Request from @bookish-and-shy Hi! Can I request a female New Zealander dating Dick and hanging out with the Batfam? And they make hobbit jokes and stuff because she’s pretty short? I’ve seen Aussie specific fix’s but never kiwi ones. Sorry it’s pretty specific!! I love your work so much, you write so well! If you’re too busy to do it it’s 100% fine, I hope your brother gets better soon! Thanks!
Just a disclaimer, I found everything about New Zealand and such online so anything that is not accurate to New Zealand, blame the internet and not me. (I hope you like this, it was so fun learning about New Zealand). I also based the attitude on my one Kiwi friend and he’s a bit of a jerk, this doesn’t mean all New Zealanders are jerks, but it was what I had to work with.
-You were born and raised in New Zealand, moving to Bludhaven for school. There you felt a little like a fish out of water, when you read about America it seemed so crazy and fun (and the accents were cute), but now that you were here you just wanted to go home and if you heard one more Goddamn American asking you if you liked ‘shrimp on the barby’ you were going to kill someone.
-You and Dick met at a pub, where he said he liked your accent, and correctly identified you as a kiwi, a first in America.
-Your first date with Dick was when you invited him over to watch the Black Caps in the Cricket World Cup. He wasn’t all that interested in it, but he had a great time with you.
-You didn’t realise that he counted it as your first date, you thought that you two were just hanging out and catching the game.
-You quickly discovered that Dick’s greatest source of amusement is asking you what you call things and then telling you the English counterpart.
-”Y/N! What do you call that?”
-”A Chilly Bin.”
-”In America we call them coolers.”
-”I know Dick, I live here.”
-Dick introduces you to his family after a while and you come over for tea. And you decided that you liked Alfred the best.
-You quickly realise that many of his siblings think New Zealand slang is funny, like when you watched Jason swallow down an entire meal in less than a minute, you couldn’t help but say:
-”He eat so much, your brother’s such a hungus.”
-Without skipping a beat or knowing what a hungus was Jason replied, “Shut up hobbit!”
-You could never really shake that nick name afterwards.
-You become close with all of Dick’s family, and they easily include you into their family. This means countless terrible jokes about New Zealand, Hobbit nickname for life, and all of the kids (including your traitor boyfriend) impersonating your accent terribly.
-Also everytime the boys are giving you presents they just hand you Kiwi the fruit, and everytime you yell at them, because KIWI ARE THE NATIONAL ANIMAL NOT SOME STUPID FRUIT!
-Whenever Tim sees a kiwi fruit in the supermarket he takes a picture and send you the caption ‘is this you?’
-Dick and you have a great relationship, and unbeknownst to you he bought tickets to New Zealand and a diamond ring for the trip.
Maori woman carrying an infant on her back, 1892 -
(photo from natlib.govt.nz)
The New Zealand Holocaust
‘Many descendants of British colonist’s are under some impression that settlement was a lovely peaceful event where British colonist never attempted to exterminate Maori,Confiscate 99% of their land and assimilate them.
A holocaust is defined as “Destruction or slaughter on a mass scale” it is not isolated to any single event. The Maori was in terminal decline only 50 years after signing the Treaty of Waitangi -75% of the Maori were deceased (Mason Durie, Ngā Tai Matatū, pp 29-31).
The British Army had Machine guns that could mow down an entire Battalion and the latest Armstrong Artillery. Maori fighting back with muskets could not prevent slaughter of men woman and children against a professional army.
Maori were punished severely for attempting to protect their ancestral lands against the wishes of the British government their land was to be repatriated.
Without land and the native courts designed to strip more land from Iwi the Maori soon fell into poverty and despair attempting to assimilate into British society. The government refused to offer Iwi medical care to prevent Small pox,influenza many diseases that Maori had not been exposed to.
By 1890 the Maori was on the verge of being exterminated.
Many British colonists liked to gloat about the demise of the Maori people by saying “They have been replaced by a superior race”.’
