my favorite patterns, textures, etc. if you have issues with it, let me know. it’s a little under 200mb, but i can take a couple textures and things out for you if you can’t download it.
RULE 1: RESOLUTION. i’m probably going to say that there are a million important things in these next few paragraphs, but i really mean it when i say that resolution is THE most important. if you don’t pay attention and don’t make it a habit to set your resolution ALL THE TIME, you’ll just end up with frustration.
you may have made a theme before, had it sharp while you were working in photoshop, only for you to save it, publish it to the web for use, and then find that it’s blurry. the reason for this is a low resolution.
[ x]LOW-RESOLUTION. you must make it a habit whenever you open a new document to set the resolution to something higher. i sometimes set my resolution to 400, usually 500.
RULE 2: COMPOSITION. composition is honestly one of the most important parts of making themes for me. what it is is the way everything flows together; the way you force the viewer’s eye to move. you don’t want everything to be floating in empty space. rather, you want everything, from your textures to your images, to seem in perfect harmony. this can be done by choosing an image and deciding what the best way to flow the eye is. here are some examples (of course, these are only the ones i tend to use religiously):
RULE 3: ADJUSTMENT LAYERS. okay, adjustment layers are so, soimportant. what they do is they let you adjust the general color balance, curves, brightness, contrast, hue, saturation. i usually have at least. 4-5 adjustment layers in my themeshereis a tutorial on using adjustment layers.
personally, i use curves, hue/saturation, vibrance, and threshold (a really underrated one imo) the most. i alwaysbegin with a curves layer. you can mess around with curves a bit to get the effect you want!!they’re great for creating contrast, shadows, highlights, etc. you can also erase certain parts of adjustment layers; pull up the eraser tool, select the white box on the adjustment layer (this is the LAYER MASK), and erase as needed. drag adjustment layers above and below layers. as you photoshop more and more often, you become more familiar with adjustment layers and the way you like working with them.
RULE 4: BLEND MODES. as you have likely guessed from the title, blend modes blend. not blend as in smudge (that would be the smudge tool), but blend as in help everything come together. usually almost every layer i have, besides adjustment layers, have blend modes. through blend modes, you can turn the same image into two nearly different images. the ones i use the most often are color dodge and soft light. it is also how i add texture to post boxes (i usually set the rectangle to soft light).
RULE 5: TEXTURES. you always want to use textures. you can put textures above, behind, next to, etc. images. the trick to using textures is to using a mix of subtle and strong, and experimenting with BLEND MODES to make them look the way you want. if EDGESof your texture still show, use a big, fluffy eraser to erase the edges. remember: even if a texture seems useless, experiment with it. it might end up making your theme.
okay, well that’s all i have for all of you! again, this is just my method of making themes. i really hope that this helped a little, and if you have any questions, i’m always open to answering them. as usual, please like/reblog if this helped you at all, and if you made a theme with any of this chickenscratch, link me to it! i’d love to see what you guys do. have a great day, everyone~ =)
Grantaire eyed Enjolras as he gathered their empty popcorn bucket and drinks. “So what did you think?”
Enjolras didn’t look up. “Are the fanboys cleared out?” he asked wryly. “I don’t want to start an altercation.”
“Since when?” Enjolras laughed and Grantaire smiled before saying, “I’ll take it you didn’t like it.”
Enjolras made a face as he stood, waiting for Grantaire to exit the movie theater aisle first before following after him. “Well, when it comes to the multiverse, it was no Everything Everywhere All at Once.”
Grantaire gave him a look over his shoulder. “Ok, but that’s like comparing My Cousin VinnytoThe Godfather.”
“My Cousin Vinny isn’t even a mob movie!” Enjolras protested, throwing their trash in the garbage can. “It just happens to feature Italian Americans.”
“Yeah and Dr. Strange isn’t a movie about intergenerational trauma, now is it?”
Grantaire gave Enjolras a pointed look and Enjolras rolled his eyes, even though he was laughing again. “Touché.”
Together they walked towards the theater exit, and Grantaire glanced sideways at Enjolras. “So you really didn’t like it?”
Enjolras sighed. “You know that I only come to see Marvel movies with you so that I understand the references you make as nauseam, right?”
“Which is in and of itself a strange way to show love, but an appreciated one,” Grantaire said, nodding. He really hadn’t expected anything different. Pretty much the only Marvel movie Enjolras had ever expressed interest in was Black Panther, though even then his interest had waned when he realized it featured very little about the actual Black Panther Party in the US. “What do you think about the multiverse?”
Enjolras frowned slightly as he looked at Grantaire. “What about the multiverse?”
“Do you believe in it?”
Enjolras arched an eyebrow. “Do you mean do I think that there are multiple universes in which we exist simultaneously, some differing only minutely and some where we have hot dogs for hands?”
Grantaire half-smiled at the reference to one of his personal favorite universes from Everything Everywhere All at Once. “Something like that.”
For a long moment, Enjolras was quiet. “I find it interesting that you’re asking me if I believe in something,” he said finally.
“Just because I’m asking doesn’t mean that I do,” Grantaire said. “And you’re deflecting.”
Enjolras smiled, but it was short-lived, his smile fading slightly as he shook his head. “The truth is, I don’t know what I believe. But I’d like to think that if there was a multiverse, it’d be more like Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse. Less an exact replica of myself in every universe and more a mantle of the work I do that someone always shoulders.”
Grantaire snorted. “Are you seriously comparing your activism work to being a superhero?”
“Am I wrong?” Enjolras asked, a dangerous edge to his voice.
Grantaire held his hands up defensively. “I plead the Fifth.”
“Good boy.” Enjolras hesitated before asking, “What about you? What do you believe?”
Grantaire shrugged. “I dunno,” he said. “But I have to admit, the thought of there being a me that loves a version of you in every universe gives me a strange sort of comfort.”
Enjolras looked startled. “You think you would love me in every universe?”
“I know that I would love you in every universe,” Grantaire corrected.
Enjolras looked at him closely for a moment before asking with a small, half-smile, “Even the one with the hot dog hands?”
“Especially the one with the hot dog hands.”
Enjolras just shook his head. “You’re a freak,” he said affectionately.
Grantaire nudged him with his elbow. “Yeah but you like it.”
Enjolras shook his head fondly. “So you know that you would love me in every universe…do you think I would also love you in every universe?”
“Of course not,” Grantaire said evenly.
Enjolras stopped walking, his brow furrowed. “And that doesn’t bother you?”
“Why would it?” Grantaire asked. “I don’t need you to love me back to feel like I’m where I’m meant to be.” Enjolras shook his head but Grantaire didn’t let him interrupt. “When I met you, my entire life fell into place, and that wouldn’t have changed if you never went out with me.”
Though Enjolras’s expression softened, he still didn’t look convinced. “I guess that’s fair,” he allowed. “But it makes me a little sad, thinking there’s a me out there somewhere going through his life without loving you.”
Grantaire leaned in to kiss his cheek before telling him, “Yeah but think about it this way: if there are infinite universes, then there is infinite possibility, and infinite chances for us. And that’s not a bad thing.”
Enjolras nodded slowly. “No, it’s not.”
“Even if we have hot dog hands in one of those universes.”
Enjolras rolled his eyes, but he was smiling again. “Even then,” he agreed.
“Besides, we have each other here, in this universe, and that’s enough for me,” Grantaire said simply. “Even if in every other universe, we never figure it out in time, we’ll always have this universe.”
Enjolras smiled and laced their fingers together, raising Grantaire’s hand to his lips to kiss his knuckles. “And that’s all that matters.”
Pretty much the only Marvel movie Enjolras had ever expressed interest in was Black Panther, though even then his interest had waned when he realized it featured very little about the actual Black Panther Party in the US.
NO BUT HE WOULD
this was so precious and adorable and your writing is a gift in every universe <3
I’ve seen a lot of posts recently reminding readers to leave feedback on fics, which is great!! Writers deserve all the love they can get. Likes, reblogs, comments, messages, these are the lifeblood of writers. They are proof that people are reading, that they’re enjoying, and that they want more.
But maybe readers don’t know what to say. Maybe you’re new to Tumblr, new to reading fan fiction, shy, or just not sure how to say what you want to say.
Let me start by saying, no matter how popular the blog or how cool you think they are, everyone loves a compliment. If you’re worried about sounding silly or bothering people, let me assure you- a message will make your writer do a happy dance (depending on the writer, they mayactually get up and dance. I have.)
Here’s the basic ways of communicating with writers on Tumblr:
Likes and kudos- these are great, they’re the high-fives in this world. They’re the “hey, nice” nod. Reblogs- even better, because they mean exposure. More people see the story and that makes us really happy. A reblog with a comment isamazing, especially one that entices others to read. These make a writer’s day. Comments and messages- these are the thing that keeps us going. Most of us have anon turned on- and if we don’t, just let us know you want a private reply. (And, if your writer has anon off, it probably means they’ve been getting hate and deserve extra love.) Recommendations- recs are like coming in to work to find someone baked your favorite cake and left it on your desk. Recommendations make your writer feel so loved and valued!
So, that’s all good, but what do you actually SAY to writers? It doesn’t have to be much or take a lot of time.
A simple “This is great/funny/hot!” is wonderful. "Best fic I’ve read this week!“ "Funny as hell and cute too.” "You have to read this, it’s awesome!“ "I can’t wait for more of this.” "I hope you keep going!“ These are great in reblogs and in messages.
Even better is specific feedback. Welove specific feedback, because it tells us what readers liked and what they didn’t. Want to influence our next fic? Tell us what you liked about this one and I bet you it will keep showing up! Specific feedback is just telling the writer what you liked. It doesn’t have to be long or complicated, either. (But if you write a lot, we will love you so much.)
Was there a character you liked? Talk about them: "I love how you wrote X” “Y was so funny!” "OMG I wanted to STRANGLE Q!“ "You can really feel X’s frustration.” "Y has so much depth, they’re a really well-rounded character.“ "R says so much with so few words, it’s amazing.”
What about a part or line you enjoyed? "That bit in the park- LOVE IT.“ "I have never read a better description of a cup of tea.” "The way you wrote about his fear, that was heartbreaking.“
Was there a part that made you feel something? Happy, sad, angry? "That last sentence killed me, he’s so broken.” "I wanted to jump around when they finally kissed!“ "This chapter was so tense, my heart was pounding by the end.”
Did the characters or plot or setting remind you of your life? "I live in Brussels, that’s just how that street looks.“ "When Y talked about R, I knew exactly how he felt.” "You captured that lost, aimless feeling perfectly; I’ve so been there.“
Are there unanswered questions? Mention how much you want the answers. "I can’t wait to find out what’s in the basket!” "That was a cliffhanger ending, wow.“ "How is she going to explain THAT?” (some writers are touchy about predicting, though, so stay away from “I bet he’ll throw that letter out.” or “X is clearly coming back.”)
A few closing notes: be enthusiastic if that’s your style, go crazy with exclamation marks, smileys, caps! Tell a writer if you’re rereading their work- very little makes us happier than knowing our writing has the staying power for a second, third, sixth, tenth read. Did a reread give you a new insight or feeling about the fic? Tell us! We will be so excited to hear. And remember, recommendations are wonderful- putting up a random post tagging your favorite writers or fics you’re enjoying will show the writers that they’re writing is more than a flash in the opan and they’ll get some new readers too!
We can’t do this writing thing without you guys. So thank you so much! Without readers, we’re just talking to ourselves. We love and appreciate you for reading- but we need to know you’re doing it. We need feedback like we need air. Don’t let your favorite writers suffocate! :)
I’m going to get personal for a moment here because there’s something that’s been weighing on my mind with the pending criminalization of abortion, and that’s a lot of conservative folks saying that they would make ‘allowances’ for abortion in cases of rape and incest.
Here’s my problem with that: who determines if folks with uteruses are raped?
Is it enough if they report it to the police? Per RAINN, only about 1 in 3 sexual assaults are reported. Does their rapist have to be found guilty? Less than 3% of sexual assaults result in a felony conviction.
Let’s say we go with the first option, that a sexual assault victim merely needs to make a police report, like someone trying to get their car insurance to cover a hit and run accident. How soon after the assault do they need to report? Do they need to have a rape kit done? What if they wait to report until past the point when a rape kit is helpful? And what happens if, when they go to report, they get told that what happened to them wasn’t rape, or are strongly encouraged by the police not to file a report and “ruin” their attackers life?
I know this is a lot of hypotheticals, so I want to make it more real, and share my rape story.
Ten years ago, I was at a party. I was drinking, pretty heavily, and a friend of a friend who I had met a few times offered to walk me home. He told me, and everyone, that he was sober, so he’d look out for me. When we got back to my place, he asked to come in for a drink. I didn’t say no. He started kissing me. I didn’t say no. The evening gets a little blurry at this point, but at some point, we had sex.
Now, I’ve had one night stands before. I’ve had drunken sex before. When I woke up the next morning, something about that encounter felt very different. Maybe it was the fact that he was sober and I wasn’t. Maybe it was that he leveraged walking me home as an excuse to lead to sex. All I know is that I didn’t feel good about the encounter, but I was hesitant to call it rape.
I disclosed to our mutual friend a little later that week, desperate to gauge whether I was crazy, or if this was something I should report. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, “Sounds like you had a little too much fun.”
Over the years I go back and forth on blaming her, or wishing she’d reacted differently, or telling myself that she wasn’t trained to deal with this kind of thing, and I’ve never landed on a satisfactory conclusion. But the fact is, her saying what she did told me not to say anything. Whatever happened was my fault. So I kept my mouth shut, and kept my head down.
About three weeks later, I was invited to a different party. I asked who was invited. I asked, specifically, if the man in question would be there. I was told he would not be.
When I arrived, the first person I saw was him, and my heart dropped to my knees. Should I have left at that point? Probably. But it was the end of the semester, we were celebrating, and I didn’t want to miss spending time with my friends who were about to graduate. So I grabbed a different friend and told her not to let me leave with anyone. She promised she would.
I tried to have a good time but I was nervous, and out of sorts. To help myself get into a party mood, I drank, a lot, and I did a lot of drugs that night. By the time the party was almost over, my friend had already left, and I could barely stand, let alone walk.
You may have guessed what happened next. The man in question said he would get me home. The last thing I remember from that night was being pushed against the wall of my apartment building as he dug in my purse for my keys. I remember telling him no, and to leave me alone.
Then I woke up the next morning naked with his cum drying on the inside of my thigh.
I didn’t report what happened to me to the police. Why? Because I wasn’t a perfect victim. I was drunk, and high, and had had sex with this man before. No one would believe me. So I showered, and I scrubbed my apartment with bleach, and for almost 5 years I didn’t say a word about what happened to me until a friend disclosed a similar situation, and I held her hand, and I said, “Me too.”
Now, I was lucky, because my rape(s) didn’t result in a pregnancy. But they could have. I was on the pill back then but I was in the process of finishing up the semester and getting ready to move so I wasn’t taking it consistently. And I was so traumatized and full of self-blame that I wasn’t ready to report it to the police, let alone to admit to myself what had happened to me. So if I had gotten pregnant, and had needed an abortion that was criminalized except for rape, what then? Would me saying that it was rape (something I wasn’t mentally in a place to do) be enough? Or would the fact that my trauma didn’t allow me to go to the police be held against me?
I already know the answer to that, and anyone who’s paid even a smidgeon of attention to our criminal justice system also knows.
So I just want folks to keep that in mind, because as we get closer to the SCOTUS decision, and especially as we get closer to the election in the fall, you’re going to see a lot of conservatives trot out that talking point, that they’d allow abortion in the case of rape. Or even, in blue/purple states, tout it as a moderate position. And I think that a lot of folks on both ends of the spectrum are going to let that talking point go unquestioned and unchallenged.
But it’s just another way of stripping control of their own healthcare from folks with uteruses. When the folks who are stripping the right to an abortion away are the same ones who get to decide what is and isn’t rape, it’s just control in a different, more palatable package.
And there’s absolutely nothing moderate about that.
Grantaire eyed Enjolras as he gathered their empty popcorn bucket and drinks. “So what did you think?”
Enjolras didn’t look up. “Are the fanboys cleared out?” he asked wryly. “I don’t want to start an altercation.”
“Since when?” Enjolras laughed and Grantaire smiled before saying, “I’ll take it you didn’t like it.”
Enjolras made a face as he stood, waiting for Grantaire to exit the movie theater aisle first before following after him. “Well, when it comes to the multiverse, it was no Everything Everywhere All at Once.”
Grantaire gave him a look over his shoulder. “Ok, but that’s like comparing My Cousin VinnytoThe Godfather.”
“My Cousin Vinny isn’t even a mob movie!” Enjolras protested, throwing their trash in the garbage can. “It just happens to feature Italian Americans.”
“Yeah and Dr. Strange isn’t a movie about intergenerational trauma, now is it?”
Grantaire gave Enjolras a pointed look and Enjolras rolled his eyes, even though he was laughing again. “Touché.”
Together they walked towards the theater exit, and Grantaire glanced sideways at Enjolras. “So you really didn’t like it?”
Enjolras sighed. “You know that I only come to see Marvel movies with you so that I understand the references you make as nauseam, right?”
“Which is in and of itself a strange way to show love, but an appreciated one,” Grantaire said, nodding. He really hadn’t expected anything different. Pretty much the only Marvel movie Enjolras had ever expressed interest in was Black Panther, though even then his interest had waned when he realized it featured very little about the actual Black Panther Party in the US. “What do you think about the multiverse?”
Enjolras frowned slightly as he looked at Grantaire. “What about the multiverse?”
“Do you believe in it?”
Enjolras arched an eyebrow. “Do you mean do I think that there are multiple universes in which we exist simultaneously, some differing only minutely and some where we have hot dogs for hands?”
Grantaire half-smiled at the reference to one of his personal favorite universes from Everything Everywhere All at Once. “Something like that.”
For a long moment, Enjolras was quiet. “I find it interesting that you’re asking me if I believe in something,” he said finally.
“Just because I’m asking doesn’t mean that I do,” Grantaire said. “And you’re deflecting.”
Enjolras smiled, but it was short-lived, his smile fading slightly as he shook his head. “The truth is, I don’t know what I believe. But I’d like to think that if there was a multiverse, it’d be more like Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse. Less an exact replica of myself in every universe and more a mantle of the work I do that someone always shoulders.”
Grantaire snorted. “Are you seriously comparing your activism work to being a superhero?”
“Am I wrong?” Enjolras asked, a dangerous edge to his voice.
Grantaire held his hands up defensively. “I plead the Fifth.”
“Good boy.” Enjolras hesitated before asking, “What about you? What do you believe?”
Grantaire shrugged. “I dunno,” he said. “But I have to admit, the thought of there being a me that loves a version of you in every universe gives me a strange sort of comfort.”
Enjolras looked startled. “You think you would love me in every universe?”
“I know that I would love you in every universe,” Grantaire corrected.
Enjolras looked at him closely for a moment before asking with a small, half-smile, “Even the one with the hot dog hands?”
“Especially the one with the hot dog hands.”
Enjolras just shook his head. “You’re a freak,” he said affectionately.
Grantaire nudged him with his elbow. “Yeah but you like it.”
Enjolras shook his head fondly. “So you know that you would love me in every universe…do you think I would also love you in every universe?”
“Of course not,” Grantaire said evenly.
Enjolras stopped walking, his brow furrowed. “And that doesn’t bother you?”
“Why would it?” Grantaire asked. “I don’t need you to love me back to feel like I’m where I’m meant to be.” Enjolras shook his head but Grantaire didn’t let him interrupt. “When I met you, my entire life fell into place, and that wouldn’t have changed if you never went out with me.”
Though Enjolras’s expression softened, he still didn’t look convinced. “I guess that’s fair,” he allowed. “But it makes me a little sad, thinking there’s a me out there somewhere going through his life without loving you.”
Grantaire leaned in to kiss his cheek before telling him, “Yeah but think about it this way: if there are infinite universes, then there is infinite possibility, and infinite chances for us. And that’s not a bad thing.”
Enjolras nodded slowly. “No, it’s not.”
“Even if we have hot dog hands in one of those universes.”
Enjolras rolled his eyes, but he was smiling again. “Even then,” he agreed.
“Besides, we have each other here, in this universe, and that’s enough for me,” Grantaire said simply. “Even if in every other universe, we never figure it out in time, we’ll always have this universe.”
Enjolras smiled and laced their fingers together, raising Grantaire’s hand to his lips to kiss his knuckles. “And that’s all that matters.”
Grantaire eyed Enjolras as he gathered their empty popcorn bucket and drinks. “So what did you think?”
Enjolras didn’t look up. “Are the fanboys cleared out?” he asked wryly. “I don’t want to start an altercation.”
“Since when?” Enjolras laughed and Grantaire smiled before saying, “I’ll take it you didn’t like it.”
Enjolras made a face as he stood, waiting for Grantaire to exit the movie theater aisle first before following after him. “Well, when it comes to the multiverse, it was no Everything Everywhere All at Once.”
Grantaire gave him a look over his shoulder. “Ok, but that’s like comparing My Cousin VinnytoThe Godfather.”
“My Cousin Vinny isn’t even a mob movie!” Enjolras protested, throwing their trash in the garbage can. “It just happens to feature Italian Americans.”
“Yeah and Dr. Strange isn’t a movie about intergenerational trauma, now is it?”
Grantaire gave Enjolras a pointed look and Enjolras rolled his eyes, even though he was laughing again. “Touché.”
Together they walked towards the theater exit, and Grantaire glanced sideways at Enjolras. “So you really didn’t like it?”
Enjolras sighed. “You know that I only come to see Marvel movies with you so that I understand the references you make ad nauseam, right?”
“Which is in and of itself a strange way to show love, but an appreciated one,” Grantaire said, nodding. He really hadn’t expected anything different. Pretty much the only Marvel movie Enjolras had ever expressed interest in was Black Panther, though even then his interest had waned when he realized it featured very little about the actual Black Panther Party in the US. “What do you think about the multiverse?”
Enjolras frowned slightly as he looked at Grantaire. “What about the multiverse?”
“Do you believe in it?”
Enjolras arched an eyebrow. “Do you mean do I think that there are multiple universes in which we exist simultaneously, some differing only minutely and some where we have hot dogs for hands?”
Grantaire half-smiled at the reference to one of his personal favorite universes from Everything Everywhere All at Once. “Something like that.”
For a long moment, Enjolras was quiet. “I find it interesting that you’re asking me if I believe in something,” he said finally.
“Just because I’m asking doesn’t mean that I do,” Grantaire said. “And you’re deflecting.”
Enjolras smiled, but it was short-lived, his smile fading slightly as he shook his head. “The truth is, I don’t know what I believe. But I’d like to think that if there was a multiverse, it’d be more like Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse. Less an exact replica of myself in every universe and more a mantle of the work I do that someone always shoulders.”
Grantaire snorted. “Are you seriously comparing your activism work to being a superhero?”
“Am I wrong?” Enjolras asked, a dangerous edge to his voice.
Grantaire held his hands up defensively. “I plead the Fifth.”
“Good boy.” Enjolras hesitated before asking, “What about you? What do you believe?”
Grantaire shrugged. “I dunno,” he said. “But I have to admit, the thought of there being a me that loves a version of you in every universe gives me a strange sort of comfort.”
Enjolras looked startled. “You think you would love me in every universe?”
“I know that I would love you in every universe,” Grantaire corrected.
Enjolras looked at him closely for a moment before asking with a small, half-smile, “Even the one with the hot dog hands?”
“Especially the one with the hot dog hands.”
Enjolras just shook his head. “You’re a freak,” he said affectionately.
Grantaire nudged him with his elbow. “Yeah but you like it.”
Enjolras shook his head fondly. “So you know that you would love me in every universe…do you think I would also love you in every universe?”
“Of course not,” Grantaire said evenly.
Enjolras stopped walking, his brow furrowed. “And that doesn’t bother you?”
“Why would it?” Grantaire asked. “I don’t need you to love me back to feel like I’m where I’m meant to be.” Enjolras shook his head but Grantaire didn’t let him interrupt. “When I met you, my entire life fell into place, and that wouldn’t have changed if you never went out with me.”
Though Enjolras’s expression softened, he still didn’t look convinced. “I guess that’s fair,” he allowed. “But it makes me a little sad, thinking there’s a me out there somewhere going through his life without loving you.”
Grantaire leaned in to kiss his cheek before telling him, “Yeah but think about it this way: if there are infinite universes, then there is infinite possibility, and infinite chances for us. And that’s not a bad thing.”
Enjolras nodded slowly. “No, it’s not.”
“Even if we have hot dog hands in one of those universes.”
Enjolras rolled his eyes, but he was smiling again. “Even then,” he agreed.
“Besides, we have each other here, in this universe, and that’s enough for me,” Grantaire said simply. “Even if in every other universe, we never figure it out in time, we’ll always have this universe.”
Enjolras smiled and laced their fingers together, raising Grantaire’s hand to his lips to kiss his knuckles. “And that’s all that matters.”
Grantaire rested his head against Enjolras’s shoulder. “Do you think we’re like Jack and Rose?”
Enjolras didn’t look up from his phone. “Jack and who?”
“Jack and Rose,” Grantaire repeated, and when Enjolras didn’t answer, he added helpfully, “Like from Titanic.”
Now Enjolras did look up, and even though Grantaire couldn’t see him from his angle, he could hear the scowl in his voice. “Why in the name of all that is holy—”
“It was just the anniversary of the sinking!” Grantaire said with a laugh. “And so Joly, Bossuet and I got stoned and watched the movie.”
Enjolras sighed. “I should have known.” He kissed the top of Grantaire’s head before asking, “So are you Kate Winslet or Leo in whatever scenario you’ve cooked up in your head?”
Grantaire sat up, frowning. “That’s not a fair question. I’m not as hot as Leo and your tits aren’t nearly as magnificent as Kate Winslet’s.”
“I’ll allow it.”
Grantaire cleared his throat. “Anyway, where I was really going with this is that you were born with a silver spoon—”
“Gold-plated stainless steel, if you want to be specific,” Enjolras murmured.
“—shoved all the way up your ass, and I’m just a lower class kid from the street who got in your pants by drawing you.”
Enjolras snorted. “Firstly, you grew up thoroughly middle class and your poverty is mostly of your own making.”
“Harsh, but fair.”
“Secondly,” Enjolras continued, “you didn’t get in my pants by drawing me. You got invited to join Les Amis by drawing me in a political cartoon that we used for advertising. It took several more years for you to get into my pants, and I don’t recall much drawing being involved.”
Grantaire smirked. “Well maybe not with a pencil, but if I need to remind you what I can do with my tongue—”
“Does this Titanic-related metaphor of yours have a point?” Enjolras interrupted, his voice slightly higher-pitched than usual.
Grantaire just shrugged. “Mostly that I thought it would be a good backdoor into asking you to let me draw you naked.”
“No.”
If Grantaire was disappointed, he didn’t show it. “You say that now, but you know you’re dying to say it.”
Enjolras’s eyes narrowed. “Say what?”
Grantaire leaned in so that his lips brushed against Enjolras’s ear as he whispered, “Draw me like one of your French girls.”
Enjolras laughed, pushing him away. “Absolutely not.”
“Shame,” Grantaire said, laughing as well. “Figured it couldn’t hurt to ask, though.”
Enjolras shook his head affectionately, and picked his phone up again. “For the record,” he said casually, “if you were Jack, and I was Rose, we’d either both find a way to be on that door, or we’d both freeze to death together.”
Grantaire blinked. “Really?”
Enjolras glanced up at him. “You jump, I jump, remember?”
A slow smile spread across Grantaire’s face. “You saying you’d die for me?”
Enjolras rolled his eyes. “I’m saying I’d rather die with you than live without you.”
But Grantaire didn’t seem to have heard him. “You’d die for me,” he said, beaming.
“Only you would find that romantic,” Enjolras murmured. “I, for one, would much rather we live for each other than die for each other.”
Grantaire rested his head against Enjolras’s shoulder, still smiling. “I already do.”
Grantaire rested his head against Enjolras’s shoulder. “Do you think we’re like Jack and Rose?”
Enjolras didn’t look up from his phone. “Jack and who?”
“Jack and Rose,” Grantaire repeated, and when Enjolras didn’t answer, he added helpfully, “Like from Titanic.”
Now Enjolras did look up, and even though Grantaire couldn’t see him from his angle, he could hear the scowl in his voice. “Why in the name of all that is holy—”
“It was just the anniversary of the sinking!” Grantaire said with a laugh. “And so Joly, Bossuet and I got stoned and watched the movie.”
Enjolras sighed. “I should have known.” He kissed the top of Grantaire’s head before asking, “So are you Kate Winslet or Leo in whatever scenario you’ve cooked up in your head?”
Grantaire sat up, frowning. “That’s not a fair question. I’m not as hot as Leo and your tits aren’t nearly as magnificent as Kate Winslet’s.”
“I’ll allow it.”
Grantaire cleared his throat. “Anyway, where I was really going with this is that you were born with a silver spoon—”
“Gold-plated stainless steel, if you want to be specific,” Enjolras murmured.
“—shoved all the way up your ass, and I’m just a lower class kid from the street who got in your pants by drawing you.”
Enjolras snorted. “Firstly, you grew up thoroughly middle class and your poverty is mostly of your own making.”
“Harsh, but fair.”
“Secondly,” Enjolras continued, “you didn’t get in my pants by drawing me. You got invited to join Les Amis by drawing me in a political cartoon that we used for advertising. It took several more years for you to get into my pants, and I don’t recall much drawing being involved.”
Grantaire smirked. “Well maybe not with a pencil, but if I need to remind you what I can do with my tongue—”
“Does this Titanic-related metaphor of yours have a point?” Enjolras interrupted, his voice slightly higher-pitched than usual.
Grantaire just shrugged. “Mostly that I thought it would be a good backdoor into asking you to let me draw you naked.”
“No.”
If Grantaire was disappointed, he didn’t show it. “You say that now, but you know you’re dying to say it.”
Enjolras’s eyes narrowed. “Say what?”
Grantaire leaned in so that his lips brushed against Enjolras’s ear as he whispered, “Draw me like one of your French girls.”
Enjolras laughed, pushing him away. “Absolutely not.”
“Shame,” Grantaire said, laughing as well. “Figured it couldn’t hurt to ask, though.”
Enjolras shook his head affectionately, and picked his phone up again. “For the record,” he said casually, “if you were Jack, and I was Rose, we’d either both find a way to be on that door, or we’d both freeze to death together.”
Grantaire blinked. “Really?”
Enjolras glanced up at him. “You jump, I jump, remember?”
A slow smile spread across Grantaire’s face. “You saying you’d die for me?”
Enjolras rolled his eyes. “I’m saying I’d rather die with you than live without you.”
But Grantaire didn’t seem to have heard him. “You’d die for me,” he said, beaming.
“Only you would find that romantic,” Enjolras murmured. “I, for one, would much rather we live for each other than die for each other.”
Grantaire rested his head against Enjolras’s shoulder, still smiling. “I already do.”
Grantaire rested his head against Enjolras’s shoulder. “Do you think we’re like Jack and Rose?”
Enjolras didn’t look up from his phone. “Jack and who?”
“Jack and Rose,” Grantaire repeated, and when Enjolras didn’t answer, he added helpfully, “Like from Titanic.”
Now Enjolras did look up, and even though Grantaire couldn’t see him from his angle, he could hear the scowl in his voice. “Why in the name of all that is holy—”
“It was just the anniversary of the sinking!” Grantaire said with a laugh. “And so Joly, Bossuet and I got stoned and watched the movie.”
Enjolras sighed. “I should have known.” He kissed the top of Grantaire’s head before asking, “So are you Kate Winslet or Leo in whatever scenario you’ve cooked up in your head?”
Grantaire sat up, frowning. “That’s not a fair question. I’m not as hot as Leo and your tits aren’t nearly as magnificent as Kate Winslet’s.”
“I’ll allow it.”
Grantaire cleared his throat. “Anyway, where I was really going with this is that you were born with a silver spoon—”
“Gold-plated stainless steel, if you want to be specific,” Enjolras murmured.
“—shoved all the way up your ass, and I’m just a lower class kid from the street who got in your pants by drawing you.”
Enjolras snorted. “Firstly, you grew up thoroughly middle class and your poverty is mostly of your own making.”
“Harsh, but fair.”
“Secondly,” Enjolras continued, “you didn’t get in my pants by drawing me. You got invited to join Les Amis by drawing me in a political cartoon that we used for advertising. It took several more years for you to get into my pants, and I don’t recall much drawing being involved.”
Grantaire smirked. “Well maybe not with a pencil, but if I need to remind you what I can do with my tongue—”
“Does this Titanic-related metaphor of yours have a point?” Enjolras interrupted, his voice slightly higher-pitched than usual.
Grantaire just shrugged. “Mostly that I thought it would be a good backdoor into asking you to let me draw you naked.”
“No.”
If Grantaire was disappointed, he didn’t show it. “You say that now, but you know you’re dying to say it.”
Enjolras’s eyes narrowed. “Say what?”
Grantaire leaned in so that his lips brushed against Enjolras’s ear as he whispered, “Draw me like one of your French girls.”
Enjolras laughed, pushing him away. “Absolutely not.”
“Shame,” Grantaire said, laughing as well. “Figured it couldn’t hurt to ask, though.”
Enjolras shook his head affectionately, and picked his phone up again. “For the record,” he said casually, “if you were Jack, and I was Rose, we’d either both find a way to be on that door, or we’d both freeze to death together.”
Grantaire blinked. “Really?”
Enjolras glanced up at him. “You jump, I jump, remember?”
A slow smile spread across Grantaire’s face. “You saying you’d die for me?”
Enjolras rolled his eyes. “I’m saying I’d rather die with you than live without you.”
But Grantaire didn’t seem to have heard him. “You’d die for me,” he said, beaming.
“Only you would find that romantic,” Enjolras murmured. “I, for one, would much rather we live for each other than die for each other.”
Grantaire rested his head against Enjolras’s shoulder, still smiling. “I already do.”
That whole ‘wanting to talk about my body’ thing, right? Well, here goes.
—
I am disastrously out of shape and it’s negatively impacting my life. My body aches all the time. My knees hurt. I can’t move too fast or my lungs try to turn inside out. I can’t do physical things I used to be more than capable of doing. Finding clothes that fit me is a pain in the ass because I’m stuck in some sort of no man’s land where neither part of the box stores carries more than one article of clothing in my size (and good luck finding anything I actually like…or at all in boutique shops). I’m also completely incapable of wearing gender affirming clothing at the moment and it is literally impossible to pass as anything other than my assigned gender, so I’m in a constant state of dysphoria.
In 2012 I could bike all over town without breaking a sweat and run uphill for ten minutes without losing my breath. I spent so much time outside that I tanned super dark and barely recognize myself in photos. In 2017 I hit the gym for a solid six months and by the end of it I could do push ups and chin ups, hold a plank for two minutes with my kid on my ass, twist my body into a pretzel while holding a 20lb weight in the air, and deadlift my body weight + 20lbs. Basically: I know that I cando these things, I know that it feels good, and I want to be able to do them again.
I want to be that person again and I feel like right now…specificallyright now…I have a golden opportunity to pursue that goal. I’m feeling good about life in general. I don’t have to work (per se; I will save my argument about what constitutes 'work’ for another post). I have a kid that also needs to get his ya-yas out. I have free access to a full gym and a three story rock climbing wall at my school. I own a rowing machine, a bench, and a ton of other at-home gym equipment.
And…I started taking Concerta a few months ago. On top of helping me focus better, improving my ability to plan for the future, erasing most of my anxiety, and lifting me out of depression…it has also simultaneously completely killed my appetite and given me a shit ton of energy that needs an outlet. The appetite thing is what I’ve been wanting to talk about the most because I have so many weird, complicated emotions wrapped up in this experience.
On the one hand it’s a boon, because it means I can pursue my “be physically active and healthy” goal without fighting myself the entire way. I used to self-soothe by eating, but now…I think I don’t need as much self-soothing to begin with AND I’m filling that need in other ways. I do have to actually remember to eat which was a problem at first because that’s literally never been my experience, but I addressed that by…making a meal plan and sticking to it. This means that my 'diet’ is legitimately healthy and well balanced. I’m getting a shit ton of fruits & veggies and protein and healthy fats, and I feel amazing.
On the other hand…it feels like cheating. It doesn’t matter that I need this medication to function like a normative adult. It doesn’t matter that I’m objectively eating more healthily and mindfully now than I ever have in my life. (Seriously, I’m aware of the dangers and I promise I’m taking care of myself.) But. There’s a part of my brain screaming that if I can trace my success to a pill then I’m cheating, it’s unhealthy, I’m doing something abusive to myself / with my medication, I don’t deserve the results I get.
I don’t know that this post had a point beyond laying out my thoughts so I could see them. I probably could have just written it in my journal, I suppose, but…I don’t know. There’s something about writing out a post that encourages me to be more positively-focused, articulate, and ordered about what I’m saying, which in turn helps me see what’s going on more clearly. If that makes sense?
I think I need to work on the guilt thing and focus instead on how good it will feel to have my physicality back and to wear the clothes that make me feel like I’m me again. I also think I need to talk about what I’m doing more often so I don’t feel so alone, and celebrate my successes to keep myself motivated…which is why I wanted an umbrella tag.
So yeah. Anyway. That’s me. Sorry for the long post. @_@
(Psst, manga spoilers for ch 322). This face. I love it. Serving to communicate the acceptance of a truth he’d held fast to when going solo. He doesn’t belong here. No matter how his heart yearns, nay cries to return to welcome familiarity and camaraderie established through shared residence and time spent getting to know each other.
Deku has been adamant keeping distant as he knows trouble will follow him even if he’s not on the lookout. It seldom waits to be found and will strike at any opportune time.
So when he hears and bears witness to this:
It gives him an out. Just moments before he again made the comment:
Not amount of sway has alleviated this feeling for him. To return is danger, the target line and number increases as so many have been gathered to a single place. AFO has been rather hideously adept at predicting Deku’s moves and so this could honestly be set up for quite a shit show tbh. We have yet to see what else UA can do. Yet I’d wager the greater power will likely come from the students especially if they can connect to the other school.
And so it brings me back to this face:
There reads a sort of gratitude in being given an out.
Though hardly without an accompanying sadness. He shares their sentiments but that shit still hurts. Boy was so on edge bout comin home and yet he let himself get close enough to take in the possibility because damn if he don’t love and miss the people he’s been separated from.
The battle with class A leaving this boi an emotional wreck on top of his exhaustion. Exhausted and honestly took quite a hit to held faith in his capabilities. There is this steady constant with Deku that no matter how far ahead he gets. He can only see himself as lagging behind. No matter his progress, to him he’s still not even an equal with his peers.
To the point that he apologized for placing himself ahead of them at all. Honestly? I didn’t take that statement about them not being able to keep up seriously as it more seemed a ploy to keep pushing them away more than a banner he flew in any way shape or form. Yet to have said it at all, to have dared to think he progressed, to dare assume he was truly grasping his power and moving forward when in truth he’s so damn stuck and without a clue as to what to do beyond keep pushing at this desperate ploy to get stronger so he CAN be a reliable power and person of aid. This anxiousness that fuels him, a choice that’s looming over his head so much so that he can’t leave the shadow it casts. In the same turn when Deku says going back is not an option for him, it hits different. It feels loaded. Hardly in reference to just UA to who he was as a person. Legit tho, the core of him is the same. The kids so damn twisted up with fear and anxiousness about knowns and unknowns that he can’t figure out how to act or think. All things are talking, nothing feels straightforward and it’s all so damn hard to trust.
He trusts the power he’s been given but not his ability to use it. His own will wavering as he knows what he wants to do and need be done in his eyes but hardly seems certain if he can. So he keeps pushing himself to the brink even as he can barely recognize his own progress. It hits in moments but he often comes back to the same conclusion.
He’s still lacking.
Cycle back to this.
Deku hearing them. Hearing their worries and fears that reflect his own. He stands a moment as it all sinks in then once more makes the move to leave. He doesn’t feel he can keep them safe, he doesn’t feel he can prevent them from being harmed. Their fear is understood and to Deku it’s justified. What he can do in this moment is grant them the peace of absence.
The thing is tho Deku, trouble comes and goes with or without you. It will strike wether you’re present or not and that’s how shit has been. Bad things happen. You can’t stop them all. But what can you hope to accomplish when you are in such dire straits yourself. Who does that help. Yes, learning to press through even when things turn ugly and feel impossible is a good thing. Sometimes we must soldier on through the muck and mire. Keep placing one foot In front of the other and not ceasing until a new point is reached. It is not without its draw backs. While necessary at times, it is not without cost. When the cost exceeds what you can give and thus rendering success improbable, then you gotta step back and check yoself because you can’t do shit when you’re dead.
I love this push and pull with Deku even as ultimately he is frozen in place. Making the same choice that has proven it holds great cost. Assuming he must do it alone. When no, that’s just what you’ve convinced yourself of so you don’t see no one else get hurt. When again, can’t stop em all. That is just life. Shoulder the weight of the world alone and it will immobilize you. Share it and you all learn to work to deal with it.
Share the burden kid.
You can’t realistically shield the world alone.
Share the burden.
It’s okay.
Even in terms of successors, solo routes had their price to pay and teamwork allowed for the rescue of a certain integral figure in the creation and passing of OFA.
Anyway. This has been my 2am rant about Deku. (It was also done via mobile so the formatting is atrocious, I AM SO SORRY).
❝ you can make all the preparations in the world, but if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. ❞ ❝ pity and compassion are products of the weak and lacking human heart. ❞ ❝ what’s so special about you anyway? ❞ ❝ you can pretend to be ordinary, but your eyes tell me another story. ❞ ❝ get a grip on reality, already. ❞ ❝ to be ready to answer any call. to be ready to accept any challenge. that is the way. ❞ ❝ you know you’re not allowed to go in, right? ❞ ❝ i must say, i’ve warmed up to you. ❞ ❝ you just don’t understand why i do what i do. ❞ ❝ i can’t remember the last time i was backed into a corner like this. ❞ ❝ around these parts, there are many folktales of hauntings. ❞ ❝ oh? are you finished already? ❞ ❝ this time, i won’t underestimate you or let my guard down in the slightest. ❞ ❝ i’m surprised you’ve come this far, but you’ll have to turn back. ❞ ❝ you’ve made me look bad more times than i care to remember. ❞ ❝ one person’s joy is another person’s sorrow. ❞ ❝ i think keeping up the effort to better yourself is a talent in itself. ❞ ❝ no one has a right to take anyone’s future away or anyone’s world. ❞ ❝ if you have wonderful friends, there is no limit to how far you can go. ❞ ❝ it’s not about winning or losing. ❞ ❝ now, all will end. and everything will begin. ❞ ❝ where do you get that power? ❞ ❝ if you can’t maintain your cool in battle, you’ll freeze up. ❞ ❝ i may not look it now, but i’m a star. ❞ ❝ there’s an unseemly sense of desperation about you. ❞ ❝ you must not know what fear is. ❞ ❝ the word is that this road is harsh and harrowing. ❞ ❝ rest is important too, you know. ❞ ❝ you can struggle all you want, but you can’t stop me alone. ❞ ❝ this whole trip is too rough, long and draining. ❞ ❝ don’t get cocky. this isn’t over yet. ❞ ❝ what brings you here? you’ve got something for me? ❞ ❝ i don’t feel like talking…let’s go. ❞ ❝ it takes both brain and brawn when you’re out here. ❞ ❝ i’m tough because i know how to focus. ❞ ❝ how dare you. that’s how you respond to my generosity? ❞ ❝ i don’t accept this. i will not accept this. ❞ ❝ the weather clears up sometimes. the view is breathtaking then. ❞ ❝ not standing up to the mighty is foolish. ❞ ❝ that’s not good enough. i have to be stronger. ❞ ❝ there is also beauty in the tears wept from defeat. ❞ ❝ you don’t want to listen to me whine. ❞ ❝ you just showed me that there’s still lots i need to learn. ❞ ❝ what was that about? i don’t know what’s going on. ❞ ❝ you’ve got a good eye, spotting me. ❞ ❝ this city makes me feel at home somehow. ❞ ❝ i was being serious. don’t laugh at me! i mean it. ❞ ❝ it’s too cold. i can’t even feel my tongue. ❞ ❝ i might even admire you a little. ❞ ❝ the desire to win…if you don’t lose that, there’s no limit on what you can become. ❞ ❝ you are alive, aren’t you? ❞ ❝ i’m no expert, but this looks to be of ancient origin. ❞ ❝ a person…? you’re a rare sight. ❞ ❝ it’s too late. no amount of desperation from someone like you will make a difference. ❞ ❝ so long as you’re alongside me, i’m willing to take on the world. ❞ ❝ i spend all my time reading here. ❞ ❝ i’m glad you’re safe. ❞ ❝ you don’t understand me, so why is it that you defy me? ❞ ❝ my quest for power brought me here. ❞ ❝ you’re fantastically tough, aren’t you? ❞ ❝ to not be depressed by a loss…that is the way. ❞ ❝ oh, you’re looking tired. do you need rest? ❞ ❝ it is impossible to tell if you are enraged or saddened. ❞ ❝ what is truly the ultimate to you? ❞ ❝ no matter what, you’d better be fully prepared. ❞ ❝ please don’t hold anything back. ❞ ❝ i admit that you have pushed me to this extreme. ❞ ❝ that’s it! i knew you could do it. ❞ ❝ we came completely unprepared for this little adventure… ❞ ❝ you were magnificent. truly, you were incredible. ❞ ❝ go as far as you can. you alone can broaden your horizons. ❞ ❝ what are you doing? you’re not supposed to be here. ❞ ❝ i’m burning with jealousy over your raw talent. ❞ ❝ you finally here? you’re slow like always. ❞ ❝ that kind of challenge is an exciting prospect. ❞ ❝ if everything could be explained, it would be a boring world. ❞ ❝ you’re not someone that can be taken lightly. ❞ ❝ i love how natural it is. i wish i could live out here. ❞ ❝ you’re pretty wimpy. ❞ ❝ i don’t know how i should say this, but good luck. ❞ ❝ there will be bigger challenges in front of you. ❞ ❝ there’s…so much in your past. ❞ ❝ somehow, it feels as if my journey is now coming to an end. ❞ ❝ why don’t you do just as you like? it would be more fun that way. ❞ ❝ potential doesn’t mean a victory. ❞ ❝ i’ve been hearing rumors about sinister shadows here, too. ❞ ❝ i’m only concerned for your sake. ❞ ❝ this place has a weird atmosphere… ❞ ❝ i have something important to say to you: don’t drown in your own talent. ❞ ❝ emotions are but mere illusions. ❞ ❝ before i think about that, i’m going to completely crush you. ❞ ❝ i might have to go home and dress warmer than this… ❞ ❝ …i wish this never happened. ❞ ❝ i’m a bit of a scaredy-cat, so i’m always paying close attention to everything. ❞ ❝ like all illusions, emotions fade over time until death banishes them forever. ❞ ❝ what will you do after this? ❞ ❝ this cold is nothing compared to the fire that burns in my heart. ❞ ❝ you’re late. i’ve been waiting for so long, i’ve gone numb. ❞ ❝ i feel like i am losing my sense of time and space… ❞ ❝ you need to loosen up more. ❞ ❝ just looking at you brings back memories. ❞ ❝ you took the trouble of coming here? i’m sorry, but there’s nothing. ❞ ❝ what do you consider perfection? ❞ ❝ i’ve gotten out of tighter spots than this plenty of times before. ❞ ❝ i know why you’re here. i can sense it in you. ❞ ❝ that makes you tough, perhaps. ❞ ❝ you’re even stronger than my high expectations of you. ❞ ❝ it broke me once — but that only added to my resolve. ❞ ❝ what do you expect to achieve here? ❞ ❝ all my excitement’s gone now… ❞ ❝ i must say…you are a remarkable specimen. ❞ ❝ though it’s nothing new, i can’t say i understand you. ❞ ❝ even i’m feeling run down. ❞ ❝ it’s a sad day for me not to be able to share in your joy. ❞ ❝ losing means i have room to become even stronger. ❞ ❝ you’ve earned the right to be here. ❞ ❝ you might be the toughest there is — besides me. ❞ ❝ it doesn’t appear as if anyone could even try to stand against your might. ❞ ❝ you’ve worked so hard to get here. you should be proud of yourself. ❞ ❝ you know where i’m going with this, don’t you? ❞ ❝ oh yeah? i’ll show you something wicked too. ❞
❝ some people call this junk. me? i call it treasure. ❞ ❝ i don’t like talking to someone who holds their honor so cheaply. ❞ ❝ i’m not a person. i’m a weapon in human form. ❞ ❝ you have opened the door to darkness. ❞ ❝ i will feast on your heart. ❞ ❝ the silence suits you. gives you an air of mystery. ❞ ❝ my ancestors are smiling at me. can you say the same? ❞ ❝ you’re losing a lot of blood. maybe you should sit down for a moment. ❞ ❝ there’s no glory in war. it’s just something they tell soldiers so they’ll risk their lives. ❞ ❝ you’re going? i’ll miss you. ❞ ❝ if one of my enemies wouldn’t pay to have me killed, i’d take it as a personal insult. ❞ ❝ don’t like those eyes you’ve got. there’s a bad hunger to them. ❞ ❝ you’re either the bravest person i’ve ever met…or the biggest fool. ❞ ❝ kill well…and often. ❞ ❝ good to have you by my side. i need reliable people around. ❞ ❝ i should bash your face in after all you’ve done. ❞ ❝ you’ve been a good friend to me. that means something. ❞ ❝ what is better? to be born good, or to overcome your evil nature through great effort? ❞ ❝ kill one person, and you can solve so many problems. i wonder at the possibilities. ❞ ❝ all the living shall fear the dead. ❞ ❝ filth. run to the horizon before i hunt you down. ❞ ❝ yes, yes. i haven’t got all day. ❞ ❝ defy me, and i can offer you only pain and suffering. ❞ ❝ prophecy tells what may be, not what should be. ❞ ❝ you stink of death. i salute you. ❞ ❝ i’ll give you another chance, but watch yourself. ❞ ❝ my favourite drinking buddy. let’s get some mead. ❞ ❝ there are so many delightful ways i have pictured you dead. ❞ ❝ we’re one of the same kind, you and i. ❞ ❝ i don’t mean you any trouble. just leave me alone. ❞ ❝ you’ve caused enough trouble. ❞ ❝ politics are something best avoided. i prefer more personal confrontations, myself. ❞ ❝ i’m a nobody, really. ❞ ❝ now it’s time to face the consequences of your actions. ❞ ❝ i live in the shadow of death every day. ❞ ❝ it’s best if you didn’t mention to anyone that you saw me here. ❞ ❝ legends don’t burn down villages. ❞ ❝ i trust that this is just the beginning of a long and mutually beneficial relationship. ❞ ❝ skilled, lethal and good-lucking. yep, it’s a curse. ❞ ❝ there is murder in the air. i can taste it. ❞ ❝ i’ll be here if you need me. ❞ ❝ you know what’s wrong with this place these days? everyone is obsessed with death. ❞ ❝ everything mortal fades away in time, but the spirit remains. ❞ ❝ the sunrise is almost as pretty as you are. ❞ ❝ no one else needs to die. ❞ ❝ you’re not going to kill me, right? ❞ ❝ is that confidence, or bravado? confidence i can use. bravado gets people killed. ❞ ❝ those men are ruthless. cunning, deceitful…they’ll pay off whoever they can. ❞ ❝ you realize if you set foot in there, you’re never coming back out. ❞ ❝ i have done nothing to earn your distrust. ❞ ❝ i can handle anything you throw at me. ❞ ❝ i love you. you know that, right? ❞ ❝ keep a song in your heart, and a blade in your boot. ❞ ❝ we face the world together now. ❞ ❝ with any luck, a worthy hero will step forward and solve our problems, just like in the tales of old. ❞ ❝ i don’t want to see you again. ❞ ❝ the day might come when i am forced to draw my sword for one side or the other. but that day has not come yet. ❞ ❝ my fingers are trembling. ❞ ❝ arrogance will serve you poorly. ❞ ❝ i hope your parents are proud of you. they have a lot of reason to be. ❞ ❝ the gods know what you’ve done. ❞ ❝ aren’t your hands coated with enough blood? ❞ ❝ its scent is foul, unclean. hurtful. ❞ ❝ i will listen to you until all the sugars in the world turn sour. ❞ ❝ i have a bad feeling about this. ❞ ❝ you want to talk to me? after everything you’ve done? ❞ ❝ please, i know i’m asking you to do something difficult, maybe even dangerous. i just don’t know who else i can trust. ❞ ❝ you have something to say? something on your mind? ❞ ❝ i hate you. i hate you forever and ever and ever. ❞ ❝ giant spiders? what’s next? giant snakes? ❞ ❝ you’re just rotten. no good. ❞ ❝ boys, girls, dogs, elders — there’s nobody i won’t fight. ❞ ❝ i would wake up and hope that it was just a dream, but know that it was not. ❞ ❝ i used to be an adventurer like you. ❞ ❝ iron sword, huh? what are you killing? butterflies? ❞ ❝ i know who you are. ❞ ❝ i was once an adventurer like you. ❞ ❝ this place’s harshness has a way of carving a man down to his true self. ❞ ❝ the best way to get over the loss of a lover is to find a new one. ❞ ❝ i saw this and thought of you. ❞ ❝ sorry, but you don’t scare me. ❞ ❝ hope you’re willing to back those words up with your fists. ❞ ❝ don’t even think about it. ❞ ❝ ever see someone killed with their own weapon? would you like to?❞ ❝ you expect me to believe that? ❞ ❝ in a world of fools, you stand above the rest. ❞ ❝ i saw you do that, you know. ❞ ❝ the bards do not sing tales of those who die in their homes, slain by time. ❞ ❝ i’ve had just about all i’m willing to take from you. ❞ ❝ may the gods watch over your battles. ❞ ❝ sorry, i’ve got important things to do. we’ll speak another time. ❞ ❝ i look forward to hearing about the next person you murder. ❞ ❝ lot of history in these walls. ❞ ❝ i’d be honored to walk by your side until the trees themselves fade away, if you would have me. ❞ ❝ i’d marry you. i’d marry you twice. ❞ ❝ mind’s playing tricks on me. ❞ ❝ what are you hunting? never mind…i don’t want to know. ❞ ❝ i’ve never seen anything quite like that. ❞ ❝ looks like we’re the only ones who made it. ❞ ❝ something different about you…i can tell. ❞ ❝ we were made to dominate. the will to power is in our blood. ❞ ❝ good to know the world didn’t get boring while i was gone. ❞ ❝ you’re abandoning me? me? ❞ ❝ truth is, i’m not going anywhere like this. hurts to breathe. ❞ ❝ you will push the world harder than it pushes back. ❞ ❝ i’ve heard about you and your honeyed words. ❞ ❝ you’re here. that’s enough. ❞ ❝ come. won’t you share a drink with me? ❞ ❝ still alive? keep close to me if you want to stay that way. ❞ ❝ you’re not a threat…merely an annoyance. ❞ ❝ we were just talking about you. ❞ ❝ that was the hairiest fight i’ve ever been in, and i’ve been in more than a few. ❞ ❝ perhaps you aren’t as powerful as you think. ❞ ❝ it won’t die, it just keeps coming! ❞ ❝ you bring a smile to this one’s eyes and peace to their heart. ❞ ❝ there are so few pleasures in life as fine as your company. ❞ ❝ i should bash your face in after all you’ve done. ❞ ❝ hey, you. you’re finally awake. ❞ ❝ these people would rather weave their own horrid tales about my life than simply ask me for the truth. ❞ ❝ a warrior knows to trust their gut. ❞ ❝ i will listen to you until all the sugars in the world turn sour. ❞ ❝ no offense intended, of course. ❞ ❝ i can tell you’re new around here, asking a question like that. ❞ ❝ don’t worry. i’m the very soul of caution. ❞ ❝ you would be better off keeping quiet than flapping your gums on matters you don’t know anything about. ❞ ❝ you deal with powerful forces. take care they do not overwhelm you. ❞ ❝ the things we do here…evil, evil things. no more. ❞ ❝ that which is unknown can create unease, even fear. it is to be expected. ❞ ❝ i’m fine. but we should go inside to talk. ❞ ❝ now is not the time to fight amongst ourselves. i fear dark days approach and everyone’s strength will be needed. ❞ ❝ i will spare your life this once, but after that, you are prey. ❞ ❝ lust can make a man do the unthinkable. ❞ ❝ i wouldn’t have made it without your help today. ❞ ❝ wouldn’t want people to think you’re part of the common rabble, now would we? ❞ ❝ just give me a minute…i’m out of breath. ❞ ❝ come on, give me your hand. we’re getting out of here. ❞ ❝ no, this can’t be happening. this isn’t happening. ❞ ❝ you have no authority over me. ❞ ❝ my past is long and storied, and not altogether proyd. ❞ ❝ i just need to be alone. for a while. ❞ ❝ you are so beautiful. such a lovely smile. ❞ ❝ you walk as a lion among sheep. ❞ ❝ i don’t like you, and i never will. it’s nothing personal. ❞ ❝ right to the point, aren’t you? i like that. ❞ ❝ i’ve got a good feeling about you. and i don’t often get good feelings about anything. ❞ ❝ i don’t think there are warm fires and friendly faces inside. ❞ ❝ i presume you’ve already seen some of what i’ve accomplished. there is so, so much more to be done. ❞ ❝ i give you three days before you screw up and someone runs a knife across your throat. ❞ ❝ it was us or them. we fought to survive. ❞ ❝ there is no progress without sacrifice. no wheat without threshing the chaff. ❞ ❝ wait…is that truly you? i can hardly believe my eyes. ❞ ❝ don’t suppose you could enchant my sword? dull old blade can barely cut butter. ❞ ❝ i never should have come here. ❞ ❝ come to think of it, i did hear some odd noises coming from over there. ❞ ❝ please. keep your voice down. ❞ ❝ i bet the two of us, we’re very alike. ❞ ❝ i know the horrors you committed to survive. while i dismissed it then, i cannot now. ❞ ❝ it is in everyone’s best interest if the matter is dropped entirely. ❞ ❝ oh. are you going to cry? ❞ ❝ keep your wits about you and you won’t be harmed. ❞ ❝ it’s far more exciting, you see, if the future is unknown. ❞ ❝ sure, leave. everyone else does. ❞ ❝ i see your way with words remains as elegant as a falling boulder. ❞ ❝ who are you? speak, or i’ll cut you down where you stand. ❞ ❝ no offense, but you’re not looking so good. are you feeling ill? ❞ ❝ this is just strange. eerie. what is this place? ❞ ❝ why not take the next step? we can help each other. ❞ ❝ truth is, i’m a little nervous. i’ve never done anything like this before. ❞ ❝ when the world was young, things were simpler. ❞ ❝ i never thought i’d see another friendly face again. ❞ ❝ i fight so that all the fighting i’ve already done hasn’t been for nothing. i fight because i must. ❞ ❝ i am sworn to carry your burdens. ❞ ❝ i know romance has never been your strong suit. ❞ ❝ did you run into any trouble? ❞ ❝ this life might not look like much to you, but i’m content, and isn’t that all that matters? ❞ ❝ i’m not your enemy. i’m actually trying to help you. ❞ ❝ before i tell you any more, i need to make sure i can trust you. ❞ ❝ you’re no fun at all. guess i’ll have to make my own fun elsewhere. ❞ ❝ at this point, i’ll take what i can get. ❞ ❝ this place needs a true hero these days. ❞ ❝ look, i’m sorry about your troubles, but i’ve got to look out for myself. ❞ ❝ my life is dreary. where is my prince come to rescue me? ❞ ❝ i may have lost a drop or two of blood. ❞ ❝ a lack of ambition like what you have really ought to be punished. ❞ ❝ you seem friendly, but so does a bear before it’s chewing your face off. ❞ ❝ stop skulking in the shadows and step up here. ❞ ❝ you have the whole world before you. go out and experience it…be whatever you want to be. ❞ ❝ so you can cast a few spells? am i supposed to be impressed? ❞ ❝ i keep thinking i can see something move in the shadows. ❞ ❝ i like you. you’re not afraid to get your hands dirty. ❞ ❝ i just can’t be a part of this place anymore. ❞ ❝ i for one desire to see you grow and develop your talents. ❞ ❝ if they’re not with us, they’re against us. ❞ ❝ i want to leave everything from this cursed place behind. ❞ ❝ these calamitous times bring out the worst in people. ❞ ❝ you’re someone who can get things done. i like that. ❞ ❝ so, what’s your heart’s desire? what kind of deal can we strike? ❞ ❝ i’d take this a bit more seriously if i were you. ❞ ❝ don’t be sorry for me. ❞ ❝ remember this: they are the enemy and will not hesitate to end your life. ❞ ❝ i don’t like the look of this. perfect spot for an ambush. ❞ ❝ you walk a dark path. your actions can lead only to ruin. ❞ ❝ how can something so sad be so funny? ❞ ❝ up to no good, are we? ❞ ❝ i’m glad you’ll be with me in there. i don’t like the looks of this place. ❞ ❝ if they choose to fear me in their ignorance, that is their choice. ❞ ❝ i know this looks bad…let me explain… ❞ ❝ the more important question is: why are you here? ❞ ❝ travel safely. it’s dangerous out there. ❞ ❝ i’m fairly certain you’ve wandered into the wrong bulding. ❞ ❝ oh, it’s you. i was wondering why i was smelling something so unpleasant. ❞ ❝ we’re the only people around who aren’t complete fools. ❞ ❝ you know…you ain’t so bad. ❞ ❝ look. if you’re trying to get to know me - don’t. ❞ ❝ you certainly have a strange energy about you. ❞ ❝ we’ll do our duty no matter what stands in our way, right? ❞ ❝ i have studied things beyond the reach of most humans, seen things one should not see. ❞ ❝ there’s a lot of feelings wrapped up in this old place, and i don’t think you’re quite ready for them. ❞ ❝ next time you’re looking to pester someone, make sure it’s the right person. ❞ ❝ i hope you don’t mind if i walk up with you. ❞ ❝ our bond is in many ways sacred. ❞ ❝ i’m guessing you figured this part out already, but my father’s not exactly a good person. ❞ ❝ set my hatred aside? not a chance. it’s what keeps me strong. ❞ ❝ don’t make me regret my sudden outburst of tolerance and generosity. ❞ ❝ men who understand one another need not waste words. ❞ ❝ all right. i won’t deny it. what you heard is true. ❞ ❝ does the air feel…heavy down here? i’m a little woozy. ❞ ❝ i have a problem i think you can help sort out. ❞ ❝ i have to admit, i had my doubts it even existed. ❞ ❝ what is that thing? could the legends be true? ❞ ❝ i’d advise you to trust in the strength of your sword arm over tales and legends. ❞ ❝ travel safely. it’s dangerous out there. ❞ ❝ nice place. i never knew you were so wealthy. ❞
more to be added. from season 1, season 2 and season 3.
❝ do you mind? uh, i’m in a hurry. ❞ ❝ my parents were assholes with the whole naming thing. ❞ ❝ you like a little attention. okay, i’ll bite. ❞ ❝ can we get real for a second? you have questionable taste in friends. ❞ ❝ is there more to you? ❞ ❝ you feel like you’re a piece of shit so you’re trying to be a hero. ❞ ❝ it was my mistake to trust in fate. ❞ ❝ i think i’m done being mad at you now. ❞ ❝ the things you do for love, right? ❞ ❝ do me a favor. focus on your own shit, okay? ❞ ❝ there are scary people in the world. ❞ ❝ i should’ve seen the signs. but we never do when we’re in love. ❞ ❝ aren’t you gonna tell me to have a nice day? ❞ ❝ you look like somebody just pissed all over your rainbow. ❞ ❝ sure you can’t come out with us? ❞ ❝ you were sleeping so deep, i didn’t want to disturb you. ❞ ❝ what are you gonna do about it? hmm? ❞ ❝ if someone sees me, if someone sees the real me, they’ll go away. ❞ ❝ sit down, and let me take care of you. ❞ ❝ this whole ‘nice guy’ act might work on other people. ❞ ❝ if the zombies come, there is where i’m hiding. ❞ ❝ you’re the smartest girl i know. ❞ ❝ i wish i knew what you’re thinking. ❞ ❝ i need to know that i can trust you. ❞ ❝ i do think i’d be happier if i was stupider. ❞ ❝ i figured you had some kind of night. ❞ ❝ it feels like i’m dreaming. ❞ ❝ ruining my life is not gonna save your life from demons. ❞ ❝ i’m sorry about earlier. i didn’t mean to get so upset. ❞ ❝ i could just be me, yet that somehow never feels quite good enough. ❞ ❝ make yourself at home. everyone here is friendly. ❞ ❝ i’ve read people wrong in the past. ❞ ❝ i felt this rage inside of me. like an animal made of teeth and fire. ❞ ❝ love is real, and i have more to give. ❞ ❝ what we went through…this shit stays. ❞ ❝ you know better, but you can’t stop. ❞ ❝ okay. it’s freezing out here. ❞ ❝ you would never hurt anyone. and that’s the truth. ❞ ❝ why do you look like someone hit with you on the head with a rock and threw you in the trunk of their car? ❞ ❝ tonight was just a setback. everyone has setbacks. ❞ ❝ unremarkable people don’t worry about being unremarkable. ❞ ❝ i don’t want to be disturbed. all right? ❞ ❝ am i just clenching my eyes shut against some truth i don’t want to face? ❞ ❝ it’s the old story: just thinking you’re right for someone, and you’re not. ❞ ❝ if you could only watch one movie for the rest of your life, what would it be? ❞ ❝ let’s talk about something first, though. ❞ ❝ it is nice to be seen. ❞ ❝ you know, there’s so much more inside of you. ❞ ❝ file that away under ‘future problems’. ❞ ❝ there’s something wrong with you. i see it in your eyes. ❞ ❝ maybe a simple life isn’t so bad. maybe it’s what you need. ❞ ❝ these books are more alive, more worthy than most people i know. ❞ ❝ you need to get out of your head. ❞ ❝ i don’t want you to think of me like that. ❞ ❝ love is patient and kind. and so am i. ❞ ❝ i’m just saying…are you being your most amazing self right now? ❞ ❝ how exactly does one get rid of a body? ❞ ❝ that doesn’t make up for the damage you’ve done. ❞ ❝ sometimes, to survive, you have to show some teeth. ❞ ❝ i don’t think i have a lot in common with your friends. ❞ ❝ you really have nothing to be nervous about. ❞ ❝ let me out of here. i won’t say anything to anyone. ❞ ❝ whoever you are, you’re not a killer. ❞ ❝ i would beat this guy bloody for the way he talks about you. ❞ ❝ i told you, i don’t know who you are. ❞ ❝ what did i say? i told you not to come down here! ❞ ❝ i wish i had your confidence. ❞ ❝ was that pity? disgust? empathy? ❞ ❝ you know, i stole this dress to fit in. which is pathetic. ❞ ❝ why did you bring me here? ❞ ❝ if you want to kill me, what the hell are you waiting for? ❞ ❝ starting to think i’m some kind of magnet for dudes with serious issues. ❞ ❝ this isn’t your fault. dumb shit like this happens all the time. ❞ ❝ wow. you’re super in shape for an old guy. ❞ ❝ just let me know you’re okay, okay? ❞ ❝ what are you afraid of? ❞ ❝ let’s be clear, though, this is not a thank-you. ❞ ❝ if you see this place as a prison, that’s all you’re going to be, a prisoner. ❞ ❝ you’re a sweetheart. your family’s just a little…you know. ❞ ❝ well, everyone needs someone. ❞ ❝ i’m…falling in love with you. ❞ ❝ what did you love that makes you chase love so much? ❞ ❝ you can’t get away from yourself, moving one place to another. ❞ ❝ you seem like you’re doing a little better. ❞ ❝ you don’t think i’m a monster? ❞ ❝ i think only an idiot tries what you just pulled. ❞ ❝ well, consider me disturbed. ❞ ❝ if you call me ‘babe’ again, i’m gonna stick you in the oven. ❞ ❝ i don’t know, i’m afraid this won’t work. ❞ ❝ now that’s a sign, right? you’re jealous. ❞ ❝ can’t things just be simple for once? ❞ ❝ i’m not the vindictive type ❞ ❝ i know you’re making this up to impress me. ❞ ❝ i know there is a good heart in there somewhere. ❞ ❝ ride with me. it’s the least i can do. ❞ ❝ you paint me up to be this monster. ❞ ❝ why would you do that? why? ❞ ❝ the more i see of you, the harder it is to see you clearly. ❞ ❝ within minutes, i knew…i’m in a strange land. ❞ ❝ you okay? are you all right? can you stand up? ❞ ❝ sorry. i just…i lost my place. ❞ ❝ just something happier, for a change, might be nice. ❞ ❝ some people are assholes, and you just have to realize that. ❞ ❝ there’s nothing that we can’t fix, okay? ❞ ❝ that’s not how the world works. ❞ ❝ i’m happy to share all my secrets. ❞ ❝ what can i say? we all have baggage. ❞ ❝ i’m going to help you get the life you deserve. ❞ ❝ i’m not always like this. ❞ ❝ it’s not easy. it’s hard. sometimes it makes me sick. ❞ ❝ you must run and hide, for the hunter seeks. ❞ ❝ what if you just stayed the night? just in case anything happens. ❞ ❝ how do you see things so clearly? things i can’t even see for myself? ❞ ❝ fathers are the worst. it’s like their job is to mess us up. ❞ ❝ i’m sorry. i know the truth hurts, but i have to set you free. ❞ ❝ what am i supposed to do, root for your failure? ❞ ❝ if you don’t believe in me, just say so. ❞ ❝ i’m sorry it had to come to this. ❞ ❝ i should’ve trusted my gut. i should’ve known it was too good to be true. ❞ ❝ i should kill you. i should kill you right fucking now. ❞ ❝ you made me feel like you really saw me. ❞ ❝ i barely recognise myself anymore. ❞ ❝ i don’t give a shit! you threw me under the bus! ❞ ❝ you don’t owe me anything, okay? ❞ ❝ look, i’m a good person. or, maybe i’m not, but i’m trying. ❞ ❝ i’m just trying to figure out how to focus when all i want is you. ❞ ❝ if this is the fruit of your imagination, there’s no telling what horrors you’re capable of. ❞ ❝ i’m running. i’m a runner now. ❞ ❝ if you have any self-respect, you’ll come in here, and we’ll speak like adults. ❞ ❝ oh, i wish i was a killer. this’d be much less complicated. ❞ ❝ you know who my father is? ❞ ❝ please don’t put me in the middle of this. ❞ ❝ hard not to stare, right? ❞ ❝ i think you love it! the power, you love it! ❞ ❝ there’s not a line in the world i wouldn’t cross for you. ❞ ❝ i owe you an apology. you were right. ❞ ❝ you didn’t exactly rush to my defense. ❞ ❝ it’s okay if things are hard sometimes. ❞ ❝ i’m not bothering you, just checking in. ❞ ❝ how’d you know i write poetry? ❞ ❝ i can’t stand seeing this. i’m sorry. i just can’t. ❞ ❝ i just need to know who you really are. ❞ ❝ i thought we said we weren’t gonna do that anymore. ❞ ❝ you know i’d do anything for you. don’t forget that. ❞ ❝ you are burning through that book, aren’t you? ❞ ❝ you can still be a good person, and have a really good life. ❞ ❝ why is coming home such a chore for you? ❞ ❝ i’ve been learning a lot since i met you. ❞ ❝ you don’t even know what to say, do you? ❞ ❝ why don’t we spend the day together tomorrow? just you and me? ❞ ❝ candidly, it’s the least appealing thing about you. ❞ ❝ hmm, you’re not the standard insecure nymph. ❞ ❝ honestly, you blow me away. ❞ ❝ you really are capable of keeping a secret. ❞ ❝ whatever this is, it’s not too late to stop it. ❞ ❝ go on. listen to your gut. ❞ ❝ who the hell are you to tell me that i have daddy issues? ❞ ❝ find that brilliant badass inside of you, and believe in her. ❞ ❝ i believe in love at first sight. i had it with you. ❞ ❝ you can always count on me. ❞ ❝ you’re not trying to be anything than what you are. you’re just you. there’s not an ounce of falseness in you. ❞ ❝ i like who i am with you. ❞ ❝ good morning. this is my favourite time of day. ❞ ❝ you were just trying to help me see that i’m full of shit. and you were sweet. ❞ ❝ you drool in your sleep. so cute. ❞ ❝ sorry i didn’t call. is it okay if i come in? ❞ ❝ i keep waiting for you to be you again. ❞ ❝ just go. leave me alone. i’m serious. ❞ ❝ this right here, is the most important place in the world to me. ❞ ❝ i don’t know what i would’ve done without you. ❞ ❝ people. they’re easy to fool. ❞ ❝ if i didn’t know better, i’d think you were hiding something. ❞ ❝ i will do anything for my friends. and do i hide behind them? yeah. ❞ ❝ look, i apologise if i crossed the line. ❞ ❝ maybe i’m just a fool in love, but i’m right about you. ❞ ❝ i’m not always right. i’m human. i make mistakes. ❞ ❝ maybe if you’re not too busy, we could get a drink sometime? ❞ ❝ no, please. you don’t have to give me anything. ❞ ❝ at the end of the day, people really are disappointing, aren’t they? ❞ ❝ you sound apologetic, like you’re embarrassed to be good. ❞ ❝ you want to be seen, heard, known. ❞ ❝ was all this for nothing? ❞ ❝ if there is ever, for a moment, a tiny voice in your head, and that tiny voice is telling you ‘i deserve better’, listen to them. that’s your partner. ❞ ❝ okay, whatever. i’m done. ❞ ❝ what the hell are you looking at? ❞ ❝ you know what? stop. you’ve no idea what you’re talking about. ❞ ❝ okay. it’s freezing out here. ❞ ❝ people do not owe us a guarantee that they will never change. ❞ ❝ i would absolutely kill for you. ❞ ❝ believe me, i’m the king of unresolved family issues. ❞ ❝ that’s what you do. lie, so your life looks better. ❞ ❝ you’re so your mother. only less subtle. ❞ ❝ okay, so i hate to admit, but you were right. ❞ ❝ i guess i was hoping i could make the world a better place. ❞ ❝ you fall for the wrong men. you let them in. you let them hurt you. ❞ ❝ you are too busy living out moments you won’t remember five years from now. ❞ ❝ what you really need is someone to save you. ❞ ❝ your father was inconsistent, and you’re still healing from that. ❞ ❝ what’s going on? what’re you doing out here? ❞ ❝ what happened? did they hurt you? ❞ ❝ you don’t get all that goodness and possibility with zero risk. ❞ ❝ sometimes i wonder if i understand love at all. ❞ ❝ the first step to fixing something is to know no matter how destroyed it seems, it can always be saved. ❞ ❝ this place is…musty. ❞ ❝ there’s a monster inside every person, all too easy to feed. if you make it strong, it will take over. ❞ ❝ why so weary? why so scared to be seen? ❞ ❝ hey, should i open another bottle? ❞ ❝ i made mistakes, yes. and i’ll learn from them. ❞ ❝ you act nice because you’re not. ❞ ❝ friends support each other. ❞ ❝ you will never get me to say i didn’t do everything i could for you. ❞ ❝ you’ve actually lost a lot of blood today. ❞ ❝ if there’s any justice in the world, you are the reward for all my suffering. ❞ ❝ no, no. i got it. i’ll take care of you. ❞ ❝ you’re not afraid someone will hurt you. you’re afraid you’ll hurt them. ❞ ❝ i love our little routine. always the same, but never stale. ❞ ❝ god. everyone says that like it’s so easy. ❞ ❝ what can i say? smells of the city. ❞ ❝ i try not to hurt you, you try not to hurt me. ❞ ❝ i don’t know. it sounds like a lot. i’m kinda tired. ❞ ❝ i understand that some things are harder than others to write about. ❞ ❝ i pass the time by counting down to the next moment i see you. ❞ ❝ i don’t like to mess with other people’s lives. ❞ ❝ by the way, this outfit is really working on you. ❞ ❝ it wasn’t supposed to end like this. ❞ ❝ the best ideas are always the ones that slip away. ❞ ❝ for the record, i don’t hate you. ❞
❝ when this is all over, let’s go away somewhere. just you and me. ❞ ❝ if i wasn’t so blinded by love, i would’ve seen this secrets right in front of me, waiting to be uncovered. ❞ ❝ not to be corny, but…baking is how i express my love. ❞ ❝ i just…i get weird with blood. ❞ ❝ you are 100% disqualified from giving me relationship advice. ❞ ❝ sometimes we do bad things for the people we love. ❞ ❝ god, i’ve missed you. ❞ ❝ i’ve done business with bad people. you’re not one of them. ❞ ❝ becoming a better person is way more aggravating than i thought. ❞ ❝ it’s tragic not to be able to show who you really are. ❞ ❝ i haven’t been this relaxed in weeks. ❞ ❝ it’s safer if you don’t know, okay? ❞ ❝ it’s weird how powerful vulnerability can feel. ❞ ❝ easy, easy, you’re gonna hurt yourself. ❞ ❝ half-truths just end up getting me burned so i should lie. ❞ ❝ being attracted to very smart women is a double-edged sword. ❞ ❝ you’re my family. i’d die for you. ❞ ❝ you…do bad things when you feel bad. ❞ ❝ pain…it can make people truthful. ❞ ❝ you know you can always count on me to say the wrong thing. ❞ ❝ hey, is someone harassing you? ❞ ❝ we have a connection. something deep. ❞ ❝ does that mean it was right to kill him? ❞ ❝ you’re going to get through this. ❞ ❝ how long have you been obsessed with me? ❞ ❝ you’re still mad at me. i get that. ❞ ❝ is this rock bottom? because it sure feels like that. ❞ ❝ you gonna tell me what happened to your face? ❞ ❝ come lay down. you look dizzy. ❞ ❝ i can’t ask that of you. ❞ ❝ i just need to patch up, focus, get back in the game. ❞ ❝ i wasn’t hiding, i swear. ❞ ❝ you’re lucky. the bullet only grazed you. ❞ ❝ maybe together, we can keep the monsters at bay. ❞ ❝ i’ve always had a complicated relationship with my own existence. ❞ ❝ it’s not like you can say you didn’t see this coming. ❞ ❝ we can walk away from this. we can do that. ❞ ❝ i can’t believe you. you just use people! ❞ ❝ the beauty that does exist in this world is fleeting and insincere. ❞ ❝ i’ve been a lot to handle lately, and i want to make it up to you. ❞ ❝ should i be preparing last words? ❞ ❝ i did a bad thing today. but for a good reason. ❞ ❝ it’s over. what’s done is done. ❞ ❝ it’s a horrible feeling to know things have gone wrong and there’s nothing you can do to change it. ❞ ❝ are you okay? you look a little… ❞ ❝ tell me the truth, and we can get through anything. ❞ ❝ you’ve just been hard to read lately. ❞ ❝ grief isn’t a straight line. ❞ ❝ i’m not one of those people who are obsessed with the past. ❞ ❝ if we don’t have trust, we have nothing. ❞ ❝ would you rather do something and be wrong or do nothing and be wrong? ❞ ❝ i knew something was off about you, and i was right. ❞ ❝ i know your family. i know how they are. ❞ ❝ i could metaphor circles around you all day. i have great metaphors. ❞ ❝ i’ve never felt this way before, where you love the bad things about someone as much as the good. ❞ ❝ it’s funny how fate works. ❞ ❝ some people deserve to die. i’m sure you had your reasons. ❞ ❝ i’m hiding shit. i am hiding what a complete, ugly mess i am. ❞ ❝ you’re just gonna abandon me when i need you the most? ❞ ❝ be an adult, okay? take a little responsibility. ❞ ❝ you really think that i am that dumb? that i don’t know what you’re capable of? ❞ ❝ do not talk for a minute, please. ❞ ❝ some people, they get what they deserve. some people don’t. ❞ ❝ i am not a hero. believe me. ❞ ❝ you didn’t let go of my hand the entire way home. it feels good. ❞ ❝ do not leave me in this abyss where i cannot find you. ❞ ❝ this is the nicest thing anyone’s ever given me. ❞ ❝ my mind, it…it goes to the darkest places sometimes. ❞ ❝ i don’t like looking back. i don’t see the point of it. ❞ ❝ if you don’t deal with this, if you don’t face it, it will haunt you. ❞ ❝ i like watching you reach into your mind palace for random bits of information. ❞ ❝ hey. i needed to hear your voice. ❞ ❝ if you believe that i am capable of something like that… ❞ ❝ you and i don’t see the world the same way. ❞ ❝ you’re gonna feel better soon, okay? ❞ ❝ who knew sharing my darkest secrets would make me feel so light? ❞ ❝ i’ve never wanted someone to appear yet not appear so badly. ❞ ❝ you make me weak. ❞ ❝ okay. it’s possible i’m the tiniest bit paranoid. ❞ ❝ the way you lie…effortless. like breathing. ❞ ❝ i want adventure. risk. ❞ ❝ real evil has to be dealt with. and you don’t do that by letting it live to take good people down. ❞ ❝ happily ever after is a myth, because people are not static. ❞ ❝ you’re bleeding again. ❞ ❝ i know in my heart this is not you. ❞ ❝ i don’t know why i’m having these dreams. ❞ ❝ you deserve to be with someone who’s perfect for you. ❞ ❝ mmm…i think i know what you’re thinking. ❞ ❝ i can’t wait to see that dress on you. you have to try it on. ❞ ❝ i’m so glad we got away together like this. ❞ ❝ please move further away. ❞ ❝ i have no trouble doing bad things to bad people. ❞ ❝ you love damage so much, you made it your full-time job, and it turned you ugly. ❞ ❝ i’d sooner slam my nuts in a door. ❞ ❝ i meant it when i said i’ll make myself worthy of you. ❞ ❝ why don’t you tell me about your childhood? ❞ ❝ you invest nothing in this family. nothing. ❞ ❝ no offense, but you don’t strike me as the vigilante type. ❞ ❝ i am trying so hard to understand you. ❞ ❝ i learned every swear word in the book that day. ❞ ❝ i know, i get it if you are horrified and want nothing to do with me. ❞ ❝ do you hear yourself right now? ❞ ❝ who is the monster here? really, who? ❞ ❝ i’m always telling the truth. ❞ ❝ i’m closing my heart, like an out-of-business bookstore. ❞ ❝ every relationship teaches us hard lessons, right? ❞ ❝ there are days i just don’t believe in love. ❞ ❝ i’m just…not feeling so great all of a sudden. ❞ ❝ we’re a good team. i see that. ❞ ❝ run away with me. ❞ ❝ there are times i hate myself too. so much i can barely stand it. ❞ ❝ i have to believe our paths are destined to cross again. ❞ ❝ you act all pure and noble, like you have reasons for what you do when you do it. ❞ ❝ i really do believe that things happen for a reason. ❞ ❝ i see it everytime i look in your eyes. you’ve felt it. real love. real loss. ❞ ❝ people are nice, but…they can’t really fathom what i’m going through. ❞ ❝ it doesn’t take a genius to hunt someone if you really, really want to. ❞ ❝ it’s gonna be really fun fucking destroying you. ❞ ❝ it’s just you…and me. ❞ ❝ can you be a good father, if you are a bad man? ❞ ❝ find the people that get you. lean on them. ❞ ❝ i can’t completely cage what’s inside me. ❞ ❝ i know what i do will never be good enough for you. ❞ ❝ i love you. i can’t stand it. ❞ ❝ are you okay? this must hurt. ❞ ❝ any place is probably beautiful when you stop running for one second. ❞ ❝ do you have a nemesis? ❞ ❝ are you really who you seem to be? light and fearless? ❞ ❝ no offense, you look like you’re ready to puke. ❞ ❝ i just want to stop running. i want a home. ❞ ❝ you have a way with people. they just like you. ❞ ❝ i think i felt my soul come back into my body. ❞ ❝ our world is done for if we don’t think about that. how to be better. ❞ ❝ i’ve left so much behind. ❞ ❝ no matter how bad it is, you find a way to stay calm, and keep your wits. ❞ ❝ i have to believe love conquers all. ❞ ❝ it’s a chance to get back to who i really am. a quiet guy…who just wants to leave a quiet life. ❞ ❝ i’m not the bad guy here. ❞ ❝ i cannot afford to be predictable. my life depends on that. ❞ ❝ i think we have some unfinished business to talk about. ❞ ❝ you used to wrap yourself in fairytales like a blanket. but it was the cold you loved. ❞ ❝ you don’t love me. you never loved me. ❞ ❝ cover shit in gold, it’s just super shiny shit. ❞ ❝ drool a little more, it’s a good look on you. ❞ ❝ i can’t love again. i can’t risk it. it’s too dangerous. ❞ ❝ this is me, living without you. i don’t need you. ❞ ❝ actually, i think i’d rather save it for therapy. ❞ ❝ you complicated things by lying. ❞ ❝ you don’t need to yell. ❞ ❝ i’ll admit, it’s getting harder to live with so much heartbreak. ❞ ❝ are you following me? answer me right now. ❞ ❝ i’m asking you to take a leap of faith. ❞ ❝ this is my favourite time of day. when it’s just the two of us. ❞ ❝ i hope you didn’t start the fun without me. ❞ ❝ hi. you wanted to see me? ❞ ❝ when i’m with you, we’re the only two people on earth. ❞ ❝ you think i’m a fool? is that what you think of me? ❞ ❝ i’m really sorry i puked in such close proximity to you. ❞ ❝ we’re all a little broken. yet some pieces still manage to fit together. ❞ ❝ you’re a good person. you just do bad things sometimes. ❞ ❝ life just keeps kicking the shit out of you. ❞ ❝ you think everyone is damaged because you’re damaged. ❞ ❝ i could walk through fire for you. ❞ ❝ maybe it’s not the best to make big decisions when you’re grieving. ❞ ❝ you’ve been…off. you have been weird ever since we got here. ❞ ❝ oh my god. i’m alive. ❞ ❝ that’s the thing with tragedy. it makes you live for the now. ❞ ❝ you never know if you’re fight or flight until you’re forced to find out. turns out…i’m fight. ❞ ❝ i’m not afraid of you anymore. ❞ ❝ who you really are…the dark, that’s not a burden. you don’t have to push that away from me. ❞ ❝ you’re just saying that because you think it’s what i wanna hear. ❞ ❝ i’m sorry. i didn’t mean what i said. i’m an idiot. ❞ ❝ like the kids say: ‘fuck my life’. ❞ ❝ you’re more important than my pride. i’m sorry. ❞ ❝ ah, to be young. ❞ ❝ people are happier when they aren’t lying to themselves. ❞ ❝ we can still be honest with each other, right? ❞ ❝ oh, you mean the time you left me for fucking dead? ❞ ❝ i know you don’t want to kill me. ❞ ❝ this is not how i want to remember you. ❞ ❝ i can’t stop thinking of you. ❞ ❝ you are a lot of things…but you’re not stupid. ❞ ❝ fitting in is not always the worst. ❞ ❝ you need someone right now. no matter how cool you’re acting. ❞ ❝ nothing could ever make me see you different. ❞ ❝ i want to tell you everything and i will, soon, but for now… ❞ ❝ you are one fine specimen of a man. ❞ ❝ did you not get enough sleep last night? ❞ ❝ if this is my pack, i think i’m meant to be a lone wolf. ❞ ❝ why rush when we have the rest of our lives? ❞ ❝ is there anything i can do to support you? ❞ ❝ can your parents really be that bad? ❞ ❝ there are no time-outs in life. ❞ ❝ i need your advice, ‘cause you’re the only person that i actually trust. ❞ ❝ can you promise to be calm? ❞ ❝ it’s really hard to stand here and have a conversation with you, as though i’m not totally distracted by how much i want you. ❞ ❝ this is what i get for being a pacifist. ❞ ❝ whatever comes, we’ll get through it, together. ❞ ❝ my life makes sense now with you in it. ❞ ❝ you make me feel good. so good, i forget whatever darkness resurfaced in my sleep. ❞ ❝ i’ve only got more reason to get the hell out of here. ❞ ❝ is this party gonna get any more weird? ❞ ❝ thought that would get your attention. this shit’s romantic as fuck. ❞ ❝ if you look up ‘klutz’ in the dictionary, there’s a picture of me. ❞ ❝ you did lie, but you are still more authentic than half the fuckers i know. ❞ ❝ let’s focus on what is actually important here. ❞ ❝ with everything that happened, it felt like it was starting to get to me. ❞ ❝ you can put the bad things behind you. ❞ ❝ everything goes to shit when i don’t follow my instincts. ❞ ❝ i guess i’m bad at picking good people. ❞ ❝ but who takes care of you? ❞ ❝ okay, now you’re just playing with me. ❞ ❝ you’re at home in chaos, but something makes me think not by choice. ❞ ❝ did you just mansplain and patronize me in the same sentence? ❞ ❝ look at what you’ve done to me. ❞ ❝ why am i drawn to you? ❞ ❝ there is no trap so deadly as the trap you set yourself. ❞ ❝ you look scared, and it breaks my heart. ❞ ❝ there also must be some grain of truth because you look so pale right now. ❞ ❝ is an open door the same as an invitation to enter? ❞ ❝ i now truly understand the term ‘love of my life’. ❞ ❝ do you really think your story is gonna have a happy ending? ❞ ❝ i finally feel like i’m becoming a better man. ❞ ❝ let go of me. you’re hurting me. ❞ ❝ i really do see so much of myself in you. ❞ ❝ i’ve been worrying that my sins would be my undoing. ❞ ❝ look at you. you’re thriving. ❞ ❝ whatever you’re running from, we can figure it out together. ❞ ❝ answer my question, i’ll answer yours. ❞ ❝ once burned, i tend to cut my losses and move on. ❞ ❝ my name in your mouth is like poetry. ❞ ❝ i don’t need you, or anybody, to defend me or my honor. ❞ ❝ i’ve been biting my tongue for a long time. ❞ ❝ people like us don’t change. ❞ ❝ wow, when are you gonna grow up? ❞ ❝ i’m sorry tonight didn’t turn out as you expected. ❞ ❝ it’s creepy when you get quiet like that. ❞ ❝ do you have any idea how painful it is disappointing someone that perfect? ❞ ❝ am i losing my mind? ❞ ❝ and just like that, there you are. the woman i fell in love with. ❞ ❝ all i have left is to say goodbye to you. ❞ ❝ we’ve been through a lot in such a short period of time. ❞ ❝ you smell a little drunk, honestly. ❞ ❝ you don’t have to worry. i’m not stupid. ❞ ❝ you pretended like it wasn’t happening until it was too late. ❞ ❝ well, the sun’s already up. it’s beautiful. ❞ ❝ i can see how much you have on your shoulders. it’s a lot. ❞ ❝ i have never loved anyone like this before. ❞ ❝ i can’t believe you’re being so casual. ❞ ❝ we both had to learn how to survive really young. ❞ ❝ maybe i’ll stick around for a while, push my luck. ❞ ❝ we got a lot of catching up to do, buddy. ❞ ❝ what happened to your hand? ❞ ❝ now you come in here acting like some kind of hero? ❞ ❝ oh, you should see your face right now. ❞ ❝ who wouldn’t sell his soul for that? ❞ ❝ all i feel is rage. ❞ ❝ you’re not my homeland anymore, so what am i defending now? ❞ ❝ are you flirting with me? ❞ ❝ what, did i kiss you wrong? or… ❞ ❝ like i need your approval. the fuck? ❞ ❝ it’s like you’re not even trying, and yet, somehow you still try too hard. ❞ ❝ if anything, we can heal each other. ❞ ❝ who’s the man? i’m the man! ❞ ❝ how can you be so calm? ❞ ❝ sometimes we need to start over. completely. ❞ ❝ let me be clear. you fascinate me. ❞ ❝ good thing’s happen to people that are bad. ❞ ❝ everything’s better with a little whiskey. ❞ ❝ i’ve forged my way in the dark before, i can do it now. ❞ ❝ why are you looking at me like that? ❞ ❝ you are many things, but you are not a murderer. ❞ ❝ i have been having trouble reaching you. ❞ ❝ i’m such a fool. i’ve been distant, cruel. how can you ever forgive me? ❞ ❝ hey, not everything is a story, okay? ❞ ❝ i’m not entertaining your ego anymore. goodbye. ❞ ❝ you know i’m just trying to protect you. ❞ ❝ there’s evil everywhere in the world. ❞ ❝ i thought we could use a little date night. ❞
