Algyői punk pikniket követően vegyes érzelmekkel vettem hírét, hogy még egy hét táppénzem mereszthetem alfelem. Másnaposságom következő fokozata egyfajta dimenzióváltással járna, s momentán csak az pretentious IDM hallgatása, illetve Ethan és Hila Klein bohóckodása hoz enyhülést.
I want to read your experiences before being diagnosed with adhd? How did you realized? How did you feel?
Me:bitch . I have adhd and I need therapy and meds
Family member: bUt dO YoU waNt tO bE laBeLed???
Me, timidly: um…. no…..
Me, in my head: guess the internet’s my only safe place for mental health huh
i was diagnosed at 4. i had no idea until a school counselor accidentally broke the news when i was 17. assignments that took my friends an hour took me three. i almost never finished my tests. half of my homework was late. my mom tried to get me into assisted study hall and i refused. my counselor gave me countless planners and checklists and i could never keep them for longer than a week. my mom sent me in to get signatures from my teachers so i could prove i talked to them about my 0’s.
my twin sister had been in accelerated school programs since we were 9. i wanted to be like her so bad. i hated help, hated admitting i needed help, would rather fail than ask for help, because nobody else seemed to need it. i wanted to be able to do what everyone else was doing and i was desperate to prove it, because i didn’t know i had adhd and thought everyone else had just diagnosed me with stupid. my mom insists i knew. i didn’t.
fast forward to now, i’m a grown woman and i’m still finding out day-to-day more and more of my behaviors that are related to my adhd. i have the sense of self awareness i was denied for most of my childhood. i’m still stuck in the depression that stemmed from leaving my adhd untreated for so long. i’m experimenting with different medications and i’m doing well. but i still feel like i’m the only one in my life who understands how i work.
please tell your kids what’s happening inside their brains. talk to adults with adhd and ask them what their childhood was like. stop reading those adhd parenting books that were written in the 90’s. they’re not relevant anymore. i always wonder what my life would look like now if i didn’t burn out three years before i graduated high school, if i’d understood what was going on, if i had someone else who understood looking out for me.
i know i’m preaching to the choir here, but i needed to get that out there. it may have seemed like a minor issue when i was a kid but maybe if i had been treated properly i wouldn’t want to die today.
i’m back bitches!! sorry for ghosting for like a month, lol. i have been hit with a series of unfortunate events that began with pest problems and peaked at a kitchen fire, but things have calmed down a little and i’m now able to get back to the things i want to be doing. thanks for all the notifications! i missed u guys :)
have decided that since it is international women’s day i will not be cleaning my kitchen. please disregard the post i made 5 minutes ago where i specifically instructed you to yell at me if i did not clean my kitchen. i will instead drink wine and do online shopping
i’m working on those asks/requests i pROMISE i have just been uncreative lately and may need 1-3 business days thank you muchas gracias also love u kiss kiss and i have to clean my kitchen so if i interact after i post this please yell at me
so i was watching cinderella while doing my nails and waiting for them to dry which was clearly a Mistake because now i can’t help but think -
the evil stepmother was always evil, okay. say her abuse of her own daughters was different than that of cinderella’s - but it was still abuse. giving them impossible expectations, telling them they were never good enough, never pretty enough, never smart enough. and then she gets married, and anastasia and drizella are ecstatic because this man seems kind and warm and maybe just maybe he can temper their mother, maybe with him around she won’t be so cruel. so they’re on their very best behavior in the beginning, they do just as their mother taught - they trot out their best upper court manners in an attempt to get their new stepfather to like them. but it just comes off as cold and snooty and they’re trying, they are, they’re just bad at it. and they see how he is with cinderella, the smiling girl their own age, and they are jealous. they don’t mean to be, they try not to be, they know it isn’t becoming of young ladies. but she gets hugs and kisses and affection and they get rulers slapped on their hands when they reach for desert and sharp jabs to their sides when they slouch and - soon they hate cinderella, not for anything she’s done, but for what she has and they dont
but then her father dies. and it’s all a tumble of things and cinderella is crying and they’ve lost their only chance at escaping their mother’s clutches and it’s terrible. and everything settles and there’s no reason to be jealous anymore but resentment is hard to let go of and they don’t know what to do. they’re only kids too after all. and they’re so terribly bad at comforting people, they can do flowery words and know all the right bows but cinderella is so sad and they just don’t know what to do with that, because they’re supposed to be sisters but they’re not even friends
and slowly but surely their mother starts abusing cinderella, starts making her a maid in her own home, and she’s their mother, what are anastasia and drizella supposed to do? she rules them with an iron fist, and cinderella doesn’t even like them anyway, it’s none of their business.
except one night anastasia crawls into her sister’s bed in the middle of the night and wakes her up. “i was thirsty,” she explains, eyes wide and shiny, and they’re bad at this with other people but drizella has no problems with pulling anastasia into her arms. the younger girl clutches her sister and continues, “i was thirsty and i went down to the kitchen to get some water and - and cinderella is still up! she’s doing the dishes, and she should be asleep, mom is going to make her make breakfast in the morning and -” she cuts herself off with a hiccup and whispers, “it’s not fair.”
“life isn’t fair,” drizella says, echoing one of their mother’s favorite phrases. but her sister is staring at her with wet eyes, and it’s not like their mother is likely to get up before sunrise anyway, she hates waking up, so she pulls herself and anastasia out of bed and off they go.
