Ainz:Remember that cooperative dinner you had me plan with the floor guardians so we could try and resolve some issues?

Enri:Yeah?

Ainz:Well, it blew up in my face.

Enri: What happened?

Ainz:Screaming and tears and physical threats, Shalltear threatened to stab Albedo, Mare said fuck, never heard him say that before. I don’t remember where that came from, but it was messy.

Enri: No, I mean, why did it all fall apart?

Ainz: Oh. No one was assigned the dishes.

Zanac:Sister tell me the truth, okay? ‘Cause there’s been a lot of lying in this family.

Renner:And a lot of love.

Zanac:More lies.

Albedo:I know you think my judgements clouded because of my love for lord Ainz.

Demiurge:You doodled your wedding invitation on mission reports.

Albedo:No, that’s our joint tombstones.

Demiurge:My mistake.

Aura: Lord Ainz I need your help.

Ainz:Who are we killing?

Ainz:Now, I don’t do humans. That’s a rule.

Ainz:But that rule is negotiable if the humans a dick.

If only Foresight was a skill

Demiurge:*Relaying part 115 of of his grand master plan*

Ainz:I wonder what it feels like to know what the fuck is going on.

Demiurge:Why did I sign up for this?

Sebas:To help make the world a better place?

Demiurge:Oh. No. Actually it was because I jump at opportunity to play god, but the question was rhetorical.

Demiurge:Why do people always say ‘watch your back, I’ll be coming for you’?

Demiurge:Don’t tell people you want to kill them, just drive a knife into their spine and be done with it.

Demiurge:It’s so much easier.

Sebas: It’s considered polite to let someone know you’re their enemy.

Demiurge:Polite - it’s murder.

Ainz:I have a bad feeling about this.

Demiurge:What do you mean my lord?

Ainz:Don’t you ever get that small voice inside your head telling you something is going to get you in trouble?

Demiurge:No?

Ainz:That…that actually explains a lot.

Shalltear:These so-called “feelings” are ruining my reputation as a heartless bitch.

Albedo:You have to pick your battles.

Demiurge: One of the battles we picked was to stop Aura and Mare from running huge plastic tubes all over Nazarick and placing Hamsuke inside of them.

Albedo: They were gonna call it Tube City.

Sebas:There is only one thing worse than dying.

Sebas:*Rips off paper revealing “Humans dying”*

Demiurge:Humans.

Sebas:No.

Albedo:I love knitting needles. I can make a scarf.

Albedo:I can make a hat. I can stab my enemies eyes out. I can make mittens.

Ainz:What was that middle part?

Albedo: I can make a hat.

Shalltear:I’m playing a game. It’s called I take a shot every time I feel depressed.

Sebas:That game exists and it’s called alcoholism.

A unknown demon approaches

Ainz:Demiurge, we must be very careful. We don’t know what we might find in there.

Demiurge:*Walking through the door* Hey there, demons. It’s me, ya boi.

Ainz:Of course I care about all my floor guardians equally.

Shalltear:We were attacked while you were away.

Ainz:Is Mare okay!?

Sebas :My Lord I believe you and Albedo broke your bed last night.

Sebas:I will have a new one brought to you immediately.

Shalltear:It must have been wild. I would never be so disrespectful as to destory Lord Ainz property.

Ainz:Haha…Yeah..

*Last Night*

Ainz:Bet you can’t jump high enough to touch the ceiling.

Albedo:A worthy challenge my lord I accept.

Climb:Are you a bad guy?

Ainz: Well, that’s all a matter of perspective, isn’t it?

Climb:Ha! Gotcha! That’s exactly the kind of stuff bad guys say!

Jircniv:Lord Ainz I never considered you an enemy.

Ainz: I never considered you at all.

Jircniv: Now that’s just hurtful.

Mare:I’m tough.

Aura:Prove it

Mare:Fine fight me.

Ainz: *From where Mare can’t see or hear him* Do not touch my sweet angel if you wish to see the light of day again.

Jircniv:No one accuses Emperor Jircniv Rune Farlord El Nix of apathy!

Fluder:With all due respect sir, no one’s got the time.