I had a literal emotional breakdown when I got my diagnosis. It was quite literally life changing for me.
Before diagnosis?
I was plagued with a feeling of brokenness — why does it take me 10x longer to learn concepts than it takes my peers, even when I’m attempting to apply all the same strategies? Why is it so dang hard for me to commit to a single project, and why do I spend weeks obsessing over a project only to suddenly lose interest and never touch it again? Why do I have such a visceral reaction to the smallest, friendliest amount of criticism? Why does that person keep making that tiny paper noise while I’m trying to complete my exam — wait, what was the question asking? Let me re-read itAGAIN.
After diagnosis?
Validation! Holy cow is the validation game changing. I no longer had to blame myself for just not trying hard enough. I was trying plenty hard; however, the tools and strategies that work for neurotypical brains don’t necessarily work for my brain! And that’s perfectly okay. As well, I discovered that my anxiety and depression were symptoms, and as I treated my ADHD and developed coping mechanisms around it, I no longer wanted to die.
Of course, the armchair psychiatrists among my friends and family do sometimes try and chime in to tell me that Adderall is bad(derall), and that’s certainly infuriating; however, f*ck em. I don’t care what they think – they’re clearly not thinking rationally if they see me taking Adderall carefully as prescribed (which they see as me ”basically doing meth” – a deeply misguided and inaccurate view) as worse than quite literally trying to kill myself, and they don’t deserve to have a say – it’s my body and my mind, so I can do what I want.
So… yeah. I’m a big advocate for getting assessed for ADHD if you think you may have it. Does a diagnosis mean you have to medicate? Absolutely not. I prefer not to medicate unless it’s absolutely necessary – my Adderall crash is always draining, so I am nevermotivated to abuse the medication. But when I do take it? All of the internal thought-clutter calms to a hush, the world comes to me more clearly, I am able to find a calm within myself that I never before knew existed, and I can just be. Like, I can just think without interruption. Wow! Clarity of mind is the most incredible feeling. It’s not even a high. It’s just… absence of chaos.
In today’s episode of “Nobody asked you to be my armchair psychiatrist…”
(Yet again) receiving unsolicited “advice” from a recreational cocaine userwithoutanymedical professional qualifications comparing getting assessed for ADHD to recklessly doping one’s self to the point of total cognitive dysfunction just for funsies.
Did I askfor your medical input? No? Then don’t offer it.
Growing up people made me feel that being different was bad, and that I had to be like the others, but thanks to the ADHD community I learnt to celebrate being different and to be proud of who I am just the way I am
It frequently bothers me that people with ADHD and Autism are expected to mask their symptoms—things that feel like part of our personality—just because they’re uncommon.
Like I’m sorry Karen but I can’t stop fiddling AND focus on what you’re saying. I don’t demand that you get to the point when you’re boring me.
I’m different. I know. But that doesn’t make me rude.
Having big bursts of motivation to do the things I love
Having a wild imagination
The speed of my brain on a good day
Falling down research rabbit holes
And watching YouTube videos about them on double speed (learning twice as much in the same amount of time!)
And finally hoarding this vast collection of random information for use in my book or a pub quiz.
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[Disclaimer: Everyone’s ADHD is different, this is not a blanket list of things that everyone with ADHD will experience. Also experiencing these things does not mean you have ADHD, please consult a professional before self-diagnosing.]
Not being able to shrug a niggling feeling or through until it’s dealt with.
Saying ‘one more minute’ when hyper-focused, then looking up to find two hours have passed.
F i d d l i n g
(With literally anything available)
Sometimes having trouble falling or staying asleep because their damn brain won’t shut up.
Yet still being a semi-coherent person the next day, despite only being out for four hours.
Because e n e r g y
Eventually learning ways to get to sleep, but getting annoyed when they fail.
Struggling to wait their turn when speaking or in games.
Losing track of their point mid-speech.
Inability to control thoughts as they overlap and run away faster than they can be caught.
Having too many hobbies.
Being more creative under stress.
Speaking really really fast when excited or after caffeine.
Struggling to remember instructions.
Struggling to listen to instructions.
Spotting patterns and details others often miss.
Forgetting brilliant ideas just as quickly as they were thought up.
And thus being really impulsive when we get ideas.
Desperate attempts at organisation (giving everything a place).
And yet still not remembering where they’ve put anything.
I m p a t i e n c e
Disclaimer: Not everyone with ADHD will experience all of these things, and there are many more things that people with ADHD experience. If you experience these things, it doesn’t necessarily mean your ADHD, but these things are widely present in those who have it. If you want to write a character with ADHD please do your research and only take this as a starting point.
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growing up being autistic but not knowing is just *hiding in room while people are over* *getting tired and needing to recharge after the smallest chores* *getting called a gifted kid* *knowing that you’re “weird” because people are making fun of you but not knowing how to stop being weird* *having adults tell you how “mature” you are* *getting in trouble for not doing work* *convincing yourself that you’re just lazy and stupid because you can’t make yourself do work* *getting really invested in “weird” media*
A great post, and an awful lot of very good notes, too. I noticed in reading through that a lot of people are undiagnosed, and questioning whether a diagnosis would help or not as an adult.
My two cents worth? If reading about autism or adhd is intensely relatable, and you CAN pursue a diagnosis, do it. I got my diagnosis at around 50 yrs old, and my teenage son was diagnosed at the same time. Here’s how it helped
Understanding myself better, and understanding WHY I have the limitations I have, made me kinder to myself and helped me spend my energy more wisely. I’m not wasting energy trying to ‘DO BETTER’ on things I recognize I can. not. do. I can put that energy to better use on things that ARE possible.
Along the same lines, I’m a better parent now that I recognize my son’s limits and I can help find accommodations or work-arounds instead of insisting that he do something he’s not capable of doing.
Engaging with a community (such as Tumblr) where a lot of people are posting about their lived experience with these issues can be a very valuable resource to discover different coping strategies. You don’t need a medical diagnosis for that, of course, but it certainly makes you more aware of the 'community.’
Advocacy. Which is certainly not for everyone. Given my age, and other privileges, I find I can speak out about adhd to people who are critical or uninformed. I hope I’ve given some nt folks food for thought, or helped them understand the struggle a little better.
I’m the kid who used to crawl under the foundation of the house (through a hole that the dog made) to hide from people. You’re ok, I’m ok, we’re all valid and deserving of respect.
you aren’t a burden. you aren’t annoying. you aren’t “too loud” or “too excited.” please stop beating yourself up for the littlest things you can’t help. it sucks to be surrounded by people who constantly bring you down, but I promise you aren’t anything they tell you you are. you are perfect the way you are, whether you choose to medicate or treat your adhd/add or not. I love you, I support you, I see you. you aren’t alone, and I’m sorry they are making you feel like you are. <3
Once when my dad got pissed that I apparently wasn’t studying enough and spending all my time on my laptop I told him I was about to start doing some stuff for my Computing A-level, and after an hour and a half he said “are you actually gonna do any work?” because I was still on my laptop.
“Kids these days are always on their phones” As opposed to literally what else? Reading a magazine? Staring blankly at my surroundings? Arguing with my parents? Why does your generation cling to this rabid shaming of people for using interpersonal communication devices to stay in touch with the world? What do you want from me
The previous generation seems to universalise the usage of electronics in general under ‘waste of time/lazy activity’. My mom goes “you just go from gadget to gadget to gadget why don’t you get up and do something” like, seriously dude?? I just finished reading an paper on why the Japanese real estate market crashed after 1986 and still hasn’t recovered as of 2020, on my lazy activity phone here, what exactly did you do with your last half hour?
I showed him my screen and told him there isn’t really any other way I could do Computing work.
My mom used to yell at me for being on my phone all day and all I was doing was writing stories and listening to music; but because she couldnt hear or see exactly what I was doing, I was being lazy.
And if I couldnt tear my ADHD ass away from my special interests fast enough I was ignoring her.
I want to read your experiences before being diagnosed with adhd? How did you realized? How did you feel?
Me:bitch . I have adhd and I need therapy and meds
Family member: bUt dO YoU waNt tO bE laBeLed???
Me, timidly: um…. no…..
Me, in my head: guess the internet’s my only safe place for mental health huh
i was diagnosed at 4. i had no idea until a school counselor accidentally broke the news when i was 17. assignments that took my friends an hour took me three. i almost never finished my tests. half of my homework was late. my mom tried to get me into assisted study hall and i refused. my counselor gave me countless planners and checklists and i could never keep them for longer than a week. my mom sent me in to get signatures from my teachers so i could prove i talked to them about my 0’s.
my twin sister had been in accelerated school programs since we were 9. i wanted to be like her so bad. i hated help, hated admitting i needed help, would rather fail than ask for help, because nobody else seemed to need it. i wanted to be able to do what everyone else was doing and i was desperate to prove it, because i didn’t know i had adhd and thought everyone else had just diagnosed me with stupid. my mom insists i knew. i didn’t.
fast forward to now, i’m a grown woman and i’m still finding out day-to-day more and more of my behaviors that are related to my adhd. i have the sense of self awareness i was denied for most of my childhood. i’m still stuck in the depression that stemmed from leaving my adhd untreated for so long. i’m experimenting with different medications and i’m doing well. but i still feel like i’m the only one in my life who understands how i work.
please tell your kids what’s happening inside their brains. talk to adults with adhd and ask them what their childhood was like. stop reading those adhd parenting books that were written in the 90’s. they’re not relevant anymore. i always wonder what my life would look like now if i didn’t burn out three years before i graduated high school, if i’d understood what was going on, if i had someone else who understood looking out for me.
i know i’m preaching to the choir here, but i needed to get that out there. it may have seemed like a minor issue when i was a kid but maybe if i had been treated properly i wouldn’t want to die today.
