#book humor
Re-read an old book or start a brand new book…..
Amren’s Collection
Amren: How can I arrange to receive more blood rubies?
Varian: ……The blood rubies were a THREAT not a gift? You’d have to commit crimes against the Summer Court to get more.
Amren: That can be arranged.
Varian: …………I forgot I have to go…………
Varian: *frantically speedials Tarquin from a broom closet* MISTAKES WERE MADE.
Feyre & Rhys: We made a bargain so that if one of us dies, we both do❤️
Literally Everyone Else, busy trying to save Nesta:
Feyre, holding her newborn baby: Rhys, do you think you are ready for parenthood?
Rhysand: Easily, I’ve been parenting Cassian for centuries.
Cassian:……Hurtful.
Cassian: Anyways, what are we having for dinner Rhys?
Rhysand picking up Feyre in the Spring Court:
It’s the guilt-trip that keeps on giving.
Rhysand: Please do this {insert favor here}
Cas & Az: Nah.
Rhysand: Must I remind you that I DIED for YOU
Tamlin showing up to the High Lords’ Meeting:
Feyre & Morrigan after successfully gaslighting the Bat Boys™ into thinking wingspan size is important:
Night Court Shenanigans
Morrigan: Cassian, how often do you clean your knives?
Cassian: Whenever they get blood on them. So a few times a week I guess.
Morrigan: You stab someone several times a week?
Cassian: You don’t?
Building IKEA Furniture: Night Court Edition
Feyre: Has trouble understanding the instructions; convinces Rhysand to help.
Rhysand: Helps everyone else build their furniture and forgets to build his own.
Cassian: Loses a screw and spends the rest of the day offering favors to anyone who will give him one of theirs instead of going back to IKEA.
Azriel: Finishes building first.
Morrigan: Convinced she can build without the instructions (spoiler alert: she cannot).
Amren: Hires other people to build her furniture.
Nesta: Did not go on the IKEA trip.
Cassian: I will fight ANYONE who comments negatively about you Azriel.
Azriel: I don’t entirely like myself though.
Cassian: Square up then, let’s go.
Rhysand at the Court of Nightmares scaring everyone while also holding a party:
Moments After Cassian Got Banned from the Summer Court:
Cassian: So you’re technically my employer… correct?
Rhysand: I don’t like where this is going.
Cassian: Say I were to… I don’t know…break something in another court on the job… Would you or I be liable for the damages?
Rhysand:CASSIAN. WHAT DID YOU DO IN THE SUMMER COURT?
Cassian: Let’s just say they have new remodeling opportunities.
Sarah J. Maas’ Love Interest Development Steps:
1. Make them tall + tan/darker skin tone.
2. Add tattoos. Some may remind them of trauma.
3. Make them standoffish but soft for those close them.
4. Lots of warrior/military experience is a must.
5. Has to be at LEAST 150 years older than their wifey.
6. Add wings.
NessianFlirting?
Feyre: Nesta told me to give this to you *hands Cassian a piece of paper*
Cassian: *smirks at Nesta across the room as he unfolds the note* I bet it’s a love letter.
Cassian: *reads the note* Oh…this is um…not what I expected…
Feyre: Well, what is it then?
Cassian: A threat.
Rhysand:Az, why are you lying on the floor?
Azriel:I have depression.
Rhysand: Is there anything I can——WAIT is that blood?!
Azriel:*looks at the blood puddle forming beneath him*Oh, and I was stabbed.
Feyre:*battling against Hybern soldiers*
Feyre: We are losing too many soldiers! How have you won battles in the past?
Rhysand:*in the midst of fighting* Cassian and I usually create a bigger problem that cancels out our original problem.
Feyre:Like what?
*Tsunami wave approaches in the distance*
Rhysand:Like that.
The Night Court on Twitter Part 3
Rhysand:
Feyre:
Cassian:
Nesta:
Morrigan:
Azriel:
Amren:
Alis doing “chores” around the Spring Court to eavesdrop:
You can’t tell me this didn’t happen.
The Night Court on Twitter Pt. 6
Feyre:
Morrigan:
Cassian (to Nesta):
Nesta:
Azriel:
Rhysand:
Amren:
