Shoutout to, like, 14 year old me who thought he was bi cause he felt 0 attraction to men and 0 attraction to women and 0=0 which is equal attraction THEREFORE I was surely equally attracted to both men and women and, thus, bisexual, thank you for coming to my tedtalk
This is why i IDed as pansexual when i was younger, cuz I felt the same attraction towards all genders, I just failed to realise that said attraction was completely platonic.
This is a post about vocabulary within the Aromantic Community in relation to Platonic and Aplatonic Spectrum and Terminology that a subset of the Aro-spec community uses.
(I’ve opted not to use a read more to ensure this information isn’t hosted solely on this blog so it will remain in case anything happens to this blog. I did my best to get feedback from others within the aro community regarding these terms and definition so that everyone’s needs are met. Hopefully this will help with the wave of attempting to reclaim aro-spec language.)
Note on the Aplatonic terms: the aplatonic term is used mostly by neurodivergent (ND) aros or those who have been through trauma. But it is not exclusive. Furthermore, the vocabulary associated with platonic attraction and relationships are terms sourced within the aromantic community. They are terms created by and for the aromantic community, although we welcome anyone who finds them useful, any use of them needs to respect that origin and use.
Centering and prioritization of platonic attraction and relationships: while platonic attraction and relationships are not inherently queer, lgbt+, or mogai, the act of centering and prioritizing platonic relationships is inherently challenging the amatonormativity of society and tied to the aromantic existence. As such choosing to center the platonic orientation and relationships is queer, lgbt+, mogai.
Types of Attraction: (some definitions pulled from x)
Sexual attraction: attraction that makes people desire sexual contact or shows sexual interest in another person(s).
Romantic attraction: attraction that makes people desire romantic contact or interaction with another person or persons.
Aesthetic attraction: attraction that appreciates the appearance or beauty of another person(s), disconnected from sexual or romantic attraction.
Sensual attraction: the desire to interact with others in a tactile, non-sexual way, such as through hugging or cuddling.
Platonic attraction: The desire to have a platonic relationship with a specific person.
Alterous attraction: A sort of gray area between platonic and romantic attraction. It’s defined as wanting emotional closeness without necessarily being (at all or entirely) platonic &/or romantic.
Queerplatonic/Quasiplatonic Attraction: A kind of platonic attraction that is not romantic but goes beyond the level of commitment and intimacy that is socially expected of friendship.
Note: All types of attraction can be combined with the various prefixes to form an orientation label to reflect the types of attraction that are important to the individual. Examples: aplatonic, panalterous, heterosexual, homoromantic, bisensual, demiaesthetic
Repulsed/Averse/Indifferent/Neutral/Favorable: The axis of which a person feels comfortable with the type of attraction in general being displayed or directed to them.
Examples: Platonic Repulsed: A person who is uncomfortable or repulsed by platonic intimacy or displays of affections Romance Repulsed: A person who is uncomfortable or repulsed by romance or displays of romantic affections
Negative/Positive: The axis on which a person feels a person should be allowed to experience and express their own relationship to a specific type of attraction
Example: Sex-Positive: A political stance that believes people should be free to have the relationship to sex that works best for them, and that nobody should be shamed for having or not having sex. Sex-Negative: A political stance that believes in the social control of how people should relate to sex.
Aro-Spec Relationship Terms:
Queerplatonic/Quasiplatonic Relationship (QPR): A committed relationship that is not based on romantic attraction but goes beyond the level of commitment and intimacy that is socially expected as friendship.
note on platonic and queerplatonic relationships: They may be based on any kind of attraction that is not romantic in nature. Which can include any combination of: sexual, sensual, aesthetic, alterous, emotional, queerplatonic, or platonic attraction. They may also be based on factors other than attraction (instead of or in addition to) or be entered into without attraction.
Nonamory: a lifestyle choice or relationship style that does not include intimate, long-term partnerships, whether romantic or platonic.(Coined here x)
Non-QP, a-QPR or a-queerplatonic: a person who does not feel queerplatonic attraction or desire a queerplatonic relationship.
Analterous: A person who does not feel or experience alterous attraction or bonds.
Aplatonic: A person who does not feel or experience platonic attraction or bonds.
Platonic Spectrum Terms:
Aplatonic: Does not experience platonic attraction or form platonic bonds (ie: friendship).
Grayplatonic: Only experiences platonic attraction or forms platonic bonds rarely or under specific circumstances.
Alloplatonic: Experiences platonic attraction and forms platonic bonds in line with societal expectations.
___platonic: (panplatonic, biplatonic, homoplatonic, heteroplatonic) A label for a person who prioritizes their platonic relationships and uses it as their orientation label. Generally an aromantic community term.
Personal Feelings Towards Platonic Intimacy and Affection (Independent of Platonic Orientation)
Platonic Repulsed: A person who is uncomfortable or repulsed by platonic intimacy or affection.
Platonic Adverse: A person who is uncomfortable or averse to platonic intimacy or affection.
Platonic Neutral: A person who feels neutral to platonic intimacy or affection.
Platonic Indifferent: A person who feels indifferent to platonic intimacy or affection.
Platonic Favorable: A person who feels favorable (likes) platonic intimacy or affection.
Personal Feelings Towards the Value of Platonic Attraction and Relationships
Platonic Positive: An ideological stance that people should not be shamed for not feeling platonic attraction, or for prioritizing their platonic attraction.
Platonic Negative: People who devalue platonic relationships (and devalue those who prioritize their platonic relationships) or who shame those who don’t experience platonic attraction or who center is.
There’s nothing wrong with not wanting a romantic partner. Having a life partner isn’t required to be happy or to have a fulfilling life. What other’s assume will make you happy may only make you miserable. Do what makes you happy and comfortable.
Happy Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week 2021
Each day I’ll be posting something to spread awareness and positivity about aros!
[ID: There is a vertical two-headed arrow splitting the image into two sections. Both sections have a title with three statements underneath it; statements are separated by a small heart in the middle. The smaller section on the left is titled “Broken”. First statement is “A romantic relationship is the ultimate life goal”. Second is “You can’t be happy without a partner.” Third is “Assuming all attraction is romantic/sexual.” The larger right section is titled “Not Broken”. First statement is “Being happy with yourself is the ultimate life goal.” Second is “Being happy being single/with your friends.” Third is “Aesthetic, Platonic, Alterous and Sensual Attraction exist.” End Description.]
Are you aro? Do you want to express your platonic/alterous/romantic affection for someone? Then check out my latest digital-download-only Etsy cards:
Image one:
Whether you want to say “I adore you” or “I love you”, you get three cards to pick which affection you wish to express: platonic, alterous, or romantic.
A perfect card for those who love space and want to emphasize that their love for their friends, family, or partners is even greater than the grand distance between the Earth and the moon.
✦ Like my art? Consider supporting me: Ko-fi. For custom art not to be resold or used for advertising, view my Commission Info. For graphic design/art intended to be resold or used for advertising, view my Contract Details on my website: emilylaj.com/contract-details. ✦
[ID: All three images have “Valentine’s day cards” at the top center with a semitransparent constellation and ghost design background.
Image one: Six horizontal cards, three on left and three on the right. Three of the cards have “I adore you” and three have “I love you” across the top in a handwritten style font. Below the phrase is a heart centered between two arrows and below that is either “platonically”, “alterously”, or “romantically” in parenthesis.
Image two: Centered on the card, the phrase “I love you” and then below it in parenthesis “but not like that.”
Image three: Two vertical cards centered in the image. The card on the left features the phrase “I love you to the moon and back” surrounded by stars and centered vertically. “I love you” is above a cratered moon, “to the moon” is engraved in the center of the moon” and “and back” is below the moon. The card on the right is a globe with an arrow going diagonally through it, the tip being at the top left and the feathers at the bottom right. A ribbon is wrapped around the globe with the start being halfway around the top of the globe, wrapping to the right to the middle which extends past the globe, then wrapping to the left and stopping halfway at the bottom of the globe. The ribbon has the phrase “You mean the world to me” on the center section. End Description]
