Another song that screams Nesta is “I’m Not Okay.” By Citizen Solider. Every verse reminds me of Nesta, If you haven’t heard it I suggest adding it your playlist!!!
Not going to lie at first I didn’t think people would like Iris and Nyx as a pairing, but so far it seems like I have a few people who ship them, I’m excited for everyone to see how their story unfolds. Along with my future plans for Melody and her love interests. Because I have a lot of lines that I just live in my head along with some really important scenes between the two that even I thought were soul crushing. Thanks everyone for the support this story had been getting! I literally couldn’t have gotten this far without all your words of encouragement and praise!!
Nesta breathed, eyes flickering to the ceiling as Cassian’s tongue ran over her causing her to moan. Her legs trembling at the orgasm racking through her. He hadn’t sunk into her yet, hadn’t pleasured himself by finding an oasis inside of her. He really did want to take his time.
His eyes flickered up to her, the hazel in his eyes burning brightly at the sight of her pleasure. She breathed out, his fingernails digging into the tender flesh of her thighs.
“Cassian.” She cried out, her fingers finding his.
“Come, Sweetheart.” He commanded as it rocked through her, letting him taste the force of it as Cassian kissed her inner thigh sitting up. His eyes still full of lust, still full of want for her.
“I want you. So bad.” Cassian breathed. His mouth crashing to hers, letting her taste herself.
“Then take me, Cassian.” She commanded, her lips finding his again, wanting nothing more than him inside of her before her phone went off startling both.
Fear slammed into her as Eris’s name flashed over the screen, Cassian’s eyes flickering towards it, before looking back at her.
“A friend of yours?” He asked as Nesta’s heart hammered in her chest.
“Cassian-I can explain. Just let me take this first.”
He pulled away from her, nodding as Nesta grabbed her phone racing to his bathroom and answering the call.
“What do you want?” She asked as Eris’s cool voice flowed through the phone.
“Wondering where my beautiful fiancé is or are you with that bastard you’re fucking?”
“That’s none of your business.” Nesta snapped as Eris sighed,
“Don’t forget Nesta, you’re my little fiancé, he may be fucking you, but I’m the one who your family gave you to.”
“I don’t belong to you.” She gritted as Eris chuckled.
“Keep telling yourself that.” He retorted, hanging up the phone as Nesta threw her phone to the ground, shattering the screen of her phone.
Nesta sighed pressing her forehead to the cold mirror, not sure what she would say to Cassian. What she could say as she took a deep breath, knowing she couldn’t avoid him forever before she headed out the bathroom, her eyes flickering to where Cassian sat naked on the couch, waiting for her.
“I think we need to talk.” She started sitting on the couch opposite of him as his eyes roamed over her.
“Who’s Eris?” He asked, leaning back, exposing himself to her.
Nesta took a deep breath, waiting for her whole world to shatter, waiting for Cassian to hate her when she told him the truth.
She sat down on his loveseat, glancing over at him as his gaze on her turned intense. She ran her hand over her hair, finally speaking,
“Eris is my fiancé.” She confessed as Cassian’s eyes widened slightly.
“Your…fiancé? You’re engaged?” Cassian asked her, swearing that his words made her heart shatter.
She deserved this. Knew that she should have never gotten in this deep with him if she knew that it would inevitably end in their destruction. She needed to get everything out, even if this was the end for them.
“Yes. I’m engaged. And Eris is my fiancé. We’ve been engaged for a few months.”
“And you love him?” Cassian asked, his hazel eyes boring into hers.
“No…. I don’t love him.” Nesta answered him, realizing that it was true. She had never loved Eris. The closest thing she had felt for Eris was hatred.
“Then why marry him in the first place?” Cassian inquired. A fair question.
“Because my life is not that simple.” Nesta answered as she took in a deep breath, “My parents arranged the marriage. I had no say in it.”
Cassian walked over to her, tilting her face up so that her eyes met his, his thumb stroking her chin.
“Why?”
“Because we need this marriage with Eris to help out my family.” She confessed as Cassian sucked in a breath, kneeling before her. Taking her hands in his.
“Your family-“
“Is up to our eyeballs in debt, and mom think marrying into the Vanserra family will help our chances.”
“Why you?” He asked as Nesta searched his face, not a hint of anger on it.
“Because I have disgraced our family in the past. My mother calls it my contribution to this family.” Nesta confided in him.
“That’s bullshit.” Cassian breathed, squeezing her hands tighter.
“That’s reality.” She told him as his gaze flickered to her once more.
“Why then?” He asked suddenly.
“Why what?”
“Why did you sleep with me knowing it could risk your engagement?”
Nesta took a deep breath in knowing honesty was her only way through this.
“Because Eris had been cheating on me. Not with just one woman, but multiple, and I-I was so miserable. All he saw me was was a vessel. A woman he could control in any way he liked. I wanted to not be Nesta Archeron for the night. And I guess when I met you- “She breathed, “When I met you, you made me feel good for the first time in a long time, like sleeping with you was right and not-“
“Dirty or wrong?” He asked, she nodded.
“Does he know? About us?”
She nodded lowering her head down.
“He said he could care less about a low life bastard fucking me,” She gave a sharp laugh, it tasting bitter in her throat. “He won’t care as long as you don’t impregnate me and cause problem for his reputation.”
Cassian’s brows flew up in question at that last statement as Nesta’s cheeks flushed at what she had said,
“Not that you getting me pregnant would ever happen since we’re always safe, but you get my point.”
Cassian’s eyes scanned the length of her body, his head tilting to the side. Heat flooded his gaze.
“So, he doesn’t mind that we’re doing this?” He asked, not the question Nesta had expected out of his mouth next.
“No.” Nesta answered simply. Her heart fluttering in answer as he rose off the couch he had been sitting on and wandered over to her.
She tilted her head up, her long hair spilling over her shoulder like a fountain of golden brown. His thumb stroked her cheek, making her look up at him.
“Then let’s keep doing it.” He whispered, his mouth coming down to hers.
She tasted his kiss, the feel of his mouth more urgent than it had ever been before. He laid her body on the couch, climbing on top of her as his lips went to her neck, trailing it with his kisses.
She tipped her neck up to him, exposing her throat, giving herself completely over to him. To that feeling.
His hands squeezed her hips with his hands making her gasp at the feel of it. She needed him. Needed him more than she needed anyone else.
“Cassian.” She breathed.
“Yes, Nesta.” He hummed, nibbling on her earlobe.
“Cassian, I want-“
“Me?” He inquired as Nesta’s gaze flickered to him. Her body yearning for him.
“Yes.” She gasped out, his eyes flickering to his bed as a mischievous smile played on his lips.
“Then get on the bed, Nesta, and wait for me there.”
He instructed as Nesta’s chest heaved. She had seen this side to Cassian before, just never this intense.
Nesta took in a deep breath, getting off the couch and striding off his bed sitting on it, sinking down onto his pillows, taking in another breath as her chest rose and fell looking at him as he shook his head.
“I don’t want you there.” Cassian breathed as Nesta glanced at him puzzled.
“Where do you want me?” She asked, Cassian’s gaze wandering towards the end of the bed.
“I want you on your back and bent over my bed. “Cassian told her, his hand gliding towards his cock as she crawled to the edge of the bed, lying on her back, and bending over it, not sure what exactly they were doing and why he wanted her in this position.
“Perfect. Just the way I want you.” Cassian breathed out, his hand moving up and down his cock, giving it a gentle squeeze before walking towards his mirror, grabbing it, and placing before her, she glanced at him.
“What is that for?” She inquired as Cassian gave her a smoldering glance that was so heated that she thought she would burn underneath it.
He climbed on the bed, spreading her legs so he could nestle himself in between them, his body brushing up against hers as he leaned in to whisper.
“I want you to watch what I do to you.” Cassian rasped, placing her legs over his shoulders as he dipped his head towards her center once more, licking her where she hungered for him the most.
She moaned watching her reaction in the mirror as Cassian licked, kissed, and tasted her, making her legs tremble before he asked,
“Does his tongue make you feel like this?”
She nearly paused at the question before he dipped his tongue into her core, fucking her with his tongue as she moaned, taking his time with her, coaxing her release out until she answered,
“No.” She moaned out. “Only your tongue has made me feel like this.”
His fingers slid inside her, stretching her out as she shut her eyes making him halt in his motion. She glanced at him.
“Keep your eyes on yourself, sweetheart. I want you to see for yourself how much pleasure I bring you compared to him.”
Nesta nodded, tilting her head back as Cassian began pumping his fingers inside her once more.
“How many fingers does he use, Nes?” He asked, coaxing something out of her that she didn’t think was possible.
“One. Two if I’m lucky.” She answered as Cassian drew his finger back, before adding two more in. Stretching her to the sweetest edge of pain.
She cried out in pleasure as he plunged them in. Cassian chuckling.
“You’re taking three well, Nes. I wonder how well you can take my whole hand.”
She breathed, no one had ever even attempted it.
She nodded feeling as Cassian added four fingers, pumping into her, and stretching her out before adding all his fingers. She cried out riding his hand. Wanting nothing more than for every part of him to claim every part of her.
“Gods Nes, You’re beautiful.” Cassian breathed, slamming his lips down to hers, savoring her taste.
She moaned in his mouth, pulling him closer to her, wanting nothing more than for him to fuck her., To taste her and claim her as his own.
“Cassian.” She breathed out, pressing her forehead to his.
“Tell me.” He instructed, catching her off guard. Plunging his fingers in once more.
“Tell you what?” She asked, trying hard to concentrate on him.
“Tell me that you’re mine.” Cassian gasped out.
Her lips trembled, her legs shaking as she neared her edge. Her nails digging down the length of his chest leaving scratch marks.
“I’m yours.” She cried out. “And you’re mine.”
He growled, hoisting her legs up on his shoulder, pulling his fingers out of her center, and guiding his cock through her wetness as his eyes bored into hers, pushing his cock inside of hers, bottoming out inside of her as she let out a moan of pure pleasure.
“Look at you.” Cassian grunted, pulling out nearly to his tip, before thrusting back into her.
She cried out, head tilting to where she could see herself in the mirror.
“Look at the sight of you when I’m inside of you. Do you look like that when he’s inside of you?”
She glanced at herself. At him moving inside of her, their hips joining together as if they were one. As if he had been specially made for her and she for him.
“No.” She gasped out, quickening his pace.
“Does he touch you the way that I touch you?” He asked placing his hand on her breast.
“No.” She breathed, his mouth pressing to her neck. Leaving a trail of kisses in his wake.
She kept her eyes on the mirror, on herself. God, she loved the sight of herself when he was inside of her.
“Get on your knees.” He growled out. “I want to see your face as I take you deeper.”
She glanced at him as he pulled himself out of her before she got on her knees, sinking down further, and lifting her hips for him to take her. To plunge himself deep inside of her until the only thing she could feel was his massive cock.
He lined himself up with her, slipping his cock inside of her, so deep that she swore she nearly saw stars already.
She sobbed as he leaned into her, pressing his chest firmly to her back and asked,
“How hard do you want it, Nes?” He rasped out, biting on her neck softly. Gods, she wanted him to fuck her until she forgot who she was. Forgot all the problems that were in her world. She gasped out,
“As hard as you want it, sweetheart.”
He growled, slamming into her to the hilt as Nesta cried out at the sheer size of him. He filled her, making her feel so full, as his hand went to her hair as his other wrapped around her throat, not enough to hurt, but enough to make her legs tremble and her core clench around him.
“That’s it, Sweetheart. You feel so good on my cock.” Cassian grunted out, “Like you were personally made to take my cock for the rest of your life.”
A shiver ran down Nesta’s spine at his words. At how much she wanted that to be true. His balls slammed up against her, trying to coax her orgasm out of her, but he wouldn’t get it so soon. Not until she had her feel of him.
“I want to see myself from your point of view.” She growled out making him halt. The hand in her hair easing as Cassian pulled out of her.
She turned towards him, heat in her gaze at the man before her.
“Get on your back.” She commanded, a mischievous smile playing over her lips. His eyes roaming over her bare body.
“Ask nicely and maybe I will.” Cassian retorted.
Nesta glared down up at him, wanting nothing more than for him to lie on his back so she could show him how much he meant to her. How much more pleasure he brought her compared to Eris, but if he was going to be like that-
She let her lose hair tumble over her shoulder, widening herself further for him as she caressed herself. Fully exposing herself to him. She so desperately wanted him inside of her, but if he was going to act like that, this would be her own personal form of punishment.
She circled her clitoris, plunging a finger inside of herself as she breathed,
“This could be you between my legs, but you’re playing hard to get.”
Cassian’s hungry eyes watched her as she plunged her fingers deeper into herself, appearing as if he were barely restraining herself, but held himself together, reaching his hand out to take her hand that was inside of her.
He pulled her fingers from herself, bringing her hand to where his mouth was as he licked her fingers, tasting each and every one.
She watched, captivated at his boldness, as his heated gaze flickered to her eyes, keeping contact with her. Before pulling her last finger out of his mouth and saying,
“All you have to do is say please, sweetheart.”
Her breath hitched, her center soaking wet and begging her to just say the words, to give him over the control for a split second.
“One way or another I’m going to get that release out of you, Nes. It’s your choice whether or not you want to reach release in your own way.”
She gulped, knowing that if she didn’t say please, he would spread her legs once more. And coax it out of her with his fingers, lips, and tongue. His talented tongue.
If she didn’t say please, she wouldn’t feel the rush of his cock spurting inside of her, covering his legs with his release. And she couldn’t stand that thought.
Couldn’t stand the thought of going home to Eris without smelling like another man. A better man. One that actually satisfied her needs. She needed him as much as she needed air to breath. So she stabbed down her pride and whispered,
“Please.”
“Please what?”
“Please Cassian, let me fuck you.”
He gave her a victorious, ruthful smile as he laid on his back to where she would be able to see herself in the mirror, stroking his cock so it was at full attention again and purred,
“Then by all means Nes. Take what you want.”
She breathed out, straddling his hips and grasping on to his enormous cock before aligning him at her entrance, sinking down upon his cock and letting out a cry of relief at the feel of him before he grasped her hips and looked up at her as if she were his goddess and he was preparing to sing her a prayer as she swayed her hips, taking his cock deeper inside herself as they both moaned at the feel of it.
She leaned down, kissing his neck in short, hungry kisses. Her nipples hardening in arousal at the sight of him barely holding on to his own release. Wanting to drawl it out so they could arrive at that edge together.
He grasped onto her hips, his nails digging in hard, hard enough that Eris would for sure see the indents of them when she got home and thrusted up into her just as she had took him deeper.
She gasped at that as they kept pace with each other. Trying to bring each other closer to the edge. She was almost there. Almost ready to go into pure ecstasy when Cassian growled out.
“Stay with me tonight.”
She panted, her mind ebbing, on the verge of a debt unknown to her as he slowed his pace right when she was at the cusp of falling away with him. She cried out as he moved in slow punishing thrust, drawling this out so she would give her answer.
“Stay with me instead of going home to him. We can do this all night if you just stay.”
Her lips parted in silent plea. Her body trembling, begging her for that release they both so desperately wanted. She rode him. Rode that high as she answered,
“Yes.”
He thrusted up in her then, his release shooting up into her, as her own release shuddered around him gripping his cock until his cum ran down her thighs and he own release coated him.
She collapsed on top of him. Both their bodies sweaty and spent as his hand roamed in her hair, running through it with her fingers.
His other hand drifting down between her legs to where both their releases laid between her thighs, slipping his fingers inward and pushing his release back inside of her. Like he wanted as much of his essence inside of her as possible. The thought of it making her tighten in response.
He hovered above her, claiming her with his kiss as he looked down upon her, smiling.
“Remember this the next time he tries to fuck you sweetheart. Remember how you called yourself mine.” He reminded her as he pulled away from her and went into his bathroom leaving her laying in his bed with her center throbbing in response reminding her exactly who she belonged to.
“No but Nesta only told feyre critical information to hurt her!” Don’t care, at least she told her. I’d rather ppl angrily tell me shit I need to know than keep the truth from me to spare my feelings.
Also, nesta was afraid of rhysand. It’s fun to pretend like she wasn’t but she definitely knew that he would use violence against her if she made him mad. He also did use violence against her to make her show submission in this book. So the hypothetical situation where nesta calmly tells feyre the risks of her pregnancy because she feels feyre needs to know can’t exist in canon without nesta putting her life on the line.
It’s almost like the potential threat of violence has some effect on people’s willingness to keep secrets for powerful people…
Thinking about Nesta on Mother’s Day because ABSOLUTELY she would be an incredible mom. These are just little headcannon’s—the appetizer to the full length hc’s—that are on the way for you hungry vultures, respectfully ☺️
It’s not her children that exhaust her. Nesta finds that she exhausts herself by the constant vigilance of trying to never become her mother.
Nesta often asks herself if her mother ever loved her at all, and if that inabilty to love was what made Nesta an ornament—was the object of which her mother lived vicariously through. But, what scares Nesta most is if it was because her mother loved her too much. If it was that overflow of love that blinded her mother.
Because, love can sometimes mask the taste of poison. You can drink and drink and drink and never know what it was until you’re dead. That love can sour, too.
Nesta is rocking her eldest daughter, Verena, to sleep. Her hand cups her daughter’s cheek and for a moment it’s not Nesta’s hand but her mother’s and it’s not Rena but Nesta herself as a child. Nesta flinches and then she sobs because she isn’t sure if she flinched away from her own daughter or from herself and she’s so so confused and her mother’s voice is a distant echo clanging in her head.
Cassian rushes into Rena’s room when he hears the baby’s cries and screams mix with Nesta’s. He finds his mate and his daughter both red faced and sobbing and for the first time since the day he met Nesta, he’s not sure who to comfort first.
“I’m sorry!” Is all Nesta can manage to say through her chest wracking sobs.
Gently, Cassian takes Rena into his arms. Nesta flinches at the gesture, thinking for a moment he was taking Rena away from her. Cassian is truly terrified because he hasn’t seen Nesta like this since those months they trained together when she first moved into The House. The sounds of both of his girls sobbing utterly wrecks him.
When Rena finally calms and he places her in the crib, he lifts Nesta into his arms and settles them both on the rocking chair. Her sobs shake them both, her hands clench at his shirt, and she just keeps repeating over and over that she’s sorry.
Cassian kisses her hair and wipes her tears. “What for?”
“I’m just like her.” Nesta’s body shivers.
“Like who?” Cassian whispers into her hair, his hands smoothing gentle motions along her skin.
And so Nesta tells him about her mother. About the way she did or did not love Nesta. About the way she’s confused about which version of the truth she prefers. About the way she flinched away from Rena because for a moment she felt like her mother. For a moment, Nesta was every terrible thing she had believed about herself but worked so hard to unlearn.
Cassian is quite. Rena is asleep, her thumb in her mouth and little wings twitching every now and again—just like Cassian when he sleeps. Nesta has stopped crying but now she feels wretched and empty and horrible.
Cassian seems to feel the turn of her thoughts down the mating bond as he grasps her face between his hands and forces her to look into his eyes. “You are entirely you’re own person. We can’t change what parts of our parents exist in us, but we do have a choice with what we do with those parts. You decide who and what you are, Nesta. Not me. Not your mother. You.” He leans his head against hers. “And as your mate, I like to think I know you better than your mother ever did. So, trust me when I say Rena is lucky to have you as her mother because no one will ever support or understand her the way you will.”
Her fingers tighten their hold on his shirt. “You have to say all of those things.”
“Yes, I do have to say those things.”
Nesta looks up at him. That’s not what she was expecting him to say.
“I do have to say those things because they are the truth. I do not lie to you. Never to you, my mate, my love, my heart, and mother of my child.”
He speaks with such absolution, such conviction, that Nesta finds relief and that faint voice that lives in the farthest, dustiest reaches of her mind is quiet. If just for now.
Nesta is AWESOME with birthdays. On her kids birthday’s, she wakes them up with a breakfast cupcake and they have a private celebration—just the Nessian family. Nesta is only a great gift giver when it comes to her kids. Everyone else in her life gets socks or a gift card or some shit like that lol.
Cassian may be the King of Tickle Monster, but Nesta is Queen of Hide and Seek. She makes that game an EVENT.
A Cool Mom.
Also a Scary Mom.
Nesta insists on tucking her children in to bed one by one, so that they know she loves them each individually and that she values one on one time with them. With her two daughters—Verena and Hera—she sits them on her lap and brushes their hair. She tells them affirmations like she is proud of them, that they are interesting, and that they can be whatever they want.
While brushing out the tangles in Rena’s dark hair, her little feet bumping into Nesta’s shins as she swings them back and forth, Rena asks, “Can I be a Pegasus?”
“In your imagination, absolutely.” Nesta quietly curses a particularly knotted tangle as she tries to brush it out without hurting Rena. “But they don’t exist, my heart.”
“Melody says they do.” Rena kicks Nesta’s shin again, and behind her daughter’s head where she can’t see Nesta’s face, she squints her eyes and screws her face tight in silent pain. “She read it in one of Aunt Gwynie’s books.”
“Not everything you read is true. It’s important to remember that.”
But Rena doesn’t care for that lesson right now. She only shrugs, her little wings twitching. “I want to be the biggest Pegasus ever ever ever. Black like me and daddy’s hair, blue eyes like me and you, and I’ll even let Hera ride on my back whenever she wants.”
Nesta smiles and kisses her daughter’s cheek. “That’s very nice of you to think of your sister.”
“She cries too much.”
Nesta laughs. “She’s only a baby.” She tucks Rena under the covers, smooths a finger down her nose and over Rena’s drooping eyelids. “Have only the sweetest dreams, my heart.”
Rena blinks sleepily up at her with eyes just like Nesta’s. The door behind her freaks open and she knows it’s Cassian coming in for his turn to say goodnight.
As she passes him on her way out, he sneakily slaps her ass and then he’s kneeling at their daughter’s side and whispering to her. From Daddy to Dad in two seconds flat.
Verena may like to show the world that she’s tougher than the rest, doesn’t cry, and is very much a big girl now, but sometimes there are nightmares that only her mother can scare away.
It’s well past the middle of the night when Nesta feels a small hand gripping hers and tugging down. She jolts awake, her foot colliding with Cassian’s leg, when she sees Rena clutching her stuffed bat Cassian gave her when she was born. Her blue eyes are blood shot, her face puffy, and when she lifts her arms in a silent plea to be picked up, Nesta’s heart sputters painfully.
“What’s the matter?” Nesta asks as she tucks Rena into her side.
“B-bad,” she hiccups as new tears spill. “Bad dream.”
Nesta kisses Rena’s ear and whispers, “go away bad dreams, or I’ll come after you.” Rena doesn’t giggle, but her tight hold on Nesta’s hand loosens. Nesta presses another kiss to Rena’s cheek. “Go to sleep, my heart. All the bad dreams are afraid of me.”
“They are,” Cassian’s groggy voice rumbles through her back, startling her and Rena. His arm comes over her waist and settles beside Rena. “Why do you think I sleep with mom every night?”
“You have bad dreams too, daddy?”
His hand smoothes over Rena’s hair. “All the time, kid. Mom scares them away for me.”
That seems to assuage Rena, as her eyes droop closed and her breaths come deep and even. When she’s sure Rena is asleep, Nesta presses a kiss to Cassian’s arm and whispers into the dark, “you scare mine away, too.”
A warmth flicks down the bond.
Nesta has a hard time being the disciplinary parent because she doesn’t want her children to see her the way the rest of the world does. Besides, Cassian as hundreds of years worth of experience disciplining kids and people. But—Nesta has certainly mastered the Mom Look ™️. You would think it’s Reckless Rena that gets into the most trouble, but it’s actually Hera. She’s curious to a fault. Curiosity killed the cat directly applies to Hera. She has this terrible trait where she can’t process that something is hot unless she touches it. She doesn’t grasp how sharp a knife is until she pokes herself. This drives Nesta and Cassian absolutely crazy. Whenever Hera nears a hot stove, it only takes The Look from Momma Nesta and Hera is slowly backing away but with a scowl on her face that looks much to much like Nesta.
Nesta likes to have a thing she does with each of her kids. With Rena, it’s early morning yoga and Mind-Stilling. With Hera it’s a very advanced book club followed by debates. Aren is the baby boy and the gentle soul; he likes cooking with his dad and doing blacksmith work with his mom.
Nesta absolutely picks up blacksmith work as a hobby.
Verena is Cassian reborn again. She’s wild, assertive, punch first ask questions later, and can walk off any injury—no matter how harrowing.
Hera, the middle child, is Nesta’s twin in every way and it low key scares her. Hera has Nesta’s poise and cold attitude, the withering side eye, and can verbally eviscerate the gods if she felt like it and was bored enough.
But, Hera isn’t a warrior. She’s brilliant and she’s quickly becoming a formidable courtier, but in a family of legendary warriors she feels like a failure.
Hera is watching Rena and their younger brother Aren spar on the roof of The House and she feels worthless. She hates her body and its inability to learn the steps for sword fighting; how it refuses to garner the strength needed for archery, or the patience. Rena is disarming Aren for the fourth time in the last hour, their father clapping proudly, but Hera can only sulk.
“Tell me,” her mother says as she sits beside Hera.
Hera shrugs. “Tell you what?”
Nesta gives her a pointed look that Hera is sure she herself has replicated perfectly. “You’re never one to play coy, Hera. Tell me what’s bothering you.”
And Hera does, because if she can’t tell her mother than she can’t tell anyone. If anyone is going to understand her without judgement, it’s her. “I’m not like them,” Hera jerks her chin at her sister and brother. “Or like you and dad. I’m not a warrior.”
Nesta doesn’t look at Rena and Aren like Hera does. She only looks at Hera. “And what is a warrior?”
“Seriously, mom?”
“Seriously.”
Hera sighs, resigned. “Someone who fights battles heroically with unmatched skill. Someone who never gives up.”
Nesta nods. “And are all battles fought on fields?”
Hera shrugs. “I suppose not.”
“Rhysand tells me you’re quite the study in political theory. That he very well may bring you along with Nyx to sit on High Lord meetings.” Hera blushes. “That’s quite the accomplishment, Hera. That’s an entirely different battlefield. Just as worthy, just as bloody, as the fields swords are drawn on.” When Hera says nothing, Nesta grabs her daughter’s hand and brings the other to Hera’s cheek, gently turning her so that they’d look at each other. Hera was the only one of her children to inherit Cassian’s eyes, but she somehow has a way of making them burn much like Nesta’s did. “Do not ever let anyone make you feel inferior, that you are less then because of what you do or do not do. Do not ever let some one take your power. Your mind is your weapon, Hera. You must wield it with all the caution and precision of a sword. You will do great things, my heart. Believe in yourself as I believe in you.”
Hera leans into her mother’s touch and the moment feels very full circle for Nesta. Her mother always taught Nesta that her power was a bargaining tool to be given away. That she was nothing more than the men who’d come to take her, than what station she could rise to. Her mother never told her the things Nesta told her daughters. For once, Nesta did not burn with rage. Her mother was never what Nesta needed, but Nesta would always be what Hera needed.
Nesta is not a perfect parent. She’s insecure, she compares herself, she always feels like she’s going to inevitably fuck her kids up, and she isn’t always patient.
But, she does kiss every single scraped knee. She scares the nightmares away. There is always room in her bed for her babies to climb into. Her arms are always open for them. Her ear is always theirs, her shoulder, too. They could never be without her love. Whatever they do, her love and support is there. However far they travel, she’ll always be the open door back home. If there’s trouble she will come for them.
Nesta is not a perfect parent, but she’s come to not really give a shit about perfection. She’s only ever herself, and Nesta quite likes who she is.
Her kids do, too.
Happy Mother’s Day to Nesta and Nesta only (jk love you, Feyre).
A small morsel to hold you guys over. I hope you liked. If this day is a sore spot for you, I see you and understand. I’m giving you a big hug and a besito, and I’m proud of you. I’m your Mamí now ☺️
This is one of the most beautiful things I have read post-ACOSF. This series of headcanons shows how the things about Nesta that make her who she is, and many from the outside would judge as barbed and jagged and somehow less-than, can be and become strengths in motherhood. This:
“Go to sleep, my heart. All the bad dreams are afraid of me.”
This is everything. This also shows how she would struggle with imitation of her own mother, and all the complex pain that comes with that awareness. It’s a beautiful example of what it means to break the cycle when it comes to generational CRAP that can get handed down unless you are very intentional about being a different kind of parent from the ones who raised and formed you.
This is so hard. And this character study of Nesta as a mother shows all of this and more. It deepens all of the reasons I love her so much, and see myself so much in her, and feeling seen like that is everything.
She didn’t know what to do with it, that rage. It still burned and hunted her, still made her want to rip and roar and rend the world into pieces. She felt it all—too keenly, too sharply. Hated and cared and loved and dreaded, more than other people, she sometimes thought.
oh hai the moment Nesta burrowed deep into my heart as a mirror of myself ❤️❤️❤️
ACOTAR:I ship Feylin. Although I dont know Rhysand if I should hate you or not. You’re giving me mixed vibes.
ACOMAF:Never mind, I think I’m going with Feysand. And add a bit of Nessian. And hello Elriel… I see some glimpse there.
ACOWAR:Definitely Feysand…DEFINITELY NESSIAN.. and oh my.. that Elriel is fully blasting now but add some Elucien to spice it up. I can see it. Amren… I really like your vibe with Varian, he’s hot and I dig it.
ACOFAS:Jeez I’m so done with Feysand, cute.. but done. And oh gods how much Nessian hurt. Elucien… what are we even doing in here? Elriel… are you going for it or not!?
ACOSF: Alright.. Nessian I love you… you’re my forever otp. Jeez Elriel… we are doing this then. Wait… I see some glimpse of Moerie going on. Lucien, just say you like Vassa.. I see you. Elucien where are you? Gwynriel trying to come out.
The fandom ending up confused asf after Acosf.
Dear Sarah, if you thought we would be at peace now that half of the ships are done… then let me tell you something:
Cassian: Doesn’t count when you use your hands to do most of the work.
Nesta: I bet that isn’t what you’ve been telling yourself at night.
Cassian: Is that what those smutty books teach you? That it’s only at night? It could be anytime—dawn’s first light, or when I’m bathing, or even after a long, hard day of practice.
Nesta: Sounds like you have a lot of time on your hands, Cassian.
