At twelve weeks, she miscarries, and frankly neither one of them are surprised.
She lazily regards the brownish tint as it swirls down the toilet and wonders what the hell is wrong with her… then she downs four ibuprofen because the cramps are out of this world.
They spend the day heavy with sighs, strewn in grey sweats across his couch, old socks hanging dismally off their feet. He doesn’t mention the wadded pair of panties in his bathroom trash, and she doesn’t mention him taking a pull off a bottle of Jameson for the first time in thirteen months.
They’ve been swirling in dirty, decomposing silence for a month now. The rot of their lost son litters his desk.
A baby would never have fixed this. Maybe fifteen years ago it would have helped.
Tonight, their latest attempt to self-soothe is hanging out in a pipe right past their toilet wall.
He often wonders, how can anyone come back.
“He was yours.”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” he mumbles, but it’s the first time she’s brought William up and his heart is only half in it.
She sighs and settles. And it is just like every other God damn night.
William was his. Until he wasn’t. They didn’t treat him like trash. Until they did. And he’s never been a father. Until he wasn’t, amymore.
He shifts his hips from under her head and treks upstairs. Bones heavy. Arthritic, practically, on those endless steps.
Fox Mulder, he decides, has never deserved children. And he never will. And so, when he curls up in bed, and feels that sharp tug, that pull, on the edge of his mind…
‘Mulder… c'mon Mulder. I need you…’
His son in sharp relief…
Mulder rolls over and covers his head with the pillow.
‘Stop lying, William, I was never your dad. I never will be.’
Radio silence. Finally. It only took 30 years. But finally, someone has taken Fox Mulder at his word.
Here, have a random thought I had that only gets a tiny bit angsty at the end featuring familial Anxceit and mostly silly sides because @haysgrove is right there’s not enough silliness.
Janus glanced up from his book as Virgil stomped through the common room of their half of the Mind Palace grumbling to himself.
“Something on you mind there, buddy?”
“They’re a bunch of dweebs!” Virgil fumed. “I’m just trying to do my job, right? Just trying to keep him from being disappointed and hating himself when his stupid resolutions fall through by convincing him not make any, right? Like, that’s the safe and obvious solution here. And what does that theater geek do? Breaks into freaking song about how he’s not lying to himself about his New Year’s Resolution!”
Janus lowered his book, taking a slow breath. “He did what?” He asked, a forced calm to his voice.
Virgil scoffed, unaware of rhe change in Janus’s tone. “I know, right? I didn’t know what to do so I just went along with it and next I know he’s going off about making realistic goals and ‘taking time for me I need’ or whatever and-”
Janus raised a gloved hand. “You’re telling me Thomas, completely unaware that I even exist, broke into song about lying and added in a part about self care?”
“Yeah, can you belie-” Virgil broke off into laughter at the sour look on Janus’s face.
Janus took a deep breath, trying to keep his composure.
“You good?” The Embodiment of Anxiety asked.
Janus calmly picked up a throw pillow and set it neatly in his lap and carefully set his face into then let out a scream of frustration.
Virgil rolled his eyes and moved to sit next to Janus who kept his face buried in the pillow. “C'mon, man, don’t be like that.”
“A song about lies!” Janus sat up and wailed.
“Specifically about lying to yourself, yeah, I was there.”
“How could I miss that?!”
“Don’t forget the part about self care,” Virgil taunted.
Janus groaned and buried his face in the pillow. “A song about lies!”
“I know-”
“Asong!”
“Yeah-
"Aboutlies!”
“Jan-”
“And I missed it!” He groaned loudly into the pillow and turned his head away.
“Y'done?” Virgil questioned. He scoffed and rolled his eyes. “I can’t believe I’m about to do this. Look, I get…you’re upset about missing the song-”
“He doesn’t even know I exist!” Janus moaned.
“Yeah, that’s what I’m trying to say! You’re over here getting yourself all worked up about missing a song Thomas made up about lying to himself without even knowing you exist and added a part about taking time for himself. He might not know you exist as Side, but he knows that the things that make you up are part of him. So, yeah, it sucks you missed the song, but…it’s good that he made it up cause…it kinda shows he’s receptive to you. It’s better than what I’m getting right now.” Virgil blinked in surprise when six arms wrapped around him.
“Thank you,” Janus said quietly. “That helps.”
Virgil rolled his eyes, smiling fondly as he patted Janus on the back. “Yeah, whatever.”
“He’ll understand what you’re trying to do in time. We just have to be patient.”
“You only feel pain from a rose if you are rough with it, that should teach you a little something about beauty.. you should never be rough with the things you find to be beautiful cause it will come back to bite you in the end.”
All cuts leave scars but the ones that are deeper than you can see hurt the most - eUë
