#adhd brain
having adhd and not knowing it from a young age is being yelled at by your parents because you remembered to do your homework that’s due tomorrow on the night before. it is often getting into trouble because you zoned out during a conversation or a teacher’s explanation but you don’t even know how you did it, you don’t control it. it is knowing deep down that you’re different from other kids but not knowing why. and then, being treated different by your peers and by the adults around you and again not knowing why. it is suffering in silence because everybody, in a way or another, punishes you for being the way you are even if you don’t even know what that means.
but then… you finally understand it. you finally put all the pieces together and for the first time in your life, everything you’ve lived until that moment finally makes sense. the reasons behind the things you did and still do are finally explained to you and you don’t feel like an outsider anymore. and tbh? it’s one of the greatest feelings in the world.
@thatsthat24 as an individual with ADD let me tell you that you just described a good chunk of my life very accurately.
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UGH there is NOTHING more frustrating than trying to research ADHD, it’s all “do you interrupt people a lot? do you find it hard to sit still?” and “boys are twice as likely to have ADHD than girls” and “here’s how to deal with your ADHD child” and there’s nothing about adults, nothing about underdiagnosis in women, nothing about RSD, dyscalculia, sensory processing, emotional regulation
i am not a little boy pretending to be an airplane in the back of the classroom. I was never allowed to be, because I was a little girl. i was a little girl who couldn’t sit still but i had to because ladies sit still while the boys shout and fidget in the background. i was a little girl who got left behind when recess ended because i was so engrossed in my small rock garden i didn’t hear the bell; i was a little girl who grew up smart enough to take precalculus, but couldn’t for the life of me remember my times tables; i was a little girl who got so angry and didn’t know how to stop it (“you can control your emotions!” my dad told me; “don’t bottle it up,” my mom said; “scream into a pillow, write it down, take deep breaths” everyone told me, and none of it helped); i was a little girl who lay awake every night terrified i’d forgotten to do something due tomorrow; i was a little girl who couldn’t make friends because socializing was hell because if i made one wrong move, received one negative response, i might as well have set myself on fire; i was a little girl who took pride in being the Weird Girl, because i had to; i was a little girl with adhd
and now i’m an adult woman with adhd, and i know that because of people on tumblr, not because of the DSM-V. The DSM-V and the CDC tell me little boys have ADHD, not little girls. they tell me if i don’t interrupt people (don’t interrupt people, that’s rude, being rude means hurt hurt hurt because of RSD and nice young ladies aren’t rude anyway) and finish assigned tasks (don’t forget don’t forget don’t forget if you forget they’ll hate you) i don’t have the inattentive component; and they tell me if i can sit still (what kind of organs do snails have, anyway? let’s research that for four hours) and avoid butting into people’s space (don’t be rude, don’t be RUDE) i don’t have the hyperactive component; and they only ever mean to talk to parents of little ADHD boys, and there is nothing, nothing, nothing meant for me.
Wow. I relate to this so much and the thought of it possibly being ADHD never even crossed my mind.
Just from my personal experience, I’ve found it much easier to get a diagnosis and be treated for mine. More and more health professionals are recognizing ADHD in AFAB (assigned female assign birth) people and adults. I’d highly recommend seeing a mental health professional to get assessed if you think it’s impacting your daily life in massively negative ways; getting help can be a life saver.
They also don’t talk about how girls with ADHD are much more likely to develop anxiety or how girls tend to fixate on hyper control to prevent “unladylike” behavior.
It took until college for me to get a definitive diagnosis of ADHD, and even then I second guess it. I can focus on video games for 18+ hours, with no breaks, not even for food. That’s not inattentive! Doesn’t matter if I can only focus on a few very specific games or that what’s really happening is hyper fixation. I can focus therefore no ADHD. My classmates comment on how surprised they are that I didn’t make a lot of noise in class from fidgeting? Everyone fidgets, still not ADHD. Literally feel like my brain is being crushed in a voice whenever I try to study or work? I just don’t have the discipline to get my work done, not ADHD. Want to start crying cause you can’t focus and what your learning/working on just does not make sense? Suck it up, still not ADHD.
“Everyone experiences those things”
Actually, no, they don’t. I’m not hyper fixating because I’m obsessed or addicted to something. My brain just decided THAT’S SOMETHING WE CAN FOCUS ON. Normal people don’t fail to get any work done for weeks or months at a time because it physically hurts your brain and things just WONT WORK. Normal people can get comfortable when sitting.
I was tested for ADHD as a little girl but it was decided I didn’t have it, so I learned to sit still. I learned not to talk in school. I didn’t fidget and I didn’t speak unless spoken to. I hyper fixated on reading and expanding my vocabulary in third grade I was reading books at an 8th grade level because of this, but I didn’t have ADHD, I was just smart. I could not, for the life of me, figure out what the weird language of math was. it was a foreign language I couldn’t understand. but that was just me not trying hard enough. when I drove myself to tears trying to figure out one problem and being unable to move on to the next until k got this one right it wasn’t ADHD, it was me being childish and procrastinating my work. me not turning in half done work because it wasn’t finished so I couldn’t because it wasn’t done and it needed to be done to get turned in, was me being irresponsible and not caring about my grades when I cared so much it stressed me out in the fourth grade.
I got diagnosed with ADHD when I was seventeen years old. I was almost done with school by then. but that didn’t matter. we got me on meds, but they made me so sick I couldn’t eat anything and I was almost a zombie, no emotions to even struggle to regulate. (which when I had issues with that I was just “over emotional” and “a crybaby”) so we got me on new meds, and I think they worked. I couldn’t tell. I didn’t feel any different. I still hyper fixated on english and reading only now it’s fantasy and fiction because the world I see is too bleak and rattled with horrible things that my mind of anxiety, depression, and ADHD can barely handle.
now I’m twenty and off all medication and not being out back on because “it’s all in your head”. I’m twenty and just learning that the sinking feeling and tightness in my chest when I even THINK I’ve made someone close to my heart remotely upset is something that comes with ADHD that I wasn’t told about.
nobody tells you how much it actually sucks to deal with ADHD, and how its different for literally every single person with it. because while I may suffer from auditory processing (“huh?” “oh wait, *answers question/continues conversation in the middle of the person repeating*”/ “wait what? my brain said no to that-”), someone else may not, they may be able to process things perfectly but have some other issue with I don’t have.
WOW. I got my diagnosis a few months ago at age 32 and it seriously just boggles my mind. This entire post is so necessary. A diagnosis of ADD/ADHD as a late teen/early adult is just wild. You’ve lived your whole life feeling a certain way and then you get told you have ADD/ADHD. If I hadn’t worked up the courage and actually talked to my Doctor about my eating behavior and how it was making me feel, I wouldn’t have even known.
Doc decided to test me after 6 months when we talked about side effects of the med he had me on (Vyvanse) and there weren’t any negative. The positives prompted the test.
People don’t realize you don’t need to be hyperactive to to have attention deficit disorder.
This is an opinion I’ve, tbf, been afraid of expressing on here. it’s exactly what I think of adhd. And I know everyone who has adhd has at some point, shared this opinion too. Because it IS exhausting. It’s IS limiting. And it makes life 100% more overwhelming than it already is.
It’s so easy to get lost in the sea of positivity about adhd. About how it makes you unique and different and helps you think outside the box. But that isn’t adhd exclusive.
The “creativity” that comes with adhd is almost always drowned out by the work of dealing with impulses, the dread of poor executive functioning the glaring time blindness and the inability to direct my focus where I want to, when I want to. All of that supposed creativity, ultimately, ends up being used to just get through the day.
Barely scraping by, every single time. Rushing to finish work, every single time. Starting off strong, and half assing it anyway, every single time. It’s a cycle that gets repetitive, and exhausting and destructive pretty fucking fast. Everything I’ve ever accomplished is by overriding the adhd force that is bent on knocking me down over and over again and ik that everyone with adhd faces the exact struggle.
So no, adhd hasn’t helped me in any way whatsoever, but it has hurt me very very significantly. I get that all the positive, relatable posts are supposed to make you feel less alone but if I could choose to not have adhd, then I would in a heartbeat. It IS a disorder, and it does hold me back and I’m tired of acting like it’s a quirky little treat
I struggle to maintain focus while watching videos, especially longer ones, but I’ve found a combination of increased playback speed/captions to help me substantially!
I’m really bad about getting off topic when discussing something or after being asked a question. It’s not as though I change the topic completely at a whim, but rather whatever is being talked about relates to something else and my ADHD sends me down a rabbit hole. I’m really bad about getting off topic when discussing something or after being asked a question. It’s not as though I change the topic completely at a whim, but rather whatever is being talked about relates to something else and my ADHD sends me down a rabbit hole
Exhausted before the day even begins.
Happy New Years! 2020 may have been a hard year, but it was a big year for me in terms of being diagnosed and finding the wonderful ADHD community. I felt so lost after my initial diagnosis, but I was so lucky to find people who understand and have been such great supports.
Thank you all for being a part of this and for sharing your experiences, cheering me on, and being a part of this community.
my earphone fell off my desk and i cannot find it for the life of me. but the thing is my carpet is red. and so is my earphone. i’m never gonna find it am i
of course i found my favourite black shirt that has been missing for 2 months under my desk just camouflaging into the background. i looked everywhere for that stupid thing. and it was right there.
me being awake at 2am: wow it’s such a good time to be productive!! i feel so motivated!! girl that is the adhd talking. go to bed
something funny about running a blog about symptoms of adhd is seeing people in the tags go ‘THAT WAS AN ADHD THING?’ and ‘people with adhd need to stop being so relatable or i need to see a doctor’ every. day. and i know the more they read into it they just spiral deeper and deeper and realise. what the fuck. why didn’t i know i’ve apparently had this condition that literally affects my whole life. and that’s exactly what happened to me.
don’t look don’t look don’t look!!!!
I have sensory issues and, for some reason, people think it’s just me finding bright lights, loud sounds, unwanted touches and weird food textures are annoying, just like everyone feels about them, and I’m just being dramatic. Except that I’m not, I truly struggle with it, and it’s hard to explain how you feel things when others don’t feel the same.
adhd culture is scrolling through tumblr but it’s not enough so you have to pull up your comfort mindless tv show to run in the background but it’s not enough so you have to find something to fidget with but it’s not enough so you have to bite the insides of your cheeks but it’s not enough so you have to hum the song stuck in your head but it’s not enough so you have t
But it’s. Not. Enough.
God damn, I just saw this post. Currently I am scrolling through Tumblr, with dubbed anime playing in the background, and fidgeting with my plushie
ʅ（◞‿◟）ʃ
me: tries to sleep
my brain: can ghosts travel through time
It frequently bothers me that people with ADHD and Autism are expected to mask their symptoms—things that feel like part of our personality—just because they’re uncommon.
Like I’m sorry Karen but I can’t stop fiddling AND focus on what you’re saying. I don’t demand that you get to the point when you’re boring me.
I’m different. I know. But that doesn’t make me rude.
everyone: just be yourself!
me: *is myself*
everyone: ohhhh no no no…..no no no no no sssssss ahhhhhh no.
Just read a scientific article that found that we ADHD folks tend to focus on the cost of a task more than the benefits and that medication helps us see the benefits of tasks more which helps with motivation for hard tasks.
And god does that make sense to me, it explains so much! It explains why it’s so hard to get anything done no matter how important to me the end result is. I procrastinate even for things I really want like making chocolate chip cookies. My brain just thinks of all the things I would need to do to get those cookies and gives up instead of thinking of how amazing it would be to have freshly baked cookies.
From ADDitude Mag:
WOW this made me feel so much better knowing it’s an actually thing that happens and not just me thinking I’m the scum of the earth if I can’t do my laundry
I forgot to put on sun cream
And now I look like a tomato
That’s it
That’s the post
ADHD bitches be like: I accidentally created a whole fantasy world while brushing my teeth
I let my hurt inner child do something bad and now I might be single
It sucks having no friends sometimes. I wanna talk to people and give eachother advice and have fun.
When you see a long post that looks really interesting, but you don’t have the attention span to read it.
