#lucifer incorrect quotes
Apologies for not making quotes lately, I’m on my new iPhone (my first) and can’t figure out how to use the app to make quotes. Any help is appreciated!
Dan: I’m sorry Eve. You’re under arrest. You have the right to remain silent.
Eve (clearly inebriated): I choose to waive that right.
Eve: *screams for a solid 15 seconds*
–BONUS–
Lucifer: why are you strung up by your thumbs without your pants this time, Daniel?
Dan (glances towards Maze brandishing her knives): no reason at all
Chloe:*sighs*
Trixie (running into the room): guys! Turn on the TV! It said on the news that some rich snob punched a cop in the face in downtown LA!
Lucifer (grinning proudly): maybe the cop was being a douche
Chloe:Lucifer!
Lucifer: happy birthday to me, Lucifer Morningstar: the Devil. But what’s another year when you’re immortal and will NEVER die?
[Chloe walks by]
Lucifer: oh shit.
Lucifer (knocking on the forensics lab door): come out Ms Lopez! We’re going to be late!
Ella: I’m bisexual!
Chloe: that’s not what he meant– but we support you!
Lucifer (picking up clothes and toys): this is absolutely ridiculous! I am not your bloody maid, I’ll have you know!
Maze: ya kinda signed up for this
Eve: yeah! You knew what you were in for
Chloe: oh for the love of– You were the ones that got me drunk! And Lucifer! You brought those toys OVER
Lucifer (wiggles his eyebrows): yes. Yes I did
Ella: just be yourself
Lucifer: “be myself?” Ms Lopez, this is Chloe’s father and I have one day to win him over. How long did it take for you guys to like me?
Maze: 2 weeks
Eve: right away
Amenadiel: 6 months
Dan: the jury’s still out
Lucifer: see? “Be myself” is terrible advice
Dan: That’s it! You’re off the team!
Lucifer: Daniel Daniel Daniel. I AM the team.
Server: who ordered the chocolate cake?
Trixie:me!
Maze: uh-uh! What do we say?
Trixie: about damn time!
Maze: atta girl.
Maze: no no no. Eve! When Decker gets that drunk you have to think like Lucifer
Eve (jumps up and down excitedly): okay but the pics are going up on my account this time
[a few hours later]
Amenadiel: uh, Lucifer? Why is there a text from Maze with a video link that says “Chlazeve > DeckerStar” on your phone?
Lucifer *hellfire eyes flickering*:MAZE!
Lucifer: that’s one of my biggest fears
Chloe: what is?
Lucifer: to wake up as a tumbler filled with 3 fingers of Glenlivet
Chloe: you’d drink yourself
Lucifer: I wouldn’t even question it
Lucifer: I’m just too mature for you all
Chloe: yesterday you used your wings to Naruto run faster than Trixie
Eve: last night you licked the club floor because Maze dared you
Ella: you once ate a whole can of cold spaghettios while watching cartoons
Dan: you exist
Lucifer: I lost Ms Lopez!
Chloe: how did you manage that?
Lucifer: oh come now, Detective! She’s like… 2 inches tall!
Ella: can I just say that– and this is important so everybody shut up– I love your hair
Eve: thanks! It’s genetic and therefore unattainable
Lucifer: what genetics? My Father fashioned you from your ex husband’s rib— OW!
Maze: don’t listen to the hater, honey
Lucifer: Detective! Have you seen the thing!
Chloe: What thing?
Lucifer (running about and answering distractedly): You know the thing! I seem to have misplaced it and it’s of great importance…
Trixie bounces into the room: Hi Lucifer!
Lucifer: Ah! There it is!
Chloe:…
Chloe: You lost Trixie?
Lucifer (fixing his cufflinks): You know the difference between you and me, Daniel?
Dan:
Lucifer: I make this look good.
Chloe: excuse me, sir. That’s my emotional support Devil.
(Lucifer’s puppy dog eyes light up like a thousand suns)
“Real romance is just being deeply stupid together. I dream of one day meeting someone I can be deeply stupid with and not feel embarrassed about it.”
Lucifer, probably.
Lucifer:I am the Devil. I am literally Lucifer Morningstar. I can’t get injured and I have superpowers-
Everyone:Lol he’s not the Devil!
Everyone when they find out he is:
